A/N: Here is another installment. Thank you so much for the reviews so far. This really has been a departure for me in writing style and type of story. I am so glad you loves are enjoying it!
Disclaimer: V Roth still owns everything but the dung bombs I am tossing into her universe.
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Eric
"Do you remember the plan?" I ask Scout as I stand behind her. We are in Amity still, in a house not far from the compound that Johanna set up for the leaders of Dauntless to stay.
Max, Amar and I are all here on the pretense of working out some agreements with Johanna about Dauntless guard presence as well as supplies of food for those guards. I made sure the word was spread around a few weeks ahead of our visit what the purpose was. Establishing a well known reason for the senior leader, second in command and senior security officer would all be in Amity together and for the amount of time we will be here.
Even Four doesn't know it was a cover to meet with Damien and Scout. He is under the impression it is to get more information about the factionless plans by spying on the factionless in the area.
After their last fight, Amar and I knew he couldn't handle what we all had a feeling this was heading to. Max being here was always going to happen. He had the ultimate say and authority on any action taken in protection of the city.
He had also been curious and eager to meet Scout after a long meeting with Amar and I. It had been hard not to express our admiration for her. It had been hard for me not to let my own more personal feelings bleed in to that. Amar has been the same. Which resulted in Max demanding he have a meeting with her himself.
Scout glares at me over her shoulder before continuing her task. "Of course I do, Eric. I am the one that made it after all."
I grunt and go to the door to look out of it, keeping watch for Damien. He was sent to the city to meet up with a contact to obtain a few items that would be needed by Scout and himself for their part of the plan. The two of them will be returning to the place the factionless are using and calling their headquarters after that.
"I know you made the plan but it doesn't hurt to go over it out loud, Scout. We could find holes that weren't noticed before or…"
She sighs and puts the bundle of herbs she was wrapping and preparing for packing away, down before she turns to look at me. "Any holes were already found during the day long hashing out session you three made me sit through." She tilts her head and smiles a little. "I know you are just worried about what Four is going to say. I will make it known you voiced your disagreement so he won't take it out on you."
I scowl and go over to her. "I don't need your protecting and I won't have you lying to your own brother just to do that for me. Is it so hard to believe I might actually be worried for you myself?"
Shit. I don't know why I just said that.
Scout blushes a little and looks away, biting her lip. "I guess not." Then she looks back to me and the blush is gone but the determination is back in her eyes. "I know you think it needs to happen. I could see it in your eyes when I was laying it all out. This is the only way we can do this without costing too many lives."
She is right. It needs to happen and this way the chances of success, as well as minimum casualty, increase. My problem isn't with the plan really but what it means she has to do.
"Can you really take a life, Scout?" I ask her softly. Searching her eyes for any hesitation.
"Can I take a life or will I be able to take hers?" She replies with her own search of my expression.
"Both." I reply with a shrug.
She is silent for a few seconds before she replies. Her voice steady and resolved. "In my mind I am being given a choice of her or my brother. If I don't do this, TJ will most likely become a target and if not will certainly be leading any charge. That choice for me is simple, it will always be my brother. I don't want any illusions that my reasons aren't about him first. I am no hero in this. It could be argued that I am taking a cowards way to end it but I don't care."
I smile at her knowingly. Yeah her brother is a thought but that isn't what put the fire in her blood. She was born to be a leader and I had been in awe as she spoke to us today.
I felt the first of respect for her during that first meeting years ago. Going to warn a brother that might reject and hate her from the simple fact of his mother's betrayal. It couldn't have been easy for her then and it had been anything but easy on her since.
Even with Four in her life along with Amar and I helping out as much as we could we were still limited on what we could do for her. She was still forced to move around, There were times where food was scarce. Winters were hard in Dauntless so I knew they were worse for her and the other factionless. I knew from Damien just how bad it could and had gotten for her. She never complained one bit.
I knew she was capable of taking care of herself in her own ways but what was in front of her wasn't anything she had experience with before.
"Ending someone's life, or being the cause of it, is not something that you walk away from without leaving a piece of yourself behind. No matter how in the right you might be or believe to be; even if it is defense of your own or someone else's life. It changes you, Scout. I need you to be sure about this."
"Have you?" She asks me softly and turns away.
I nod and walk over to the table where she started working again. She is avoiding responding to me right away. I know this but I also don't mind sharing a little of my own experiences.
On the opposite side of the table I start to help where I can with the plants, then answer.
"I have before. Like you there was an instance where I knew it would be worse if I didn't act. I was in charge of two units and the one I was leading was in position to resolve the standoff. There wasn't time to plan or regroup so I had to move in. It was life or death but in the end I still walked away with their blood on my hands."
Her hands were shaking slightly and she wouldn't look at me.
"Scout, there isn't shame in admitting you can't do this or that you are scared to. Jesus, you are only fourteen…"
I had a feeling this might bring her out of the fear. She hated her age being brought into her being capable of anything. I remember well the first time I called her just a kid and how it was a button for her. I knew I was pushing her now on purpose but it needed to happen. She needed to have no doubts or hesitation about this.
"You think my age means a damn thing in our world? In my world? She is putting guns into the hands of kids who haven't even gotten their first permanent teeth, Eric! How old were you when you put your first bullet in someone? Just because I haven't killed someone doesn't mean I haven't seen someone being killed. Or seen some far worse things being done or attempted against kids my own age. Yes I am only fourteen but when have I ever been given the chance to just be a kid or teenager? If me doing this allows any of those kids the ability to have that, to live free of that or from the stain on their hands, then I will. It doesn't matter the cost to me because I will gladly pay it."
As she was speaking she had paced her way over to me and then jabbed her finger into my chest hard. Hard enough for it to hurt like hell and rock me back slightly. After she finished speaking her chest was heaving and her nostrils flared in anger.
Swallowing around a flood of emotions I didn't even recognize nor did I want to; I grabbed that hand that had settled lightly onto my chest. She looked at it for a second as if she hadn't even realized she had it there. I gave it a small squeeze before letting it drop and nodding to her.
Hoping my face was blank of any emotion, I looked at her for one more second before turning and walking away. "Good. Remember that." I said over my shoulder to her without really looking back.
She didn't reply or I didn't give her the chance. I stepped out into the fresh air and stalked to the side of the building where I would be out of sight and breathed out in a big exhale.
"What the hell was that about?" I muttered to myself darkly.
Whatever it was could just fuck off. There is no way I would or could get attached or allow myself to feel anything other than respect or concern for Four's little sister.
I snapped myself back to attention and went to find Amar. He could wait for Damien with Scout.
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Four
From a young age I had well established and true loathing or fear of fighting. Not the physical kind but that was up there too. It was the shouting, the loss of control with emotions and words. Lashing out and striking deep inside someone where the scars never show but also may never heal.
I had this ingrained in me so deeply that I avoided any reason for me to engage in that type of behavior. I have found over the last four years that when you have people you care about, love with all your heart; it just isn't possible to avoid conflict and fighting.
Man did I ever find this out now that I have two women in my life that I would lay it down for.
My problem is and has been...I cannot and will not ever accept a time when it would be them laying down their life for me or anyone else.
Which leads me to the hurricane I just stormed away from.
They had all gone behind my back! Max, Amar, Damien, Eric….and Scout.
The betrayal was festering in me and I had let it spill out at onto the only other person I trusted and loved the most. My girlfriend Tris.
I thought she would be sympathetic and even just as angry or worried as I am. Even now I can hear her words ringing in my mind and it continues to fuel my anger.
"So you expect for her to just sit back and allow this to happen? Would you expect that from me?" Tris has asked calmly.
She was too calm and that should have been a red flag for me but I was too far gone.
"If it meant that it kept you safe and you didn't become a monster, then yeah I would."
"How would not only standing up for what is right and protecting our city, which is our entire purpose as Dauntless Tobias; how would that make her a monster?"
I had spun around and stared at her incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Did you hear what I said they are doing? What she is going to do? She is going to murder them. How can that not make her into a monster!"
I saw that beneath all the calm surface, a volcano had been building. All 5'6 of petite blonde exploded on me leaving me slamming out of our apartment before she could tear me into shreds anymore.
I pushed all her arguments and points out of my mind as I continued on my determined path. There was only thing I could do and I was going to make it happen, no matter who I pissed off in the process.
I slammed into the control room where a few high ranking officers in the know along with Max and Amar were standing. Images of maps on the table projecting in 3D while the panel of monitors on the wall displayed various camera feeds.
"Call it off. Now." I demanded, glaring at the two men that were the authority of all this.
Amar looked to Max, whose face was a mask I had come to know. Max motioned me with his head and spoke in a low dangerous tone. "My office. Now."
Spinning I almost ran in there with how angry and keyed up I am. It takes him several minutes before he makes his way in and he finds me pacing in impatience.
He ignores me while he goes to his desk, settled behind it then steeples his hands and looks at me coldly. I take this as my cue to start in on him but he takes one hand and raises it up.
"Before you open your mouth and make another demand I would like you to take a look at your surroundings. Can you tell me where we are currently?"
I scowl at him for a moment before I catch the deadly look in his eyes, then I go to attention and wipe the scowl off my face. "Your office sir."
"Oh so you remember the sir part now? Tell me Four, where exactly is this office located?"
I know I must have a look of confusion before I answer. "The Dauntless Compound?"
He tilts his head to the side and frowns. "Are you sure about that? Because the fact that you phrased that as a question along with the fact that you thought for a second you could just come into my goddamn control room and demand anything of me...well it is leaving me confused."
A hiss of a breath leaves me as my anger fades and I realize how much I have been screwing up.
"Catching on finally?" Max asks as he stands up. "Good. Here is what is going to happen. I am going to give you a choice but I want you to know I have every damn right to lock your ass in a holding cell for your insubordination and trying to subvert a high risk mission." He holds my eyes and lets me absorb that before he takes a breath.
"This was not an easy decision or choice for any of us, Four. I understand that this is even closer to home for you and that is exactly why we could not let you in on it. You have already proved you cannot set aside the personal aspect of this and look at the bigger picture. Do you think it is easy for me every time Zeke or Uriah go out on patrols or missions; for myself or Hana? Those boys are like my own flesh and blood, I would gladly step in front of a bullet for them and I know they would do the same for me. We are Dauntless, Four. Your sister might not be Dauntless by birth or by law but can you tell me that you for a second doubt where her heart is? It is you, yes but also this city and her people."
He is echoing Tris' words from earlier but it is still hard for me to swallow. I don't answer any of that so I ask my question. "You mentioned choices, sir."
He nods. "You can gear up and stand by with the back up teams should they be needed; while watching from the control room. Or I can send you home and put guards at your door where you will sit and wait for word to be given after mission completion."
I grit my teeth in frustration. There is no way the second one is going to be my choice and he knows it.
"I would like to suit up and stand ready, sir."
"Good. Head out and get ready. Be back in control in fifteen. The teams will be rolling out in an hour."
I do as he says and find myself back in the control room, standing at the back and quiet. I am being mostly ignored but I can see Amar casting looks to me. I don't bother returning them or even trying to answer the question he is asking me.
He wants to know if I am good and the truth is I am far from it. I thought any real love I had for Evelyn faded when I had proof of her nature myself. Knowing what she sent against Dauntless, what she was capable of ordering be done was just one of the many things she had done or was capable of. I thought I had long ago relegated her to being even worse than Marcus could ever be and no mother of mine.
Apparently there was a part of me that still loved her and the thought of her dying...being killed...had me all over the place emotionally. What really had me frozen right now as I watched events unfold is it being my own sister be the person to kill our mother.
I love Scout but this makes me wonder...what if that warrior and fighter inside of her she showed from time to time...was really just a monster?