Disclaimer : I don't own Doctor Who, but I can play with them. Muhahahahahaha!

So, instead of waiting to go to Carrefour, the Fan Girl's have found Cpt. Jack Harkness's Hyper Vodka store, which is endless. Which means they're very drunk. As am I. I just have the ability to handle a couple of litres of Hyper Vodka well. D

Okay, maybe somewhere in the region of 20. Okay, 29!! I am drunk . . .

The Doctor has had a bit as well, but he is just plain drunk, not stupidly drunk, or liver crushingly drunk, just drunk. This is stupidly sensible for this story, so now I going to make him finish the endless supply. Which means he's acting like Cpt. Jack Sparrow that drunken all the rum, and is now on weed. Mentioning which, I think I should mention that it is actually Cpt. Jack Harkness, just with a spilt personality disorder, making him like Cpt. Jack Sparrow half the time.

So, the Doctor's just about been able to pilot the TARDIS (good thing he didn't get pulled over . . .) to Carrefour, in the year 2007. Which is better than he usually does.

"Oi! Hey, how about . . . we go . . . to beauty school? (Sarah will know what that's reference to . . .)"

Doctor. Just keep on trying to stand upright, remember? Like we learnt.

So, open the doors, off to Carrefour!! I made a rhyme!! (I'm drunk too, give me some leeway . . .)

FunkyFairyGirl, managed to prise off a trolley, then went wheeling down the trolley escalators, the wrong way. PixieSpryte was actually in the trolley, and was screaming loudly. The Doctor went down the ramp, arms flapping behind him, going "I'm a bird! I can fly! I'm a bird! I can fly!" And Jack was just snoring loudly on the floor.

When they actually got into the store, and managed to drag PixieSpryte away from the Haribo stand, they firstly, and most mistakenly, went in the hardware bit. The Doctor was dancing in front of the telly, who were playing music videos, like a drunk idiot, which he was, and FunkyFairyGirl was looking through the books pointing at the Harry Potter books going "I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!" which, luckily, PixieSpryte went skidding sideways into her, knocking them both on the floor giggling loudly.

I was watching the Doctor making a total idiot of himself (and recording it on my newly purchased with-his-credit-card video camera. High resolution too, should play well on the massive cinema screen I'm off to buy while FunkyFairyGirl and PixieSpryte lie giggling on the floor, and the Doctor carried on dancing. Oh, and Jack carries on snoring.)

But anyway, we got into the food section, which was just fruit and veg at first, but I made us buy some apples, cause I need them for later. So, with a hundred apples in the trolley, and PixieSpryte, we went off, in hunt of more alcohol and sweets. First stop, some tuna, which I also need later, for something which the Doctor will not be impressed about when he wakes up with a hell of a hangover. If he gets them.

Then, FunkyFairyGirl spotted the chocolate-related aisle, which consisted of chocolate spread, chocolate drinks, everything. She went flying down the aisle, with PixieSpryte in the trolley, grabbing everything in reach. Then the next aisle, the multitpack section, which half of also ended up in the trolley. By this point, I wouldn't have been surprised if PixieSpryte was playing with the Doctor's screwdriver to make it bigger on the inside. I grabbed a hell of a lot of fudge, treacle and golden syrup, needed for the hyperactive sundaes.

Unfortunately, PixieSpryte then spotted the Haribo aisle. Mistake. The trolley went skidding, with FunkyFairyGirl clinging onto the handles for dear life, feet surgically attached to the floor though, sideways, and the Doctor was still dancing, just in the front of the trolley. When PixieSpryte had finished, the whole section on Tangfastics was empty, and FunkyFairyGirl cleared out the Kiddies Mix and StarMix. I, however, was looking at the cheap vodka, and sticking it all in my bigger-on-the-inside basket. I'd have to get some Hyper Vodka later, when the Doctor might let me pilot the TARDIS.

Anywhos, I had the vodka, FunkyFairyGirl was holding the trolley with everything else in by the handles, for dear life, PixieSpryte was shouting out tractor at random times, which may have been a attempt to play Word Association with the Doctor as he kept dancing. In the front compartment of the trolley.

Jack was still snoring on the car park floor.

We paid, much to the amusement of the cashier. I used the Doctor's credit card to foot the 1000 euro bill, which hopefully he won't notice. I also managed to stick a phone and a kitten in the cart, before anyone could crush them. I thought the kitten might be useful when the Doctor wakes up. I truly am evil . . .

So, we got back to the TARDIS, nicked the trolley, but the amount we paid for everything, should be enough to buy ten. I grabbed five pots of white chocolate spread, and sat on the edge of the control room, way above where the drunken chaos would ensue. Jack managed to stumble in the door, he'd been scaring people my going "It's my ship!" when they were trying to get back to their cars. In Spanish. Ask FunkyFairyGirl what it is in Spanish. The door slammed behind him, and he was soon also glomped by the fan girls, who hadn't had much glomping chances with Jack. The Doctor missed the lever three times, but managed to pull it, so we could mess around and float for a while in the vortex. I still sat up above the chaos (where Jackie sat in the Army of Ghosts, if you remember) eating white chocolate spread. Now Jack was lying on the floor groaning muttering something about the rum being all gone, and the Doctor whacked his head off the console and was now lying unconscious on the floor. Time for the kitten and tuna . . .