I don't own LOTR, or the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy.
I'll probably get quite a few chapters of this up today.
Dear Elrond,
Please find enclosed with this letter the large supply of spoons that my son has stolen from your house. I honestly don't know what has come over him recently.
We have increased the security of Gollum's cell, but I am quite certain he will never escape.
Oh, and after reading your letter, I have hired the minstrel you recommended. He refused to give his name, but says that he is a Vogon and applied for the post in order to have more of an opportunity to read his poetry aloud.
Cordially,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood
Dear Elrond,
I hate you.
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood
Dear Thranduil,
I have no idea what you meant by that last remark, but I am certain it was not meant in seriousness, as that is the kind of thing that could lead to wars.
Thank you for returning the spoons - I was wondering what had happened to them. Aragorn seems to be missing Legolas. Yesterday I witnessed him jump into a waterfall, only to pull himself out, dripping wet, wailing that "it just wasn't the same". Perhaps Legolas could come back and visit soon? The healers at Rivendell seem to miss him as well.
Cordially,
Elrond Half-Elven, Lord of Rivendell
Dear Elrond,
Legolas has just departed for Rivendell. I believe he was missing Aragorn as well. And you know full well what I meant. I thought we were friends, man. Sending me a Vogon - do you know that their poetry is the third worst in the universe? And I had to endure over an hour of the stuff, until Legolas provided a welcome distraction by falling out of a window.
Cordially,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood