A/N: Guest who left a review: I will eventually get back to the other story. LIfe happened and I hit a road block in the other story. This one was painful to write, but it's finished it will get posted to completion. But I will get back to the other story once I figure out where to go with it again.

Red had felt at ease with her the entire flight. Truly enjoying the conversation and never feeling himself waiting for the moment it all would change. With Lizzie, their relationship would be moving along smoothly and it seemed almost out of nowhere something would happen. Lizzie would lash out and he would just take it. With Anna it was very different, at least in this short time, things just seemed to be working. He did not have to worry too much about what words he used to express himself or wait for the uncomfortable questions he could not answer. She was fine if he was uncomfortable answering a question, and would move onto the next subject. It was as if they had never separated for all those years as if what caused them to break up had never happened. It was all just so easy and refreshing.

During the flight, he realized he has missed having this connection with someone else. In the past, it would have terrified him to realize he missed connections with people. The man he was when he was with Anna the first time and when he first meant Lizzie was one terrified of connecting with others because connections bread weakness. Everyman was to be an island, independent and self-sufficient, that is what his father tried to teach him as a child and what his life had taught him as an adult. Relying on someone else led to disappointment or pain for both parties. Just ask his ex-wife and estranged daughter. Yet, somewhere along the way, he had changed. The connection scared him to death. Anna was innocent and did not deserve any pain emotional or physical, just because she knew him. Nor did Lizzie. He was not confident he knew which would win out, his desire for connection or his fear of the connection. Either way, the only way to find out was to try, and one thing was true about Raymond Reddington he was not a quitter.

These feelings of ease, he knew were not all directly associated with the heroin he had consumed hours earlier. By now that would have warned off, Anna brought the peace of mind. All of this motivated him to ask her as they were disembarking the flight on a small airstrip outside of Baltimore, "Can I see you again?"

"Are you sure it's safe for the Concierge of Crime to be seen with someone knew for making criminals lives difficult."

"You know I have never dealt with human traffickers."

"I was joking Raymond," Anna said her hand resting on his chest as they stood outside of two waiting black BMWs. She enjoyed the feel of his chest under her hand, despite the years it still felt firm through the multiple layers of clothes. "Absolutely, you can see me again. Here is my business card with a cellphone number on it."

"How about dinner tomorrow?" Red asked not wanting to leave the plans open. "I could cook or we could go out wherever you wish."

"Is it really safe for you to be out in public eating?"

"It is fine. I have been doing this for decades now. People are not very observant and I have a safety net to ensure that if we happen to come across one of those observant people nothing would happen."

"I have a better idea." Anna said, "Why don't you come to my place for a home cooked meal."

"You can cook now?" Red asked earning a playful slap on his chest from Anna.

"Don't be ridiculous, but I have a cook. A girls got to eat after all."

"I would be delighted to join you for a home cooked meal by your chef."

"I will text you the details." Anna said grabbing his hand, "Are you going to D.C. or staying in Baltimore?"

"I have to go to a meeting tonight." Red answered, "In D.C., but Dembe will ensure you get home safe."

"I guess I will see you tomorrow." Anna kissed him on the cheek before heading towards to the awaiting car, she stopped and turned around before she got in, "Thank you for the free flight."

"Anytime," Red responded a true smile on his face.

"Don't stand me up tomorrow Raymond Reddington." Anna said, "You won't like to see me when I'm angry."

"I remember well." Red answered, "I will be there."

Anna got into the car, and Dembe drove them away.

Red made his way to his own car, he actually did not have a driver tonight. He could have easily of arranged for someone, but he wanted to drive himself. He needed the time to think and plan his course of action with Lizzie. Everyday life with Lizzie had turned into a field of landmines, and Red needed time to prepare for any mines he might step on.

However, instead of thinking about what he should do when he reached Lizzie's apartment, all Red could think about was Anna. A cynical part of him was worried about their bumping into each other after all these years. Probability could finally be in his favor, or it could have been something different. He had kept track of Anna after they first broke up and there were no flags to indicate she was anything other than what she has always been. Her entire background held up regarding her parents and siblings. Her husband had also been a social worker. There was no reason for him to doubt her. It was not like she was some super-secret CIA operative sent to infiltrate his organization or just get close to him, or as if she was working with the cabal or someone else. She had no connections with any of the criminal organizations in his world, except for those she helped take down. There was no reason to suspect her, and yet a small part of him could not help but wonder about the improbability of their entire relationship.

In his mind, he was jumping ahead to the end already. If he pursued Anna, it would end. The confidence he had felt earlier was clearly disappearing as the fear started to win the internal battle. His relationships always ended. And it would not be fair to Anna because just by talking to him she was in danger. If an enemy got wind of any relationship that was not strictly sex, they would exploit it. He could not go through life thinking he lost another person because of his choices. He did not want to be responsible for the harm that could befall Anna.

Also, she deserved better than him, she deserved a full life. Anna was a good person, to her core. At least that is what he remembers of her, and what he saw today while they caught up. She did not deserve to be with a monster. Would he turn her dark, like it seemed he had done to Lizzie?

Years ago, it had been easy for him to decide to walk away from Anna. The decision had been easy but the actual action had been difficult, but he always knew he made the correct choice. He lied to himself back then and allowed himself to believe his own lies. They did not love each other; their relationship was fragile and going to end. Sometimes he wondered if he had unconsciously started the many fights with her at the end, just to get her to leave him. Lizzie had called it; he was too broken to be good for anyone. While those were not her exact words that is what broken meant to him. Here he was doubting that Anna was there because she wanted to be there, after their happenstance meeting. Here was something more dark and sinister going on. Who thinks like that? He did, always; it was what kept him alive all these years.

He did not reach an answer regarding his future with Anna by the time he arrived outside of Lizzie's apartment. Getting out of the car, he straightened his suit and walked the short distance to her door. Knocking softly, he waited. In the past, he would have just let himself in, but tonight he was knocking. Progress, at least he hoped that was how Lizzie saw it.

The door opened a minute later. Liz looked ragged. But Red said nothing of the sorts. Suddenly self-conscious because she technically had not invited him over, and she had made it clear she did not want him around her place yet, "May I come in?"

"Agnes is finally sleeping." Liz's short response, she was clearly annoyed with his presences.

Yet he persisted because she looked like she needed a break, "I promise not to wake her."

Liz stepped aside, Tom was not around anymore to start a fight about Red being there, she did not see the point of keeping him out. "Did you come to gloat?"

"No." Red responded, "I would never."

No, he wouldn't, at least not with her, she knew that. She was just so damn tired. Agnes had been a pain all day, and without Tom to help take some the responsibility, it felt all too overwhelming.

"I brought you a bottle of wine." Red said handing her the bottle, "I think you could use it."

"I'm breastfeeding."

"I am sure like the responsible parent you are, you have already pumped and saved some for tomorrow. All you have to do is get rid of the next batch." Red answered, "You could use the break."

"There is no break for me." Liz snapped her voice rising as she spoke realizing the gravity of Tom leaving and her having to take care of Agnes on her own, "Not for the next 18 years now."

"It will be fine Lizzie," Red said approaching her with caution. Flinching when she seemed to get more upset at his words, he knew that any little thing would set her off. "Why don't you go draw yourself a nice bath, and drink a few glasses of wine."

"Agnes will wake up."

"I will be right there to take care of her." Red responded gently, "I can handle it. Go take a break, Lizzie."

She realized that she smelled ripe. Agnes had thrown up, and Lizzie still had some on her shirt, and the mess from her attempt to make dinner was there too.

"You will be right here to make sure everything is ok." Red encouraged her walking her gently towards where he assumed the bedroom was. "I'll sit in the rocking chair in Agnes room and read."

"Are you sure you're not going to snoop around, maybe buy me another couch."

"No, I won't," Red responded. "Just accept my help this once Lizzie. We won't speak of it again and act like it never happened. You've had a hard day."

"Ok." She gave in wanting to relax in a nice bubble bath and drink the wine Red had brought. She knew if he had picked it out, it was going to be a good bottle of wine. He always had the best taste in wine. "Can you see if your people know where Tom went? If he is ok?"

"I will make calls later and get them looking for him," Red promised though he would rather poke his eyes out with a spoon, he would do it for Lizzie.

"What is that smell?" Liz asked having been close to him and catching the whiff of a woman's perfume. "Who were you with?" It came out much more like a jealous girlfriend then she meant.

"I offered a stranded passenger a flight back to D.C," Red told her just enough that he did not feel like he was lying. He was not ready to tell her about Anna, it was likely nothing to tell. Plus, he expected a full on the explosion, if she thought he was with someone. He could already hear her asking him why he got to have someone, a monster like him, and she was left alone to raise her child.

"Just a random stranger," Liz questioned like a jealous girlfriend.

"No. We are old friends." Red answered preparing for the lashing.

"It was a woman."

"Yes," Red said wondering why Lizzie cared so much.

"Was it Madeline Pratt?"

"No."

"The lipstick woman?"

"No. Lizzie you don't know her. She's an old friend I have not talked to for decades and has nothing to do with my business."

Lizzie wanted to ask more questions, but she realized she was interrogating him when she had no right. "There is coffee in the kitchen still if you would like a cup."

"I'm fine thank you. I'll be in the nursery." Red took his leave to allow her the chance to get her bath going in private. To Red's surprise, the couch he had bought Lizzie was in the nursery. He sat on it instead of the rocking chair. There were only kid's books around. He opted for a people magazine he found sitting on the changing table.

He found himself flipping through the magazine not caring about what was inside. Instead, he was still in his head pondering Tom, Lizzie, and Anna. Soft music filtered in from the bathroom along with the sound of water filling the tub.

Agnes woke with a cry, that Red quickly silenced by picking her up out of the crib and gently rocking her. The smell hit him, and he realized it was not the music that woke the baby.

"Smells like someone needs a diaper change." Red said his nose wrinkled at the smell, "I've always wondered how such small things can make so much stink."

Setting Agnes on the changing table he spoke to the baby, "You must be patient with me Agnes. It has been a very long time since I've changed a diaper, and even back then I was not very good at it."

Red undid the diaper, and the smell got worse, something he had not thought possible. Lifting the little girl up he pulled the poop filled diaper from under her, reaching for the baby wipes he pulled two out and wiped the poop away, it had managed to work its way up her back.

"How did you manage that Agnes." Red chuckled, "It has been a very long time since I wiped someone else butt too. But I'm confident poop is not meant to go up your back."

He found the powder and a clean diaper and made quick work of getting the new clean diaper on Agnes. He held her, just in her diaper, while he went to look for clothes. The onesie Lizzie had her also had poop on it. He found another one in the small dresser. Dressing Agnes, he could not help but marvel at the two little eyes studying him. It was as if Lizzie were looking up at him. Agnes definitely had her mother's eyes.

"Everything will be alright little one," Red assured her, picking her up and rocking her gently back and forth. He smelled her head, the baby smell he missed so much. It was the smell of innocence. Part of him was afraid he would taint the smell just by holding her in his arms.

Walking her back to the crib, he set her down, "Time for you to get your beauty sleep."

Agnes wanted none of it and started to cry. She was screaming her little lungs out. Red picked her back up and started to rock her again. "What's wrong sweetie?" Red asked gently swaying. Agnes went to sleep in his arms, so he tried once again to lay her back down in the crib, but once again as soon as his arms were removed she cried again. Finally, he just gave in and kept her in his arms. Taking a seat on the couch he leaned back, realizing that he was exhausted. He had not slept properly in a very long time. The heroin induced sleep if you could call it that, had always left him feeling even more tired, but still unable to sleep.

The little girl in his arms wormed around and then stopped as if she was suddenly comfortable. Running his rough hand against her cheek he looked down at her, and just watched her sleep. Once again he reminded himself of the promises he had made when she had been born. That he would protect her no matter what. But, holding the little girl, also caused his chest to tighten. Was it because it reminded him of his own lost child, one never born the other wanting anything to do with him. Or was it because Lizzie had gone to great lengths to ensure that he would never be in Agnes world. Lizzie's plans had backfired, costing everyone a lot of pain. Agnes was a living reminder of all of that, and of Mr. Kaplan's betrayal and ultimate death. None of that was the little girl's fault, no Raymond knew he could take the blame for all of it. Either way, it made his chest tighten and that itch to rare its ugly head.

Lizzie spent much longer than she had expected in the bath. She finished half the bottle of wine and had refilled the tub twice to ensure the water was hot. Getting out she dried off and walked into the master bedroom naked. There was a large full-length mirror, and she stood before it studying herself. She had stretch marks and had yet to lose the baby weight. Was Tom no longer sexually attracted to her? Was that why he left the first time? They had only had sex twice since Agnes birth. Each time had been quick because they were afraid of Agnes waking up. If Tom didn't want her, would anyone else ever want her?

Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, she found comfortable clothes to dress in. Realizing it had been two hours since Red sent her to bath, and she had only heard Agnes cry a couple of times in the first half hour. Had Red got her back to sleep?

Leaving the bedroom she walked to the nursery. She found Raymond cradling Agnes, his head bowed with unshed tears in his eyes. When she entered he looked up, quickly moving to scratch the unshed tears away.

"Everything alright?" Lizzie asked taking in the site.

"Yeah." Red's voice was rough from disuse, "We had a change of diaper and a bit of a mess, so we also had a change in wardrobe."

"She finally pooped?" Liz said realizing she was too excited about poop.

"Yes. It ran down her back some."

"Sorry about that," Liz said honestly sorry that Red had to deal with her daughter's diaper. It was beyond anything she imagined he would or should have had to do while she was in the bath. "I gave her some prunes earlier as she has had issues."

"It's quite alright Lizzie," Red responded getting up slowly. His body was stiff from sitting too long.

"You could have let her sleep in her crib."

"She started to cry every time I put her in."

To prove his point, he moved over to the crib and gently placed Agnes back down, but the little girl stirred and started to whimper when he removed his arms. Shaking his head he grabbed her back from the crib.

"It seems she is attached." Lizzie said, "I can take her if you need to leave."

The itch was there, but Red decided to deny it tonight. He could savor these little morsels Lizzie was giving him. It was a moment of weakness for her, he knew tomorrow it would be back to their tenuous relationship, but tonight in the wake of Tom's exit, he would take what he could get. How pathetic he was, he knew it, but if it meant being around the two things he cherished most in life right now, he would take it.

"No, it's fine. I have no other plans tonight."

"You cannot sit here and hold her all night," Lizzie responded.

"Agnes seems to think I can, and I can appease her."

"Red." Lizzie was truly touched by his willingness to do anything for her daughter. She knew that to be true since the little girl was born, but it was times like these that reminded her. "Just another hour. Then she's going to have to suck it up."