Chapter four

Missing

Screaming again. This dream wasn't as bad as last nights', but it left me feeling empty inside. I hate how used to this I am. It's not normal, but how can such an ordinary girl be so ab-normal. I hate how ordinarily odd I am. Its part of why I've never had a boyfriend, they all like the pretty girls. Well, I can't change who I am.

Ten minutes before my alarm clock will go off, that's convenient. Hopping out of bed, I start to decide what to wear. My conclusion is a blouse and a pair of jeans, ordinary. I don't have to wear running shoes today, Charlie is still home. I grab my book bag and head downstairs for something to eat.

Cereal.

It's always a good choice. Too bad I have to scarf it down; the one thing Charlie is not is patient. He practically watches me eat and taps his foot while he waits. I need my car to be fixed up, badly.

"Come on Kay, I'm running late."

"Sorry, sorry I'm coming."

Practically running to the car, I buckle myself in. I like how quiet we can be, it's relaxing. Charlie's car smells like shaving cream and after shave, an odd car smell.

The school is only a fifteen minute drive from home, but a half hour run on a good day. We approach the school a little early.

As I get out of the car I give Charlie a kiss on the cheek. His stubble scratches my face, it makes me smile.

"Bye dad!" I say as I shut the door.

Obviously I pushed his patience a tad too far since he was doing about eighty in a school parking lot. He should be more careful.

Trudging up to a bench to sit and relax. I can't wait to see Edward in biology, even though we have English together but he sits in the back. It shouldn't be too hard to talk to him; he's just another student like me. Right? There's no doubt it'll be hard, I mean come on he's gorgeous. Not to mention I'm practically obsessed and have already had to dreams about him. I repeat, pathetic.

People are heading inside now, so I follow. I'm stuck behind two girls who are gossiping. For the fun of it I listen.

"Have you seen that Edward boy?"

"Yes! He's so hot, oh my god I wish he'd ask me out."

"Well him and his family keep to themselves."

"You don't know that, they've only been here for a few days."

"Still, they haven't even glanced at anyone else."

Except me.

I start to walk faster, I don't like hearing what their opinions are.

The first three periods of the day, go by quick. In English I didn't look for him so that I wouldn't be anxious. That barely worked. Now I was off to lunch. I'm way too eager for biology, it's unnatural.

Here's how a typical day in my lunchroom goes. I aimlessly walk in five minutes after everyone else. I go get a sandwich and a lemon Snapple. I go sit with Angie, Jess, Mike, Eric, Lauren, and sometimes Tyler. I'm in and out of conversations, they're quite immature and I lose interest. I usually doodle in my one notebook until the bell rings. Recently though I've been staring at his table with his gorgeous family and him of course. This is exactly how today goes except I'm stronger and don't look for Edward.

My nerves catch up with me, my stomach turns and my hands get nervous clammy. Not to mention the off beating of my heart. Walking down the hallway became a total task. I slipped and tripped on everything and anything. That's including my own feet and simply air. Just another thing that makes me a freak in this society.

As I approached the classroom I realized I have no clue what to say, if anything. Of course I still wanted to demand what his problem was, but I'm at a total loss of words. Slowly I walked in the room, which was slightly spinning, and a wash of relief and dooming sadness came over me.

He wasn't there. I frowned and trudged on to my lonely table. I wonder what could keep him from school. Could it be me? Yesterday he looked so angry, no furious! I had to of done something, if anything, to make him this mad.

Another thought popped in my head. I shouldn't feel this strongly about him. It's not healthy the way I'm obsessed. I'm obviously too aware of him, I can practically spot him out of a crowd without trying. These feelings are…outright absurd. What do I honestly know about Edward. I don't know his last name. I don't know, well anything. The only thing I'm completely sure of is how I feel when he looks at me. Just that sends my heart into a frenzy.

The word pathetic rings in my ears even though no one spoke it. I start to wonder if he was sent here to make me suffer. As if someone beyond us wants to punish me for my ordinariness. To make me feel so unimportant I practically want to crawl under a rock and never show my face again. It wouldn't surprise me the least bit. It's practically a sin to be as unattractive and boring as me.

I let myself sulk in the pending doom that is my life. I give up on caring what the teacher is talking about. He probably doesn't notice me anyway. I am but a useless parasite in his silly microscope of a class. All this thought of how unimportant I am sends mixed emotions of sad. Tears begin to brim my eyes, so I put my head down until the bell rings. I just want to go home.

The ride home was full of sobbing. For the second time this week I let myself go. I cried and screamed the entire way home. The pain that had formed in my chest ached. This pain reminded me of how ever since my mom died I haven't been the same. She was the only person who told me how important I was. Without her, I have no reason to feel that way.

I don't eat that night. I got home did my homework, took a shower, and went to sleep. Dreaming of Edward the entire night. As if I didn't get enough of that during the day.

The rest of the week was the same. Charlie dropt me off, the morning was a blur, lunch sucked, Edward was missing again, drifted through the rest of the day, and only cried a little on the way home. Each night I dreamed vivid dreams of Edward. It was a different dream then before, I was running after him in the woods but when I tripped and fell I would wake up.

The weekend was barely worth time talking about seeing as though my most exciting thing is hanging with Jacob on Saturday. On Sunday while Charlie fished I caught up on laundry and school work that I was too zoned out to do during school. I made a little promise to myself that I wouldn't let Edward interfere with my good grades anymore. Easier said than done. I tried to do anything to keep my mind off of him.

Monday crept up on me again. By this time I really didn't expect Edward to be in school, hopefully he dropped out. So I just carried out my day normally.

At lunch I didn't even glance at his table. I was adapting to him being gone. One part of me was relieved but another was sad. Maybe we could've been friends. Either way I still didn't get my hopes up.

I decided to walk to class with Mike; he was a pretty friendly guy. I didn't really mind his company. So we walked to biology together while he chatted on about how Jess has been drooling over him. As we reached the doorframe I gasped. Mike thought it was to whatever he had said. He was wrong though.

There sat Edward right next to my seat in all his glory. I hurried over to my chair without saying a word to Mike. I was overwhelmed with joy that he was back, nothing else seemed to matter anymore.

I couldn't help myself but to turn and look and him. I found that he was looking back. His once dark eyes were back to the caramel color I loved. Back to the color they were in my dreams. As our eyes connected I felt my heart stutter. I was sure he could hear it because a faint grin pulled at the edges of his perfectly plump lips.

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself before." His voice was liquid gold. More angelic than I could possibly imagine. He spoke with such class, it blew me away. This was the first time his words blessed my ears.

He stared intently at me, probably because I hadn't answered. I was too taken back by him.

"Er…I'm Kayla. It's very nice to meet you." I was completely flustered. I think I even smiled like a fool.

He didn't seem to mind since he kept his eyes on me. We just stared at each other for awhile. Then his brow pulled together and he looked frustrated. This confused me so.

"How long have you lived in Forks?" He broke the silence.

"Almost two years now." I frowned a little at the reason why I moved. He seemed to notice.

"Most people have lived here through generations, why haven't you?" He actually seemed like my answer was important to him, somewhat vital.

"Well my mom…died roughly two years ago, so I was sent here to live with Char- I meant my dad." I choked up when I said the word died. It hurts so much when I dwell on it.

"I'm sorry." His words were sincere. "Do you like it here?"

"Well it's no Oklahoma but it's nice."

"Hmm." It appeared he was registering something.

I couldn't hold my curiosity any longer, the words practically bubbled out of my mouth, "You, you weren't here, why?"

He seemed hurt by this and I automatically wish I could take it back. He still answered though.

"I was out of town for personal reasons."

"Oh." His eyes burned into mine. I was so mesmerized, I couldn't control my tongue.

"Did you do something to your eyes?"

"No." He looked confused.

"The last time you were in school they were black and now they're a goldish color."

He snapped his eyes shut and looked away from me. I must have offended him by my remark.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and then looked away.

Well, at least he talked to me. I shouldn't expect anything else.

For the rest of the period he just sat their tense, barely moving. Only once and a while would his hand reach out towards me but he'd catch himself before anything could happen.

I held on to that conversation. Replaying it in my mind. I even registered the sound of his voice into my memory. Never forgetting him, ever.

I hardly realized school was over after I replayed the conversation and analyzed his facial expressions for the billionth time. I was glad to be able to go home, be free. I practically skipped to the car. I was unaware of the danger skidding my way.