They can say that
I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast
"Do you think we'll ever be the same?" Jane asked, looking at Constance, her eyes full of hope.
"Maura is a complicated human being but I think she will forgive you. What you all have is true. Nothing can ever come between true love." The older woman spoke wisely. Jane's expression was one of mourning, as if she expected this incident to have killed anything her and Maura could ever have. Constance's heart melted for the woman. The detective was such a compassionate and loving person and she did not deserve any of what was happening to her and she told her daughter just that.
"You cannot be mad at Jane for doing her job." She attempted to rationalize with her pacing child. Twenty minutes ago, Maura came barreling into the hospital like a hurricane, her fury keeping the nurses from telling her that visiting hours were over long ago. She told her mother everything: about meeting Doyle and learning he was her father a year ago, to Collin, to everything that happened at the warehouse.
"The hell I can't. She was supposed to be my friend. Firing her weapon was the ultimate betrayal. She took my only chance at knowing who my birth mother is away from me with that bullet. Why should I forgive her?" Maura yelled, her voice overflowing with raw emotion. Her hands clenched and unclenched. She felt the urge to hit something, or someone, with all the force and strength her small body could muster. She wanted to hit Jane. She wanted the other woman to feel every bit of pain and turmoil she caused her. But Jane wasn't here.
"Because you love her."
Her mother's words brought Maura to a grinding halt. "What?"
"You heard what I said Maura. I don't need to repeat myself. You love Jane and it scares you."
"Of course I love Jane. She is- was my best friend."
"I think you know I mean a more than platonic love."
"I don…meeeeeeeeep…." Maura started to talk but suddenly the words wouldn't come out. "I don…meeeeeeeeep… What the hell? What's happening?"
"I think that is your body telling you to not bother trying to lying to me." Constance laughed at her daughter's expense.
"This is not funny, mother."
"It shouldn't be, but it is, dear. Just admit it. Nothing bad will come of it. The sky will not fall. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are not coming to kill us all. The world will not end."
"But my world just did. Jane is my world. Without her, I am nothing."
"Now, was that so hard, dear?" Her mother asked sarcastically.
"Mother!"
"Oh, Maura, calm down. This kind of behavior is not becoming. I am just trying to help you. You need to talk to Jane. Running away from this will only make it harder for your relationship."
"There is no relationship. And there won't be for a long time."
"Why is that?"
"Because I'm leaving for Africa in four days."
"This will not solve anything."
"I can't be near her, mother. It is just too hard. There is so much I am feeling right now that I do not understand. You were right. I was scared to love her and I was right for it. I thought she would break my heart and she did just that."
"So, you're choosing Doyle over Jane?"
"I am choosing my father over the woman who shot him."
"Maura, listen to yourself. Patrick Doyle is a criminal. He is at the top of the F.B.I.'s most wanted list. He has ended or given the thumbs up to end the lives of hundreds of people."
"They were all criminals."
"But they were still human beings. Killing them solved nothing. It only led to more killing. Their victims and their families will never receive the justice they deserve, the compensation for the death of their loved ones. Patrick Doyle had you kidnapped and held at gun point. You make think he loves you, but last time I check, that is not what love is. Love is everything that Jane has done to protect you and your secret."
"Protect me? The reason any of this happened is because she told her F.B.I Fuck Buddy about my connection to Doyle. Dean shouldn't have been at the crime scene. He compromised everything. He shot Doyle first!" Constance allowed Maura's slip in proper language slide because she knew it only came out during life altering times of stress for the young woman, though she could not figure out, for the life of her, where she learned a phrase like 'fuck buddy.' Jane, probably.
"And did you expect Jane to just let him go? As much as you think Agent Dean deserves what he got, that is not how the law works. Doyle had a gun. He was a threat to the safety of everyone in the room. He was a cold blooded killer who'd just added another kill to his list. For all you know, he could have been about to shoot her or her partner. In a situation like this, you have to eliminate the immediate threat. And Doyle was just that."
"He was my father."
"He was a sperm donor. William Isles is your father. He is the one that raised you to be the amazing woman that you are today. Do not let this new information about Doyle change that. And do not throw everything you have and could have with Jane because of him. She loves you more than life itself and I know you feel the same. I've seen you, Maura. You're face lights up when you talk about her. I've caught you daydreaming. The kind of daydreaming one has when they're completely and utterly in love with someone. Love like that does not happen often. Don't let it slip between the cracks." Maura listened to her mother's words. This Constance was different. She was more open about her emotions and how she felt. For a moment, Maura wished that this Constance had raised her. She would surely be a different person had she. Maybe the near death experienced opened more doors, like Jane's confronting her had months ago. Maura stood to leave.
"Good-bye, mother. I will let you know that I've arrived safely."
"Good-bye, dear. I hope you find what you're looking for.
"Who said I was looking for something?"
"You are. You just don't know what it is yet."
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
That was three days ago. She had not seen nor heard from her daughter since she stormed out of her hospital room. She assumed she was making preparations for her trip to Africa. God, Constance hoped she didn't run into Ian while there. She always hated the man. Maura expected too much from a man who could never love her the way she needed and deserved. In her heart, she knew Jane would do the job well.
"Do you know where she's going?" Jane asked quietly. She suspected that the older woman knew the details of Maura's sabbatical, but was not entirely willing to tell her. The thought of not seeing Maura for an unknown about of time pulled viciously at her heart strings. Knowing Maura, the distance being put between them would be great.
"She is going to Africa." The mention of the continent brought unpleasant memories to the surface. Her remembered seeing Maura crying and broken after Mr. Ian with Three-Hundred-Identities packed up and left. She wanted so much to take the doctor in her arms and tell her that everything would be alright. She regretted telling Maura that she'd take her to the airport if necessary. She didn't want Maura to leave. She wanted to lean down and capture the woman in a kiss that would convey all the love she had for her. She wanted to tell her that she would take care of and protect her with her last breath but she didn't. If Maura was going to Africa to reconnect with her lost lover, there was no chance in hell for her. Her love would remain a secret to the good doctor.
"To find Ian?" Jane asked hesitantly.
"To find herself."
"Oh," A silence filled the room but it was not an uncomfortable one. The two women seemed to find comfort in each other's presence. Maybe it was their connection to Maura that made them more open to interacting with each other. Maybe it was Jane's ferociously protective nature that put Constance at ease in her presence. "Do you know why?"
"Maura is very lost right now. Her love for you and her desire to know her biological mother are clouding her judgment." Constance told her.
"When is she leaving?" The older woman looked at her phone on the bedside table. She did not know if she should relay this information to Jane. The only reason she had it was because she called their family financial advisor and had her check on Maura's expenses. Once she knew what services she was using, she called around to find out when and where she was leaving. She did not know what the detective would do with the information but she trust Jane. Whatever she did would help save Maura, from herself.
"She is leaving from a small, private airport north of Boston. Her plane is scheduled to leave in three hours." With this news, Jane wiped her face, her tears long dry. She stood and tried to straighten the wrinkles from her suit, a habit she picked up from a certain doctor. "Where are you going?"
She looked at Constance with a sudden confidence.
"I'm going to get the woman I love."
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