"Love is only a dirty trick played on us

to achieve continuation of the species."

W. Somerset Maugham

Chapter Four: The Definition of "Fun"

Bella POV

I had no concept of time. In the morning I would wake up in a cold sweat, shaken and hoarse from screaming all night. I'd go either to school or work, whichever my dad reminded me of that morning. At work I'd stock shelves and clean; they had taken me off cash. At school I'd go to class and come home, sitting at their old table at lunchtime. I never spoke, nor did I eat unless I was at the dinner table with my dad. In that case I picked at my food, hardly aware of what I had put on the table for us. I'd shower and do homework. Then off to bed to experience more nightmares and screaming.

I didn't pay much attention around the house either. Of course there had been people coming in and out…guys from the Res helping dad or Billy and Jake there to watch the game…but I always busied myself in my room…you know, "homework"…more like staring at the wall. I also faintly remember trick-or-treaters and a Christmas tree…but the date today I couldn't be sure of. I knew I didn't need my winter coat today…must mean spring. It was when my dad closed my truck door a few days ago, keeping me from driving to school that I began to pay attention.

"Bella, you need to move to Jacksonville with your mom and Phil."

I had been shocked, of course. I remember I had stared at him blankly and forced myself to come to.

"You…you want me to leave?" He had shaken his head and leaned against my truck, clearly uncomfortable with getting emotional. That day he told me how afraid he was. That I don't eat…talk…do anything… obviously I knew this but it hurt hearing it from him. My intension was never to hurt him…or anyone. I just…I don't know what to do with myself. How can I talk about it…when no one would believe how hard this is? My dad had suggested I go see Jake or hang out with my friends at school and I really didn't want to be reminded of Forks High School right now. Though I don't think they would talk to me anymore anyway. I was too "weird". So here I am, driving down the road in my old Chevy to La Push. I hadn't called…far too scattered for that. However, I had stopped to put gas in my truck when I saw them: two beaten down motorcycles in the back of someone's truck. That was when I remembered his words.

"Promise me you won't do anything reckless?" I shook his voice out of my mind and walked up to the man in pure spite. I had bought the two bikes off the guy who helped me load them into the back of my truck.

I was now pulling into Jake's driveway, my engine roaring to a stop. I got out of the truck and began walking toward the clanking.

"Bella!" He yelled and I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. He picked me up and spun me around in a hug.

"Where have you been?! I've missed you!" I laughed a bit as he set me down, the sound odd even to my ears.

"Jake…you….you're buff. What happened to you?" He laughed, giving me a gleaming smile.

"Just growing up." He said proudly and I laughed again.

"I uh…I brought you something." He walked back to my truck with me and I pulled the tarp off the bikes.

"They'll probably cost more to fix than they're worth…but I figured if I had a mechanically inclined friend…" His gaze settled on the bikes and his smile fell. He just looked at them, lost in thought.

"Look…I get if you think this is stupid…and reckless." He took a breath, nodding.

"It's completely stupid and reckless." He told me and my head fell.

"When do we start?" I looked up at his words to see his smile had returned and I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face.

"Uh… n-now!" He chuckled at my enthusiasm and helped me take the bikes out of the bed of the truck…though he really didn't need my help. This kid has to be a 6'1"…180lbs. He doesn't look how I remembered him at all…but he had the same soft eyes, same long hair…same caring smile. It was really nice to be here.

Paul POV

Sam, Nigel and I watched from Billy's back porch as Jacob ran from his garage calling Bella's name. Sam gave us a look and we went inside to see Billy standing at the front window as well, watching them interact.

"Well I'll be damned…" Nigel said with a smile. Bella was still very sickly looking…but she was speaking and interacting with people again. I gave Sam a look when she showed Jacob the bikes and Billy shook his head.

"I bet Charlie doesn't know she has those." He clicked and I smirked.

"Since when does the leech lover follow the rules?" He chuckled with a small smile.

"Never has. Until she started dating Cullen." I gave him a look and he shrugged.

"She became a puppet you could say…poor girl couldn't tie her shoes without him hovering. Keep an eye out for her…Jake too." Billy said with a pointed look at Sam who nodded. I knew what they meant. Jake was bulking up…fast. He was going to go through the change…when we couldn't say.

We went back outside to continue working on the back porch. A tree had fallen on it during the winter and Billy insisted we wait until it was nicer weather to "bother" us with the task of fixing it, though it didn't make much difference for our warm bodies. We watched as Jake and Bella went back into the garage and began reconnecting and I felt bad for the kid. He was going to get Bella back and then have to disappear once he changes.

"She's still so skinny…" Nigel said with concern and I saw Sam nod.

"Yea…something tells me it will be a process getting her back to normal." He told us. I shrugged.

"Not that it matters. Once Jake phases she'll be left to her own devices again." I told them and Nigel looked down to the hammer in his hands.

"Should…should we make friends with her?" He asked and I shook my head.

"You crazy? The last thing we need is the leech lover asking a bunch of questions." I took out my level and made sure the post we had put up was plum. It was.

"Yea but she is going to ask questions when Jake disappears." Sam told us and I just kept working. I felt bad for her, yes. I was angry with the Cullen's, yes. But that didn't mean I wanted her hanging around. We listened to the pair in the garage for a while.

"So…motorcycles eh?" Jacob asked her. I heard her laugh a bit.

"Yea…I suppose so." Jacob 'hmm'ed and I heard clanking.

"But um…could we uh…not tell Charlie?" It was a momentary shock to hear her call Charlie by his name and not 'dad'. Sam gave me a look and shook his head with a chuckle.

"I bet she's a hard one to keep up with when she's at her best." Sam said and Nigel chuckled.

"You don't want your dad to know?" Jake finally said and I could hear Bella stumbling through her words.

"Well…you know my dad… h-he'd never understand." There was a slight pause and I heard Jake sigh.

"I'm having a hard time understanding too…if I'm being honest." I heard her stand up and start pacing around the garage. Sam shook his head and I knew what he was thinking. You can't scare her away if you want to help her…

"I'm tired of having my actions planned out for me. I'm tired of having to do what I'm told…I just…" I heard her sit down again and more scuffling…Jacob must have gone over to her.

"When…h-he left. He told me to…to not do anything reckless. Because that's me…breakable Bella. I…I just want to do something stupid…even if it is out of spite." Sam, Nigel, and I all looked to each other sadly. I felt bad for the girl…compared to a vampire she would be very breakable.

"I really hate that guy." Nigel said, gripping the railing. It creaked dangerously beneath his grip.

"Take it easy Nig." Sam told him and he shook a bit.

"I'm so sick of those bloodsuckers…acting like they're better than everyone else. Listen to her. 'Having to do what she's told'? It's not fair of him to compare her humanity to him." Nigel began pacing around the porch.

"She chose him." I muttered as I kept hammering away. Sam gave me a look and I shut my mouth.

"I know Nigel, but they are gone now and Bella can get back to her normal routine." I shook my head. How could she get back to her normal routine when she's buddies with a soon-to-be werewolf? That girl wouldn't ever be the same. I was just glad she isn't my responsibility.

"I know that sounds…stupid." She told Jake after a few moments of silence. He chuckled.

"No Bella, that's not stupid. I understand." They were silent again until I heard shuffling and more clanking. They settled back into conversation, carefully avoiding topics of school and the last year. I looked to Nigel who had calmed a bit, though he still looked angry.

"Nig you need to let it go. She's not our responsibility. Never has been." He shot me a look and I knew I was wearing thin on his nerves but I was never one to censor myself unless ordered to by Sam.

"She is our responsibility. We are to protect from vampires." I scoffed.

"She went to them willingly. I don't protect anyone that tilts their head on their own accord." Nigel looked at me in shock from my reference of her being changed.

"Paul…" Sam warned and I shook my head.

"No. You can't tell me they didn't have it all worked out. I'm surprised she's still human. She got herself into this mess and as much as I feel for her situation, she's just going to have to live with the aftermath. I don't help people that hurt themselves." I snarled and got up to start sawing pieces of wood, leaving Sam and Nigel on the deck.

I've been doing so well lately at keeping my anger in check but I've had about enough of coddling the Swan girl. She's a big girl and can make her own choices. I feel bad for them women that never see it coming…not the ones like Bella.

That night I did as I usually do…ran a quick perimeter around the Res and had a quick fuck with whoever my scroll bar in my phone landed on. What can I say? I'm not the settle down kind of guy. I'm an angry, self-centered, man-whore that doesn't believe in "love"…and I don't take that as an insult. Why would I when the lifestyle suits me so well?

Never seen a relationship go well. There's always that catch, there's always a fuck-up. And I don't care to deal with a nagging bitch seven days a week. I mean…take tonight for example.

"Paul-yyy, when are you going to take me out someplace nice? I mean…I looove what we do but you should show me you care." Pffft… number one: I don't even remember if she was Holly or Heather…both of which are in my phone, on top of twenty some other fuck-ables down on the Res. They all think they can "change" me and they all think they are more than what they are. They are a good fuck. They are hot airheads that find muscles and a handsome face and see a piece of meat. So why bother seeing them as anything else? As I walked home I ran into…Tiffany? Tasha…

"Paul! It's me, Trish!" Trish. Right… do I have her in my phone?

"I've been out allllll night. I was going to call you." She said with a wink and I smirked. I suppose I do have her number.

"Oh yea? Needed an escort home?" I asked. Clearly this was an easy pick up. Sometimes… they just fall into my lap. Literally.

"More like an escort into the woods over there." She said sloppily and I happily obliged. Nothing like getting lucky twice in one night!

"You know Sam, one day you'll see the world differently." Nigel told me as Sam shook his head. It was Sunday and we were finishing up the porch. Nigel was obviously referring to my answer to the question "how was your night?"

"I doubt it little buddy." He chuckled without humour.

"You never want to fall in love? Have a family?" I had to laugh at that. I saw Sam wince at my response, but could he blame me?

"Love is not in my future, Nig. Come on, look at me. I'm not cut out for that love bullshit. I have enough on my plate without some broad nosing around." Nigel just shook his head.

"I want to fall in love one day." He said after we heard Bella laugh in the garage with Jacob. She had come back today, much to Jacob's pleasure. I smirked.

"Looks like Jake isn't the only one that's smitten." I chuckled and Sam smiled, looking to Nigel. He blushed just enough for us to see it through his dark skin.

"Shut up guys…that's not what I meant…" but Sam and I didn't believe him.

"Yea right. You've been pining over her since we found her in the woods." He shook his head but a smile managed its way onto his face.

"I don't know…she's cool." I laughed loudly this time.

"Yea ok. When did you get a chance to see that? Was it during the moping, the dead stares, or this deranged motorcycle phase?" Sam chuckled too and Nigel just shrugged.

"Well…she's gone through a lot. Doesn't mean she isn't a cool girl. I bet she's a lot of fun to be around." I shook my head, grabbing another nail.

"Our definitions of 'fun' are different I think." I told him and he gave me a glare.

"Well when your only definition of fun is a meaningless fuck…" He snarled under his breath and I spun around, the anger evident in my eyes.

"Watch it pup. You leave my choices out of whatever it is you have for that brat in there." Sam stepped to me and put a hand on my chest as indication to calm down. It was an order.

"Sorry Paul I just…"

"Yea whatever. Let's just finish the fucking porch." I snapped and we fell back into silence.

Nigel POV

Of course I had developed a thing for Bella…I mean…she brings out the protector in me. I remember after I had bandaged her feet up Sam had asked me if I had imprinted on her given the fact that she was all I could think about. I hadn't, but that didn't matter to me. I just liked being there for her. The night she sank to the floor into my arms she felt so small and delicate…I couldn't help that my inner wolf wanted to care for her.

I liked being at Billy's just because Bella and Jake were usually there hanging out. We always kept our distance…much to Paul's pleasure I'm sure…but it was nice to see her up and about again. Charlie's been coming down to the Res for months now talking about how Bella scares the hell out of him…she probably didn't even remember Christmas.

This made me sad for her. How could one person fuck you up so much…that you completely self-implode? It's those fucking Cullen's. Life suckers in every sense of the term. I know it was Bella's choice to date him…but that doesn't mean she deserves this. Truth be told I was a bit jealous of Jacob. He gets to hang out with her everyday and be there for her…but I have to stay at a distance, if not for her benefit, than for the sake of not hearing Paul gripe about it every day.

Through patrols and spending time at Billy's I have learned a lot about Bella. She's about 5", down to 90lbs. Her long brown hair shines a coppery red in the sun. She's pretty funny actually…has a dry sense of humour like her dad…very sarcastic. A bit wild too…wants to try cliff diving after the motorcycle project is over. She hates music…won't even let Jacob listen to it in the garage while they work. According to Jacob she's quite the artist when she's up for painting, which hasn't been since before she dated Cullen. We all know Charlie and some officers down at the station have a band they play in as a hobby and according to Billy, musical talent runs in the family. Though Bella would never want that as a career path…hates the spotlight. She wakes up screaming most nights of the week…the only exceptions are the days she spends down at the Res. Her dad wants her to date Jacob…but Bella's heart just isn't in it. I smiled at that…if only for my own personal gratification. I like Jake…but I just don't think he's right for Bella. Not that I think I am…but the jealous part of me is happy that she doesn't like him that way.

Bella also doesn't have many friends at school anymore. They had grown apart when she was dating Cullen and now they just think she's weird. I felt bad for her…once Jacob phases…she won't have anyone. Not that Jacob understands her pain right now…but he is still an escape for her. Of course, she won't understand why or how it happened, but he will cut off contact at some point for her own good…and his, once he realizes she dated a vampire.

Paul always says he's excited for when Jacob changes because then Bella will stop hanging around the Res…I think it's a shame. He's just a moody prick sometimes. Not that I can blame him…but there comes a time when enough is just enough for one day. I know he has some sympathy for her and hates the Cullen's…but he just doesn't see things the way I do.

The three of us have also been by the Swan house to help Charlie around the yard and Bella seems to be outside more, helping out. She's clumsier than hell but she knows her way around a few power tools. Charlie told us Bella used to help with all the home renovations and he'd always make sure she was included in the learning process so she could be as independent as she needed to be. It was pretty hot to see a girl with a tool belt…I can't lie. The best part of that day was when I went into the garage for another box of nails and found a piece of plywood…beautifully painted into a meadow scene. Jacob was right…girl has talent.

Today though, is April 6th…and Jacob had to cancel his plans with Bella. "Mono" Billy had told her on the phone. Hearing her sad reply through the phone was tough as Sam, Paul, and I sat in the living room with a shaking Jacob. He had come home from the movies last night and phased for the first time. He will be a natural one-day but he's a mess right now. And even worse…Bella will be left alone once again. Abandoned…and never know the truth.

There you have it! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!