"Wowzers... I coulda gotten that if I had preordered this thing? Why didn't anyone tell me?! No fair!"
Sighing dramatically, Neptune lowered her head, her forehead coming to a shameful rest on the desk she was seated at. Now that the more festive parts of the chapter were out of the way, she was taking advantage of its... less than logical approach of things to do some much needed research. How could she keep up with the times if she was stuck in a ficfantion world for a whole year?!
"I can't believe I missed out on that... I should get a lawyer or something so I don't have to give up stuff like this when I'm 'filming' the story..." Groaning, Neptune sat up and leaned back in her chair, a pout plain as day on her face. This stunk! She wanted that limited edition figure! It wasn't like she was crazy like Vert or anything and needed to have hug pillows of Noire all over the place like Vert did of Nepgear ("Note to self: Go to Vert's place with a flamethrower later." ... "Second note to self: Make sure none of those pillows are actually Nep Jr. first."), but... But this one was special! Because... Because...!
"Wha- Is that me!?"
Crying out in surprise, Neptune leaned too far back to see the approaching person and, along with her precariously positioned chair, toppled backwards and onto the floor... which led to a follow up cry — this one a cry of pain.
"It is me..." Paying no attention to her wife, who was crumpled on the floor in a pile of painfully painful... pain, Noire stepped over Neptune to look at the CPU's computer screen — or more particularly, what Neptune had been looking at. As Neptune slowly began sitting up and returning her chair to its proper position (no thanks to Noire standing in the way now), she was nearly knocked over again when the black haired CPU stepped backwards after reading a particularly shocking phrase on the computer. "Wait... Does this say what I think it does...?"
Too little too late did Neptune realize that she had made a horrible mistake in leaving that screen open for Noire to see.
"I got a game?! I finally got a game?!" Had Noire looked that happy about anything else in the entire universe, Neptune would have been delighted to see that expression on her wife's face. But this was the main character position they were talking about! It was Neptune's livelihood! This was what separated her from the likes of the twins or Arfoire or that guy they made the death flag joke about back in the first game! "When did this happen?! While we were doing the story? Oh, I even got a cute little figure! Look at that, look, it's a little me!"
That little Noire figure happened to be the exact thing Neptune was complaining about missing out on being able to order for herself, but she supposed at this point there wasn't any way of telling Noire that. In fact, for the sake of her pride, there was no way she could even let Noire know that she had wanted a little bitty Noire to have all to herself at all! She would never live it down!
"I guess it is kind of cute... If you're into that sort of thing..." Neptune coughed into her hand as she tried to straighten herself again. Hopefully they could change the subject to a different game before things got too out of hand. Plus, she could still order one of those figures from a scalper if she got this scene over with and Noire out of here if she moved it along fast enough!
"I can't wait to see what it's like... Look, I even got my own cast of characters, just for me!" Noire was practically sparkling at this point — Neptune wondered if Noire had gotten so excited about this discovery that she'd forgotten Neptune was there. Knowing Noire... Yeah, there was no way she remembered that she wasn't alone right now. "Hah! I even get a special strategy battle system, with all kinds of special features the regular games don't get! Now let's see just what those are..."
Neptune swallowed as Noire began to go from screen to screen. Any second now, she would see just what happened with those new characters. Knowing that what she was seeing right know was essentially a ticking time bomb, Neptune could only watch with morbid fascination as her wife scrolled down the page... until she finally saw it.
"... Wait... Hold on a minute... Why am I...? I... I wouldn't..."
There it was.
"W-Wait... I... Am I... Am I seriously...?"
3... 2... 1...
"W-W-W-Why am I k-k-k-k-kissing everyone!? I don't even know any of these..." Eyes wide, Noire slowly turned her head. Her eyes were watering and her lower lip was trembling, both in an almost comical sort of way, and her face was bright red. There was no question about it now. She had totally forgotten Neptune had been watching her — and, more importantly, she had totally forgotten Neptune could see everything on the screen right now. "Why were you looking at this!?"
Was that steam coming out of her ears? Oh shoot, it was, wasn't it?
"I-I'm sure it's just marketing junk, Noire! Remember how those Lily Rank things never turned out to be anything special...?!" Slowly backing up, Neptune raised her hands in front of her and forced a smile onto her face. She had to cool the situation down — if nothing else, she needed to make Noire not want to break that figure on sight if she managed to get it! "It's probably just totally stupid stuff that doesn't matter!"
For some reason, that didn't seem to make Noire feel any better.
"Oh, so the two of us actually kissing in a game is just stupid stuff that doesn't matter?" Noire's voice was lower now, and Neptune remembered that she was in that game too — she'd sort of blocked it out of her memory after seeing Vert and Blanc leaning in so that they could kiss her wife and all. Somebody get her some brain bleach! "W-Well, then maybe I'll go see if someone else would prefer getting kissed by me from now on if you think it doesn't matter..."
Wait... This wasn't surprise or anger anymore...
This was an attitude that Neptune was much more capable of dealing with out of Noire...
It was tsun!
Finding herself grinning, Neptune held up a finger.
"You've got it all wrong, Easy Heart! I only meant for those other hussies!" It was really hard not to laugh at the horrified look on Noire's face at her latest nickname from Neptune, but Neptune managed to keep it together. "And just to show you I mean it, I'll prove it to you!"
And without waiting a moment more, Neptune took a bold step forward and gave Noire a passionate kiss that she wouldn't soon forget.
... Mainly because the Noire she was kissing was the one on her computer screen.
"See?" Wiping her lips triumphantly, Neptune offered Noire the peace sign with her fingers and placed her free hand on her hip. The black haired CPU had calmed down by this point, thankfully, which finally left Neptune the chance she had been waiting for. "Come on, you got a game, didn't you? It's still my series, but you shouldn't be picky about that right now, 'cause you did still get a starring role, right? So be happy! Live a little!"
"I... I guess..." Resigning herself to her newfound calling as the franchise's harem protagonist, Noire returned to the computer screen. Grimacing at the slobber Neptune had left on it ("Did you use your tongue on it?!" "My computer and I have been through a lot together, Noire! A workaholic like you... couldn't possibly understand our relationship." "Ew. Just... ew, Neptune."), the CPU wiped it off and pulled over a second chair so they could look at the information together. Already, she was started to perk back up — after all, she had a game! Smiling at her wife, she patted the chair next to her. "Are you coming? I want to see the rest of this! You've only looked at this one so far, right? There's still more stuff about this one I want to see, then we can look at your games. So come on, or I'll go start the next scene without you."
As she nodded glumly, Neptune bit her lip. Her wife looked so excited, so happy, so thrilled...
There was still one more big part of her game that she hadn't found out about yet. If she thought having a harem of pretty girls was something to blow up over (Neptune supposed she could understand that — she couldn't even joke about wanting a harem of just Noire considering she actually did know two), imagine if she saw... That!
She couldn't ruin it! She just couldn't! She had to stop Noire from finding out about that part of the game! For the sake of Noire's happiness! Ignorance truly was bliss after all!
"Hey, there's other games that have come out too y'know." Neptune oh-so-innocently said, doing her absolute best to act as though she didn't have any reason at all for trying to change the subject except to check out all of the other exciting new games in their series before the scene ended on them. "Why don't we move this along?"
Frowning, Noire considered refusing Neptune's request... But given everything Neptune had been through over the past month... or year... or however long it had been, she supposed it wasn't particularly considerate of her to be rubbing this in her wife's face. Besides, she could always find out about it all herself when the characters inevitably got written into the story anyway, couldn't she...?
... Like that could ever happen... There was no way any of those characters would ever be appearing in any kind of story any time soon, was there? And who knew if they'd even still be at this "story" thing by the time that was even possible?
"Fine, fine..." Sighing, Noire leaned away from the keyboard and mouse to let Neptune take over control of things as she had had before Noire had arrived. "So? What's the next one? Are you the main character of all of the other ones?"
"I dunno yet, dummy. Someone interrupted me before I could look." Neptune stuck her tongue out at Noire, causing the other CPU to sigh in half-exasperation and half-reluctant amusement. As she looked at the purple haired girl next to her, looking for the world like she had never had a problem in her life, an odd thought crossed her mind as she watched Neptune return to the computer to start finding out what the other games were.
"You know... This reminds me of one of the scenes we lost that didn't get to make it into the final story. Remember, after the file- I-I mean, uh, the film got corrupted and we had to go on hiatus for those few months?" Noire remarked thoughtfully, starting to blush as she recalled the exact context of the scene in question. After all, it had been the original "morning after" scene... "I-It was the one where you were teasing me, so I stuck my tongue out at you... a-and then you told me to..."
Noire swallowed. Even if it hadn't happened in the story proper, there was no way Neptune could have forgotten what she was referring to, especially after those details, few as they were.
"Well... Y-You know, Neptune. That one."
"I like the new one better." Now it was Noire's turn to nearly fall out of her seat, though in her case, it would have been out of complete and total surprise. Neptune hadn't given that comment any thought whatsoever! It was like she had already decided before Noire had even brought it up!
"B-But it wasn't as... You know!" Lastation's CPU waved her arms frantically, trying to get her point across. Noire couldn't believe this! Was she really the more perverted one out of the two of them!? What would people think if that got out...? She was still no Vert at least, but still...! "Y-Y-You didn't have any problems then!"
Stopping what she was doing on the computer, Neptune turned to look at Noire with a face that make Noire feel like she had just told Neptune people die when they are killed.
It was an expression that could be summarized with a single word: Duh.
"Of course I didn't then. But the new one was more..." Noire was waiting on pins and needles for Neptune's explanation, expecting something ridiculous... but to her surprise, Neptune started blushing. "I mean... The punchline still got in, didn't it? It was just the tongue part just got cut out... And most of the setup... And the touching... O-Okay, it did get changed a little more than just that, but the punchline stayed, so that's what counts, right? This way, the way it is now, it was more about the two of us — well, mostly me, because I'm awesome, but there was some of you too — instead of just us waking up and being naked so we could lead up to a dirty joke and some action. It was, ya know... more personal."
Seeing the way Neptune was trying so desperately not to look at her, but at the same time trying to catch a glimpse of her reaction to see if she was saying something right or wrong or totally ridiculous, Noire could have kissed her right there. In fact... She probably would once they could get a break between scenes with them in it... They weren't in the next one, were they...?
"A-Anyway, the page loaded a while ago, so let's see what we got here!" Completely oblivious to the plans Noire was already cooking up for them and more than ready to change the subject from her embarrassing admission, Neptune looked at the screen — and what she saw made her gasp before she started pointing excitedly at the images on her screen. "Holy Histy! Check it out, look look look-! Remakes! We're in the big leagues now, Noire! There are actually people out there who are actually paying to do the same stuff all over again now that they like us so much!"
Noire fought back the urge to sigh.
"Neptune, that's what ports are, remakes are games that are remade. Like how you went from being based off of some silly made up water god to being based off of a game system."
For a moment, Neptune stopped to consider this. Not only was that comment really meta, especially for Noire...
"But... I'm pretty sure that's nothing like a game remake like these two are, Noire. Gosh, don't you know anything about making games? Maybe I should've asked someone else to help me out with the new console..."
"O-Oh, just shut up and tell me about it!" Crossing her arms in frustration, Noire looked away, her cheeks burning in embarrassment at having blown such a simple comparison despite having slipped in such a clever reference. "Or do you need help with that too?"
Neptune wanted to comment on the "too" Noire had added there, like she was implying Neptune couldn't have read about Noire's game without help, but she decided against it. She was never going to get to order that figure if she kept dragging this out!
So instead, she decided to skim over the stuff about the exciting game developments and get it over with as quickly as she possibly could.
"I do not need help! Especially not from kissy face over here." Ignoring Noire's spluttered reaction to "kissy face," Neptune began opening up some pictures to show that she knew what she was talking about. Once she was done, Neptune gestured to her screen and looked at Noire pointedly. She had to move this along! "It's like you said, they remade the first game, but since the second one's remake is... Noire?"
For some inexplicable reason, Noire seemed pretty taken by the images on her screen. Frowning, Neptune turned around to see what exactly it was she had opened — she hadn't really looked at any of it in much detail prior to clicking on everything, she'd just opened up the relevant looking pictures and figured it would get the job done fine. Apparently it was getting the job done a bit too fine, which meant she should probably look herself... When she realized just what it was that she was seeing, however...
"W-Wait a second! They didn't just remake this!" Shoving Noire aside, despite the fact that Noire wasn't even in her way, Neptune pressed her face to the computer screen, as if this method of "zooming in" would somehow reveal the hidden truth behind the strange change in available characters and new scenes that she was witnessing in the screenshots. "Where are... And why are... What happened to everybody?"
"Obviously..." Sighing in annoyance, Noire grabbed Neptune by the back of her hoodie and yanked her backwards so she could get a better look at the screen again herself. Neptune let out a muffled cry of "oof!" as her back connected with her seat, but Noire paid her no mind as she looked over the images. "... They had to make some changes. I don't know why, but I guess sacrifices had to be made for the greater good."
Noire shrugged, taking the tried and true "it can't be helped" position. Neptune could only gape at what she was implying.
"But... They sacrificed Nisa! She's a walking embodiment of 'the greater good' if half the stuff she says is true! And Gust was an inspiration to scalpers and price gougers everywhere, so that's... sort of a greater good too, right?" Neptune seemed genuinely flummoxed. After all, these were her friends that just... didn't exist anymore, as far as this remake was concerned — as far as she was concerned in this remake! "Wait a second, 5pb. isn't here either... That's totally weird, Noire! Why would they leave everybody out like that? And look at this one, MAGES. is saying she's from... here...? I don't get it! Does that mean we have to include the remake's world in the story now? That's gonna be way too complicated!"
"You know, you're not making much of an argument for RED..." Noire commented dryly. Not that she really knew any of these people as well as Neptune did — or was it "had" now? — but she still found it strange that one was just being so readily overlooked compared to the others. Had something happened between the two of them? This could be interesting...
"The less competition we have, the better. Besides, she's been gone for, like, a million years already, so this is completely different." Neptune's response was oddly dismissive, not to mention her wording revealed something... interesting about what kind of priorities Neptune might have had regarding their fellow cast members. Maybe Neptune had been more bothered about what they'd seen in Noire's game than Noire had thought...? Noire had to admit, she didn't mind. "Oh hey, look! They made Histy playable! I gotta send her a picture!"
Noire fought the urge to roll her eyes as she watched Neptune excitedly snap pictures of the computer screen with her phone, then happily chatter away as she sent the picture to her Oracle. Didn't the CPU realize she could have just sent the article itself to the fairy?
"You said they remade the second game too? I want to see what they did to that." Interrupting Neptune's silly one-sided conversation with the text message she was writing to Histoire, Noire leaned over and started clicking around. She had to admit, this was kind of exciting... N-Not because she cared or anything. More and more people being invested in them meant more shares, if nothing else!
Noire's thoughts came to a halt when she caught sight of the character list of the second game's remake. Immediately, she turned her head to the side and tried not to laugh, resulting in a stifled snort.
Right there on the screen, taking the place of Nisa, was RED.
So much more "less competition."
Deciding that maybe that was a discussion better left for later — or never, that worked too — Noire closed out of the page showing the remakes and looked to see what else there was, if anything. She was surprised that Neptune hadn't gone straight to whatever new main game there was... Was there not one? That could be something to worry about! Looking at the consoles the previous ones had been on, it really didn't look like anything was happening... Maybe they were moving to handhelds? That would make Uni happy at least...
Catching sight of a link with a name that she didn't recognize, Noire let out a sigh of relief.
"'Action'... 'U'...? I don't get it. Why can't they make titles that make sense?" Tilting her head curiously, Noire opened up the first page that came up with the game's name, just as Neptune raised her head from her cell phone to look at the screen.
At once, they both found themselves staring at screenshots of the new game.
Screenshots featuring their younger sisters.
Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal. After all, it was always great seeing their sisters in action in the games!
However, normally they didn't randomly see their sisters with their clothes ripping off and in such poses like the way they were on the screen.
For a moment, the two CPUs were silent. Noire had found herself going pale, while Neptune was just... silent.
Too silent.
Nervously looking at her wife, Noire offered the other CPU a smile. Neptune continued to be silent as she stared at the screen, her expression was unreadable, and this concerned Noire, who was looking at Neptune and Neptune alone. Ignoring Neptune's clicking of the mouse, she decided that a game about stripping their sisters was definitely not one they wanted to be involved with, and so slowly but surely, she reached for the mouse.
After all, Neptune's sister had been through so much! That was probably not at all the kind of thing Neptune wanted to see! Why had a game like this even been made?! Honestly, no offense to Marvy, but she hoped to never meet someone who would want such a-
"We're in it too."
Upon seeing the images that Neptune had pulled up on the screen while she had been looking away, Noire's change in reaction towards this new game was instantaneous. Her cheeks starting to darken at the sight of her wife in such a... delightfully compromising position, she found herself standing up immediately, unable to meet Neptune's gaze. She just knew one thing and one thing only.
"I... I j-just remembered, I need to make a phone call."
To Noire's great humiliation, Neptune simply grinned at her before offering her a thumbs up.
"No need, Pervy Heart! I just ordered two copies."
Noire couldn't believe what Neptune was accusing her of! Her cheeks burning even brighter, the CPU crossed her arms and turned to the wall, giving it a ferocious glare. T-The nerve of her! She had been... She had just been going to call Kei to see if she could stop production of this horrendous title, t-that was all! She certainly didn't want that... that peep show of a game!
"Hmph! I wasn't going to order it, because I don't want that at all! I would never want to have a game where I could strip you and play with you and make you dress up for me so I could take your clothes off again whenever I wanted! T-That sounds like a horrible game! Maybe like the worst game in the world even!" Despite the fact that she wasn't fooling anyone, least of all herself, Noire still wasn't willing to admit that she wanted the game in question for reasons that were, well... Less than savory.
Neptune considered her options. She could try to make a joke about how she was getting the copy for someone else and tease Noire about it until she admitted that she really did want the game, or...
Her eyes lit up when the perfect response came to her.
Oh, she liked that option much more.
"I guess that makes sense..." Sighing in defeat, Neptune slumped down into her seat, catching Noire by surprise. She was the picture of loss at that moment. She just hoped Noire wouldn't catch on too soon.
"Well, of course it does — I said it after all." Noire added confidently, glad that she was apparently getting off the hook this easily. Maybe it was because Neptune had admitted to wanting the game herself as well? Though that kind of thing was to be expected from Neptune, wasn't it?
Neptune grinned inwardly. It looked like Noire had taken the bait. Now to finish her off and cue the perfect ending to this scene.
"Yeah, I mean..." Now that the time was right, the CPU turned to look at Noire, a smile that looked more appropriate on a Z-18 rated game's cover than on Neptune's sweet little face. "A game that's just about doing the things you can do whenever you want in real life probably would be boring, huh? You might as well just do it in real life."
"Boring? What are you..." Initially, Noire was confused. Then she started to feel defensive — so what if she wanted that game? It wasn't like Neptune hadn't wanted it too! She couldn't talk! In fact, she'd just gone and ordered the thing with no shame at all!
But then Neptune's words sunk in. She realized exactly what Neptune was saying. Particularly the "what you can do in real life" "whenever you want" parts.
The images on the computer completely forgotten, Noire found herself interested in a very different sort of image now... though ironically, it was really exactly the same image that she was interested in getting from the game — in a manner of speaking.
"I... T-That's right. Actually, I think I want to play that 'game' right now."
As Neptune made cat calls while Noire descended on her in order to silence her in the way they both enjoyed most, for the sake of the children, the scene began to fade to black.
Sadly, Neptune never did get to order that little Noire figure.