I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Koji(minor), Lettuce/Retasu(minor), Sashimi(minor), Zuki(major), Other Kids From Kindergarten(minors), Other Animals(minors) The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character
Erm, Kindergarten
"Orphan, come on, it's time to go!"
"Coming! Is Grandma coming?"
"No, parents have to."
"Okay Daddy."
Konoha Kindergarten...
"Okay, name...?"
"Pein."
The guy looked up. "P-Pain...?"
"Uh, er, P-E-I-N..."
"P-P-P-"
"I'm not that Pein! I'm a different Pein!"
"Uh, yes Sir! Okay, relationship?"
"Father."
"Okay, daughter's name?"
"Orphan."
"... Okay... That's all... You will pick her up at one o'clock."
"I don't wanna go Daddy..."
"Why? You've been waiting."
"I didn't know I'd be alone!"
"You'll be fine. Bye Princess." Pein kissed Orphan's forehead, then left.
"C'mon sweetie, let's go inside." Orphan followed the teacher to a classroom.
"Okay. We'll will start by introduction. My name is Zuki Takihada."
Thirty minutes later...
"Okay, since this is our first day, and you just left your parents and have to stay away for a few hours, how about we talk about parents? How about daddies first? Miko, would you like to go first?"
"Sure!" Miko stood. "My Daddy is a shop owner! He sells lots of homemade stuff!" Miko show everyone a necklace. "My Daddy made this, cool huh?"
"That's very nice! Now, Yuri?"
Yuri stood and Miko sat.
"MY Daddy is a NINJA! He goes PWAFFFFAAAAA PUFF and he's GONE!"
"Hey, my Daddy is a ninja too!"
"Mine too!"
"And mine!"
"Alright, alright, settle down! Koji?" Zuki said. Yuri sat.
Koji looked at his lap. "... I don't have a daddy..."
"Oh... I'm sorry... Orphan?"
"... I have FIVE Daddies!"
"Wha...?"
"Yep! FIVE! Only one stays around all the time, the other four come and go. They all have orange hair and pole type piercings in their face, and lots of ear piercings! The leader daddy is leader because he's the DIVA path! Oh, and guess what? He is the leader of our bad guy team! All the other daddys take orders from the leader daddy, diva path." Orphan smiled. (Yes, I know he's the Deva Path.)
What an active imagination... Zuki thought.
All the other kids started laughing.
"Okay Orphan, this isn't the time for fantasies, okay? You've lost your chance. Rika?" Zuki said.
A little later...
"Okay, now we are going to talk about mommies! Koji?"
"I don't have a mommy..."
"Oh... Takei?"
"My Mommy is a fierce ninja! She kicks all the guy ninjas' butts!"
"Nice! *sighs* Orphan...?"
Orphan smiled. "My Mommy makes pretty birdies and stuff out of clay and blows people up! Sometimes, Mommy flies on a HUGE clay birdie and the are mouths on Mommy's hands and-"
"ENOUGH Orphan! This is a time of SERIOUSNESS. Since you cannot seem to understand that, go sit in the corner until you can!"
"But... B-but, I'm telling the tru-"
"NOW."
Orphan went to the corner and sat. She unzipped her backpack and pulled out some clay. "I'm gonna make a birdie just like Mommy's!" She whispered happily to herself. She mushed clay together and pinched and squished. "Done! Yaaaayyy!"
One o'clock...
"Orphan, Sweetie!"
"Daddy!"
"Excuse me Sir, may I have a word with you?" Zuki asked.
"What about?"
"Your daughter."
"What has she done?"
"Well, you see, your daughter doesn't take things very seriously... She said she had four other fathers besides you and that you are a 'diva' and that you lead a 'bad guy team'... Is this a game you play with her?"
"Uhhhhhhh... Yes. Yes, it is... With my four younger brothers, they, uh, call me DEVA, not diva... Erm, she just has a wild imagination..."
"Okay... And she says her mother has MOUTHS on her h-"
"Yea, let's not talk about her mother."
"... Rough times? Single parent?"
"No, actually, her mother is just very private. Good day sir."
Back at the lair...
"Mommy, how come I couldn't wear my cloak?"
"We are hated among the... Because Mommy said so... Hm"
"Oh... I made you something!" Orphan gave Deidara the 'bird' she made.
"Oh... Wow, uh, great job! Un"
"Nobody but Koji believed me about you and Daddy..."
"Well, that's on them. If they don't wanna hear how AWESOME I am, th-"
"Deidara, shut up."
"Yes Danna..."
The next day...
"Are you going to wear this today Orphan...?" Zetsu asked, holding up what he got her.
"Uh... Let's save that for a special occasion." Orphan ran to Konan.
"Why does she hate me...? Because you're a fool. Am not! Are to. That would make YOU stupid! I said fool, stupid."
"Stop arguing with yourself. Hm"
"SHUT UP, STUPID!"
"You're the fool who has no appreciation for art and argues with himself ALL the time! Hm"
"Bye Mommy!"
"Bye Pest!" Deidara turned back to Zetsu. "So you've got NOTHING on me! Hm"
At school...
"I know it's your second day here, but we are having... A PET show tomorrow! Those of you who do not have a pet at home can sit and watch OR bring a stuffed animal! Sound good?" Zuki said.
The kids cheered.
"Awesome!"
"Yaaaayyy! I can bring my pet shark Kisame!"
Zuki stared at Orphan. "..."
"Teacher, what are we going to do today?" Misa asked.
"Well, I'm waiting for someone, so how about we draw in groups of two?"
They kids agreed, except Orphan. Everyone picked a partner... Except Orphan.
"Well Orphan, I guess we'll be drawing together." Zuki said.
"I don't want to draw."
"It's either that, or the corner."
"Okay." Orphan skipped over to the corner and sat down. She pulled out her Naruto plush doll and her Rillakuma bear that Sasori gave her, Sori.
Later...
"Teacher! Orphan isn't sharing!" Temi shouted.
"Orphan!" Zuki looked at her.
"Sasori gave me this for my birthday! No one is allowed to touch Sori! He's mine, MINE! And Grandpa say I don't have to share!" Orphan yelled.
"Who's this Sasori?" Zuki asked.
"My big brother! He's made of wood, so he's super strong and he's a puppet and can put himself back together and-"
Zuki rolled his eyes. "ENOUGH excuses Orphan! Just share th-"
"NO!" Orphan shoved Sori back into her bag.
"I'm going to tell your parents."
"It won't do much..." Orphan muttered under her breath.
One o'clock...
"Let's go Orphan!"
"Sasori!"
"Hey, who are you?" Zuki asked, walking over.
"My name is Sasori, I'm part of Orphan's family." Sasori answered.
"He's my big brother!" Orphan said.
"Well, your little sister doesn't play nicely with others, Sir." Zuki stated.
"Neither do I." Sasori said sassily. "Let's go Orphan..."
Back at the lair...
"Pet, there's a pet show tomorrow and-"
"No."
"Bu-"
"No, bring Sharky."
"Hmph... Secret Technique: Kawaii Puppy Eyes No Jutsu!"
Kisame looked at Orphan. "No."
Orphan started to cry.
"Orphan..." Itachi put a hand on her shoulder.
Orphan looked up at Itachi.
"Don't give up on your opponent. Try again."
Orphan sniffled. "O-okay... PLEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSE?!"
"Orphan, I already said n-"
Itachi gave Kisame a VERY dark glare.
"-nnnnnnyyyyeeeeesss! Yes, of course Orphan!"
"It... It worked!"
"Great job Orphan!" Itachi pat Orphan's head.
The next day...
Kisame and Orphan went to the school and to the auditorium.
"Itachi, I'll kill you..." Kisame murmured.
Kisame stayed backstage while Orphan went and sat with Itachi and Pein until it was close to her turn.
"First is... Miko Nomiya and his weasel, Yuya."
Miko walked on-stage with Yuya on his shoulder. "This is Yuya, my weasel. Yuya can do lots of tricks."
"She is pretty." The teacher said.
"Yuya's a boy. Everybody assumes Yuya's a girl because of his beautiful, shiny coat."
"Can Yuya do a trick for us?"
"Yep! Yuya, backflip."
Yuya jumped off Miko's shoulder and backflipped.
The audience clapped.
"Thank-you, Miko and Yuya!"
Miko took Yuya off-stage.
"Next is Koji Kihoyi and his dog, Retasu."
Koji led Retasu on-stage. "Hi. This right here, is Retasu. I don't know his specific breed, but I'll tell you how I got him. Retasu's name used to be Lettuce, and he belonged to a very nice girl. He had run away when I found him. I thought he was a stray, so I kept him. Later, I met the girl, who's actually in my class, in town. She was so happy to have her puppy back. She and her grandma started to go home when the girl turned and came back, then just GAVE me Retasu. I say a million thanks everyday because Retasu's the only family I have besides my Uncle. Trust me, I like the dog more. I'm not lonely anymore, because I gained two friends. It wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for that very special girl, Orphan." Koji pointed out at Orphan.
Everyone turned to her and started clapping.
She blushed and hid her face in Itachi's chest.
"That was a very sweet story. Thank-you for sharing." The teacher said.
Koji bowed, then led Retasu off-stage.
"Next is Misa Haka and her gold fish, Shiny."
Orphan got up and went backstage.
A few minutes later...
"Next is Orphan and her... Shark...? Kisame..."
Orphan dragged Kisame on-stage. He was dress in all black.
"This is my pet shark, Kisame! Say hello Pet!"
"Hello..."
"Uh... Orphan... That's not a shark. That's a guy covered in blue paint." Zuki said.
"He is too a shark! Pet has breathe-underwater thingies! They don't work much..." Orphan said, remembering the toilet incident. "He likes seafood and he has sharp teeth! Pet, smile!"
Kisame smiled a pointy-toothed smile.
"See! He IS a shark! He is MY shark!"
"No, he's NOT!"
"You're being mean to Orphan. I eat punks like you for dinner." Kisame growled. Yea right, like I'd do that, yuck! He thought to himself.
"He's a SHARK!" Orphan shouted.
"O-okay... Th-thank-you Orphan and K-Kisame... Next is-"
Kisame and Orphan got off-stage.
"Hey, Orphan, does that guy always treat you like that?"
"Yeah, he said I was lying about Daddy and Mommy... Then, he made me sit in the corner 'cause I didn't wanna draw. Then he took Sori. Sori's special to me and Sasori's special too. He still hasn't given him back."
"Well, we'll just get him back ourselves. C'mon."
Two hours later...
Zuki was looking for a folder when he spotted Orphan playing with Sori.
I thought I took that bear away.
Zuki walked over to Orphan. "How'd you get that?"
"Sasori ga-"
"You stole it from my desk! This time, you won't get it back! EVER!"
"No, Sori's MINE, get your own Sori!"
Zuki grabbed the stuffed bear, but pulled his hand back immediately when it nearly got snapped of by a set of sharp, pearly-white teeth.
"Do that again and I'll go higher!" Kisame snarled.
"Ho-"
"Pein made me stay because of you. Orphan tells us things, and I'm reporting you!"
"Please, please! I-I could lose my job if you report to the Hokage! I'll be nice, I swear! Just, please don-"
"Not to the Hokage! To her older brother!"
"Oh..."
Heh, stupid shark. That red head won't phase me.
Let's just say... Ain't no red-head tryin' to phase him...
The next day...
"Woah, slow down Orphan! Tell us CALMLY..."
Earlier that day...
"He what?! Orphan, I'm taking you to school."
"Itachi, don't kill the dude."
"Shut up Kisame."
"Nii-san, Daddy says you have to leave your c-"
"Yea yea." Itachi threw his cloak on the couch and took Orphan to school.
Orphan walked to her classroom.
"I don't see the red-head."
"Sasori wasn't coming."
"Heh. And, you left your little bear at home, didn't you."
"No, he's right here." Orphan pulled out her bear.
"Well, I'm going to burn it, bra-"
"Shut the Hell up! What gives you the right to treat a SIX year old girl this way huh?!" Itachi yelled.
"Eh!? Who are you?!"
"Your worst nightmare!"
"Nii-san!" Orphan smiled.
"Kisame told me everything you've done! She was telling the truth about-"
"Mommy and Daddy!"
"Orphan, let me handle this. Why the Hell would you send a child to a corner because they didn't want to draw or because they have an active imagination?! And Orphan shouldn't have gotten Sori taken away because she didn't want to share him with a stranger!"
"You have no proof!" Zuki yelled.
"I know a boy in this class who'll tell."
"You mean Orphan's little friend Koji? He only hangs out with her because she gave him her mutt. Besides, he's sick at home currently. Still waiting for proof..."
A boy raised his hand. "Um, sir? Zuki Sensei di-"
"Can it, Sushi!" Zuki shouted.
"It's Sashimi! You always make fun of my name!"
"Whatever, just shut it!"
"NO! He does mess with Orphan! In fact, he messes with all of us. I wanna new teacher!"
"YEA!" The class shouted.
"And a new teacher you shall get. I got my proof, idiot. Now apologize to Orphan!"
"No, you can't make me!"
"Wanna bet?"
"Yea, I bet your face!" Zuki swung his fist at Itachi. Itachi caught it and started to squeeze.
~Present~
"And then Nii-san said a lot of words Uncle Hidan says and then made Zuki Sensei apologize to the whole class then punched him in the face and we got a substitute teacher for the rest of the day and tomorrow we get a new teacher because Nii-san told on Zuki Sensei and I'm hungry."
"Uh..."
"Okay okay, this is what I heard: Blah blah blah, blah blah Uncle Hidan blah blah, yada yada punched in the face blah, yammer yammer, blah blah blah, hungry." Hidan said.
"Well, he's not afraid to speak his mind..." Sasori muttered.
"Orphan, I made you cookies. They're in the kitchen."
"Yay!" Orphan ran into the kitchen.
"... What the Hell Itachi?! First you cuss in front of a bunch of little kids, then you beat their teacher in front of them?! That's just sick! I mean-"
Itachi leaned over and whispered everything Zuki had done since Orphan started going to school to Konan.
Orphan walked in just as Konan finished her string of ancient language.
"That was pretty language Konan. Very pretty words you chose." Itachi said.
Konan spouted some more ancient language at Itachi, then stormed up the stairs.
"Feisty lady..."
"Nii-san? What does damn mean?"
"Uh..."
"And crap and-"
"STOP saying those words..."
"Okay... But what do they mean?"
"I'll tell you when you're older..."
"Okay... Uncle Hidan! What does-"
"ORPHAN."
"Sorry Nii-san..."
The next day at school...
"Hello, my name is Ren, my last name isn't necessary... I will be your new Sensei. We're going to start off where you left, but first, Orphan, would you like to finish telling about your parents? I heard you didn't get to."
"No thanks."
Ren smiled sweetly. "Alright. Now, everybody, if Orphan does not want to share her stuff, leave her be. I have to get something done, so you may have the next hour free."
Orphan sat down in the corner and was about to pull out Sori when a shadow loomed over her, blocking her light. Orphan looked up.
"Hi, I'm... My name is... Er, uh, I'm Sashimi..."
"I like your name!"
"You do?"
"Yea! I only know one person here, so I hang out here by myself while he's gone."
"Koji?"
"Mnhmm."
"Cool, he's my best friend! I didn't enter the pet show, but Nitori, my pet ferret, loves Retasu. So does Koji. He brings that dog almost EVERYWHERE!"
Orphan smiled. "I'm Orphan. Wanna play?"
"Uhh... Sure." Sashimi pulled off his backpack and nervously picked at the zipper. Orphan saw he was embarrassed, she she pulled out three of her most precious toys: Naruto the plush doll, Sori the Rillakuma bear, and Mangyeko the dinosaur plush. Seeing Orphan's toys, Sashimi pulled out three of his own: Ruka the dolphin, Same the shark, and Miina the turtle. Sashimi's face turned red and he stuffed Ruka and Same back into his bag.
Orphan giggle. "Or we can just talk." She said, putting Mangyeko and Sori back in her bag.
"Y-yea... Sounds good..."
Meanwhile, back at the Akatsuki lair...
"Uuuuuggghhhh... I'm bored... I know! Danna! Hm" Deidara called.
"No!"
"But-"
"Leave me alone, brat!"
"Danna's so mean, hmmph. Ah! Konan! Hm"
"No! And don't you dare say another word to me!" Konan yelled.
"Ki-"
"No!"
"Zet-"
"No! No!"
"P-"
"No!"
"Kak-"
"Pay me."
"Never mind... Hid-"
"PAIN! Yes, PAIN! Pain is good! Hahahahaha!"
"... Tobi? Hm"
"Sorry Sempai, Tobi is busy!"
"Aaaargh! Hmm... Deck the halls with gasoline, falalalala lala la la. Light a match and watch it gleam, falalalala lala la la. Watch the lair BURN to ASHES! Falala lalala LA LA L-"
"Deidara, what the Hell are you singing?!" Sasori yelled.
"Nothing! Hm"
Back at Kindergarten...
"Okay, I've got everything sorted out and it looks like some shinobi and kunoichi are available for what I have planned. Please welcome... Neji, Naruto, Ino, Lee, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Hinata." Ren said.
The kids smiled. "They're real Ninja!"
"Yes, yes they are. They will be taking you to different spots in Konoha. Okay, Rika and Yuri, Ino will be your guide..."
The two girls ran over to Ino.
"Miko and Midori, Naruto."
Orphan pouted.
"Takei and Sashimi, Hinata. Soba and Mako, Lee. Misa and Kairi, Kiba. Temi and Rin, Shikamaru. Orphan, you would have been partnered with Koji, but he's sick at home... Looks like you will be going with Neji alone. I'll see you in two hours."
Everybody walked out of the classroom. Once outside, everybody split up. Orphan looked up at Neji. He seemed very very familiar...
I remember him from somewhere... Where have I- wait, he's saying something! "Huh?"
"I said, we have two routes to pick from."
"Oh, uh, I don't know... I'll just follow you."
"Okay..." Why me? Why couldn't SHINO have been picked for this...? Neji thought.
A little while into the 'journey'(fieldtrip I guess)...
"... Why are you staring at me?" Neji asked.
"S-sorry! Um... Are you blind?" Orphan asked.
"Erk! No... My eye are like this because I belong to the Hyūga clan."
"What do they do?"
"*sigh* How about we just-"
"Come back! Stop running! He's not a bear, he's a dog! Misa, Kairi!" Kiba shouted.
Misa and Kairi ran over and hid behind Neji.
"Kiba, explain..." Neji said.
"Well, they think Akamaru is an evil polar bear that wants to eat them when he's OBVIOUSLY a FRIENDLY DOG. Wanna trade?"
"No, I quite like having to only look after one child. Come on Orphan."
"Rawrf?" Akamaru walked over.
"Aaah! The polar bear is back! Run away! Aaaah!"
"Misa, Kairi, guys, come ON!" Kiba chased them.
Meanwhile, back at the lair...
"Deidara Sempai, Tobi's not bus- uh..."
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Hm"Deidara slammed his door in Tobi's face.
Tobi giggled.
"What was that about, Tobi?" Sasori asked, stopping briefly from going to his room because he heard Deidara yelling.
"Sasori! Sasori! Sempai is dancing to the Macarena!"
Sasori dropped his puppet tool he was holding. "... I... I guess he got too bored..."
After school...
"So, how was school Orphan?" Konan asked.
"It was AWESOME! I made two new friends today!"
"You did?"
"Yea, a boy named Sashimi, a-"
"Another boy...?" Pein groaned.
"Shut up Pein, Orphan is telling me about her new friends. Continue." Konan said.
"And a shinobi named Neji! He is a REAL ninja!"
There was a shriek and the sound of glass breaking that came from the kitchen. Deidara rushed to the living room.
"Did she just say Neji? Why did she Neji? Is it THE Neji Hyūga? Un"
"He said he was from the Hyūga clan. He's my new friend." Orphan said innocently.
"SEE Itachi?! She's going to make FRIENDS with our ENEMIES! And it's all YOUR f-"
"Shut up."
The next day...
"Orphan, it's Saturday, you don't go to school." Itachi said.
"Oh..." Orphan dropped her backpack.
"Come on, let's go for a walk."
Later, in a plain field with no people around...
"Hey, Nii-san?"
"Yes Or-"
"Itachi... I didn't know my shot at revenge would come so soon!"
Oh brother... "Hello Sasuke..."
"Don't you HELLO me! I'm about to ki- wha? What the Hell?!"
"What?"
"What the Hell is that?!" Sasuke pointed his sword at Itachi. "Y-you have a thing growing out of your side!"
Itachi remembered Orphan, who was hiding behind him peeking out. "Oh, this?" Itachi picked Orphan up. "It's my evil-minded weapon who does nothing but kill."
"I bring you love!" Orphan giggled.
"Evil, huh..."
"I'm still working it out..." Itachi put Orphan down.
Sasuke started to laugh.
"Nii-san, is he laughing at me?" Orphan asked.
"Yes."
Orphan didn't like to be laughed at.
Sasuke kept laughing, "It'll never happen! He's a little weakling! And-"
Itachi just stared at Sasuke blankly while handing a kunai to Orphan.
"One punch and he'll- AAAAGGGH!" Sasuke yelled as the kunai sunk into his skin. "Why you... I'm going to kill Itachi AND you!"
Orphan walked up to Sasuke.
"Orphan, no!" Itachi shouted.
"You will NOT hurt my Nii-san!"
"Yes, I will! I'm going to kill him! Now move little boy or should I kill you fir-" Sasuke made a high pitched wailing noise and fell to the ground.
"I am a GIRL!" Orphan ran back over to Itachi. "You'll never kill Nii-san!"
"Nnnnnnn... Aaaahhhh..."
"Foolish little brother. Orphan may be small, but she's strong, and she kicks where it counts."
"My tenders..."
"Plus, you're still too weak to defeat me." Itachi began to walk away.
"Bye-bye Onii-chan!" Orphan said cheerfully.
"Wha... What did you just call me...?" Sasuke asked, his eye twitching.
"Onii-chan. You are Nii-san's little brother and if you are Nii-san's brother, that makes you MY brother, Onii-chan! Bye-bye!" Orphan followed Itachi.
"I'LL GET YOU- mngph... ITACHI! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BRAT TOO! Owww..."
Five minutes later...
"Dude, what happened?" Suigetsu asked, looking at Sasuke, who was still on the ground.
"Sasuke-kun, are you alright?! Who did this?!" Karin asked.
"I-Itachi..."
"Your older brother did this?" Suigetsu asked.
"Shut up Suigetsu, Sasuke-kun's trying to talk!"
"No... His brat did... His supposed weapon..."
"Brat?"
"Brat can kick harder than expected..."
Suigetsu and Jūgo's eyes widened.
"Ouch man, I feel for you."
"Ssss."
"And the brat's a girl..."
"That's worse..." Jūgo said.
"It can't be that bad... C'mon Sasuke-kun, you're strong."
The three boys looked at Karin.
"What? It's not!"
"You wouldn't understand, you're a woman! Anyway, how old was the brat?"
"Judging by her size and voice, maybe five or six..."
"That's just embarrassing..."
Back at the lair...
"We're back!"
"So soon?" Kisame asked.
"We ran into Sasuke. Orphan gave him a piece of her mind." Itachi answered.
"Oh."
"She kicked him in the balls."
"OH..."
Later that day, the only people in the lair were Deidara, Orphan, and Sasori. The others were off attending to 'Akatsuki matters'. Sasori was up in his room and Deidara was on the couch reading a book. Orphan walked up to him.
"Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mo-"
"That's it! Un" Deidara stood up, dropping his book. "I'm not a mommy!"
"Mommy." Orphan giggled.
"NO! Not mommy! Hm"
"Yes Mommy!"
"NOT MOMMY!"
"MOMMY!" Orphan smiled.
"GRRRR!"
"Look, Mommies tell you bedtime stories, Mommies play with you, Mommies teach great life facts, Mommies love you no matter what, Mommies protect you! And that's what you do!"
"NO! Hm"
Orphan stared at Deidara a few seconds. "... MOMMY." She smiled.
"Oh for the love of explosions! I am a DAMN MAN!" Deidara pulled off his shirt revealing his perfectly flat, perfectly MALE chest.
Just at that moment, Sasori came downstairs.
"... Deidara...? What are you doing?"
Deidara looked at Sasori. "... Uh... Proving to Orphan I'm a guy... Hm"
"Yea, okay... I'm gonna take her to get some icecream..." Sasori picked Orphan up and walked away.
"..."
"Bye-bye Mommy!"
"AAARRGHHH!"
The next day...
Itachi sat down, "Kisame, do you want to play Xbox with m-"
There was a knock on the door.
"Tobi will get it!"
"No, I will." Pein pushed past Tobi and opened to door. "Oh, hello Koji. ... And strange boy I don't know but Orphan probably does... What do you want?"
"I'm Sashimi. My parents said I could invite two friends over and of course, Koji was first on list. I was wondering if Orphan can come over?"
"No." Pein shut the door.
"Pein!" Konan put her hands on her hips.
"She's my baby girl!" Pein said.
"Let her play with her friends!"
"But they're boys!"
"They're six!"
"I don't know that Sashimi kid! I barely know Koji!"
"They walked all this way!"
"So?"
"Pein, if you don't let her go, I'll take her. And when I get back, you'll get the BEATING of your life!"
"Orphan, would you like to go play with Sashimi and Koji..?"
"Yes!"
Some time later...
"Boys- er, sorry Orphan. Sashimi, Koji, Orphan, would you like to go to Ichiraku's for lunch?"
"Yes please!"
More time later...
Orphan walked into Ichiraku's and immediately recognized Neji's ponytail. She ran up to him.
"Neji! Are you going to be at school tomorrow?!"
"Hi Orphan. No, but Naruto is."
"Hm?" Orphan noticed Naruto and Kiba. Orphan stared at Naruto in awe...
"Retasu, where are y- oh." Koji watched his dog.
Retasu walked up to Akamaru.
"What are they doing?" Koji asked.
"Probably talking about dog stuff." Kiba replied.
'Hi, I'm Lettuce!'
'I'm Akamaru.'
'I'm a dog!'
'So am I.'
Meanwhile, Orphan was still staring at Naruto.
"Um... Neji, why is she staring at me, 'ttebayo?"
"I don't know... I think she just likes to stare."
That evening, after Orphan went home...
"Daddy! I want this!" Orphan held up a picture of Naruto she drew.
"You can have it."
"Pein!" Konan yelled.
"He's a Jinchūriki. She can have the body after we drain the Bijū." Pein said.
"Pein! You can't do that! Plus, it'll rot!"
"I'll have Sasori make him into a puppet."
"Ugh..."
Five days later...
"Today we learned about hand signs and stuff!" Orphan said.
"In Kindergarten? Hm"
"Ren Sensei is just telling about ninjas... Um... I feel really really dizzy..."
"Me too... Hm"
"Yea-"
Everyone in the lair blacked out.
Fifteen minutes later...
"Ugh, what happened... Itachi, are you okay?"
"Eugh... What are you talking about Tobi? You know I'm Deidara... Wait, why do you sound different? Hm"
"AAAAAHHHH! My immortal body! What happened to it?!"
Hearing Hidan's scream, everyone shot up. Hidan stood up.
"Everyone to the living room!"
Everyone piled into the living room. Pein was enraged.
"Okay, Hidan, why did you scream?!" He opened his eyes. His vision was different... He saw everyone, except Hidan... But... He saw Pein. Pein as in the DEVA path... HIMSELF... "How am I over there?!"
"I could ask the same fucking thing! Though, I am pretty handsome..."
"Hidan, come here." Pein stepped forward.
"GREAT. Our bodies our switched!"
"But how?!"
"I don't know."
Here is who everyone is... Deidara switched with Itachi, Hidan switched with Pein, Tobi switched with Sasori, Kisame switched with Kakuzu, Konan switched with Orphan, and Zetsu switched with Yoropiko.
(Okay, here is the thing. pay close attention. When I'm writing a character, I will write ?/?. The first name is actually the person, the second is the body they are in. EXAMPLE: Pein/Hidan grabbed Sasori/Tobi. That means PEIN grabbed SASORI, but the bodies they are in are HIDAN and TOBI. Got it? Back to the story)
"Waaaaaaahhh! My beautiful immortal body!"
"At least you're not stuck as a greedy old stitch-guy!" Kisame/Kakuzu(that is Kisame saying the from Kakuzu's body) shouted.
"You?! What about me?! How do I pee in this body with THESE on my hands?!" Itachi/Deidara complained.
"It's easy! You just have to-"
"Shut up Ita- I mean, Deidara!"
"HELLO?! If you guys haven't noticed, I'M a little girl again! And Orphan's a- Orphan! Stop touching my boobs!"
"At least you girls didn't switch with one of us, since we're guys."
"Sasori is a good boy!"
"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN TOBI!"
"MY POOR IMMORTAL BODY! AAAAAAHHHH!" Hidan/Pein wailed.
"Shut up, we need to find a way to undo this." Pein/Hidan said.
"Tobi- I mean, Sasori has an idea!"
"TOBI!"
Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying