A/N: Since this is such a short chapter, I figured "Why the hell not?" So, here it is. I just hope I can catch up. I'm STILL working on chapter seven. I'm being molested with a vicious case of Writer's Block, so if anybody wants to throw out any ideas, they'd be more than welcome. Lol. I'll just harass my hubby when he gets home but I would appreciate your help as well. Anyhoodles, here y'all go! Enjoy!

Chapter Four: Pepperoni and Papparazzi

BELLA POV

"Excuse me, Anthony, what are you doing in Seattle?" A busty brunette said while pushing a small recording device into his face.

"Edward? Let's get going." I said and tugged on his arm that wasn't balancing the pizza.

The reporter lost her smile and narrowed her eyes at me. Edward sighed and wrapped his free arm around my waist. "Sure, love. Excuse us, you must have me mistaken for someone else." He said smoothly.

"Anthony Masen!" Someone else shouted and we cursed, jumping into the SUV before taking off. Thankfully, Edward's new apartment complex had an underground parking structure that you had to have a gate key in order to enter and get passed the security guard.

Edward, having already introduced himself to the complex manager and security guard there, informed the man that he'd been made and to not allow any reporters or press or ANYONE that wasn't supposed to be here anywhere near him or his apartment.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Bella." He sighed as we sat down inside the apartment.

I pat his cheek and climbed into his lap. "It's not your fault, Puppy. It was bound to happen sooner or later and that was far tamer than I had anticipated." We shared our horror story with Emmett and Rose and cursed when a few hours later, we were ALL getting phone calls. Constantly.

Apparently someone posted it on the internet and now everyone knew. "Crap on a stick." I muttered. We called and told our parents and family what happened and that we were shutting our phones off for the night.

I was getting ready to close Edward's bedroom door when I heard Rose shriek: "Well, you're the dumbass that flipped the bitch switch, so buckle up and enjoy the ride, asshole!"

Edward and I shared wide-eyed stares before we burst out laughing. Alright. This I gotta hear. "What in the name of Hades' left nipple are you on about, woman?" I asked, poking my head around the corner to see Rose pretend-strangle her cell phone.

Edward snorted and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Why the left nipple?" She asked curiously as Emmett pulled her down onto his lap.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Don't most expressions that pick a side choose left? Like: 'Out of left field?' stuff like that." I offered, waiting for her to answer my original question.

She heaved a sigh. "Yeah. Anyway, apparently Top-Heavy Tanya got my number somehow and has earned my wrath by trying to find out "how solid Bella's and Edward's relationship is" and thought I'd actually help her break you two up." She made the finger quotes in the air while sneering and jiggling her chest in a perfect airheaded impersonation of the Denali whore.

I couldn't keep it to myself. "Whoooooooooore!"

"Right?! Fuckin A." Rose sulked. "She actually had the gall to be surprised when I snapped at her and said there was "no need to be so touchy,"" she simper-sneered.

"Stop it! You're creeping me out with your impression of her. You're too talented." I shuddered and Rose smirked, pleased and insulted all at once. I knew exactly how to rectify that. "The only thing you're lacking is the stupidity. You can't pull off stupid." Rose preened and blew me a kiss when her phone rang again and we all stared at it.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me…" she muttered and checked the caller ID. "Oh, thank God. Hi, Daddy." We all breathed a sigh of relief… and eavesdropped. "Yeah. Please, don't give my number to anyone outside of our family and even then, you know who to block for me. Yeah. Oh, definitely. No, anyone who should have my number, has it. Anyone who doesn't probably shouldn't. What? What a bi-iiiiiig jerk!" She winced, glad she saved it before she cussed at her father. "I will be safe, Daddy. I promise. Don't worry. Em and I will protect Bella, too." She grinned and winked at me and I sighed, blushing.

"Why do I have to be so awesome? Parents frakkin love me." I sighed jokingly. "I'll be fine, Papa Hale!" I shouted and we all heard him laugh through the line.

"He says if we need, he can post body guards for us on the sly." She looked at us questioningly. I shrugged, not caring. It wouldn't be the first time Rose's dad went overboard to "protect" us. I swore he had to be in, like, the friggen mafia or something. "As long as they're out of our way and don't attract attention. What? Oh, yeah! Totally! Peter and Charlotte would be perfect. Yeah. Thanks, Daddy. I love you, too. Bye."

"Well… that was interesting." Edward said at length. "Who are Peter and Charlotte?"

"Charlotte is my cousin and she runs protective services like bodyguards and shit. Peter is her husband and they apparently called my dad to make sure we would be okay before offering their services. I figured it would be cool to have them around in any case." Rose said and yawned, turning off her phone.

"What's the name of their company?" Edward asked.

"Southern Hospitality." She said and Edward gaped. "What?"

"Is Peter's last name Whitlock?" he asked and both he and Emmett gaped when she nodded before they burst out laughing.

"What are we missing?" I asked, turning in Edward's arms to face him.

"Peter is our cousin on our dad's side. He's our cousin Jasper's half-brother. I knew they sounded familiar." Edward chuckled and I grinned.

"How the fuck did I not KNOW this?" Rose demanded.

"I guess I kind of should have…" Emmett admitted after a moment. "I mean, it's not like Pete was around all the time and he and Char were married before Ed made it big and moved in with Uncle Marcus…" Emmett shrugged. "Guess I just never put two and two together. But that's kind of cool, too. Definitely a pleasant surprise in any case."

I nodded and yawned obnoxiously. "Come on, Puppy. I'm exhausted." I stepped away, stretching and blinked hard to keep my eyes open. I yelped when he scooped me up into his arms but snuggled up to him when I almost immediately started to fall asleep.

"We slept pretty awfully last night." He said and we bid goodnight to our family/friends. I stripped down to my skivs and a tank top and waited for Edward to climb in with me. As he lay down, he pulled me tight against him and heaved a long-suffering sigh. "I'm really sorry, baby." He murmured, sounding sad.

I turned in his arms and ran my fingers through his beautiful, messy copper hair. "I'm becoming more amused than anything, if you want the truth." I said and chuckled when he stared at me like I was crazy. "Don't look at me like that!" I snapped and squinted at him through the darkness. "You knew I was nuts before you asked me out, so don't act like it's 'all a big surprise.'" I mocked and wiggled my hands in the air insultingly.

It did the trick, though, and made him laugh. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Duracell. Not stop fretting and just enjoy the fact that now it's out there it can blow over sooner. Now, don't get me wrong- I know it's going to be a hassle and the biggest problem I'm going to have is to ignore people when they try and bait me. I'm a sucker for a battle of wits." I said and felt a little worried. "I don't want to embarrass you…" I said in a small voice.

"I think we'll need Peter and Charlotte to protect the reporters from you." He said after a minute and we both grinned. "Is it wrong that I'm looking forward to witnessing the first poor sap that earns your wrath?" I threw my head back and laughed.

"Oh, we'll see. You may just never want to be seen with me in public again."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "I'm looking forward to showing off my incredibly sexy, intelligent, and slightly hysterically violent girlfriend. People won't know whether or not to be scared along with their intense envy."

I nuzzled his cheek. "I think I'm looking forward to responding to each individual letter of hate and the death threats. I just don't have any faith that anyone can be more creative than I can… or as crazy and vindictive…" I smirked when he flat out giggled. I didn't even know guys could do that!

The next morning was apparently how soon the first time I let a reporter bait me and I could see Edward vibrate with curiosity as to how I would react along with a healthy dose of fear for the reporter's well-being.

Rose and I stood in classic bitch poses, arms crossed, lips pursed, hips cocked to the side as the reporter back-pedaled. "I swear I'm not racist. Please don't call my editor." She begged and ran off.

I turned and grinned, Emmett was in a ball against the far corner of the parking structure crying from trying not to laugh. "We're clear, Thunder Buddy." His roars of laughter echoed throughout the complex as he rolled around on the filthy ground.

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" He wailed/squealed while trying unsuccessfully to catch his breath. "'It's because I'm BLACK, isn't it?!'" He mimicked my earlier rant, snapping his fingers side to side, which was pretty impressive from his awkward position on the ground.

Rose and I giggled hysterically and I nearly died when she held up the reporters recording device. "Oopsie." She said completely unapologetically and I soon joined Emmett on the ground.

A/N: What the fuck?! I just had a sharp pain on my back and it started itching like crazy. So I attacked it and when I brought my hand back, there was a smooshed black bug... it was either a fat little ant or a frikken spider. I smooshed it good. EW! *shudders* Bastard. Now my back itches and I'm trying to figure out where the little shit came from. *looks around suspiciously* Dammit! I totally forgot what I had originally planned to say. Oh well. Anyway, the black thing is something my brother pulled with some jerk-off who worked at a restaurant who was whispering racial slurs to someone else. He heard and so did his black friend with whom he was dining. So Mikhail, my bro, stands up when the waiter comes back (shitty service was shitty) slams his hand on the table and yells the quote. Alvin, his buddy, nearly DIED laughing. I love my family. ;3

Gotta run and hunt down something to use as a back scratcher. Hit me up, loves!

Toodle Pip!

Blood Everlasting