Total Exhaustion
Starscream's step got prouder as he led Jaguar through the realm of the afterlife. For the first time in his existence, he had gotten true respect. First from the green femme, then from Death himself; so maybe he wasn't such a useless soul after all.
Deep in his thoughts, he barely noticed when Jaguar stumbled and fell to her knees. Turning around swiftly, his first thought was to criticize the femme for her clumsiness, but as she looked up at him with weariness in her optics – he realized that she must be totally exhausted. So he shut off his criticism before it left his lips, and merely nodded at her to sit.
He stood there for a while, watching her curiously. For she was obviously in need to recharge and defragment; yet she was refusing to close her optics. "Why do you not shut down?" he demanded to know.
She looked at him, rather sheepishly, "I'm scared, I can't sleep here." She shook her head, curling up and setting her chin on her knees in a despondent pose; Total exhaustion and terror so apparent in her trembling airframe.
Studying her, he wondered what he should do. If she didn't rest, then she wouldn't have the strength to teleport back to the realm of the living – but she was obviously too terrified in this realm, to rest. Maybe it's like Alexis said, friends don't leave friends alone when they need them? He mused, remembering his first real friend with tears behind his red optics. That first friend who wouldn't leave him as he battled Sideways' energon sucking pests.. She'd waited and watched while he had battled, even after he had ordered all of them away. He considered what he thought the human girl would do in a situation like this.
Suddenly, Jaguar felt a strange sensation surround her. Looking up, she realized that the semi-transparent ghost had plopped himself down next to her, and now had his arm draped over her. The sensation was both chilling, and strangely comforting, at the same time. She shivered as he ran his fingers along her intake, for even though he was not solid her sensory net was responding to his touch.
He met her amber optics with his crimson. "It's ok, I'll watch over you.. my .. Friend..." he said hesitantly, his optics almost pleading with her to trust him.
Jaguar realized he was trying, albeit quite awkwardly, to be comforting to her. She smiled in appreciation, deciding she had to relax, had to trust something in this realm. Lying down, she put her helm through his transparent leg, mumbling her thanks as she forced herself to shut down. As the lights dimmed in her optics, she couldn't see the look of wonder that the ghost gave her.
Quiet Contemplation
Starscream looked around the realm, as he tried to stroke her solid wing with his semi-transparent hand. A true sense of purpose flowed through him as he realized he had so easily gotten this femme's trust. He looked down at her still form, would it be this easy to get her friendship? He wondered. For to have a real friend was the greatest feeling he had ever had when he was alive, even if it was for such a short time. And he could think of no other feeling he ever wanted to experience as much, as to have a friend again.
As he sat with the unconscious green Seeker laying through him, he began to reminisce about those final orbit cycles of his life. That party that the human kids had thrown for him, which had served to cause much confusion within his meta-processor; the silly gift of that handmade buffing rag which he had ended up losing in the sky, as Thrust convinced him to return to the Decepticons. The pain of its loss flowed through his soul again, not really for what it was, but for what it had stood for. He had thrown away friendship and trust, just for the sake of the Decepticon way. A way that was empty and meaningless in everyway.
His thoughts shifted to that dull gray/green Seeker, who had also offered him friendship, but had then left him on her own accord. After what Sideways had told them, Starscream didn't blame her for leaving. He knew the Autobots would never have trusted her after knowing what she had been, especially since she had no interest in fighting anymore. An ironic smile crossed his face, for he hadn't understood why that Seeker didn't want to fight, she could've easily manipulated his Megatron by using her skills and intellect – but she hadn't been interested. Yes, she was a confusing one, that Seeker. But in retrospect, all of her actions made sense now that he had seen Unicron – she was interested in species preservation – not personal gain.
He wondered briefly if Raptor still thought of him, and if so, what did she really think of him.
Feeling the living warmth of the green Seeker's idling plasma engine, he noticed that he could feel other things as well. Looking down, his crimson optics widened in shock, for as her meta was in defragment, he was able to feel through her sensory net. The living sensations flowed over the ghost, drawing him in. He sensed the combat processor, always active, constantly scanning the sensory blackness that was the afterlife. Those warm circuits, flowing through her sensitive fuselage, pulsing with life. He could even feel the reactions of her sensory nets to his own ghostly touch.
Fascinated, he ran his unsubstantial fingers lightly over her wing. The sensation of pleasure flowed over him. Dipping his fingers through her side, he felt the emptiness within her port weapons bay. His fingers caressed the pulsing energy of that port energy core, it tugged at his free spark, enticing him with its life sustaining energy. Then he felt her starboard core, also tempting his spark with its warm embrace.
With a start, he realized just why these femme Seekers had three energy cores. Although these cores helped them fly the immense distances of space, and allowed them to do incredibly long teleports – the primary function of these extra cores was to give energy and life to new sparks. His optics narrowed in thought. Could these cores give his own spark a second chance? Would this femme be willing? The thoughts were tempting him, as much as her living cores were tempting his free spark.
He considered if he wanted to live again. What was there for him? Would they accept him? Thinking of Jaguar's comments and reaction to him, he felt that maybe she could tell him. Maybe she could guide him as much as he was now guiding her. Maybe she could truly be a friend.
Optics wide open
Jaguar's airframe flowed with strange sensations; her meta-processor recognized this even as she was activating her optics. Focusing on the red ghost sitting next to her, she realized his hands were within her, causing a chilling yet pleasurable sensation to her sensory nets. His optics had a far away look in them, as Jaguar felt him stroking her secondary power cores, causing a shudder of both repulsion and wonder to flow through her.
Sensing her consciousness, the ghost pulled his hands out of her, and looked at her with a startled expression. "Um, sorry about that," he stammered; obviously not wanting her to know that he'd been enthralled with the warmth of her living systems.
Not angry, just curious, Jaguar sat up and regarded the ghost. "What were you doing?" she asked him.
Lowering his optics, the red ghost was embarrassed. "Your living systems are just so tempting." Looking at her with an almost bashful expression he stammered; "I just wanted to touch them. Experience them for a second. That's all."
Although the idea kind of repulsed her, Jaguar thought she understood it. The fact that he was even showing the slightest interest now in life, was an improvement over his former self-hatred. Her sire had always taught her to encourage confidence in others, this is how he led so effectively; and he had always told her half-sisters that their sire had had a good spark, he had just been misguided. Looking at the ghost of that sire, Jaguar now understood, and she wondered how she could help this ghost – who was helping her to get home.
Leaning toward the ghost, her amber optics searched his face. Alexis and the other humans, who'd been around him as kids, had told her that he had seemed to want friends – but had always been unsure of how to have friends. Her experiences with the Decepticons in the post-war era had explained much of this to her, they simply didn't know how to trust and be open – yet another one of Megatron's lasting effects on their society.
"Go ahead," she told the ghost.
He looked at her, not quite sure of what she meant.
Uncrossing her arms, she leaned back, forcing herself to relax. "Enter me," she told him. Her amber optics locking with his translucent red ones, telling him it was ok.
He was still looking at her, hesitant. Not sure of why she'd willing let him enter her, to feel life through her. No Decepticon would ever willingly offer, but her amber optics shimmered, reminding him of her sire – and his willingness to accept Starscream all those eons ago. To help Starscream for no other reason than to help another Transformer; yes, this Seeker was truly her sire's daughter. Gliding forward, Starscream accepted her offer.
A sense of integrated bonding flew through Jaguar; she could feel the ghost's free spark flooding over hers. But it didn't feel like true bonding, for there was no sharing of energy, no free flowing of sweet power and sensory sensations. She felt his spark caress her power cores, her systems fluxing slightly in response. In a sense, it felt more like when she was carrying sparklings that were ready to be born, the warmth, the internal caress of their life force. But this spark was more dominating, for he was a mature spark, he flowed through her systems, blending in with her own spark. She could sense his excitement, his happiness to feel life through her.
'Thank you.' She heard his voice say from within her.
She nodded, willing to have him feel her total acceptance of him. For all his faults in life and shortcomings, meant nothing to her, for what he was in his soul was what both her sire and Matron had seen – it was good. 'What are friends for?' she thought to him.
His spark jumped in shock, causing an electric wave to flow through her internal circuits. 'You'd be friends – with me?' his incredulous ghostly voice filled her head.
A smile crossed her face, as she realized just where her half-sister, Falcon; had gotten her eagerness from. Inwardly, she flooded herself with the emotion of happiness. She wanted to let the ghost within her know that she truly wanted his friendship, that she could fully trust him.
'I won't let you down,' His voice said within her head, giving her his oath.
She felt him begin to withdraw from her, but she grabbed onto his free spark with her own. 'Wouldn't it be easier if you just flew me through the warp phase, than me trying to follow you?' she thought to him.
She felt his spark contemplate this idea, not really wanting to leave the warmth of her living systems anyways. 'Ok, that sounds like a good plan,' He agreed in her head.
Relinquishing full control of her motor sensory net to him, she felt her plasma engine being warmed up, as Starscream prepared them to teleport.
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