Because of her
Chapter 4
Are you still there? Are you still interested? I feel that up to a certain level you will be able to connect with me through my story, who knows, maybe something good comes out of all this, it's the only thing I can hope for.
Anyway, let's go back to the memory land a little more, I feel like I have to tell the beginnings of the story before getting into it itself and so I won't feel like a total failure, because me, being a psychological therapist recognized by my ability to read people and extensive knowledge in Neurolinguistic Programming, could be dragged into this hole without apparent purpose that is my relationship with Callie Torres.
Of course, at that time I didn't know what I was getting into and that's where I went wrong, I tried to separate my personal life from the professional one and that was when I put aside my psychoanalytic side – if that's even a thing - and didn't notice the signs that were clearer than the crystal clear water of the first tears that I shed because of her. When I finally realized what was happening it was too late to go back, I was already deep down into it, my rational self could only watch from the bay how my heart was being destroyed without being able to do anything about it.
Clearly at first everything was so different. The next morning after our first encounter, I felt myself in a cloud floating in the sky, regardless of the slight hangover I was feeling and that headache right behind my eyes. No, nothing mattered to me, because the longer my eyes were closed, her face could appear in my thoughts and that almost relieved my pain ... Funny, now every time I close my eyes and see her face, pain is all I can feel.
I remember spending much of the day at home, it was Sunday after all, in the afternoon when I was finally able to get out of bed, eat something and shower, I checked my phone and found a text message from her, I remember it was something around the lines: "I hope the hangover is not so bad and call me whenever you want." I don't remember it well, I was half drunk yet, so bear with me.
I remember my urgency though, to call her and listen to her voice, but I refrained myself from doing it, I didn't want to seem too interested, although deep down I knew it was useless, even she knew it ... I know she knew it.
The first time we spoke on the phone, her voice was low and raspy, as if she was resting, I remember feeling bad for interrupting her rest, but she assured me that she was fine and I selfishly didn't want to cut the call either.
I remember talking to her every day of that week, via texts or calls and even video calls, everything felt so natural that I didn't want to stop, I never wanted to stop talking to her, she was so easy to talk to that it was impossible, we could talk about any topic, none in particular, all equally important ... It felt so good to find someone to talk to like that, I felt good, I was so naive.
"So, I'll be back to Seattle in a few hours for four days this time." She told me while waiting at the airport in Santiago de Chile. We were on video call while I had a light breakfast in my brand-new office at the Mental Health Center. I remember making a face at what she laughed at. "I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do, I don't live in Seattle, you know?" She mentioned.
"I know, I just thought you would be here for a longer so I could show you this dreamy place that I want you to try here in Seattle." I said winking at her.
"I'm sure we'll find time to do that and much more." I perfectly remember her flirtatious tone she used to told me that, according to her, she was just being innocent with her words and I was the one with the dirty mind ... Innocent? Not even if she tried.
"I can't wait for you to be here." I said almost nostalgic and excited at the same time. I missed her, how can you miss someone you've only seen in person once and with a bottle of white wine down in your system? Apparently I was that person ... so sad to think about it today.
Later that day, I remember that my friend Jo Wilson, approached me at the nursing station and I only remember this well because her words were something like ...
"So, are you going to bang that brunette from the other night tonight?" Her words took me so by surprise that I recall looking everywhere and noticing that there was nobody around who had heard her. I was so mortified.
"Why would you ask me something like that? In the middle of a hallway of all places." I gave her a disapproving look.
"Oh, relax! There is no one here anymore, all the patients are in their rooms, the nurses are in their break and all the other doctors have already gone home, we are the only ones in this place, so spill! Where are you taking her? Your apartment or to a hotel or is she taking you to her hotel room? There're so options" She went on and on and on and I could only think about how much I wanted to put a ball of paper into her mouth so she would shut up for once.
Because right then, the main doors of the Center opened and my eyes couldn't believe what they saw.
"Because, I mean, is she something serious or just a one-night thing, I mean, you have been talking to her nonstop all week, maybe it's something else, or is this another one of your Robbins charm strategies?" Now I was even more mortified. I remember thinking, 'this can't be happening to me'.
"Jo, shut up! Please just shut up." Seeing her mischievous grin and raised eyebrow, I could feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Jo's back was to her and therefore Jo seems to have no filter tonight.
"But why? We always talk about these things ... What? What are you looking at?" When my friend finally turned around, she noticed the brunette in question right behind her. "Oh my God!" Her face was priceless, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were there." Jo stepped back and was met with my front, she let out a squeak of surprise and I couldn't take it anymore, I let out a mocking laugh. "I think it would be better for me to leave now, yeah, I definitely better go now, see you tomorrow, Robbins." The girl took her things and ran out of there, leaving me alone to deal with her mess on my own.
"Woah!, your friend is something else, isn't she?" She approached cautiously a step away from me and immediately I was invaded by her perfume and I could feel the urge to hold her like that night.
I didn't answer at first, I was stunned by her beauty, by her presence, "Yeah, she tends to be a loudmouth. What ... what are you doing here?" To say that I was surprised to see her at my place of work was just a way of saying, I knew she would come back today but I didn't think I would get to see her here.
She smiled sweetly, "Well, first, come here ..." The next thing I knew she wrapped me in her embrace and I swear it was as intense as the first time, so I could rule out that whatever I felt that first time had nothing to do with the wine I had taken during the night. No, that was all because of her ... till this day, every time she hugs me, even if I'm mad at her, I have the same feeling of never wanting to let her go again. "And second, you told me you were getting off at this time so I waited at my hotel room and came to surprise you, are you surprised?" She asked me and she looked so sweet that I just wanted to hold her one more time and that's what I did.
"Yes, I'm surprised." I gave her a light kiss on her cheek. "I'm so glad you're finally here." I said softly and looked straight into her eyes. I lost myself in her eyes since that night and in that moment, I just confirmed it.
Being close to her felt so good so normal, as if I already knew her from so long ago and at the same time wanted to know way more… How naive was I back then and still am right now, she's still an enigma to me, every time I feel I'm closer to understanding her, she does something or says something and I'm back toscore one.
I fulfilled my promise and took her to this beautiful place near the bay, a small restaurant-bar only twenty minutes from the Center, initially I wanted to take her to a fancy restaurant, but after our conversations during the week, I understood that that was not very her style. She was the kind of person who exudes elegance and money, but she is as humble and simple as they come.
This place gave a serene and dreamed, almost magical vibe, with bright lights everywhere, I swear her smile looked even more beautiful under those bright lights. Our conversation was light while we waited for our food, our table next to a large window overlooking the coast allowed the atmosphere of calm and simplicity I wanted so much for her to experience that night.
I remember losing myself in her eyes once again while she told me everything about her trip to Chile and what were her plans to follow, when something she said caught my attention.
"If everything goes as planned, I could be opening a new branch of my hotels franchise here in Seattle, what do you think?" I just thought it was the best news in the world, because that meant ...
"Are you going to move here?" I couldn't contain my joy, I smiled so hard I could feel my cheeks ache, if she was here, that meant she would be close and maybe this, whatever was going on between us, would have a chance… what a fool was I.
Callie laughed at my apparent euphoria and excitement before answering, "Well, I must supervise the whole project so, yes, I'm going to live here for a few months and since you're the only person I know here besides my business partners, I think I'm going to need your tourist guide. " She said as a matter of fact.
I narrowed my eyes at her words, "Callie, your sister Aria lives here too, I'm not the only person you know." I just wanted to know her reaction, of course I would love to be her tourist guide… I wanted to be her everything.
She leaned over the table and looked seriously, "Yeah but you're way so much more fun than her." She winked at me and went back to her original position, "But, if you don't want to, that's fine too..."
I interrupted her immediately, " Nope, I want to, of course I want to be your tourist guide, Callie."
She gave me an almost triumphant smile, "Okay." It was her simple response, once our food was served, we kept talking slightly until she asked, "So are we going to talk about what your friend said earlier or not?" I remember I almost drown myself in my iced tea which I was drinking at the time of her question.
I felt a deeply blush rush through my cheeks and was about to apologize, but when I looked at her she just smiled at me, again with that sculpted eyebrow lifted, almost challenging me not to answer her question. "I'm sorry about her, sometimes she doesn't have a filter in the things she says." I felt ashamed, but she just kept giving me a funny smirk.
"But is it true?" She took me by surprise again. "What are your intentions with me? And what was that Robbins charm she was talking about? "She asked that arrogant smile on her face again.
"Umm… excuse me?" I could only pretend that I did not know what she meant.
"You heard me." She said with certainty, our eyes held for a few more seconds and when I finally thought that she would get me out of my misery, "So, are you going to answer my question?" She asked once more.
"You're not going to let it go, are you?" I asked blushing again, but gaining some composure to see her amused attitude, then I understood that she was enjoying my discomfort. She shook her head at my rhetorical question so that's when I answered honestly. "I don't know, I just know that I want to spend more time with you and get to know you more and see what happens, how does that sound?" I asked back.
"Sounds good to me Arizona, I cannot wait to know everything about you." She answered softly, but confidently and I remember that her words gave me a warm feeling in my stomach, as if it was exactly what I wanted to listen… Now I hate that she knows me so well.
And that's what we did, the following days we spent every night together due to my work and her many meetings, we would meet for lunch and at night we would go out to eat or just walk around the city talking, then she went back to Miami where she lived then.
When she finally moved to Seattle for her new hotel, we spent much more time together or at least we try, we talked every day, we spent most of our free time together, it was a platonic friendship that we built, neither of us made the move to change it, I of course I wanted something more and I could notice it in her too.
She was the most attentive and gentle person with me, she had this way of talking to me and taking care of me that made me feel important to her, I could feel the sincerity in her words, I could talk about anything with her without feeling judged or ashamed.
I felt heard and although our professions were so different, none of us felt like it was something that pull us away, on the contrary brought us closer, I could teach her the best of my world and she of hers and that was fine, but there were days when I just wanted to kiss her until she lost consciousness, until our lips hurt, I wanted to touch her, feel her, hold her and caress her and I could see it in her eyes that she wanted the same, the tension was palpable, anyone with two fingers in front could notice and despite all this, she was always somehow ... reserved.
At that time I didn't notice it, I thought she was an open book to me the same way I was with her, but remember that, the signs were there and I was blind that I didn't see them… if I had everything would be so different now, I keep telling myself
I still remember that day when I tried to change things, I gathered the courage to talk to her, I was so nervous that I could feel my hands tremble. I remember not recognizing myself, because, like I said so many times before, I could talk to her about anything and yet this made me nervous.
I remember perfectly this day, it was two months and a week after her return from Chile, she called me to come to the building that would be inaugurated as her new hotel in a few days, the place was beautiful and just as she wanted it, I remember her excitement while showing me the whole place, she was happy and I was happy for her.
I remember her hand in my hand, we went to the top floor or penthouse, that would be her new home because according to her, she still couldn't find the right apartment for her ... now I know that she just wanted to settle down in no specific place.
Once up, her smile was so wide that I couldn't contain myself anymore, "Callie, can we talk, please?" My nerves somehow calmed down at the sight of that smile, but my heart was still beating strongly against my chest, same or stronger than the first time I saw her and the first time I kissed her.
"I wanted to talk to you too." She casually mentioned, "Do you want some wine, while we talk?" She walked to the kitchen area and opened a portable freezer and took out the bottle of white wine. "I need to go shopping soon and bring my things from Miami, I'm tired of living out of hotels thing, I need my own stuff, you know?" While she was still talking, I couldn't help but noticing her phone at the breakfast bar.
"Well, if you want to, I could help you with that." I answered her unformulated question, but soon after I said that, what I noticed on her phone left me puzzled.
She laughed heartily, "I was hoping you would say that." When Callie turned to pour me a glass of wine, I think she saw my serious and confused face. "What's up with that face?" She asked half laughing.
"Callie, ¿who is Sarah?" I asked curious and that's when I noticed the change in her posture and her uncertain look, she was nervous and confused. Just for the record, I had never seen her that way before that day.
"We need to talk."
And just like that, the bubble in which we were, was about to pop in my face, but you want to know what the funny part is? That, Sarah, was just the tip top of this rare and unconventional story to which you and I both signed up for.
So buckle your sit-belt because this will be one hell of a ride.
How you guys doing there? Still want to know? You can always say no, you know…
Let me know what you think about this and what you think is going to come next