Raw Is War
August 2nd 1999
Mankind. Of all the idiots who could have chosen to show up and interfere in the match I booked between Hunter and Chyna, Mankind would definitely not have been one that I would have thought of. I knew the reason why Mankind had wanted to attack Hunter though. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. Hunter had smashed Mankind's knee up with a sledgehammer a few months earlier. That didn't matter to me. Mankind didn't matter to me. What mattered to me as I stood in Gorilla waiting to go out to the ring to open the show was that Hunter had lost his number one contendership for the WWF title to Chyna. He was certain to be livid about it, and that was perfect for me and for my goal of splitting them up.
With the ridiculous amount of ear-splitting pyros out of the way, the Raw theme music "Thorn in your Eye," continued to play in the arena. How fitting because that's exactly what Chyna and Mankind were for me. But, as a McMahon, I was going to be damned if I didn't get the last laugh. I knew that J.R. and King would be introducing the show. When that was done, Kevin Dunn would play my dad's music. No, I reminded myself, it was my music now. No chance in hell was certainly what Chyna had in the WWF now that I was in charge. I even had a Titantron video now too. I'd been shown a preview of it earlier in the night. It wasn't great as there wasn't much source material for them to take clips from, but it could be improved upon at a later date.
Finally, my music played. As it had the week before, the lack of response I got from the fans irritated me as I walked out onto the stage followed by Kenny and Test. I figured that it would soon change though, as my mission for the night was to ensure that Hunter got the number one contendership back from Chyna. I'd have them wrestle again and ban outside interference. No way would she beat him again in those circumstances.
Howard Finkel announced me: "Please welcome, the Acting Chairwoman of the World Wrestling Federation, Stephanie McMahon!"
I made a mental note to have Patterson speak to Finkel and advise him that the word acting would not be required in his future announcements. I didn't like that, and neither would he unless he'd want to be "future-endeavored."
Test held the ring ropes open for me and I got in the ring. Kenny had entered before me and had fetched a microphone for me. "Thank you," I said as I took it from him, but that was as far as I got. Hunter's entrance music hit, taking me by surprise. I knew he would be pissed off, but I didn't think he would come out and interrupt me before I even got a word out.
The fans booed Hunter loudly as he stormed down the ramp, but all I could think of was how hot he looked when he was pissed off. He was wearing jean shorts and a black muscle shirt. He looked incredible. It was only when Kenny moved to stand slightly closer to me that the possibility of Hunter being angry with me occurred. I'd assumed that he would vent his rage at Chyna, but I could have been wrong. Maybe he was going to blame the boss instead.
Hunter had brought a microphone out with him and he wasted no time when he got in the ring. "Steph, I don't know what the deal is with you, I don't know what the deal is with your old man, and I don't really give a damn. Last week my number one contendership was stolen from me, and I want it back. I want it back now!"
I had to wait for the loud booing to die down before I could reply. I could see that Hunter was livid. His eyes burned into mine as I looked at him. I was burning for another reason, but I had to focus. I held up a hand to placate him, not that I expected it to work. "Hunter, I know how you feel. You're angry..."
"You're damn right I'm angry," he growled at me.
"I get that. I get that, okay? I told you last week, I didn't even book that match. I'm sorry that Mankind interfered, but Chyna did beat you. Chyna has the number one contendership right now and there's nothing I can do about it other than..." I paused for a moment. A better idea than having them wrestle again had just dawned on me. "There's nothing I can do about it other than tell you that if you can get Chyna to agree to give you the title shot back, I'll sign off on it."
The fans booed that idea. My first reaction from them. It was hard not to smile. The urge to smile left me quickly though, because Hunter spoke directly to Chyna and the tone in his voice changed slightly, like he was talking to someone he loved. I hated that.
"You're right. I'm just blowing off a little steam here. The focus shouldn't be on me right now, it should be on the number one contender for the WWF title. The Ninth Wonder of the World, Chyna!" he exclaimed, pointing to the entrance ramp.
Hunter's music started playing again and Chyna walked to the ring. As usual, she was wearing the ridiculous looking leather outfit, gloves and all. I realised then that I'd never hated anyone as much that woman as I watched Hunter hold the ropes open for her to get in the ring. I then listened to him talk to her like she was something special. It made me feel sick to my stomach.
"Bask in your glory! This is it. You made the big time."
Chyna stood there looking like she thought she actually was somebody. She really was basking in her supposed glory. I wanted to slap her, but I just stood in the corner of the ring between Kenny and Test and let Hunter continue.
"You know, it's really an honour for me to be out here with you. You know, after everything we've been through, to finally be out here standing with you at your crowning moment, your moment of glory, I mean, it means as much to me as it does to you. It's great."
Chyna showed no reaction so far. I could only hope that the whole thing was about to blow up into a shit storm as I'd hoped.
"I mean, think of all the things we've been through all these years. I mean, everything we've done, side by side. Remember that time when you qualified for the Royal Rumble? Remember that? And we went out that night, we had the big limo and I filled it with all those flowers? Remember that? I mean the flowers were hanging out the windows and all those people were there. What a time that was, right? And then remember when uh, remember when you qualified for King of the Ring? You kicked all those guys' asses on the way up and you finally got there? Man, what a time that was. Remember I brought you that big Emerald ring? That big, huge, ring, the big, fat one? You wear that on special occasions, right? That was pretty nice. So I've always been pretty giving to you."
The talk about Hunter buying Chyna flowers and gifts actually hurt me physically as well as mentally. I wanted that to be me. I wanted those to be moments that Hunter and I shared, not him and that ugly mess. One day that would be how it was. I was sure of it. I somehow managed to look on impassively as Hunter continued.
"I've always given to you, but you know what the beauty of our relationship, the beauty of all this time is? It goes both ways, you know. You've always given to me. I've always given to you. But I've never asked you for anything. Until now. I'm gonna ask you for something. I'm gonna' ask you to give me what I've busted my ass for all this time: my number one contender slot."
I drew in a deep breath, but Hunter wasn't done yet.
"All I'm looking for is you and me. I've already got my stuff on. Right here in this ring, we'll have ourselves a little match. The winner is the number one contender and meets Stone Cold Steve Austin at Summerslam. What do you say?"
Predictably, the idiot fans had cheered loudly at hearing Austin's name. I shook my head slightly, but I was paying close attention to Chyna, willing her to say no to Hunter. I needed them to fight over this thing, not for her to hand over what he wanted right away. Hunter smiled at Chyna as he held his microphone towards her.
"Wait a minute now, let me think about it," she said in her hideous, nasal voice. Then she paused for a moment before sarcastically announcing, "No." The idiots cheered again, but this time I was with them.
Chyna attempted to leave the ring, and at that moment I saw the fake pleasantness disappear from Hunter's eyes. Something had snapped inside him and he grabbed Chyna's arm before she could leave the ring. When he spoke next, he had the same aggressive tone that he had towards me earlier.
"Hey! I don't know what you're trying to prove, but let's call a spade a spade here. Remember who made your ass. I did. If it wasn't for me, you would be nothing. You got that? I made you and you know God damn well I can break you! I did everything for you. I made everything about you. None of this would ever be possible without me! And you then bite the hand that feeds you? You turn on me?"
I had to admit that this side of Hunter frightened me a little, but he was about to get even more aggressive; and as crazy as he was becoming, his rage was incredibly sexy.
"Well, to hell with that," he growled in Chyna's face. "Listen, you ungrateful bitch!"
Some of the crowd groaned, but many of them cheered. I wasn't the only one who was struck by the ferocity in his voice.
"I'm not asking anymore! I'm taking back what's mine! You got that?"
My plan had worked perfectly. They were nose to nose and looking at each other with such anger in their eyes. I loved it.
Chyna snatched Hunter's microphone. "You give it a shot Triple H," she growled. "Frankly, you ain't got the balls to beat me."
She dropped her microphone to the canvas and I decided that was my signal to step in. I tried to hide my satisfaction. "Very well, tonight, in this very ring, there will be a number one contendership match between..."
Again I was interrupted by someone's theme music, and a huge ovation from the idiots. I recognised the music. Everyone did. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Whatever was about to happen, it wasn't going to be good.
Shawn Michaels, the Commissioner of the WWF, was here. This clown had as much decision making power as me. Why hadn't my mom and the board of directors removed him from his position? And whose bright decision was it for us to share certain responsibilities with said power? Why hadn't I thought to remind them to do so? I glared at Shawn as he made his stupid trademark stripper dance and pose up on the stage. I waited to see what kind of idiocy was going to flow from his mouth.
"Now you just wait a minute there young lady," he began patronisingly. "I might not have my boots or chaps on, but the Sheriff's back in town."
Cheering from the idiots cut him off as I felt my blood begin to boil.
"Now, the impression I'm getting from standing there in the back is that someone forgot about the good old commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation, The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels."
More cheering. Kenny urged me to calm down. I must have looked as furious as I felt.
"So, Ms. McMahon, allow me to throw my two cents in on this thing. I think the last thing you said was that tonight, 'in that very ring', we're going to have a number one contendership match. For now I won't ask why you try so hard to sound like daddy, because you're right. Tonight, there will be a number one contendership match. That match will be between you, Triple H, you, Chyna, and Mankind!"
The crowd erupted. So did Hunter, but for the opposite reason. He tore off his shirt and started going wild, yelling up at Shawn. I felt so angry, but also helpless. I couldn't change Shawn's decision, as much as I wanted to. He wasn't even done.
"Stephanie, I see Dumb and Dumber standing there either side of you. I don't know what agenda you're pushing exactly, but you're not pushing it on my watch. Tonight, in the triple threat match, there's going to be a special referee to make sure that everything stays on the up and up. That referee is going to be none other than yours truly, HBK."
He had drawn his stupid initials out and the idiots in the crowd had joined in. His music started playing and he walked off the stage. Hunter surprised me by rolling out of the ring and running up the ramp after him. Chyna glared at me and then left the ring herself, leaving me standing there feeling a little dumbfounded. That son of a bitch Michaels was going to make sure that Mankind won the number one contendership. I couldn't allow that to happen, but how could I make sure of it? I needed to get back to my office and think.
"Well, that's something at least," I said to no one in particular. Kenny, Test, Patterson and Brisco were all in the office with me and we had all just watched The Undertaker and Big Show announce that they intended to go for the tag team titles. They could have the stupid tag team titles as long as they weren't in my face or in my business. I had enough to worry about with the idiot Shawn Michaels sticking his beak into my main event and making himself the referee. At least I had managed to come up with a plan as far as that was concerned.
"Stay here," I ordered everyone in the room as I stood and made for the door. I was going to go see Hunter, and I wasn't going to do it with a bunch of people following me like they were my shadow. I already knew where Hunter's locker room was, so it didn't take me long to get there. I wanted him to prepare for the main event with as clear a head as possible. I needed him to win now that things had gone south with him and Chyna. There was nothing to say that they wouldn't try to make up, but I could cross that bridge if I came to it. I knocked on Hunter's door and waited.
"What?" He barked as he opened it, before he could even register that it was me.
I smiled, feeling my chest fluttering. "Hunter, I just..."
He cut me off. "Listen. I have nothing but bad experiences with the McMahon family. I don't know what your deal is or why you're here, and right now I honestly don't care. As far as I'm concerned..."
That was more than enough of him heading off on the wrong track, so I took my turn to cut him off. "I came here to say that I've got your back tonight, in that main event. I've got you." I flashed a smile at him, turned and walked away, as hard as it was to do.
"What the hell does that mean?" I heard him yell after me, but I pretended like I hadn't. A moment later I heard the door close, pleasingly without being slammed. That was a good sign. Maybe he was thinking that I might not be like the rest of my family and that he could trust me. I hoped that was what he was thinking.
I looked like an idiot. There was no doubt about it. I was walking towards Gorilla wearing a black Adidas tracksuit, the pants and the jacket. It was hardly the kind of thing that I was used to, but it was necessary. Hunter was lucky that I was so forward thinking to pack it. That kind of thing separated me from everyone else in the WWF. That's why I was the boss.
Back in my office, I had watched Michaels enter the arena. He had clearly been thinking that he looked great in his stupid referee shirt. Then Mankind had entered. By now Chyna would be out there too and Hunter's entrance would have just started. Austin was also out there on commentary.
My timing was perfect. When I walked into Gorilla I looked at the monitor and saw Hunter doing that thing where he would spit the water. I liked that. Any second now his music would fade out. I ordered Dunn to play mine as soon as he could. I could tell that no one in the arena had expected to hear my music, and I now got some boos from the idiots. Little did they know, I'd give them a real reason to boo me soon enough. I walked quickly to the ring. All four people in there looked at me as though I had three heads, although I did detect the slightest hint of a smile from Hunter which made me think that he might have figured out what was coming.
No one bothered to get the ropes for me, but I climbed into the ring and removed my tracksuit jacket and tossed it over the ropes. The crowd booed and Michaels came marching towards me looking pissed off. Neither of those things suprised me. I was wearing a referee shirt.
"What do you think you're doing?" Michaels demanded, almost getting in my face.
"Guess what, genius? I can't remove you as the referee, but I can add myself as a second referee. Now, ring the bell."
Shawn wasn't happy to say the least, but there was nothing he could do, so he started the match. I let him do most of the work. My only reason for being there was to make sure that Hunter won. I just had to watch for a Pedigree and be there to make the count, which was something that I knew Shawn wouldn't have done. If Mankind or even Chyna looked like winning I would hit Shawn before he could count three.
Sure enough, Hunter did eventually get a Pedigree, and on Chyna too, which pleased me greatly. I got in position to make a count, but Hunter was pretty badly beaten down after going at it with Mankind for most of the match and he wasn't able to capitalise. By the time he started to move, so did Chyna. That was when I heard the crowd start cheering. There was no way that could be a good thing. When I turned to check out the reason for the cheering I had to give up any kind of impartiality that I might have pretended to show before. Mankind had the ridiculous sock puppet thing on his hand and was preparing to stick it in Chyna's mouth when she stood up. I knelt over Hunter. "Get up Hunter, for God's sake. Mankind's going to win!"
"The hell he is," Hunter growled and seemed to find some energy from somewhere. He used the ropes to help him get up.
Thankfully, when I turned around, I saw that Mankind hadn't managed to use the sock. Chyna must have reversed him somehow, but as I watched, Mankind got a double arm DDT on her. I knew that might be enough for a three count, but I also saw that Hunter was up. I willed him on as he picked up one of Chyna's legs. I knew what he was about to do. He was going to put her in a figure four leg lock.
I felt like cheering as Hunter got the submission hold locked in tight on the silly bitch. Things were happening so fast, but I just had to watch for her to tap. I saw that Mankind had stuffed the sock in her mouth. I saw her start tapping.
Overjoyed, I jumped up, gesturing wildly at the time keeper as I yelled, "Ring it! Ring it! That's it! Triple H wins!"
"Mankind wins!" I heard Michaels yell beside me. The bell rang several times.
I turned to Shawn and yelled at him, "What do you mean Mankind wins?"
"What are you talking about, Triple H wins?" He had asked me at the same time.
"Chyna tapped to Hunter!" I yelled.
"Not a chance, McMahon. She tapped to the claw."
"Bullshit!" I barked at him. I wasn't going to waste time arguing with him. I walked over to Hunter who was now standing in the middle of the ring, demanding to know what was going on. I raised his hand with one of mine and pointed to him with the other. I watched incredulously as Michaels did the same with Mankind in the corner of the ring.
Determined not to let Michaels screw me over, I headed back to the corner of the ring closest to the time keeper. Finkel was already standing close by, waiting for an order as to what to announce. "Triple H wins by submission. Announce it," I told him.
"Don't even think about it. Mankind wins." Michaels was standing beside me again.
I heard Austin yell from over by the commentary table. "Who won the damn match?"
Shawn and I were about to get into another shouting match, but senior referee Earl Hebner appeared in the ring. "This is ridiculous," he chastised both of us. "Make a decision. Who won the match?"
"Triple H!" I yelled at him. Shawn had given the opposite answer. I had no clue what was going to happen next, but Hebner took that decision away from both Shawn and myself. He went over to the corner and spoke to Finkel.
If you just told him to announce Mankind I'll fire your ass here and now, I thought.
Finkel raised his microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, this match is a draw!" The crowd booed loudly. I noticed Austin in the corner of my vision. He was swearing. Finkel continued, "Therefore, the number one contenders for the World Wrestling Federation Championship are both Mankind, and Triple H!"
I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Hebner had already left the ring and was on his way up the ramp. I went after him as quickly as I could, knowing that Michaels wouldn't be far behind me. When I got up onto the stage I wondered why the crowd was cheering. Glancing back at the ring, I saw Mankind had Hunter down on the canvas and had the sock in his mouth. Thanks to Michaels, the night hadn't gone as I had planned at all, but Hunter was in the title match at Summerslam, and maybe he was done with Chyna too. I had to be happy with that.