Chapter 4

Maura held her breath as her whispered words resulted in another spike in brain activity.

"You can hear me..." she couldn't believe that her words were actually eliciting a response from Jane but the evidence was there. Maura looked at her hoping to see chocolate brown eyes looking back at her, but there was nothing, no other sign that she was waking.

"Jane," Maura whispered in her ear, "its me, Maura..." she waited for a response, any response. Blinking back tears when there was none she tried to pull her hand away but Jane's grip on her hand remained. Frustrated she looked at the door, "I love you Jane Rizzoli, and I need you to come back to me, I need to tell you what you mean to me."

The steady beeping of the EEG beat her down. She had hoped, even silently prayed, but as she felt Jane's grip slacken she knew she would get no response. The tears fell freely and she hoped desperately that Angela wouldn't come in right now. Running her hand along Jane's arm, she thought about all the missed moments with her. All of the opportunities that she had to tell Jane how she felt, and hadn't. She cursed herself for being such a fool, like everyone else Maura always assumed there would be time to say the things she needed to say and now…

Angela came in quietly and saw that Maura had fallen asleep with her head by Jane's hand. She knew how exhausted she had to be; she hadn't left Jane's side since the shooting. She was glad and amazed at the devotion that Maura was showing to her daughter. Her daughter, Jane, Angela stopped herself as she looked at her. Rarely had she ever seen Jane so still. She was off the ventilator but what if…Her Jane was full of energy, always; she had to be forced to be still as a child and even as an adult, until now. Her stillness scared her. The seizure she had suffered scared her. What if she didn't wake? Angela didn't know how she would survive. A parent should never survive their children, it was how she was brought up and she couldn't shake the fear that filled her when she thought that she might in fact outlive her only daughter.

Stifling a sob she glanced at Maura hoping the noise she made hadn't woken her. The devotion that Maura was showing Jane eased her mind as Angela thought about how Jane had been since the shooting, just a shell of herself. Her spark, her essence had been snuffed by Maura's words to her that day. Both women were so stubborn, so determined not to give in, that it had resulted in this.

Angela shook her head angrily. She didn't want to think that way, this was no ones fault. She just knew how bad off Jane had been these past two weeks and she almost wanted to blame Maura, almost. Seeing her lying there next to her daughter, all she could do was be grateful. She looked over at the journal and could see Jane's letter peeking out.

She wanted to read it. Angela knew Jane would never forgive her but she wanted to know what Jane had said that had affected Maura so much. She knew from experience how powerful Jane's writing could be so this must truly be something.

Seeing Maura stir she realized it was best that she not, though Janie was going to owe her big for all the worry she's caused everyone. Angela watched as Maura twitched in her sleep. Watching the changing expressions on her face, she could see that Maura was dreaming. Wondering if she should wake her, she chose instead to settle down next to her. Rubbing her back soothingly, she did for Maura what she did for all of her kids; let them know she was there with them and that they weren't alone in their dreams.

"Jane!" Maura yelled in her sleep and started to cry…Angela shook her gently, trying to get her to wake up and realize it had just been a bad dream.

"Shh…come on honey…Maura…wake up hon…" Maura sat up confusion on her face.

"Angela?" Looking at where her head had been resting she looked into Jane's face and sat up even straighter.

"What?" The way Maura stiffened had startled her.

"She's dreaming Angela…" she whispered, "look" both women looked at Jane and could see the signs. Jane's eyes were moving quickly under her eyelids and the beeping of the EEG noted the difference in brain activity.

"What does that mean? Does that mean she's waking up?" Maura heard the anxiety in her voice.

Maura considered her words carefully, not wanting to give the older woman false hope but needing some for herself. "What it means is that her brain is active. Its just a matter of time before she wakes."

"So, soon?"

"I hope so Angela, I truly do." Her voice was wistful as she considered the woman she loved. Maura never felt Angela lean into her.

"She's going to come back to you Maura, I know she is, to all of us." Kissing her on the cheek she got up and kissed her daughter gently on the forehead. "I'll be back later, I promised Tommy I would pick him up after work so he could come by and see Janie."

Walking over to the window, Maura wrapped her arms around herself. She felt so alone. Knowing now how Jane feels all she wanted was to hear her voice. Turning back she watched as the EEG showed even more activity, glancing at Jane she could see that she was dreaming again.

"Jane, please, I just need to know, I need to know that you remember what you wrote to me, that you still love me that way, that…that you haven't forgotten me…" She squeezed Jane's hand and smiled when she felt pressure on her own.

"Jane?"

Maura's voice called to her, the darkness was so welcoming, so warm, she didn't want to leave, and she felt safe here. She couldn't understand the words though, Maura was mad at her, she hated Jane, what Maura was saying didn't make sense. Her voice sounded so sad. Jane hated hearing her that way; she never wanted to hear Maura sound like that, like she had lost her best friend. Jane tried to move her hand but nothing happened. She was able to respond to the pressure she felt though and moved her hand in response. What the hell was wrong with her? And why the hell was Maura crying?

"I know I betrayed our friendship Jane, but you have to know that I'm in love with you too. Your letter meant so much…I just wish…" Her breath caught in her throat as she realized the tears had started flowing again.

"Shh…"

Maura looked up and turned around, trying to figure out where the sound had come from. Wiping her eyes she turned to look at Jane and gasped aloud as the chocolate brown eyes she thought she'd never see again gazed at her.

Bottom lip quivering, she was scared to say anything and just stared disbelieving.

"J…Jane?"

"cry…crying…" Jane struggled to get the words out and had to close her eyes from the effort.

"Wait…Jane, please open you eyes again, please honey."

Opening her eyes again Jane struggled to string a sentence together.

"Why…" blinking rapidly Jane tried to follow up with something else and couldn't. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes as she realized something was terribly wrong. "What…what happen?"

Maura looked at Jane's vitals and realized her blood pressure was elevated. She was anxious and there was obviously a problem with her cognitive ability. Cursing the gunman silently she pressed the call button. The doctor wanted to know the moment Jane woke so she could be assessed, but she wanted a moment with her, just a moment.

Maura leaned in still holding her hand and stroked her forehead lovingly. "You were shot Jane." Seeing her eyes go wide Maura knew she had to suspect where she had been shot.

"Head…Maura…hurts…" Jane tried to move her other hand she winced, "arm…"

Maura watched as Jane struggled to put the pieces together hoping, hoping against hope that she didn't remember how Maura had treated her.

"Jane look at me…do you remember…" fear flared within her, she was scared, but she had to know, "do you remember what happened?"

"I…" Jane struggled to remember, she remembered shooting Paddy Doyle and Maura hating her… "you hate…" the pain in Jane's voice tore a hole in Maura's heart. "Hate me…" agitated Jane tried to pull her hand away from Maura's and couldn't. "Hate me…" tears rolled down her face as she remembered the pain of losing Maura.

Desperate Maura grasped her hand tightly, "No Jane, no…"

Jane tried to pull her hand away from her, but didn't have the strength, "hate me…" her breathing was getting irregular as she felt the pain of Maura's abandonment all over again.

The nurse came in and frowned at Maura at the sight of her patient in an agitated state. "Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No…dammit…Jane…Jane look at me!" Ignoring the tears flowing freely down her face she continued. "I don't hate you Jane….I love you…look at me please…I read the letter Jane…I love you too…"

Jane tried to understand what Maura was telling her but it was too much…it couldn't be true…closing her eyes she accepted what she knew, Maura hated her…that she knew…

"Ma'am I need you to leave!" The nurse tried to adjust Jane's medication as her heart rate fluctuated, the doctor was on his way.

"Goddamit I love you Jane Rizzoli and I need you in my life, I need you to hear me!"

Jane opened her eyes a wide as she could, feeling the medication the nurse had given her begin to take effect. "Cursed…you don't…curse…do love me..." with the slightest smile she closed her eyes again leaving a speechless Maura in her wake.