October 31st
Today is Halloween. Not that it matters to most people. To most people, tonight is a night to dress up in costume, take the kiddies out trick or treating and then getting drunk in the pubs. In reality, it's All Hallow's Eve. The night we remember the dead and their impact they've had on us in the past year. And I am without the one person who made my life a joy.
Mrs. Hudson has been wonderful in letting me stay without rent for the past month or so. I'm glad for this since I can barely function in public as of yet. I suspect that she's being given money by Sherlock's brother, but she won't say anything other than, "Just get better, dear. We'll deal with it later." So I'll say this to you now, Mycroft, since I now know you lurk here: thank you for allowing me the time to grieve. I know that you're a good man and that you cared deeply for your brother, in your own twisted way.
Sherlock had become my reason for waking up each morning. His exuberance and intelligence were always a challenge, but a challenge I needed. I know I'll survive without him, but a part of me really doesn't want to. I miss him so much! It seems I've done nothing but cry these past few weeks. I feel like I should "get over it", but there are so many things I should have, would have, could have said to him. I never got the chance. I never said all those things he needed to hear.
There are days that I feel he's here with me. There are days his smell is so strong in the house, it is as if he was in the room only moments ago. I guess that Halloween is meaning a little bit more to me this year than it ever has in the past. Even now, I sit here, close to "the witching hour" hoping to hear his voice, see his face. But when the dawn comes, I will once again be alone.
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