Reviews fucking rock. Thanks, everyone! I apologize for the lateness, but here's something I've been sitting on.

"Ookini, Natsuki." The red eyes plead their frantic and appreciative understanding at me, and I merely laughed it away.

"Don't worry about it." I shrugged. I knew my tone was honest enough, and it would match my face because I was actually being honest. I wasn't put out in the least bit, and I was happy to help her.

Shizuru's worried eyes flickered from my own to the small ones that were currently in my arms before she nodded and breathed out deeply.

"I'll be back at 6 o'clock, and no later." She said. "And make sure to-"

"Leave the stove top on, with the cookie jar out? I got it."

She stared at me for a moment, then her face split in a reluctant but contagious smile. Shizuru was panicking, but she was still beautiful. The woman nodded once more, conceiting my point.

"6 o'clock, I got it." I murmured. "Go, go. You'll miss the train."

"Bye-bye, Mama."

I outright laughed when Shizuru casually checked her watch and was once again reminded that she was in a hurry and supposed to be stressed out. She swooped down to chest level, and planted a soft kiss on the quiet child there. Straightening, she nodded once more, and with a final wave, departed.

Walking back into the house, I looked to my charge and raised an eyebrow lightly.

"So, Shunran, what did you want to do today? I challenged with a playful smile. Immediately, the sunrise-like smile was pasted over the small face, and the girl took a deep breath, thinking hard.

Shunran Fujino was 3 years old, with dark, dark purple hair. It looked black in most lights, but at certain angles, it was a beautiful vivid violet. She had gentle and innocent blue eyes, with delicate pale skin. She was Shizuru's niece through her brother. But her brother, his wife, her mother, and her father were killed in a car accident one day when Shunran was no more than 6 months old. Though Shunran didn't look like Shizuru's daughter, there was no doubt that she was the little girl's mother.

The very fact that there was a shimmering glint of affection and play in those blue eyes proved it. I could practically hear Shizuru's voice in the barely not-a-baby speech, and I'll be damned if there wasn't the gentlest hint of Kyoto-ben present.

"Cookie?"

I frowned. Not to mention, Shunran was quick. She learned so fast it almost scared me.

"No cookies."

The little girl furrowed her brow and laid a tiny finger on my forehead.

"You said cookie." She repeated adamantly.

I smiled.

"No cookie, Ran-chan."

"Cookie!"

"I'm a cookie?" I asked, faux-alarmed. A big gasp of air emphasized my shock, and I panicked my way through an inspection of my free hand. The laughter I received from Shunran was worth looking like an idiot, and I smiled along.

"Cookie! Cookie!" She shouted, entertained beyond belief. With each declaration of 'cookie', I proceeded to freak out just a little bit more, going so far as to end with a final topple onto the plush couch against the wall in the family room.

The girl giggled and I tried to catch my breath. Shunran crawled on top of me, and laid a deciding finger on my head.

"You are a cookie." She giggled. "You are Cookie."

I sighed and tickled her minutely, getting a small squeal.

"And you are Ran-chan." I smiled. "So, Ran-chan, what do you want to do? Puzzles, or songs, or pictures?"

I knew as sure as I was sitting here that we would get around to doing all of them, plus a couple other activities, but I thought giving her a choice would send her over the moon.

She brightened and requested with a shy smile, "Pictures?"

I nodded, setting about fixing up the low craft table and outfitted it with paper, boxes of neat crayons and colored pencils. Shunran immediately sat and got to work. I observed with a waxing degree of caution. A sitting three year old was like a battery, plugged into the wall. It was simply charging.

Maybe we'll have time to go to the park?

I watched a house be constructed before trotting to the kitchen to prepare a pre-dinner snack of grapes and a sippy cup of apple juice cut heavily with water. Moving about the kitchen, I smiled lightly at the refrigerator's décor of colorful scribbles and glossy 4x6's of Shunran through growth. I even reached a hand out to touch the ever-smiling faces of Shizuru and Shunran in a restaurant. Party hats sat on their heads, and white icing positively covered the little girl.

Shaking my head, I went back to the living room and spent the next five or so hours with Shunran, playing made up games and generally being her favorite form of entertainment.

When the clock hand of the living room struck 7, I knew Shizuru had gotten tied up. I quickly searched for something to make for dinner, and managed to pull a respectably healthy meal of pasta and meat sauce together.

Shunran was in the bath by 8, and in bed by 8:30. A story about an unfortunate frog and his heroics later, and she was fast asleep. I shut the door to her bedroom and sagged against it.

You did it.

I smiled to myself largely. This was huge. This was everything I had ever wanted to be able to do, and I thanked every deity that existed for the opportunity. I flopped on the couch with a beer (from the top shelf of the fridge) and waited for Shizuru to come home.

She didn't make me wait long. The front door's bolt slid open, and Shizuru gently pushed inside. I'd never seen her look frazzled, and tonight was no exception. But she did look tired. Beautiful, but tired.

Her eyes locked on me, empty beer in hand, and Shunran nowhere in sight. Her mouth opened, and I cut her off.

"She's in bed. Asleep."

The woman practically sagged with relief. The briefcase in her hand was set aside, and she removed her coat to hang it up. I simply collected my bottle and tossed it in the recycling can, waiting for her to relax. After she had made a quick trip upstairs, Shizuru came back down and stood by the door with me.

"I would like to apologize, Natsuki. That meeting ran very long." She said, grimacing lightly.

I smiled softly.

"Was Katsuro being an asshole again?"

"Again." She laughed. Her shimmering red eyes were light. "He'd lose his head if I weren't there to write down where he put it." I laughed. "What did you wind up doing for dinner?"

"Ah, uh, pasta."

"Really?" She asked. "We don't have pasta sauce, though." Her brow furrowed.

I scratched an itch at the base of my neck and tried not to observe her too hard.

"Yeah, I know. I just threw one together. You had everything for it- tomatoes, onions, beef, green pepper, spices. No big deal." I murmured.

Her eyes widened.

"Oh, Shunran doesn't eat vegetables very well-"

"I know." I blunted out. "So I hid them in the sauce."

Shizuru paused, almost waiting for me to tell her I was joking. I simply stared back at her. Her lips twitched.

"And did she eat it?"

I tried not to smile too proudly.

"Two helpings."

She dissolved into impressed laughter and I reciprocated, my hands in my pockets. Shizuru calmed herself and fixed me with a sincere look.

"I am sorry, though. You know I wouldn't ask this of you, but I had no choice."

I frowned.

"I keep telling you, it's fine." I sighed. "Shizuru, I keep telling you, it's more than fine." I ducked my head to be able to lock eyes with her red, hesitant, orbs. Boldly, I extended a hand and took one of her hands in mine.

"Shizuru." I could feel myself turn a slight red, but I pressed on. "I keep telling you, I want to be your first choice."

Her eyes turned soft as I gently twined my fingers with hers.

"Tonight was so great." I continued, "We just hung out. We colored and made up stories, and –why didn't you tell me she could count to five?-" I smiled largely, building momentum and remembering how great Ran-chan was. "And we played with the blocks, and, Shizuru, you should have seen the tower Shunran made. It was enormous! And when it fell over, she laughed! Well, she was going to cry, but I made off like it fell on me and she thought that was funny at least." I laughed in recollection. My heart gave an enormous jolt when I realized Shizuru was stroking my hand with her thumb and giving me the most tender look I'd ever seen.

"She's such a great kid, Shizuru. She calls me Cookie." I ended with a proud grin. I realized then that Shizuru was a hair's breadth away from me, and that the depth of those eyes could take my breath away. And they did. But in that moment of silence, I watched in horror as those clear and beautiful burgundy eyes shut down. It was almost like watching multiple doors close one after the other; locked out.

Her face turned away from me and she gently disengaged her hand from mine. I frowned, confused.

"Shizuru?"

She was turned away from me, and I knew this wouldn't end well.

"Natsuki- I- I want to thank you for tonight." I opened my mouth, but she continued. "But I don't think it will happen again."

I made a sound of protest.

"Please, don't fight me on this, Natsuki."

My brow furrowed at her the finality in her tone.

"I don't understand, Shizuru, we had a great time! There were no tears, and no accidents, and, and I think this could really work!"

Shizuru turned to me, and the look on her face was a painful sort of determination.

"That's exactly why! I didn't even mean for you to meet Shunran, Natsuki! No one should have, but the company picnic forced me into it last year."

I recoiled.

"I am happy tonight went well. And I do have feelings for you. But this has to be the end of it. I cannot allow Shunran to become attached to you, with no solid chance that you will stay."

The hurt that flared through my chest was tamped down by stubborn pride, and I tried to persuade her.

"But I will stay! I want to stay! Look, I want this, Shizuru, all of this." I made a vague gesture to the room, house, ceiling, upstairs, and toward the people in the house. "I want it with you. You and Shunran. I'm not scared of this." I say decisively.

"Natsuki, there is no guarantee-"

"I am guaranteeing you!"

"You have no idea what you are trying to promise."

"I do!"

"You do not!"

"Shunran could use another adult, Shizuru! What if she gets lonely?!"

"So you're saying I am not doing an adequate job of being her mother?" Her soothing voice came the closest I had ever heard to a shrill.

"No!" I exclaimed. "But, if I were here-"

"We have done fine before you, and we will do fine after you, Natsuki!"

That shut me up.

My eyes widened, and the knife in my heart twisted. It felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over my head. Shizuru really didn't give a damn about it, then. I didn't fit into her puzzle. She'd already written me off.

I swallowed.

"I see."

Shizuru had put a hand to her mouth, and her eyebrows turned up in the middle. She looked sorry. I didn't really want to hear how she didn't mean it, or how she was sorry she said it. Or worse- that she maybe did mean it, but never meant for me to hear it.

"Natsuki, I-"

"Cookie?"

I jerked my head away from the deep red pools of heartbreak, and felt my pulse double step. Shunran was clutching the railing to the stairs, and was rubbing a sleepy blue eye.

I immediately scaled the stairs by two and knelt at her eye level.

"Did we wake you, Ran-chan? Gomen."

The darling girl wrapped both her arms around my neck and I took my cue. Folding her into my arms, I scooped her up and made my way back to her bedroom. On the way, I started to make very light humming noises, and her eyes grew heavy once again.

I lay her back down, and she opened tired blue eyes.

"Cookie, where's Mama?"

My heart gave a painful jerk as I answered.

"Mama's home, and she's sleepy too. Why don't you go back to sleep and see her tomorrow?"

Shunran only nodded and reached up to tap my cheek.

"Cookie too?"

I almost choked on tears.

"I'm sorry, Ran-chan. I won't be here. Maybe another day, okay?"

The tired little girl nodded once more and closed her eyes, exhausted.

I waited, kneeling beside her bed for a moment, making sure she was asleep. A single tear slipped out of my eye, and I quickly dashed it away. I really did love this kid.

I stood and turned to exit, and noticed Shizuru holding herself in the frame of the door, an unreadable expression on her face. My strides were long as they carried me out. Out of the door, down the stairs, and into the cold night air. I shut the door behind me firmly and willed myself not to look back.

I had been in love with Shizuru Fujino for three years now, ever since she first took up the position of receptionist to Katsuro Akidomoto, my boss. At the time, I was about to celebrate my one year anniversary with Akidomoto&Fujiwara Publishing, and there was no better present. Shizuru was beautiful, of course, but I didn't love her because she was gorgeous.

I fell in love with Shizuru because she had the patience to teach me six times how to make a color, double-sided copy. Because she arranged her post-it notes by color. Because she laughed at things that were funny, and not because she was expected to. Because she was sharper than a tact, but tried not to show it. I loved her because she liked tea more than coffee, and offered me some every. single. day.

When I found out she had a daughter, I fell even deeper in love. That was just more of herself for me to care for. She wasn't married, so it wasn't a problem. And I would have been a moron to miss that she was at least a little bit interested in me. We ate lunch together, talked all the time, and I looked for any and all excuses to hang out with her. Shizuru was a master of the professional flirt.

When she told me that Shunran wasn't actually hers- I loved her all the more. It just showed me her strength of character and deep ability to love that she took the baby.

It was just six short months ago that I finally bolstered the courage to tell her. I was a mess; stammering, stuttering, red-faced. I was clumsy and awkward… And I was rejected.

I was rejected in a way that was purely Shizuru; kindly, graciously, regretfully, and oh so gently. But I was rejected all the same. Still, I didn't give up. I loved her, and I loved Shunran. I was determined to make her see. And tonight was supposed to be my ninth symphony, my victory of parental try-out. It wasn't that I wanted kids, per say, but I did want one. That one, to be specific. Shunran.

But maybe it was time that I started to take a hint.

As I walked to the train station, I drew the hood of my jacket over my head and prayed that no one I knew would see the tears in my eyes or hear the tornado in my heart.

Shunran and Shizuru were brilliantly crafted puzzle pieces; unique and beautiful in every way. But apparently, I didn't fit.

I didn't talk to anyone until Monday morning, two days after the events of Friday night. Even then, I didn't so much 'talk' as 'grunt'. And it was a grunted notice that, yes, the morning was good. Sure.

Keeping my head down, I quickly stalked to my cubicle. On any day before Friday, I had been thankful that Shizuru's desk and my cubicle were almost catty-corner. We could see each other through the small entrance to my editing fort if I angled correctly, and had taken advantage of the fact for years. A face pulled here, an amused glance there, and on several occasions, we'd even managed to have full-length conversations purely through facial expression.

But today I walked quickly, kept my head down, and resolutely avoided the vivid red eyes above a cream skirt/suit.

I fixed those shoes for her. She snapped the heel off when it got caught in a grate.

My lips twitched as I recalled the unlady-like yelp she had let escape her at the occurrence. She would have fallen if I hadn't had caught her. My face panned out and I let the recollection fall away.

I knew that she wasn't really done with me. She valued me highly, I knew that too. She might even be in love with me too, in all seriousness. And honestly, I don't think anything would have changed between us if I had just shrugged last Friday and said okay.

But sometimes you just get tired of having the shit kicked out of you, right?

So I ducked my head, and got to work.

I mean, I know I'll forgive her. I just feel like maybe she has to work for it just a little bit. To be fair, she's working pretty hard with the sorrowful and pathetic looks she's shooting me. It's not wrong to enjoy that just a little, right?

Still, her words stung. Around here, I'm 'that ice queen', and no one bothers to consider my feelings on things. Mostly because I usually have no feelings for things that don't matter. But Shizuru mattered, and she knew it. So maybe 'stung' is a huge understatement.

My head ran circles around itself for an entire week. An entire week and the only encounter I had with Shizuru had been stiffly asking her if my boss was available. The answer had been yes, and I forgot what I was even going to ask the man because I was too busy relishing in my first contact with Shizuru in almost a week. But her hair looked so soft, and her eyes were so sad.

"Yo, Kuga!"

I turned, a frowned question turned toward the direction of the shout.

"Yes?"

Tate Yuuichi was five cubicles away from me and constantly had a stupid, confused expression on his face. It didn't help him in my books, but I suppose he was all right enough. He always made deadlines so I didn't really care.

"Did you get my latest edit of that one novella?"

My lips thinned.

"You mean the one where you incorrectly spelled, 'miscommunication'?"

Yuuichi blinked and gave a nervous laugh. I was almost as tall as he was, and it looked like he wasn't used to a woman meeting his eye line.

"Ah, no. The one after that. It's the latest."

I nodded.

"I received it."

He smiled, the confused brown eyes uncrinkling.

"You headed to lunch?"

I nodded once more.

"Cool! You can grab a seat with us, if you'd like."

His delivery was smooth and respectably even; but I had long since become attuned to the pitch of voice a man used to placate you when they wanted to get involved in your life. Especially a short-term involvement.

"Ah, no thank you, Yuuichi-san." I shorted out. "I'm afraid I need to concentrate to finish a few things, and will be sitting by myself." I wasn't lying; I was holding a small stack of papers and my laptop computer. I usually ate lunch with Shizuru, but that wasn't necessarily an option for me now.

"Oh." The man said, obviously ignorant to the fact that I was using an age-old excuse. "Well that's too bad."

I simply hummed and started walking once more. He ambled along next to me, filling the silence with chatter about something innocent and non-offensive.

For once.

At the cafeteria, I quickly excused myself and sat at one of the many empty tables in the dining area of the company building. Loudly, I heard Yuuichi settle in with many of his male peers at a table directly behind me and my fingers twitched in annoyance.

I ignored them and focused on the fact that I forgot to bring something for lunch. Then I ignored that too and set to work on the latest editorial that Yuuichi had sent me. It was really not too bad, but it still needed more work than it should have.

I sighed and dug in.

My mental muscle was mid-flex and the world in my head had been calm for almost 30 minutes when I heard it. A loud, male voice from behind me.

"-who Shizuru Fujino is?"

I froze, the name instantly highlighted in my mind.

"Who?" another man replied.

An uproarious and rowdy 'What?' was heard from most of the men. Followed shortly by, "You don't know who Shizuru Fujino is?"

The man assaulted laughed heartily and apologized, asking for an explanation.

"You know, she's Akidomoto's secretary!"

"Oh! The one with the accent?"

"The sexy accent." The man corrected.

The grip I had on my pencil tightened.

The original questioner laughed, "Yeah, you're right. I'd only ever spoken to her on the phone though, Kenji."

"Well get this, she's even hotter in person!"

A round of laughter. Something hot in my stomach was starting to bubble.

"And I'm not talking attractive here," the man, Kenji, continued boisterously. "I'm saying that woman's got legs that go on for days. And you should see her ass!" A chorus of 'yeah's went up. "Not to mention-"

"I thought she was the secretary with the kid?"

A different man cut Kenji off. My hands were clenched so hard my nails were practically drawing blood, and my vision was starting to turn colors on the spot of the wall I was drilling a hole through.

"Eh?" Kenji answered stupidly.

"Akidomoto's secretary? All I know is that she has a kid. Everyone freaked at the company picnic a year or so ago."

"Oh yeah." Kenji's voice answered. "I remember that. But hey, a kid just means she knows how to please a man-"

The pencil in my hand snapped.

"- and that is one mother I'd really like to fuck!"

I flew out of my chair and turned around, pure, unadulterated rage in my eyes. Finally getting a look at the man speaking, my loathing nearly doubled. He was an average looking man. Not incredibly good-looking, but not unfortunate. Not fat, but not in great shape. But having an actual form to direct my hatred to was enough.

And this man deserved to not even breath Shizuru's name.

"How dare you." I shorted out. Kenji was closest to me, and had turned around in his chair to look at my disturbance.

"Pardon?" He frowned.

I was seeing red. This asshole was going to pretend that he had no idea what I was talking about. Great.

"Don't ever speak about Fujino-san like that." I seethed, my fists curled. I wanted to add Shunran to the list of 'don't ever speak her name' but I would allow the man nothing more. My gaze must have scorched because he flinched in a hesitant, intimidated way. And apparently, Kenji wasn't a man without tremendous pride because he frowned. And stood.

"Look, I work long hours. It's no big deal if I want to eye-fuck a secretary." He punctuated.

My right arm flexed spasmodically.

"Find a different secretary." I growled.

The bastard had the nerve to smirk at me.

"No."

My arm lashed out, and the next thing I knew I was on top of Kenji, my fist raining down on the man. My vision was tinged, and I couldn't stop. All of my anger, frustration, fury, hurt, and sadness was leaking out of my body. I didn't hear the room explode in noise, but I did feel Kenji's nose break under my fist.

How dare he speak about Shizuru like that. And Shunran. He has no idea what he's talking about. He will never get to know just how beautiful Shizuru is. How hard she works. How Shunran isn't even hers, but Shizuru made her hers. She works so hard to provide for Ran, and this is the pay off?

My thoughts were flying, and everything was happening too slow and too fast all at once.

But it's okay.

Stop.

Please, stop. Natsuki.

"Natsuki!"

The world rushed back to me, and I realized that soft hands were pulling on me firmly, and tears were spilling down my face. Shizuru's burning red eyes were a nirvana; a soothing balm for my aching, rapidly breaking heart.

Kenji was out cold, and she tugged me to my feet. Like a child, I followed her away from the scene. Her hands were warm, but they felt cool to my own heated arm.

"Natsuki?"

I looked up and realized that I stood in Katsuro Akidomoto's office, the door shut, with no one else except Shizuru. I turned to her. The red eyes were equal parts pleading worry, and panicked affection.

I swallowed.

"Shizuru." That was the first time I had spoken her name in a week, and it felt better than a cool drink of water on a hot day. "I- They were saying-"

"I know." She whispered. "I heard them."

I started at her.

"What?"

She nodded slowly.

"I was standing across the cafeteria. I only heard the part about eye-fucking a secretary." Her beautiful red lips pulled at a half-smile. "But I narrowed down the list of secretaries you'd be defensive of. It's a very short list."

I tried not to return her smile.

"You don't know that."

She fully grinned at me.

"You're right, kannin na."

The Kyoto-ben was perfect, it was like the roar of the ocean to a surfer. The dialect washed over my ears and sent my heart to regular beating.

"Natsuki," She began again, the smile sliding off of her face. I focused on her. The lights in her crimson eyes were dulled, and I looked hard to find the cracks in her perfectly proportioned façade.

I found none. Her face was open, vulnerable, and devoid of even a flickering smile. Shizuru was being as honest as I had ever seen. And she was beautiful.

"I don't deserve to apologize to you, but I would like to anyway." Her crimson eyes flicked to mine. They begged my soul to listen to her, to take her words as heavily and seriously as she gave them to me. "The truth of it is, you scare me." Here, a smile appeared in ironic beauty.

"Because you have made me see that it is possible to have someone hold your entire heart in their hands. And it is no burden to give it to you, Natsuki, it is not. But Shunran loves you so, and to have my daughter's heart also in your gentle hands, it scares me so."

The red eyes I loved so dearly never waivered, but they grew deeper in their earnestness. Shizuru breathed deeply.

"I have no right to ask you to forgive the words I spoke to you, but I want you to know they were misguided and born of a fear I did not come to terms with." She took another breath and drew to her full height. With strength and conviction, her accented tones grew stronger.

"So, to clear any confusion." Shizuru smiled. "I love you, Natsuki. I love you in an irreversible and life-defining way. You are already my most important person. And I would like you in mine and my daughter's life."

Her eyes shone with a gentle passion, and the fire there burned a twin pyre in my heart. In quick strides, I crossed the room and took her face in my hands. And the lips I had admired for three years yielded under mine.

My heart practically seized, it was pounding so strongly. I loved this woman, and I had forgiven her the moment she had turned her eyes on me in affection. Still, hearing that she loved me has been the highlight of my life so far.

We kissed like we had been making love for years. We were just that familiar with each other. When I leaned back for air, I rested my forehead on hers and breathed.

I rightened and looked at her squarely. Her normally composed demeanor was absent, and her cheeks were flushed to perfection. I allowed myself a proud and roughish grin.

"I love you, Shizuru." My voice scratched deep and strong. "And I want you to know, that you and Ran have had my heart for a long time."

Shizuru chuckled, her red eyes returning to Earth and focusing on me in a loving playfulness.

"She's been asking for you, Cookie."

I harshed a laugh.

"Well, you can tell her that I'll be around." I smirked, and Shizuru allowed me to bask in my barely concealed sense of victory. "Every time she goes to sleep, and every time she wakes up, I'll be around."

Shizuru laughed in my arms.

"Ara, is that so?"

"Yes." I growled. "It is."

In conquest, I claimed her lips again, and we lost ourselves to our newly expressed love. Shizuru broke us apart gently, and with a smile, her crimson eyes gleamed.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

I smiled and leaned in for another kiss, while Shizuru suddenly stilled and I paused in reaction. She looked at me seriously.

"But."

I frowned in concern.

"There is one thing."

"What?"

Shizuru's eyes twinkled once more.

"You're going to need to find a new job."

Her laughter was cut off as I rolled my eyes and silenced her in the best way that I knew how.

I've got another story on my computer already written, but it's M. Should I post it here with a warning or let it die?

R&R!

With Love,

Konstantine