Yerrr so it's been like three years or whateva, but I'm back and I'm betta. Tryna finish my incomplete stories for y'all. Literally just finished this rn and I'm gonna keep going tmm. Happy to be back, make sure to share, follow, fav, and review :)

It's been two weeks since Chloe started keeping the diary Annabel suggested. The redhead felt like it really helped her get her head back on straight. She had been paranoid and doubtful about herself, but that was all starting to go away. Chloe was having a really good day, one of the best since the assault. She had gotten the cutest good morning text from Beca, she went to breakfast with Aubrey, Bella's rehearsals went fabulously, and Beca asked her out to dinner. How could it get any better?

The redhead walked into her Renaissance and Reformation class and sat down. The TA started passing back the papers they had written last week and Chloe was shocked when she got hers back. There was a circled 'F' on the top of the front page. Chloe hadn't failed a paper in that class ever, how could this one not have passed?

The redhead sat through the lecture and went up to her professor after class.

"Excuse me, Professor James, can I ask why I got an F on this paper?"

"Can I ask you why you haven't dropped the charges?" he replied.

Chloe stopped, she felt her heart drop into her stomach "... What?"

"It's been a month and you haven't dropped the charges. Drop them or else you're failing this class," he said firmly.

The redhead's heart was beating twenty times faster than normal, "You?"

"You say anything and I'll make sure you never graduate from here, understand? Drop the charges and I'll change your grade. See you on Thursday Ms. Beale," he said, leaving the room.

A tear fell down Chloe's cheek and she took a deep breath. She stood still for a while before she turned around and left the classroom. She walked all the way to her dorm, ignoring everyone who came up to ask if she was okay, tears still falling down her cheeks. When she got into her room she locked the door behind her and sat on her bed.

How could this happen? She was finally starting to get better and now... this? It couldn't be him, not her professor. She could've sworn there was three boys... Wouldn't she have noticed if someone she saw almost every day was raping her? The more she thought about it, she realized she never really saw all their faces, only two were visible to her. How could that be?

Chloe stared at the wall across from her, she felt her lip start to quiver and with that she started to sob. She didn't know what she could do at this point. She couldn't tell anyone, no. She needed to graduate. Should she just tell someone? Of course, why wouldn't she? But who would believe her? Would she just look like a paranoid, traumatized girl who was looking for closure? She didn't know what to do.

The redhead couldn't stop crying. What was the point anymore? Chloe sighed and got up, getting the razor from her toiletry bag. She popped out one of the blades and held it, her hands shaking.

"What am I doing?" she said to herself, still crying.

She couldn't deal with any of it anymore. She was trying so hard to get over it but every time she took a step forward something would push her back. She was raped for what? Liking girls? Beca was the first girl she had ever really been with, but she knew she loved her... or she thought she knew. She sighed and shook her head, putting the blade to her wrist.

"Damn it, Chloe," she whispered.

A tear fell on to her wrist and she took the blade and pushed it into her skin, dragging it across her arm. The blood surprised the redhead a little, seeing as it was way more than the other times and it had been years since then, but it didn't stop her from going for the other wrist.

Beca sat at the desk in her dorm, trying to finish a mix for Chloe but she couldn't remember one of the songs she had requested. She tapped her fingers along the edge of the table before picking up the phone and dialing the redhead's number. The phone rang and rang, but Chloe didn't answer.

Beca started to panic. The last time Chloe didn't answer the phone she was getting attacked. The brunette immediately got up and headed to her girlfriend's dorm, dialing the number again and again and again.

When she finally got to her dorm she knocked on the door, "Chloe? Babe, are you in there?"

No answer. Beca called the girl another time and furrowed her eyebrows when she heard the girl's ringtone through the door. Chloe never went anywhere without her phone so she was definitely inside the room. She tried the handle but it was locked.

"Chloe?" she yelled, panicked.

Beca ran down the hall to Aubrey's room and banged on the door until the blonde swung the door open.

"What?!"

"You have Chloe's room key right?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah why?"

"I need it, hurry!"

"What? Why? What's going on?" Aubrey asked.

"I don't know! Hurry up, Aubrey!"

"Okay, okay," she said, grabbing the key and handing it to Beca, following the girl back down the hall.

Beca unlocked the door and almost fainted.

"Fuck, Aubrey call 9-1-1."

"Oh my God..."

"Aubrey! Call for help!" Beca yelled, tears already formed in her eyes.

Blood was all over the bed and Chloe was passed out on top of it. Beca ran over to the redhead and checked for her pulse. It took her a few moments to find, but it was there.

"Thank God..." she whispered to herself.

She ripped the bedsheet and wrapped it around Chloe's wrists as tight as she could. Beca put her hand on the girl's cheek and tried to wake her up.

"Chloe... Wake up, baby, please," the brunette begged, tears falling down her face. "Don't die on me, you can't die on me."

"They're sending an ambulance," Aubrey said, trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

At this point there was a crowd standing behind Aubrey outside the door, everyone trying to see inside the room. Beca looked at all the people outside and then back to Chloe and couldn't help the wave of nausea that overcame her. She grabbed the trash can from the side of Chloe's bed and started to hurl into it. After her third upchuck, she looked back at Chloe and blacked out.

She only woke up to the feel of someone's hands on her. She opened her eyes and saw an EMT standing over her. She immediately shook him off and moved him over to Chloe.

"I don't need help, help her!"

"You were unconscious-"

"I'm fine, it was just the shock. Help her!"

They had already started to put Chloe on a stretcher, rolling her out of the room. Beca and Aubrey pushed passed the people in the halls to clear the way for the paramedics with the stretcher. The brunette jumped in the ambulance after Chloe and Aubrey ran to her car, starting the ignition and following the sirened vehicle.

Beca stared at Chloe's unconscious body, oxygen mask covering half her face. Tears would stop running down her face. How was it that she was in another ambulance with the redhead for the second time in less than a month? Her heart was racing and her breathing was getting faster, soon becoming hard to get the air in.

The paramedic in the back put an oxygen mask over Beca's face, taking the girl by surprise.

"You were hyperventilating, keep thee mask on and take deep breaths," he said.

Beca nodded and did as she was told. After a couple minutes they got to the hospital and Beca ripped the mask off her face, getting ready to get out after Chloe. The paramedics carried the stretcher out of the ambulance and rolled Chloe into the emergency room.

Aubrey just parked her car and ran after the group as a nurse held her and Beca back in the waiting room. "You can't go in passed here, I'm sorry."

Beca still has tears running down her face while Aubrey's tears had dried on her face.

"I have to call her parents..." Beca said, staring at the floor.

"Good idea," Aubrey said, sitting down. She looked like she was about to puke.

Beca walked out the doors of the ER waiting room to go outside. She took her phone out from her pocket and went into her contacts to call Chloe's mom. The phone call only lasted for about two minutes before Chloe's mom panicked and hung up, saying she was on her way. Beca paced back and forth outside and the finally picked up the phone again and dialed a number she knew by heart.

"Hello?"

"Annabel..."

"Beca? What's wrong?"

She didn't say anything. She didn't even know what to say if she could.

"Rebecca..." Annabel said in a more serious tone. "It's late and you're not saying anything. What's wrong sweetie?"

"I'm in the emergency room..."

"What? What happened? Are you okay?"

"Not for me... Chloe..."

"Okay, I'm coming. You're in Grady?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Beca hung up the phone and paced back and forth a couple more times before going back inside. She sat down next to Aubrey and bounced her fingers on her knees. What seemed like seconds later, Chloe's mom ran into the waiting room. She saw Beca and Aubrey and immediately came up to them asking for what happened.

"She wasn't answering my calls and I got worried so I went to her dorm and heard her phone ringing through the door so I called Aubrey to unlock the door and she was just laying there... in a giant puddle of blood... I don't know what happened. She seemed fine; she just started going back to class again; we got lunch this afternoon; she was writing her feelings down in a little journal; she seemed happier finally," Beca rambled.

Chloe's mom pulled Beca into her chest and wrapped her arms around the girl, bringing her rambling to a stop. They both started to cry as they stood there. Chloe's mom pulled away from the hug and sat down where Beca was sitting before next to Aubrey. Beca sat on the other side of the woman. They sat there in silence for a minute before the redhead's mother grabbed one of each of Beca and Aubrey's hands and put them in her lap. The three sat like that until Annabel rushed into the waiting room, causing Beca to get up and walk with her to the other side of the room.

"Rebecca, please tell me what happened."

"She slit her wrists dude... I walked in on her bleeding out on the floor of her dorm."

"Oh my God. What happened?"

"I have no idea! She was writing in the journal like you told her, going to class, going out... I don't know what happened Annie... I didn't know, I didn't know—"

"Bec, relax... you didn't know. There's no way you could've prevented this."

"Why didn't she tell me she was feeling like this?"

"It's not always that simple, mama."

"This is ass... everything about this is just ass," Beca said, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair.

"I know... C'mon, let's sit you back down."

Annabel and Beca walked back over to where Aubrey and Chloe's mom sat and took the chairs next to them. The ER was kind of dead that night... or it was slow, for a better choice of words. The wait seemed forever though.

A doctor with long, red hair a little lighter than Chloe's and emerald green eyes walked into the waiting room asking for Beca.

"I'm Dr. Jocelynn Pierce. We stitched up her wrists and had to give her blood. She'll be under 72 hour suicide watch in the psychiatric wing. I'm only allowing one visitor tonight, then from tomorrow on she'll be able to see two people at a time, no more. I can take whoever you decide to her now."

Beca sighed and turned to Chloe's mother, "Tell her I love her, okay? And I'll be here first thing in the morning."

The woman nodded and followed the doctor through the doors. Aubrey stood up and looked at Beca.

"Are you gonna get going?" the blonde asked.

"Uhm... No, I'm gonna wait for her mom to come out I think," she replied.

Aubrey nodded and said goodbye to her and Annabel, "I'll be here at 10 tomorrow."

Annabel stood up from the chair she was in and put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "I think you should go home."

"No, I can't. I can't go home. The person I love more than anything in the world tried to kill herself. She wanted to die. I didn't even notice... I need to know that she's okay."

"Okay, do you want me to stay with you?"

"No... I'll be fine, thank you for coming," Beca replied.

"Okay, call me tonight if anything and text me with visiting hours for tomorrow."

Beca nodded and Annabel gave her a kiss on the head before leaving. The brunette looked down at her hands and realized she still had blood all over them. She got up and walked to the bathroom. She scrubbed her hands in the sink until all the dried blood was gone from under her nails and she tried to get the stain out of her shirt but it was no use. Beca dried her hands and shirt under the hand dryer and went back into the waiting room, just in time too because Chloe's mom had just walked out of the doors with the doctor from before.

"How is she?" Beca asked.

"She says she won't stop fighting the nurses until she sees you," Dr. Pierce said with a sigh.

Beca looked at Chloe's mom, "She needs to talk to you. I'm gonna come back tomorrow with her father... Go calm her down."

Chloe's mom had tears running down her face and Beca felt like shit, but nodded, hugging the woman before she followed the doctor to the back to where Chloe was. As they walked down the hall Beca could hear yelling the further they walked. Dr. Pierce stopped and pointed, "Second door on the left. Five minutes." Beca walked into the room and saw Chloe yelling at a nurse who was trying to put the IV back in her arm, trying to hit her off.

"Chloe! Stop it," Beca yelled over the redhead.

Chloe turned her head and saw Beca in the doorway and started crying. Beca sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the girl's head into her chest. As she held Chloe close to her, tears started rolling down her cheeks again. She caressed her curly hair and whispered to her.

"Put the IV back in, yea?"

Chloe nodded and put her arm out for the nurse. After the needle was in place, the woman left Beca and Chloe alone in the room.

"Baby..." Beca started. "What happened?"

"I'm so sorry Beca. I'm so selfish, I didn't even think of you when I did this—"

"Shhh, it's okay... That doesn't matter. Just... why?"

Chloe started crying harder at the question. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Okay, it's okay."

Beca rubbed the redhead's hair until she stopped sobbing. Dr. Pierce came into the doorway and cleared her throat to get Beca's attention, tapping her watch once Beca turned her head to look at her. The brunette nodded and turned back to Chloe.

"Baby, I gotta go. You were only supposed to have on visitor today, but I'll be here first thing tomorrow morning. I love you very much. Please don't fight with the nurses, they're just doing their job... Try and get some sleep, okay babe?"

Chloe nodded, wiping her tears from her cheeks. Beca ran her hand down the side of her girlfriend's face, wrapping her hand around the girl's neck on her way down. She pulled her face into hers and kissed her.

"I'm so in love with you Chloe Beale, please don't cry. Get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

It broke Beca's heart to turn her back on her crying girlfriend, her wrists wrapped and hospital gown on. She shook her head and walked out of the hospital. The brunette didn't even bother with trying to get a ride back to campus; she decided to just take the 30 minute walk back. The whole time she was just trying to figure out how she could've missed the fact that she wanted to kill herself. Was it just about the rape or did something else come up? Beca had no idea and it was frustrating her the more she thought about it so she decided to drop the thought. She reached into her pocket and took her earbuds out, plugging them into her phone and putting the volume up to the max. With the music playing, the walk seemed shorter. When Beca got back on campus she was going to walk to her room but something made her walk in the opposite direction towards Chloe's dorm. She walked up the stairs to Chloe's floor and opened the unlocked door to her room, which was blocked off by a single traffic cone. Beca walked around the cone and into the room. She looked at the puddle of blood on the floor for a while before moving her gaze to the bed. Chloe's backpack sat on the bed, books spilling out of its opening. She noticed the little, green book the redhead had been writing all her thoughts down in peeking out of the bag. Beca grabbed it and turned to the last page. It was marked from that same morning.

March 12, 11:42AM

People are staring less which is good. Classes are going well, I still have kind of a lot to catch up on though. I'm going to have lunch with Beca in a few. I can't wait to see her gorgeous face today. I'm not sure if it's too soon for this, but I think I miss sex... with Beca anyway. Whatever, I'm looking forward to today and that's what matters.

Beca didn't get it. How could "I'm looking forward to today" go to a suicide attempt? She looked through her bookbag more and found a paper Chloe wrote with a big F written on top.

"Hmm, that's surprising," Beca said to herself.

She looked through some of the rest of the stuff and sighed when she didn't find anything helpful. Beca put everything back inside the backpack and zipped it up, putting it on her back. She grabbed Chloe's phone and her charger from her desk and left the room, returning to her own dorm. The brunette put Chloe's bag and phone on her desk and then took her clothes off, putting blood-free ones on. She was so exhausted, as soon as she hit the bed she knew she would knock out so she set an alarm for 7AM so she could get to the hospital by 8 when visiting hours started. Speaking of visiting hours, she had to text Annabel.

"Hey Annie, I got to see her for like 5 mins today... visiting hours are from 8AM-6PM tmm"

"Okay mama, get some sleep. We'll talk tmm"

Beca plugged her phone into her charger and finally got into bed. Within minutes she was out.

I'M BACK AFTER THREE WHOLE YEARS SO Y'ALL BETTER REVIEW MAN