Some quotes are from episode 3x03. Uh, the story seems to have sailed of the course in uncharted waters without much input from the author who desperately wonders where her perfectly planned story went...
Uncharted waters
Nell knew she should at that precise moment be at least content if not happy. That final DTS report had at last found its way to her desk (without further offers of sexual favours), the quarterly training reviews were done, her stomach was satisfied, her need for caffeine sated but not to the point of making her sick and the op they were monitoring was going according to the plan, with Sam disabling the bomb detonators and Callen, Kensi and Deeks clearing the street.
However, Nell didn't remember the last time she felt this anxious watching the op on the big screen. She didn't know what made her this nervous; the lack of Hetty's usually calming presence, partners swap, the involvement of explosives or the combination of everything. Or maybe simply the strange undefined bad feeling she had had since the last briefing.
The first indication of everything not going according to the plan came soon. It was not the first time she saw a man shot in front of her eyes but you never really get used to that and she still flinched every time. But she had, in her time at the NCIS, learned not to feel guilty every time she was eternally grateful it was not one of their agents down.
Her unease growing, she continued watching the action on the screen as the agents broke into the club but other than bullets flying left, right and centre, it was hard to discern what was really happening what with camera on Sam moving in rapid jerks.
The moment Eric uttered a panicked, "Uh-oh, so-someone is using their cell phone," Nell stopped breathing. Hating the fact she could be of no use in this situation she could only wait. The phone rang like a harbinger of doom in the quiet club.
"Callen, get the hell out of there. Now!" As if they needed to be told by Hunter. And a moment later they were left with a screenfull of white noise in a deathly quiet room.
"Callen, status." The seconds following seemed to drag on for days as they were waiting for a reply. Swallowing hard Hunter repeated the demand for a second time. The respond was almost immediate.
"We're all good."
Only then, hearing his voice, Nell remembered to breath.
"Never a dull moment." She smiled at Hunter, too relived to hold a grudge.
Not letting the feelings of relief overwhelm her, she threw herself at work, the way she had learned in her early beginnings at NCIS, works best when she wants to ease down from adrenaline high, instead of crashing.
When they (he) came back to OSP she was waiting at the third step from the top, anxiously looking at the bottom floor, like some desperate housewife standing on the porch in her apron, gazing at the sunset and waiting for her husband to come back home to her from a long day of working on fields, riding a magnificent black horse.
Ooookay, she had no idea where that comparison had come from. She needed to stop giving herself those strange ideas. And cancel cable.
At least she had an excuse of finding something pertaining to the case if somebody dared to question her eagerness.
"Callen?" she called after him, noticing him marching through the office, "I found her. Ashley Thomas."
He sprinted up the stairs, taking two at the time, until he was forced to stop abruptly as Nell was still standing in the same position. Even two stairs above him she was only marginally taller than him. He raised an eyebrow at her as she was staring at him seriously.
"You okay?" she asked after the silence threatened to become uncomfortable. His customary smirk softened into a sincere lopsided smile.
"I'm okay, Nell. We're all okay," he reassured her.
"You sure? You're not just saying that to maintain a reputation of big, brave, alpha male, macho man and avoid going for a check-up to the hospital, are you?" She was suspicious and she knew Hetty always paid special attention to making sure Callen was not injured as he tended to hide if something was wrong in favour of continuing to work. Besides, it was highly unusual to be this close to a blast like this one and have no consequences at all. As if reading her mind he relented a notch.
"My ears are still ringing a bit and will for some time but other than that... As for my reputation," he smirked again, winking teasingly, "it has never been in any danger."
Was he actually flirting with her? Special Agent G Callen? Naaah, he was just being nice and trying to ease her worries.
"So sure of ourselves, are we Agent Callen?" She had recently developed an affinity for his formal title and enjoyed using it way too much.
"Well, you were the one offering me sexual favours, Miss Jones," he mocked, leaning close to her, "a payment, on which I intent to collect."
Oh, now he was definitely flirting with her.
Thinking he got her, he smiled smugly but if he expected her to back down, he was sadly mistaken. Nell Jones has a quick mind and a sharp wit.
"Now, now, that sounds awfully like a potential work place sexual harassment situation, coming out of your mouth. Might have to revisit one of those educational seminars." He grimaced remembering the really bad visualisations they were obliged to watch every few years. "Now, come on. We have work to do." As she skipped away happily he realized she had once again one-upped him. He really was off his game these days. Not that he minded exactly when it came to her.
The conversation quickly turned to work, no trace of playfulness left as he followed her to ops. Discovering a face of Agent Lauren Hunter residing under a name of Ashley Thomas, he tore out of ops in search of the said agent.
Cursing her unrelenting curiosity that often brought her nothing but trouble, Nell waited a bit before stepping out of ops towards the railing where she had, as proven by previous experience, a pretty good view into Hetty's office, where she, to her surprise, found the woman herself sitting down behind her desk with a tray of tea in her hands. As if she had never left.
Beyond anxious to hear what she was saying to Callen who was standing on the other side of her desk, looking down at her, Nell walked along the length of the balcony but stopped as soon as she caught sight of his face. Not needing to hear the words she knew what they were talking about. She was never told the story of Callen's history as a whole but she was an intelligence analyst, her job required her to make sense out of pieces of information. And she was the best in her field. She had a pretty good idea of what was being said.
A cold fist gripped her fast beating heart at the involuntary smile appearing on his face only to be chased away by incredible hurt and betrayal. His usually stoic face was screaming of injustice. He was showing a remarkable amount of control when she was certain he wanted to kick and scream and beat on something or someone.
It was irrefutably confirmed what he had suspected all along. All this time Hetty knew, she knew where he came from and who his family was. She knew and intentionally didn't tell him what he searched for all his life.
Unconsciously rubbing a hand over her chest as if she could physically soothe her aching heart she couldn't tear her eyes away from the duo. Hetty was suffering too, it was undeniable. And despite their recent falling-out Nell felt sorry for her. But she also thought she deserved it a little. She betrayed him as surely as if she herself put five bullets into his body.
Not being able to stand any more of this, she walked away slowly as if in slight trance thus not hearing Hetty's parting words to Callen.
"You asked me before why now. Why I'm willing to tell you now. I wasn't completely honest with you.
"Oh, what I told you is the truth. You are safe from the Comescu's now. Safer at least. And I can't live with those secrets anymore. But... It was Miss Jones. She came through for you, defying me in every possible way. She ripped me a new one, so to say. You should thank her."
In unison they turned their heads towards ops but she was already out of their sight.
Hiding in the incinerator room for the remainder of the day, aggressively chucking files into the machine, lost in her thoughts, seemed like a good plan at the time. That was, until little ninja that sometimes went by the name Hetty Lange, suddenly appeared in front of her, without Nell having any idea when or how she got there that quietly, nearly giving her a heart attack.
The women stood there, staring at one another for awhile, neither saying anything. It was the first time they saw each other since the day before when Nell visited Hetty at home.
"You think he will ever forgive me?" the older of the two asked without any preamble.
"Yes." Nell wondered if Hetty told him everything or just bits and pieces she deemed appropriate. She just hoped she didn't leave out anything important because next time he might not be so forgiving. "This time."
Seeming to understand her perfectly, she simply nodded at the young woman and left her alone with her thoughts.
Conflicted between checking up on Callen and leaving him to process his thoughts in peace, she stared after Hetty long after she closed the door after herself. Despite deciding she could be of no comfort to him, not then and not about this, she almost timidly ventured out of her hiding place. In the bullpen Hetty was being warmly welcomed back by agents, technical support and even Monty. But as expected, no sight of Callen.
Instinctively knowing where to find him she passed the celebration and proceeded walking towards the gym where he was predictably beating the living crap out of a punching bag. Not wanting to disturb him but also not wanting to leave just yet, she stood immovably by the entrance, leaning on the wall, her eyes fixed on the rippling muscles beneath his sweat drenched T-shirt.
She punished herself watching as he continued pounding on the bag, gritting his teeth in anger. She felt she shouldn't watch him like this, he would undoubtedly think this an invasion of privacy but she couldn't tear herself away. She has seen him show more emotions in the last two days than in the last year she worked with him. In a strange way it fascinated her to see him this human.
Finally stopping, he was loudly gasping for air as he leaned on the punching bag, hugging it to himself like it was his lifeline. Closing her eyes at the sight in front of her for fear of bursting into uncontrollable sobs, she missed the moment he noticed her presence.
"Nell." His whisper echoed loudly through otherwise empty gym. Wide-eyed and caught off guard she tried to think of a plausible explanation for her presence but her tongue was tied as he purposefully walked over to where she was standing.
"I'm sorry, I-" Her explanation was cut off by his lips on hers. His mouth was hard and hot on hers, the kiss aggressive and demanding. He braced his hands on the wall behind her, boxing her in and pushing her even further into the wall with his full weight. It was impossible not to respond, impossible not to enjoy it even as she realised the kiss was not about her. She just happened to stand in the vicinity.
Nell lifted her palm to his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his stubble and his mouth softened against hers noticeably. She could swear she heard a dry broken sob fight its way from his throat before he pushed it down, breaking the kiss. Both were panting for air as he put his forehead, still sweaty from the workout, on hers, while she continued to caress his face.
"Oh, Callen." Her sigh was sad, recognizing his pain and absolving him of any guilt he might feel over the kiss later on, all at once.
"Thank you," he whispered, lightly kissing her forehead and backing away as she stared after him, rooted to the spot, her fingers lightly touching her lips.
What was he thanking her for? She had no idea but she might do him more favours in the future if that was the thank-you she received.
For a moment, she allowed herself to think she wasn't just conveniently placed.