A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, but it was a real bitch to write. I just couldn't get the words to flow, I don't know why. Serious bout of writer's block, maybe. Of course it probably didn't help that my pc crashed just before saving an almost 900 word update or that my internet connection timed out four(!) times this past week when I tried updating here on ff. Things like that are just bad for my morale. Ok, enough complaining.
As always, Bioware owns ME.
Chapter 4. Citadel
Nick groaned again. She opened her eyes and found looking at the ceiling of Normandy's med bay. In a swift, smooth movement she sat up.
"You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?" Dr. Chakwas inquired as she walked past her, coming to a halt in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lieutenant Alenko standing a bit further back.
"Like the morning after shore leave." she admitted, rubbing her forehead with one hand. "How long was I out?"
"About fifteen hours." Dr. Chakwas let her know. Shepard's eyes widened momentarily. "Something happened down there with the beacon."
"It was my fault." Kaidan spoke up from his silent post. "I must've triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me outta the way." He looked rather guilty. How long had he been here? She wondered. She gave him a lingering look before answering.
"You had no way of knowing what would happen." she noted the corners of his mouth tugging upward ever so slightly.
Dr. Chakwas watched both of them carefully. She could feel the intensity between the two and asked herself if anyone else had perceived the crackling of the air between them. She wasn't even sure if they were aware of it. It would explain the guilt Kaidan apparently felt and the reason he had spent so many of the past hours in the med bay. She decided to continue speaking.
"Actually we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately we'll never have a chance to find out."
Shepard turned back to the doctor, the question Why? written all over her face. Before she could voice it Kaidan began to elaborate.
"The beacon exploded," he explained, "a system overload maybe. The blast knocked you cold. We had to carry you back to the Normandy." Not that we had to carry you far, he added silently. Just up the ramp, more or less.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." she gave him a small smile that made his insides do a somersault. He swallowed, and nodded in return. It was surprising how different she seemed now compared to the cold rage she displayed on the mission. Vulnerable, soft. He wondered often she showed that side in front of other people.
"Physically, you're fine but I detected some unusual brain activity. Abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement. Signs typically associated with intense dreaming." the doctor informed her.
Nick looked down at the floor before lifting her head and quietly saying: "More like a nightmare. I...I don't know what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear."
The doctor pursed her lips. "Hmm, I'd better add that to my report. It may - oh, Captain Anderson."
The three waited as their CO crossed the room.
"How's our XO holding up?" he inquired.
"All the readings look normal." Chakwas answered. "I'd say the Commander is going to be fine."
"Glad to hear it. Shepard," he now addressed her directly. "I need to speak to you. In private."
Kaidan saluted. "Aye-aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me."
He headed out. Even as he walked out of the med bay he could still hear the voices of Shepard and Anderson. Outside he saw Ashley standing by the terminal he used when he wasn't in the co-pilot seat. He waved to her but went to stand by the mess table, waiting for Shepard to leave the med bay. He hoped to speak to her. She had already told him not to worry about the incident with the beacon, sure. But he also wanted to know how she felt about the rest of the mission and what was going to happen next. It was a little disturbing when he thought about it but he almost feared he was falling for his XO. That shouldn't happen, Kaidan knew that, but it could. And considering how he felt it apparently had.
He didn't have to wait long for her to leave the med bay. He tried catching her eye and he did, although she turned to speak with Dr. Chakwas first. He supposed she wanted to know if the doctor could give her any hints at what happened to her. Little did he realize that the object of their discussion was something - or someone - completely different. She then moved towards Ashley, welcoming her to the team, as Anderson had informed her about the transfer. Nick agreed with Kaidan's judgment and she was happy he had not hesitated to step up and fulfill XO duties while she had been...indisposed. He had done it on his own account and she valued self-initiative. To be more exact: knowing when self-initiative was in order and when not. Kaidan was unaware that he was being evaluated for a promotion to Lieutenant Commander and the position of a XO. Cosidering his impressive list of recommendations it was surprising it hadn't happened earlier. So far the only thing she didn't understand was why he didn't use his biotics more frequently. Maybe that had been a set-back. After she had told him off for that half-hearted throw he had proved her assessment right by unfurling some truly remarkable biotics.
On her last mission she had worked together with a biotic who had just been assigned to her unit. He had been the exact opposite of Kaidan, always using his biotics and only relying on his pistol if it was absolutely necessary. Nick was determined to find out what the problem was sooner or later.
Finally, she walked over to him.
"Commander, good to see you're ok. Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew, I'm glad we didn't lose you too."
"Yeah," she sighed, "things got pretty rough down there. How're you holding up?"
"Ok. It's tough seeing dead civilians. Just doesn't seem right somehow." he lets out a huff. "At least you stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony."
"Me? Was I down there alone? I'm fairly certain I had this sentinel with me covering my six." Nick's eyes flashed, daring him to contradict her.
Kaidan tried not to squirm under the scrutiny of those blue eyes. "Well, yeah...I guess. We're marines, we stick together, ma'am."
"You guess? Damn right, we stick together." she leaned a bit closer to him, her eyes boring into his. "Listen to me, Alenko. Without you I couldn't have done it, got me? I wouldn't have even gotten to Ash and we all would've been fucked. And the two of us couldn't have made it to the beacon without Ash because I know I wouldn't have been able to keep all the damn geth off your back while you were disabling those bloody detonation charges. So don't tell me I saved the colony. We did!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Nick's eyebrows traveled up her forehead. "I mean Commander." Kaidan corrected himself.
Her gaze softened as she started speaking again. "I just wish I could've done something to save Jenkins."
Kaidan shook his head. "I was there, Commander. You did everything right. It was just," he paused for a mere moment, fishing for the proper expression,"bad luck."
"It was my mistake, I should've never let him take point."
"You couldn't have known that." Kaidan shook his head again. "Anyway, hell of a shakedown run. I mean, one Spectre shooting another? The Citadel Council isn't gonna be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions outta the Alliance."
"You heard that, huh? Guess Anderson and I spoke louder than we thought." she chuckled softly. "You seem to have a good grasp of the politics we have to struggle through. You a career man?"
He smirked slightly, pulling one corner of his mouth up to a lop-sided smile. "A lot of biotics are. We sure as heck don't go undocumented, so I might as well get a paycheck for it. And anyway, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted. Eventually."
Shepard couldn't help but wonder about the last comment. Her, no, the Lieutenant was something of a mystery to her. She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, frowning. "Huh, I'd wanted to eat something before we reach the Citadel but I guess I can screw that. On the other hand it means I have a good excuse of eating some real food there." She turned and waved Ashley over. As soon as Ashley had made her way over Shepard looked at them with a grin.
"Ever been to the Citadel, either of you?" Ashley shook her head, Kaidan nodded. "Let's go and enjoy the view!" With that she turned and beckoned them to follow her as she climbed the stairs to the command deck.
The three entered the helm and Joker turned his head towards Shepard.
"Just in time, Commander. I was just gonna bring us in to the Citadel. Time to see that tax payer money at work!"
A short while later the Normandy had docked and Captain Anderson ordered Shepard, Alenko and Williams to accompany him to a meeting with the human councilor, Donnel Udina. It was obvious though that their CO was not exactly in a hurry to get there. The meeting had been scheduled at 0845 and it was now almost 0915. When they arrived at the councilor's office they found him throwing angry accusations at the Citadel Council. Anderson mildly raised an eyebrow and motioned his ground team to wait a few paces off to the side. Udina reminded Shepard a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum because it didn't get any candy at the store. Guessing from the expressions on Kaidan's and Ashley's faces they felt the same. No sooner had Udina cut the connection with the Council when he rounded on Anderson in a condescending tone. Shepard tensed visibly as he scoffed at the CO for having brought the ground team from the mission on Eden Prime. Anderson on the other hand seemed unfazed. Nick walked close to Anderson and Udina.
"I don't give a rat's ass if the Council wants to go after Saren or not. I will!"
"Settle down, Commander! You've done enough to jeopardize your entry into the Spectres! The mission was a complete disaster."
Nick was going to retort sharply but a raised hand from Anderson refrained her.
"That wasn't Shepard's fault!"
Udina sniffed, clearly disagreeing. After telling them to attend the following Council meeting in his sneering, condescending way he left. Anderson turned to his ground team. Shepard had a look of utmost loathing on her face as she turned from Udina's retreating form to her captain. He shook his head ever so slightly.
"And that's why I hate politicians." Ashley spoke up.
Kaidan remained silent, but the frown tugging at the corners of his mouth indicated he agreed with her. Shepard also remained silent. Her silence was not a contemplating one, unlike Kaidan's. Her silence resembled the calm before a storm. She waited for her captain to say his part.
"Udina certainly didn't help our case." Anderson began. "The hearing starts at 1100. That gives you a little more than an hour to look around and maybe grab something to eat. And Shepard - be on time! I know how much this whole thing rubs you the wrong way and I know how you react to things like this. I'm reminding you once: You're an Alliance officer. Don't forget it. I'll see you at 1100. Dismissed."
Nick drew in a slow, deep breath, held it and exhaled just as slowly.
"Commander, sounds like you've gotten in trouble for something before." Ashley raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"Yeah." Nick grunted, clearly unhappy. "It's been a while though. Come on, let's find something to eat and maybe I'll give you a small tidbit of Veronika Shepard's fuck-ups. If I remember right there's a bar not far from here or we head to the wards. Might be more interesting."
She turned and walked out of the office.
Not long afterwards they had found a smallish bar that offered comfort food. Sitting down in a corner they picked up the menus and quickly chose.
"Are we on duty, Commander? Or can we have somethin' alcoholic?" Ashley asked.
"We're on duty, Chief. And it's not even 1000." Shepard answered, frowning. "As tempting as a stiff drink sounds I don't drink before 1200. So, food and non-alcoholic beverages only. Maybe we can grab drinks after the damn hearing. Something tells me we'll need 'em then."
"Food sounds good enough." Kaidan stated, scanning the menu. He looked up to see Shepard wink at him. He swallowed and dropped his eyes back to the menu. After punching in their order they sat back. Shepard fished something out of her pocket. Earplugs, Kaidan realized.
"I need a few minutes, then we'll talk." Nick told them, adjusting the headset. After choosing a song from her omnitool she leaned back and closed her eyes. The music was loud enough for both Kaidan and Ashley to listen along. They watched in fascination as their XO played air guitar while sitting there, eyes closed, nodding with the music. She listened to two songs before the food and drinks came. She waited until the waiter had set everything down and left again. "I have...anger issues, I guess they call it. Got me into a spot of trouble a couple of times, the last time was after Akuze."
She stopped, turning her glass in her hands. "Anderson just reminded me to keep my temper in check. After Akuze he bailed me out of jail after destroying a bar, more or less. Well, I didn't do it alone but my actions were the spark that set everything off. I was out with some friends and these guys tried getting a little too friendly with Becka and me. Matt and Trev were getting our drinks and Chris was talking to somebody he knew with his back turned to us. Anyway, these guys wouldn't take no for an answer and got pushy. I could've easily taken care of them without injuring anyone but I was drunk and on edge and smashed my glass on one guys head. He called me a bitch and I twisted his arm and pushed him face first into the wall. Thing was, these guys weren't alone. Long story short: We ended up fighting a full-grown bar brawl. The only reason I didn't get into a shitload of trouble was that we could provide witnesses confirming it was self-defense, that they had pushed and hadn't backed off. I got sent to a councilor after that who diagnosed me with, uh, light PTSD and I had to go to some anger management courses. I went through therapy for half a year, then I told Anderson and Hackett I'd go stir crazy if I didn't get to go on missions again." she paused. "Haven't been on a real shore leave since, nothing longer than an odd weekend here and there. Yeah."
"What about the guys harassing you and your friend?" Kaidan asked, looking upset. "Didn't they get some kind of punishment? And why did you have to go through anger management because of those jerks? They deserved it."
Ashley snorted and Nick gave him an almost amused look. "I didn't have to go through therapy because of them but because I was diagnosed with PTSD. And anyway, this may be the 22. century, but men still get away with a lot more than women. They got their fingers rapped and the Alliance sent them home with a warning. On the other hand, my friends can't complain either. None of them had to face any charges once we were bailed out. And I just had to do the counseling shit. It's sweet of you to come to my defense, but the thing is I overreacted. There were other options of dealing with the situation." She shrugged.
It was obvious that Kaidan knew she was right but he still thought those guys had gotten off way to easy. "Maybe. I still think they got what was coming."
Shepard glanced at her omnitool. Her, damn it, the Lieutenant made her feel strangely warm and fuzzy. She cleared her throat. "Ok, folks. It's time to move out."
They made their way to the council chambers where they overheard to turians arguing over Saren. Shepard stopped to talk with one of them, a C-Sec officer named Garrus Vakarian. She was surprised to learn he was responsible for finding evidence against Saren and was furios that his boss wouldn't give him more time.
"Good luck, Shepard. Maybe the Council will listen to you!" Vakarian waved good-bye and stomped off muttering.
While Kaidan and Ashley talked about the symbolic behind the design of the council chamber Shepard wondered if they could truly hope to receive any help from the council. Anderson was waiting for them already and they followed him swiftly up the last flight of stairs.
When they turned to leave sometime later their hopes were all but shattered. The council believed Saren and Nick had almost lost her temper listening to them deny everything she told them. She swore she would wipe that smirk off Saren's face the next time they met. Preferably with a close-range shot straight in his face.
Udina had rounded on Anderson as soon as they had walked down the first flight of stairs, blaming him for his history with Saren. It made the council think they were biased, he said. Nick had to admit she was rather interested in that point as well and feared the councilor was right, but that didn't mean a complete jackass like Udina had any right to talk to Anderson like that. Then he had the gall to tell her to seek out a corrupt C-Sec officer to help with the investigation. After Udina had left she turned to Anderson, the rage at the Council still burning in her eyes.
"Captain, can I speak off the record?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.
"Private or business-off-the-record?" Anderson retorted.
Shepard pursed her lips. "Private."
Anderson nodded tersely.
"What the fuck happened, Uncle Dave?" Nick demanded. Ashley shot a questioning look at Kaidan. Uncle Dave? she mouthed. Kaidan gave a slight nod and a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders. Nick asked about his mission with Saren and looked a little disappointed when Anderson just said it had been a mission that went bad, really bad. She had clearly hoped for more input. She almost took a step back in surprise when Anderson told her to look for Harkins.
"I thought you just said he was a no-use low-life suspended because of several charges against him?"
"He is. But he also has his ears close to the ground. I'm not thrilled about this either, but I can't think of anybody else who might be able to help. And Nick? Try not to kill him"
Shepard snorted. "That bad, huh?"
"What about that C-Sec investigator we met on our way here? Garrus Vakarian?" Kaidan interrupted.
"Good thinking, Alenko. I had forgotten all about him. He sure seemed pissed enough that he was drawn off the case." Nick looked back at him thoughtfully. Then she turned back to Anderson asking about any other leads. The only other possibility he could think of as Barla Von, a contact to the Shadow Broker.
"The Shadow Broker?" Ashley sounded doubtful.
"An information broker, Chief. Or rather the information broker." Anderson explained.
Shepard ran her fingers through her hair. "Well, I guess we should get back to business, right Captain? We'll try to find as much evidence as possible with as little damage as possible. No promises, though."
Anderson dismissed them and Nick led the way to the wards wordlessly.
"What's the plan, Commander?" Kaidan's gravelly voice cut through her thoughts.
She stopped and turned around to face her team. "I haven't decided yet, but my first choice is going to Chora's Den. We know Harkins is there and we don't know where Vakarian is. No use wandering around aimlessly."
Shortly before reaching Chora's Den they were ambushed by a group of thugs. The thugs were no big problem as such but after searching their corpses for evidence Kaidan said what the others were thinking.
"These were Saren's men, Commander. We must be on the right track."
"So it would seem, Lieutenant." Nick replied. She looked at the entrance of Chora's Den. Was the owner of this gentlemen's club in league with Saren?
The flashing lights and the thudding beat of the - Nick hesitated to call it so - music of Chora's Den assailed them as soon as the doors opened.
"A million light years from where humanity began and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on stage. I can't decide whether that's funny or sad." Ashley scoffed.
"What? You don't think they're here because of the food?" Kaidan deadpanned. "I can see why this place is so popular. It's got quite the, uh,view."
"Hey Lieutenant? Put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it." Ashley shot back.
"I believe the Lieutenant is being sarcastic, Chief." Shepard commented. He damn better be. She looked around for Harkin but sometimes being short was a definite disadvantage. The other two were quite a bit taller than she was, Ashley maybe an inch shorter than Kaidan. "Either of you see our target?"
They replied in the negative but as they rounded the bar Kaidan suddenly said "What about that guy at 11 o'clock? Sitting at a table by himself?"
Nick nodded and strode to the table. She had no sooner come to a stop in front of Harkin when looked her up and down with a predatory gleam in his eyes. He licked his lips before saying "Lookin' for some fun, sweetheart? I've gotta say that soldier get-up looks pretty good on that bod of yours. Why don't you sit your sweet little ass down right here and we see where it goes?"
Kaidan felt the urge to throw him through the room. He clenched and unclenched his fist, willing down his biotics. He was sure Shepard could handle the situation herself and probably wouldn't want him to interfere. Shepard just raised her eyebrows an infinitesimal fraction and crossed her arms in front of her body.
"I'd rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade." was her response. Kaidan grinned but quickly replaced the grin with a neutral expression. Ashley was disgusted with Harkins and made no effort hiding her feelings.
Harkins leaned back with a smirk, watching her with a leery expression. "You trying to hurt my feelings? You'll have to come up with something better than that, princess. I've been called every name in the book during my time with C-Sec." Kaidan and Ashley both had to try hard not to bristle at the way this man was staring at their commander.
"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor." Shepard replied cooly, shifting her stance. "Just tell me where Garrus is."
"Garrus? You're one of Anderson's people. Is he still trying to bring down Saren? To bad he got his ass kicked out of the Spectres." He added slyly. "He didn't tell you that, did he?"
Nick managed to keep a straight face. "Not of importance." she waved his comment off. "Just tell me where to find Garrus."
"Oh, but it's all related, don't you see?" He then told them that Anderson had been a spectre working together with Saren and that it was his fault for a mission gone wrong. He wore an overly smug expression as he told them of Anderson's dealings with Saren. Nick asked a few more questions before getting back to the point.
"I've had enough of this. Tell me where Garrus is NOW." in a swift movement she pulled her pistol and pointed it at Harkins.
"Alright! Alright! Calm down, missy. He was heading up to Dr. Michel's, that little clinic on the upper wards!"
Shepard turned on her heel and started walking away, Kaidan and Ashley following. As they left Chora's Den Ashley quietly asked: "Do you think he was telling the truth about the Captain?"
"Harkins is an ass." Kaidan replied. "Maybe he was just messing with our heads."
"Maybe, LT. But I'd like to know what's going on here." Ashley stated.
"Wouldn't we all, Chief." Shepard threw in casually. She led them past some market stalls and up a flight of stairs only to hear an excited voice.
"Oh my god, it's really you! Commander Shepard! Commander Shepard!" a blonde man was frantically waving to get her attention. She sighed and headed over, ignoring the snicker coming from Ashley.
She shook her head as they left an exuberant Conrad Verner in their wake. It was completely beyond her why anyone would want her autograph. It almost disturbed her more than Harkins suggestive stares. Her squad obviously found it amusing. At least Ashley. She was laughing quietly at Shepard ever since they had heard Verner's enthusiastic hails. Kaidan had smiled at first but then had seem to notice Nick's discomfort. They walked on. Suddenly Nick swerved to the side, heading for an observation platform. There she leaned against the rail, staring at the view in front of her. Ashley took place next to her, Kaidan on Ashley's far side and for a moment they were silent.
"Big place." Kaidan finally said. Jeez, Alenko, couldn't you think of anything better? Big place, really.
Ashley turned her head towards him with a smirk."Is that your professional opinion, sir?"
"He's right, Chief. This isn't a station, it's a city. It's bigger than I imagined."
"There must be millions here. There's no way they can track everyone coming and going!" Kaidan looked amazed.
"It makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john and that's the largest deep space station the Alliance has." Ashley said. She almost sounded envious.
"Jump Zero is big, but this is a whole 'nother scale! Just look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass together without it flying apart?" Kaidan wondered, always the tech. He didn't see Shepard smile to herself.
"The council represents more races then I thought. No wonder they're careful with newcomers. We're going to have to work hard to live up to expectations." Nick added thoughtfully.
"They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together."
"Or maybe they just don't like humans." Ashley snorted. Shepard shot her a short look.
"Why not? What's not to like? We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids we've got everything they want." Shepard said.
"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you." Kaidan said. A barely perceivable silence followed his words and then his ears caught up with his mouth. He turned to see Ashley grinning at him and Shepard looked almost stunned. "I mean us. Humans, ma'am." He looked away again, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt himself blush. Great, Alenko. Just great. Now your XO probably thinks you're a complete fool.
"You don't take much leave, do you, LT?" Ashley teased.
Nick cleared her throat. "Alright, laugh it up, Chief." she lifted her gaze to look straight at Kaidan. "I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."
"Uh, aye-aye ma'am. Commander. Shepard." Kaidan felt his face burning with embarrassment.
"I'll walk drag, ma'am." Ashley made no effort of concealing her amusement about her two superior officers. It was kind of obvious to her that the lieutenant was dead gone on the commander. And now she couldn't help but wonder if their feelings were mutual. She watched them lead the way. Kaidan's blush was fading and Shepard was all business as she continued toward the clinic. Ashley decided she would watch and give a helping hand where necessary.
They came to the little clinic and all thought of friendly banter was banned as soon as the door opened to reveal a young doctor being held at gunpoint. They saw Garrus crouching behind a pillar, barred from the assailant's view.
"Where is the quarian?" the aggressor snarled at the doctor. Then he became aware of the newcomers. "And who are you?"
Garrus used this momentary lapse of attention to place a perfect headshot and the man dropped dead. His cronies on the other hand foolishly started shooting. It cost them dearly as they were no match for the three marines and the C-Sec officer. Shepard holstered her gun and strode over to Garrus and the doctor, whom she figured to be Dr. Michel.
"What the hell were you thinking? You could've hit the hostage!" Nick demanded. "But still, nice shooting."
Garrus looked slightly taken aback. "I didn't think...Sometimes you get lucky..." he stuttered, then he turned to the doctor. "I'm sorry, Dr. Michel. Did you get hurt?"
The doctor said she was fine, just scared. After a few questions they learned that the men had worked for Fist and were looking for a quarian that had visited the clinic a few days earlier. Dr. Michel told them Fist worked for the Shadow broker, which Garrus contradicted.
"Not anymore. He works for Saren now." This comment earned a lot of surprise from everyone. After another short conversation it became obvious they would have to find this quarian, as she possibly had evidence against Saren. And to find her they had to find Fist.
"Didn't that krogan - what was his name, Wrex? - say he was going after Fist?" Kaidan asked. "Maybe we should look for him."
Nick nodded. "Good point, Alenko."
"Wrex?" Garrus looked at him. "He's down at c-Sec for questioning. Maybe we can get there before he leaves."
"We? You coming along or what?" Ashley rudely demanded.
"To take down Saren? Yes!" Garrus shot back. "He is a traitor and a disgrace to all turians!"
Nick held up her hands. "Hold it, you two. Garrus, welcome aboard. Bring us to C-Sec. The lieutenant is right, maybe Wrex will want to join us. Chief, you head back Anderson and give him an update." Nick had the feeling Ashley had some sort of issues when it came to aliens. She would have to address that later. Kaidan obviously had less problems working together with aliens. Ashley saluted and marched off. Nick turned to Kaidan and Garrus and gave them a curt nod.
Now they just had to find a krogan and a quarian.