Well here you are Valens, right outside the door. You've been here so many times over the years you didn't even look at your keyring to pick out the key. Is that a shadow on the other side of the glass? Is she waiting for me? That's the click, it's open.

Lil.

"Hey." I needed to see you.

"Hey." Did you smile a little? Did you notice the weight lifting from my shoulders when I laid eyes on you?

"Can I come in?" I'm already marching inside what the hell kind of question was this?

"Drop the beer on the coffee table, you'll have to start without me because I had tea like an hour ago." Don't mind if I do. Let me tap the can to make sure I don't ruin this couch. Ahh the sound. Lil sitting next to me on the couch is more comforting still.

"How she holding up?" And how are you by the way?

"As well as it's humanly possible for a girl that age." That's our girl, tough as nails just like ol' Ma!

"Think it's too soon?" You did, she pressured you the way only a Rush can.

"She admitted she may have overestimated how well prepared she was for this." Poor kid, for her to admit this she must be completely overwhelmed. Can't blame her

"She ok with how it turned out?" Should I have tried harder to convince her to wait a little while longer? 'Cause if that kid is up in that room tossing and turning over th-

"I think she is." Thank God! "There's some anger around Chris leaving and staying away after rehab was done but that was already brewing before. Like she wasn't enough to motivate her."

"We both know that's not completely true." That day at the hospital Masie was the number one topic you yelled at her.

"Finding her in that hospital in Maryland after having her stomach pumped got her to try rehab again but I don't think she'd have gone through it without knowing there was a very disappointed little girl on the other side." And a very disappointed sister too. "And that maybe someday she'd forgive her if she earned it. But that's the one detail we agreed to leave out so Masie doesn't know it."

"Someday when she's older you'll tell her and she'll understand." But real older. Like in her late 20's-30s.

"God when she's older. She's almost a teenager Scotty I'm not sure how much older I can stand her getting." "Ahh mom talk, gotta be honest, it's a little hard to watch her grow up for me too.

"The older she is the more you'll experience with her." At least this is what Dad used to say whenever Ma started getting teary at Mike and me.

"And the more will go away. I can't shop for her in the kid's section anymore and she wants to go to places alone by bus but tonight she called me mommy Scotty. I don't remember the last time it happened. For a second it was like she was a little girl again."

"And all yours." Our girl… yeah I don't even care anymore in my mind she can be a little bit mine too!

"Well, yeah."

The baby we brought home… God no wonder I think of her as my own kid sometimes! I was here for most of her life, most of the milestones, most of the pure childhood weirdness…"Remember that time she was 3 or 4 and got bored because we were busy with paperwork in the kitchen so she decided to march all over the place with underwear in her head?" And decided we couldn't join her because we were being meanie-pants by working.

"The cool cats' club." We were the square-meanies! That was it!

"Poor mutants, she put on pair on each of them too!" As if Olivia couldn't see badly enough yet.

"I felt worse for them when she had just learned to walk and started running after them, poor things could only find peace on top of the cabinets."

"We were right in this couch when she took her first steps. It's like I can still see her waddling over to me." I swear she was calling me Dada too, just taking a little too long between syllables. So it sounded like da…da…da…da…*thump* and she landed on her butt in front of me with her tiny arms out for da…da.

"You were holding a cookie Scotty." Let me have my cookie and eat it too woman!

"Sure, blame the cookie and not my knack for childcare." Kids love me dammit! I've been dressing as Santa for Christmas for family functions since I was 16.

That face changed, it's not wistful and nostalgic anymore she got serious, crap! What is she going to bring up?

"She loves you too a lot you know? And rightfully so, you helped me raise her more than anyone else." This subject. Ok. I love you two. With all my heart. And that brings me here, I needed you, I needed to make sure you were ok after the day you had and the dream I had.

"You'll always be mommy to her Lil, even if she stops saying it."

"She thanked me for that. Like what do I have to be thanked for? Loving my child?" No but it feels nice to thank people for existing when they are important to us.

"I think she meant it like she's thankful you came into her life and raised her as your own."

"She also asked if I wished I'd had my own children." Lil with biological children? What would that world have been like? Did she want them though? Is that a regret of hers?

"Do you?"

"I had such a rotten childhood I guess I never really considered having my own kids, I think I was afraid I'd repeat history and turn into my mother." You were nowhere near that. "Then that weirdo upstairs was handed to me and I suddenly had a kid so I guess I covered most of the parent bits. Pregnancy doesn't seem too fun but I have wondered what it's like in the past." Pregnant Lil? That would have been a nightmare at the office, she'd want to go out of the precinct until the due date. Might have looked cute with a bump. She's always beautiful anyway. And the office pools around that, the money I could have won or lost! "Can do without finding out about labor though." You and me both, I've seen you in pain and I've seen you angry, I do not wish to see both at the same time. "And the remaining bits I had with my daughter already." Your daughter. It sounds so right when you call her that, screw your hypothetical kids.

"I'd would have loved to have had my own kids. Two, preferably a boy and a girl." Marissa and Joey probably.

"There's still hope for you, you know? My ovaries are closed for business but you could be a dad well into your seventies or something?" HA

"I'm not interested in it happening now, I'd have to be madly in love with someone in child bearing years and I feel creepy dating much younger women." And I don't want to date anyone I'm not in love with soooo… "No kiddos for me either." I do regret that a little bit, I always thought I'd be a dad someday.

"Is that why you're so close with Gabe and Masie?" You mean those crazy kids I love as if they were mine?

"Well yeah if I can't have my own kids I might as well borrow someone else's for the fun bits." And a couple not so fun ones, I don't mind those if I know I helped somehow in the end.

"Oh there are going to be plenty of those now, ever known the mood swings of a teenage girl Valens?" Of a girl, yes. Of a Rush girl?

"She's related to you, I'm not thrilled to find out-" Oww she elbowed me in the ribs! What was I thinking when I said that?

"Oww…" Dammit don't let her see that that hurt!

"Sorry." Aww she almost meant it!

"It's okay you just have really good aim." To my already busted rib.

The serious face is back, dammit woman is there a switch somewhere for you to stop chuckling at my pain and go into Ice Queen mode? She's not in that zone either, almost looks vulnerable, Ice Queen Lilly is a force to be reckoned with. If anything those eyes are reminiscent of the day she got Masie's adoption papers, or the day she saw Christina at the hospital years later and wouldn't let go of my arm on the way from the room to the car.

"She's still mad at you for nearly getting yourself killed." This subject again. I deserve this. The kid hasn't been quite the same since the shooting. And she's not she only one who is mad at me.

"I know." It's there every time she greets me and doesn't run into my arms like she used to. I tried to pretend it was a puberty thing but I know better.

"But she loves you like a father and she wouldn't be this angry if that still weren't true." I wouldn't be feeling this awful and dragging my sorry ass over here at this time if I didn't love you two like family.

"I scared you all good huh?"

"I thought I was going to lose you." Oh Lil! Was that a quiver in your voice? It was! Barely noticeable, anyone but me would have missed it. I can't help myself I'm wrapping these arms around you, you need to know I didn't go anywhere and I need to know you are still here too.

"It was nice to wake up with you there. That hug hurt but it was great." This hug we are sharing right now is much better though. No pain, no crying, just comfort… and just like that she breaks it and is in the Detective mode. She's going to pry it out of me, isn't she?

"Wanna tell me why besides checking in on me you came here?" I'm not going to say that right now when you are in no condition to handle it.

"Just that." Let go. Please let this go.

"Liar." I was a fool for believing she'd let go wasn't I?

"Can't I check on my partner and friend after an emotionally charged day?"

"If you admit you still have nightmares you can." Shit! Well… she's been shot too… no point in hiding these things from her…

"I had one." Done, next topic please!

"Did you die in it?" I so didn't want you to ask me this… I was fine but Masie was missing and you died in my arms. We were in the interview room and you kept asking where your little girl was and crying that she couldn't be left alone in the world and that you wanted me to tell her you were sorry you couldn't give her more, that you were sorry you were unlovable and you closed your eyes right before I had a chance to tell you how much I love you. How almost every silly little thing makes me think of you somehow and how lonely I'd be without you in the world, even if I can only have you as my best friend.

"No you did. I wanted to see you." Make sure you were still in this world ya know?

"Just see me?" I could proclaim my undying love for you right now but after all you've handled today this doesn't seem like the time.

"And talk to you. In case you needed me."

"I think you need me too." What exactly did you mean by that? That I need my friend or that I need the woman I'm helplessly in love with? Do you know? Do you return the feelings? Or were you just stating the obvious seeing as a just said I wanted to see you at this time of night?

"You are right about that." Whatever version it was at least.

"Of course I am."

"And that's why you are such a good partner." Whipped that cocky idiot into shape all those years back and somehow managed to become that same idiot's best friend.

"You getting mellow on me Valens?" For a year now yes.

"Just take the complement, you deserve to hear nice things today." And every day. I'd happily say nice things to you for the rest of our lives if it got the amused little smirk you are giving me right now.

"Thank you. You are a great partner too." That little smirk changed to a full blown smile. The honestly happy one I get to see from time to time, she just made- she's holding my hand? Not unwelcome or that unusual after the years we've had lately but this doesn't come from a place of needing support, I think she's just doing it because she felt like it. And she's still holding on to it.

"Anything else you wanna go over?" On any other night with impromptu hand holding I'd probably consider bringing up that kiss we are ignoring but clearly meant. Sure we were drunk but upon that first contact I never felt more sober. And I really want to believe she felt the same. But now is not the time and I'm not going to put more stuff in her plate than what she already has.

"When you were shot, did you have dreams where you couldn't save people?" She's already handled this subject after all. Tonight even.

The grip on my hand is stronger, she's taking a deep breath. Oh… the hand is gone now in favor of hugging her knees. I've seen this before, she might be very comfortable around me but whenever she feels a little too exposed she does this. Even if she's okay with sharing. Oh Lil maybe I shouldn't have brought this up af-

"I did." A little pained smile. My hand is on her shoulder before I even know it but she's relaxing into it.

"I know it means a lot for you to admit that to someone."

"It will only get better if you talk about it. I hate that doing that as much as you do." No, I can't talk about this whole thing without telling her how it terrifies me that I almost lost her. Both when she was shot and when I was. My head spinning and nearly giving up and all that was keeping me conscious were two blue orbs yelling at me that I couldn't leave like the rest did. I swear to God I could hear Elissa telling me I couldn't die then, her voice telling me I was finally moving on and needed to be around for my family, maybe someday I'd even get the guts to make them my official family if I just lived. But I was so close to missing that chance that the nightmares follow me and I wake up in a cold sweat yelling for her, for them. But I can't risk that chance I'm so glad I still have, I need some sort of sign before I risk blowing this. It would break both their hearts and they are already dealing with the hurricane that is Christina.

"I shouldn't be pressing you with these issues today, you've had a hell of a day." That look says she's not going to forget this topic but she's going to let me off the hook.

"It was much easier than I thought it would be actually. And if you don't want to discuss this with me you have to promise you'll go to counseling." But it's all a sham!

"But-"

"No buts. You are going." Ice Queen glare. Ok you win.

"Dammit you really are a mom." A terrifying one sometimes.

"She's coming back next month for her birthday." I figured she would, it would be a strange date to miss if she's trying to create a relationship with the kid.

"Are you ok with that?" Or better, do you feel bad about being apprehensive of this thing now that it has begun?

"A little worried I guess, if she wants to have friends besides Gabe over I'll have to explain who Chris is somehow. I don't think anyone she hangs with knows I'm not the birth parent-"

"She's family. Done." Quit overthinking this Lil, it will all work out.

"But what degree of family?"

"Doesn't matter, kids won't question it too much." Doesn't matter, this isn't what actually worries you.

"I guess I'm just now realizing I'll have to handle my sister a lot more and I know there is going to be at least one time things are going to go wrong."

"And you'll move past them. You know it as well as I do."

"I guess I just needed the reassurance." Awww, she's admitting she needed you. Dammit she's adorable sometimes, playing with that beer can so sheepishly, her eyes reflecting a gratitude she doesn't have to say.

"And Ma has already asked when she can have her over for dinner." And you don't have to say you're not coming because it's an offer you aren't allowed to refuse.

"Of course she has." She wanted to huff in annoyance but she chuckled a bit instead. Don't worry Lil, I'm not going to unleash my whole family on your sister so soon.

"I told her to wait a few months." Maybe even a year.

"Waiting is great. Let's give her time." If I didn't think so already there is my sign.

"Speaking of time I guess I should be going soon." I came to see you, I saw you, made sure you were ok, had a chat, there's no excuse to stay longer I guess…

"Valens you've had 2 and a half beers and it's past 2 AM, you're going to stay over." You think I can't handle beer? It is against the law ok you are right, but don't you think I can handle calling an uber?

"Nah, you've got stuff to handle." I've intruded enough already.

"Were you planning on sleeping much?" Busted.

"I mean I was going to try…" And by try I mean I was going to skip rope until I was exhausted enough for sleep… doesn't take as long nowadays, this middle age thing is messing with me.

"I'm going to go fetch a blanket from the closet upstairs and we are going to finish this six-pack while watching bad TV on this very couch. Hopefully we are going to fall asleep before the infomercials start and I'll be on nightmare watch for you."

"And who is on back pain watch in the morning?"

"Unless you want to cuddle in my bed it's couch or floor partner." Why did you mention your bed? Now I really want to sleep in there next to you and that thought wasn't even in my head. At the moment at least. Think of something else stupid! Change the subject!"

"Won't this ruin your Sunday morning? Didn't you have something planned with Masie?" You used to be really into chilling with her with some cereal and cartoons… she still watches them right? What was that fairy show she liked? I can't recall the name but it was emotionally heavy a lot of the time, hell it was better written than most adult shows! When the blue one discovered her whole family died in a hate crime while she was at fairy school? And the purple orphaned one told her she'd always have family as long as they were friends? I cried more than Masie at that episode!

"Now I'm planning on eating Uncle Scotty's famous pancakes with her." So there's some self interest in there too huh Rush?

"You just want a cook." Can't blame you, I'm great with Mickey Mouse pancakes.

"I don't mind your company either." Why is she leaning towards m- Was that a kiss on the cheek?

She's smiling. Like she thinks she got me or something! WHAT WAS THIS? Lilly Rush doesn't kiss people on the cheek!

"Start zapping. I'll be right back." And now she throws the remote at me and runs up the stairs like nothing happened! Like this was a normal gesture or something! It felt almost … domestic.

NO NO NO! You promised yourself you weren't going to go there tonight, she's going to return with a blanket and you will be bored by cop shows and maybe she'll fall asleep with her head on your shoulder. You will not rush something as important as your family. Isn't that what she is? What they both are to you?

"I'm back. Ooo you found the cop show let's see if we figure out who did it before they do."

Lilly returns to the couch trying to act as normal as possible, not having realized she'd kissed Scotty until the 7th step on her way upstairs, nor understanding why. She sits next to him, they open the remaining two beers and toast with them before settling under the blanket, rolling their eyes at every dumb mistake they spot on the show.

From the corner of his eye Scotty spies her after she chuckles at one of his jokes.

I love you. And when the time is right I'll tell you with words.

The End. It took a while to finish this in between papers and I think the fairy cartoon show might be an exhaustion fueled mashup of Winx Club and the 90's anime Fushigi Yuugi but at last this is done!

I'm working on a sequel story following every Christina visit from October to May but I'm very unsure when I'll have time to get around to writing it or if I should keep the POV gimmick, it was fun to experiment with but it can be a little limiting sometimes.

Thank you for reading, this thing did far better than I was expecting for a fanfic of a TV show that has been off the air for 8 years.