And now... chapter four. Yes. Let us further explore Devi's hideously sane brother. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I usually start with a good ol' Johnny and Squee interaction flashback from before Johnny left. Today you will be blessed by a wonderful childhood memory of Devi's with her crazy protective brother, Ivan. PLUS there is way too much Invader Zim at this point now that I've added Dib and Gaz to the character list, but that won't be for long. YAY! And yes, this all new expansion features the newest JtHM doll. This time it's the Reverend.
Sorry I wasn't here for so long. I just got World of Warcraft and it pwns your ugly face. Yup. Kalilamae (known as killyoo on WoW) will now destroy you all. When I get past level 12. I literally just started.
My Myspace is under the name jonnacg as long as I'm talking about myself. I'll add you to my friends list if you ask. )
I thought this chapter was kinda confusing. Eh... just read the story.
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"Ivan, Ivan!" called the tiny black haired girl. She appeared to be in about the 1st grade, her hands full of drawings from class.
A brown haired boy, maybe ten years old, smiled happily when he saw her dash up.
The two embraced and he ruffled her hair when she gave him the stack of papers she carried.
"Hey there, Devi. How was your first day of fifth grade?"
"Great! I got to talk to all of my friends and... well... it wasn't that good. I don't get to see you during the day any more since you're in the middle school now..."
"You can still see me after school and on the weekends, Devi. Plus when summer comes I have months to play! Don't worry about it."
The little girl nodded and hugged her brother again, not knowing that one day she would come to loathe her brother's careful protection.
Johnny twitched and stalked out the door, doing everything he could to hold back his rage until he got to his basement.
"Devi. Why didn't you tell me you had a retarded friend?" Ivan asked, his voice sounding dumb on account of the toilet paper stuffed in his once bloody nose.
"He's not retarded, Ivan. Not even slow. He's actually one of the smartest people I know. Just crazy." She walked over to the couch and sat down, examining the completed rubix cube.
"How long did it take him to do this?" she asked.
"About 3 minutes."
"And you call that retarded?"
"He was talking to voices!"
She sighed.
"Look, he's really nice and usually acts normal! He just gets nervous around people."
"Pff... Devi, you can't hang out with someone so unpredictable."
"You shouldn't be so quick to judge!" Though I suppose he wouldn't like him much better if he DID know him...
"I can already tell he's dangerous. You can't hang out with him anymore."
"I'm NOT a little kid, Ivan, I'm twenty two, so there is NOTHING you can do to stop me!"
"Yes I can. If you get anywhere near him I'll get him admitted to a crazy house."
"Sure you will." she frowned.
"I will. He might hurt you and that's a risk I won't take."
Devi knew he wasn't lying, but she wasn't about to abandon Nny now that they were finally on speaking terms again.
"Fine, fine, I'll just randomly start ignoring a mentally unstable person. That's certainly very safe."
"I'll talk to him Devi. Don't worry about it."
"Um. I don't think that's the best idea..."
"But I do. Meaning that's the one we're using."
Devi sighed, fearing for her brother's life. "No we aren't. Do you really think that telling a homoci- a crazy person that he can't talk to his only friend anymore is the best idea?"
"Unless you have a better one."
"Well... I'll have him visit so you can meet him properly." Shit! What am I saying?!
"But if he's bad you can't talk to him anymore and I'll get him professional help."
"Okay." Oh gawd. What have I gotten myself into?
Johnny walked away from the building angrily until someone tripped him on purpose.
"Why did you do that?" he asked in a low voice, his breathing already shallow and uneven.
"'Cause your hair is blue."
"SO?"
"It's weird, dude."
"I'LL SHOW YOU WEIRD DAMMIT!"
He dragged the guy to his basement where obvious occurences ensued until his phone rang.
"What do you want?" he growled into the phone, annoyed at being pulled away from his victim.
"Hey Nny! It's me, Devi." Ivan was in the room with her listening to the conversation on speaker phone.
"Oh. Hi."
"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner so you could meet my brother properly. I think you scared him."
"Yeeah... I tend to have that sort of effect on people. I hope you don't mind that I finished your rubix cube."
"That's ok, Nny. I've been trying for the last three days to get it done."
"Really? They're pretty easy."
A scream emitted from the guy who tripped him.
"What was THAT?" Ivan blurted out.
"Why is HE listening to our conversation?" Nny said, hatred obvious in his voice.
"He just happened to walk into the room, why don't you turn down the volume on your TV?"
"TV? Oh. Yeah. I'll do that."
About 30 seconds later Johnny was heard screeching, "SHUT THE FUCK UP LOSER! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, I'M TALKING ON THE PHONE AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS WHINE ABOUT THE HAMMERS SHOVED IN YOUR EYE SOCKETS!"
Some sickening squelching noises were heard and all was quiet before the light tap of Johnny picking the phone back up resounded through the silence.
"You were saying?"
Ivan stared at the phone in horror while Devi went on as if nothing had happened.
"You wanna come to dinner to meet my brother?"
"Depends. When and where."
"Eh, tonight, Burger Spleen Corral."
"The steak food place? Okay."
"Oh and Nny? See if Todd wants to come."
"Alright. Bye."
"Bye."
Looks like I need to find Squeegee.
Ten minutes later Johnny was standing behind the big headed kid who was reading Person magazine.
"Oh look." said the big headed kid to himself, "A sale at the Old Gravy Strip Club and Shopping Centre. What a lame ad. 'Get your fash' off.'"
"Hey, big headed kid, where's Squee?"
"What? You mean Todd? He's at my house."
A page of directions later, Johnny stood behind the youngest Casil and a purple haired girl who seemed to have a permanant scowl.
She was drinking milk.
"Heya Squeegee."
"SQUEE!"
"Who the hell are you?" Gaz frowned, finishing her milk. (A/N: No. There was not any reason for her to have milk.)
"I'm Johnny, but you can call me Nny. Now Squee, do you want to come to the Burger Spleen Corral for dinner with me and Devi tonight? We're meeting her brother. You can bring your friend if you want."
Squee glanced at Gaz and she nodded her approval.
"Sure Mr. Scary Neighbor Man, just try not to be all killy. Please."
"Okie dokie Squee. What's your friends name if I may ask?"
"Gaz." she said.
"Alrighty then. See ya Squee. You too, Gaz."
Not too far away, Ivan glared at his sister. "Devi. What exactly is wrong with this guy?"
"Ask him yourself at dinner." she stuck her tongue out and shooed him out of her apartment.
I really hope Nny doesn't kill him...
Later at the Burger Spleen Corral-
Devi and Ivan walked in to see Johnny standing idly with two children, one Devi recognized quickly as Todd and a scary little girl with a Game Slave 2 she had never seen before.
"Hello Devi lady!" greeted Todd. "This is my friend Gaz."
Gaz made a small sound of acknowledgement.
"Nice to meet you." Devi said. "Todd, this is my brother Ivan."
Todd squee'd quietly and waved.
Finally everyone knew everyone's names, though Johnny had been staring at the ceiling the whole time, his arms crossed in what seemed to be annoyance.
"Hey ya'll! I'ma be your serveress tanight!" She obviously wasn't from the south and wore way too much makeup.
God, no... Johnny thought, trying to hold back his terrible hate.
"That's, uh, wonderful." Devi smiled.
"YEP! Now let's see if I can't be gettin' ya'll some sittin' seats!"
Everyone (Nny included) followed her to their table.
"Watcha wanna be drinking?!"
"Diet Poop." Ivan said.
"Vanilla Poop." Devi said.
"Classic Poop for me and Todd." Gaz said, motioning towards the little boy.
"Cherry Fizz-Wizz." Johnny said with slight disgust towards the waitress's fake accent.
"We're fresh outta Fizzin' Wizz."
"Uh... Cherry Brainfreezy?"
"HYUK! OKAY! I'm gonna go now!"
Johnny's teeth were crushed together in rage.
If you looked carefully you could see a bit of enamel dust float away from his mouth.
"Mr. S-scary Neighbor Man sir? Are you alright?" I am sad if you can't guess who said that.
"Fine." he growled.
"So..." Ivan said to Nny, attempting to start conversation, "How long have you all known eachother?"
"Devi, a bit more than a year or something, Squee, as long as I can remember, Gaz, three hours." Johnny recited.
"Ah. You like rubix cubes?"
He nodded. "They're easy, though. Sometimes too easy."
"Is that why all ten rubix cubes I own are solved?" Squee asked.
"Yup."
"Any family?" Ivan said, wanting to know more about Nny.
Johnny's stared at the badly stained table and said nothing.
Then the serveress appeared! The gargled sound of melting hippoes heralded her approach and when she arrived she dropped in front of Nny the essence of perfection: The Brainfreezy.
All signs of his depressed mood faded as he joyfully slurped his slush.
After all drink were distributed the serveress left.
Ivan continued his interrogation. "How long have you lived in the area?"
"Hm... I dunno."
"A-about two years, Mr. Scary Neighbor Man." Squee chimed in.
"Oh yeah... I came looking for bactine at your house didn't I? And your psycho teddy bear was there, too!"
"Shmee, right?" Devi added pointlessly.
Squee frowned at this, remembering the severe injury Shmee recieved.
"About that, Mr. Neighbor Man... could you maybe... n-not stab my stuff?"
"I don't see why not. As long as that damn bear doesn't lie to me anymore."
"Okay..."
"Aaaanyway, Johnny. Are you insane?" Ivan cut in.
"That question is a bit silly, don't you think? Sanity is sort of relative to person's opinion of normality. But on general terms, yes, I am out of my fucking mind." Johnny answered calmly, though he was catching on to Ivan's plan.
He wants to get me locked up, the bastard! I should've guessed he didn't like me after I threatened his life...
"And what has led you to this conclusion?" Ivan pressed on.
"Hey, look, the serveress is here!" Devi interrupted.
"Wuz you guy's orders, eeeh?" Serveress asked.
"I'll just have a salad." Devi smiled.
"Nothing for me..." Johnny... Johnny'd.
"M-macaroni and cheese!" Squee squeaked.
"Pizza." Gaz snarled.
"Chicken meats." said Ivan, causing a man and his chicken bride to leave their table in a huff, their many chicks following in suit.
"ALRIGHTY THEN!" screamed a Jim Carrey voice over.
Serveress then took her leave, though Johnny clutched his steak knife a tad tighter than most would.
"That woman is INFURIATING." growled Nny.
"I thought she was nice." said a freakish robot that popped up on Gaz's head.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GREEN DOG DOING ON YOUR HEAD!" Johnny screamed.
"Gir... go away." Gaz said.
"But Gazzy! Master was screaming all crazy like and he make me saaad..."
"GIR. Go away right now before I plunge you into eternal torment."
"Eternal torment? My fav-o-reet!"
Gaz glared at him.
"Aaaw... does Gazzy need a huuug?"
"No. But Dib needs a hug."
"Dib? The crazy large head boy? Master doesn't like him. I think I'll give him a TASTY MUFFIN!"
Gir ran away.
No one said anything. Annoyingly, the retaurant intercom starting playing... the Twilight Zone music.
This ended abruptly when Johnny's perfect aim landed a knife deep in the speaker system.
"God damn song follows me fucking EVERYWHERE." Johnny muttered.
"Um..." Ivan slowly choked out, sweating.
Fuck! I knew I shouldn't have gone to dinner with a psycho! He could kill us all easily with THAT aim.
"WOW! Could you teach me to do that?!" Gaz spazzed.
"Okie dokie."
Again, awkward silence ensued.
"Boy do I love cats!" Ivan said, attempting to break the silence.
"I'm allergic to cats." Johnny said in an even voice.
"Man, you gotta like those Dallas cheerleaders."
"Cheerleaders are the spawn of Satan. I hate them. So much."
This continued (Ivan attempting to talk and Nny destroying all hope of everyone speaking) until serveress came back, food in hand.
AND SO THEY ATE.
Or at least most of them. Johnny just slurped his freezy morosely, pondering all the horrors of the earth.
That Ivan guy... I don't like him. He wants to get rid of me, I can tell! Plus I can't kill him since Devi and Squee are around... All I can do is hope I don't lose my temper.
At this he wedged his fork deeply into the table.
"I think... I'm going to leave." Johnny said before standing up and striding out of the restaurant.
Squee and Devi breathed audible sighs of relief as he departed.
"Devi. Johnny is a lunatic." Ivan said gravely.
"Well duh. But you aren't putting him in a crazy house." Devi snapped.
"C-crazy house? You mean the Defective Head Meats Institute?!" Squee squealed in terror. "They poked my head in that place and stuck stuff in me and made me take TESTS! You can't send Scary Neighbor Man there!"
"Watch me." said Ivan fiercely, pulling out his tacky cell phone.
"What did he ever do to you?" Gaz asked.
"He threatened me! With knives!"
"Um... so?" Squee said. "He does that all the time."
"At least he wasn't seriously trying to kill you." said Devi.
"YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!"
"Calm down, Ivan! We're in a restaurant."
"A restaurant? What kind of town calls their restaurants 'Burger Spleen'?"
"This one, duh." Gaz said.
"Devi, you've moved into a fucking psycho town! Everyone here is out of their MIND."
Dib was curled up in Todd's bed, terrified. Todd's dad was abusive and his mom was a druggie and his house was haunted and his neighbor was crazy and... he couldn't take it anymore.
"I wanna go home..." he whimpered. "Back to my evil sister and forgetful dad and weird green dog/robots and midget hobos that rob banks and brainwashing ice cream trucks."
Johnny grabbed the waitress lady before setting off for home.
When he finally reached his preeeciooous basement he chained her into the doorbell device and went upstairs to watch tv.
"Ooh. Criminal Minds is on." he said quietly as the tv flashed the words CRIMINAL MINDS in bloody letters.
A military looking man stood on screen.
You see, there are different typeees of criminals. Theres thieves, drug dealers, killers, and teenagers. Today we will discuss the brain thoughts of killers.
Killers like to kill people and seem to enjoy seeing blood.
"Blood? Ew, no. Especially when I have to clean it up." Johnny said to himself.
For example, there is this one dumpy city where people are just DYIN' ALL OVAH THE PLACE! Police have no leads though the killer has been sighted on many occasions. Now I'm wondering, how in the hell do they see him and not catch him? Here we have on policeman who claims to have been at the scene of one of the accidents.
A guy in police attire walks on screen. Both of his arms are in casts and his blonde hair is permanently stained a dull brown.
He was... awful. Just afwul! He was like a blur of black and everywhere I looked there was red and the shine of his weapon; a bag of potato chips. He killed my whole squad and everyone in the Wally-World Supermarket with a bag of FUCKING CHIPS, man! He just killed all of us but me! And he said that... that I was only alive because I was wearing a Beethoven shirt. And I was. And I'm alive. It was so scary...
The policeman twitched violently and started vomiting blood all over the place. A bunch of paramedics rushed him out of the scene.
There you have it, people. They don't catch them because he kills them, too.
Tune in next week for the scariest of crime commiters! TEENAGERS!
"They don't catch me because I can't be caught. I can never be caught. Ever." Nny whispered in his creepy voice.
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AH... What a wonderful chapter that was. AND NOW FOR YOUR REWARD INFO:That's right folks! REVEREND MEAT! Everyone's favorite burger boy! Similar in design to the Big Boy's (home of the double decker :P) burger boy, Reverend MEAT comes with crazy shiny hair and a sinister smile filled with meaty evil. Yes, the real burger boy actually looks like Reverend MEAT. I'm not kidding, because I swear I walked into a Big Boy's and there was this HUGE plastic burger boy like... eight feet tall smilin' all creepy like and I'm all, "Dude, Reverend MEAT!" and my mom is all, "What are you talking about?" and then I'm all, "Platypus." Since she don't know I read JtHM. Oh, and no offense with the waitress. I'm southern myself, I wasn't making fun of the accent. ! Kalilamae