Mccoy Pulls a Teapot Out of Unsavoury Places
The odd pair travelled through the odd landscape for quite some time. For the most part, Spock's highly logical, nigh computerized mind was fixed on whether Jim and his fal ak'shem was safe and alright, and what part he was playing in the highly illogical set up. The other part of him was trying to ascertain the science behind the new Enterprise mascot Sulu's evaporation and levitation skills.
"I just…float." Those big brown eyes blinked in a very contented way. Spock, and probably the entire crew was used to seeing Sulu like this – in an interesting array of statistics, it seemed when the Enterprise encountered a substance or mentality that made one dreamy, 80% of the time Sulu was one of the first to be affected.
"Pass me the laser scalpel, Nurse!" Spock would know the voice of that particular medical officer anywhere. Sometimes it even haunted his dreams and told him he should be eating more salads. At least Doctor Mccoy sounded as though he were less affected than the others. At least that poshayek gluvaya Jim had someone to –
Mccoy would have to get out his 'Moments in History When Spock Was Wrong' log, because Spock had never been so wrong.
In the clearing, a large table had been placed. Nurse Chapel stood on one side, dressed in a hare outfit. Large ears sprouted from her cranium, and buck teeth sat forward on her lip. On the table top lay a dead redshirt, whom Doctor Mccoy (who was wearing a very illogical amount of hats) was cutting open with some enthusiasm.
"Here, Ma'am, have some tea. It's good for your health, you know." The good doctor somehow pulled a teacup out of the dead man, then proceeded to remove a large teapot. The hakarik Captain was nowhere to be seen.
"Sulu, I believe you said you were taking me to see Kirk." He shot a cool glance over at the floating cat officer.
"I thought you might be hungry, Spock." Sulu grinned dreamily and floated toward the table. "Come and join us."
"I would prefer – "
"Ahh, look who it is, mister hob-goblin green blood himself." Mccoy had that gleam in his eye, that gleam that either meant he had just used medicinal knowledge to incapacitate someone or was going to use medicinal knowledge to incapacitate someone. He wasn't Starfleet's #1 most scary officer 3 years running for nothing, and the plastic skeleton in his surgery labelled 'the last officer to talk back to Doctor Mccoy' did not help.
"Take a biscuit, go on, you need sweetening up." The doctor pressed a blood-soaked gingernut into his hand and led him toward the table. Sulu floated overhead munching some gory cake. There was a tinkle in the corner as a tribble popped up out of a teapot and began to inch towards the food. Nurse Chapel gave a disturbing giggle and slam-dunked it back in the teapot again. Fascinating.
"Doctor Mccoy, do you know what is beyond those trees?" It seemed to be where the power source was coming from.
"How about this, Spocko-boy: You listen to our little song we wrote, and we tell you what's through the forest." There was an almighty crunch as Mccoy pulled a sugar bowl out of the dead man's ribcage. He stared at it for an illogical amount of seconds. "Too much sugar this one. That's why he's dead."
"Doctor that is hardly a logical conclusion - "
"You wanna know or not, Spocko-boy?" Bones poured out nothing from the teapot with the tribble in it, looked Spock dead in the eye and sipped nothing from the cup.
"Please, doctor." Just when he thought humans could get no more illogical, they always proved him wrong.
"He wants to hear the song!" Mccoy grinned and raised his arms like a conductor. If Vulcans could look completely and utterly done with everything, Spock was a vision of this. Mccoy, Chapel and Sulu all cleared their throats and began to sing in a strange blend of country, choir and cat yowling. The tribble in the teapot purred a deep bass.
Twinkle twinkle little bat
Sulu's turned into a cat
Up above the world so high
Is the starship in the sky
Twinkle twinkle little bat
Jim needs to lose 3lbs of fat
"He's on salads as I speak!" Mccoy tapped Spock's chest with a bloody rib. "He's through that there forest in the castle, living the life of luxury as I pull biscuits out of a red shirt's ass!"
He turned the glare that had once made a small Klingon cry on the biscuit in his hand. If it had not been so illogical, Spock might have sworn he saw the baked good tremble.
"Dammit man, I'm a doctor, not a baker!"
"Perhaps you would accompany me, doctor. Jim may need all the help he can get." Spock rose from the table sans bloody gingernut and Mccoy nodded.
"Yeah, Jim-boy'd lose his head if he didn't have me to screw it back on." The doctor muttered and ate the biscuit with an air of general anger. "Come on Nurse, Sulu and the tea tribble, we're gonna go make tea for the Queen and pray some idiot hasn't stolen those damn tarts again. They're not easy to find in a redshirt!"
The three of them gave crazed laugh, very much like the one Sulu had given a couple of months back when he almost took over the Enterprise shirtless with only a foil. Spock was glad, not for the first time, that he did not have emotions.
A/N:
As always, tell me what you think! I love to hear from you guys c:
Site I use for my Vulcan: /vld/
There was a S1 episode where Jim literally had to eat salads because he was 3lbs overweight according to Mccoy.
Sulu almost took over the Enterprise shirtless with a foil in the episode The Naked Time.
I'm having a lot of fun writing this, haha :P
Stay awesome!
- Hades :)