Covered in Daydreams

by kabukimono

As Ringabel's memories return, Edea makes a decision to try and help him, not thinking of the consequences. She refuses to regret a single moment, even as the light of new life blooms within her. The hope that it represents strengthens their bond and the resolve they all feel for their journey. Now if she can only survive the next few months... Spoilers for game Ch 5 and on.

4. Little by Little

After a few hours of being bored out of her mind and rolling around in bed, Edea decided that since she was being pampered that day, Agnès deserved some pampering too, especially in preparation for awakening the crystal. As the day drew to a close, the girls spent the evening in the big bathtub in one of the inn restrooms, complete with lots of bubbles and chocolate pudding delivered right to the door by a blushing Tiz.

"We should do this more often," Edea mused, blowing bubbles across the tub toward Agnès.

Agnès giggled, her hair piled loosely on top of her hair and out of the way, cheeks rosy from a scrub that Datz of all people had cooked up for them. Being that they were on a giant airship in the middle of the desert, and all by themselves, it hadn't really been a spa day, but Edea liked to pretend. "Perhaps we should. I recall that Florem had some wonderful facilities that were used to rejuvenate and refresh its visitors."

"Oooh, I bet they're great!" Though who knew what they were like in the corrupted Florem, if they were even still there. Or maybe they were even better, now that there were less restrictions? She was curious now, and though there was that pang in her chest that Eternia was responsible for warping Florem's ways, she reminded herself that it wasn't all bad, was it? Some good had come out of the change - the economy was much better, right?

"I was too young to enjoy them when I visited as a child, but perhaps now as an adult…" The Vestal trailed off, poking at her chin with one soapy finger.

"As an adult, and the Vestal besides, it's about time that you get to use them. They should even let you use them for free."

"I don't mind paying, the same as any other."

"Nonono," Edea insisted, shaking her hands so quickly that a blob of bubbles smacked her in the face. "You deserve a wonderful, good spa day. We could even get Tiz or Ringabel to pay for it. But you're not going to. How about we just stop by the next time that we're in Florem?" Agnès needed rest between crystals, so she might as well rest in a spa! It sounded great.

And Agnès now gave her a smile. "We have so much pg that I don't mind paying for it myself. However, if you're willing to come with me…"

"Of course I will," Edea laughed. "Girl's day out." But after another few moments of quiet, relaxing soaking, she sighed heavily and moved to get out. They had been in there long enough that the water, despite using magic to reheat it, was getting cold, and her fingers were pruny. Besides, she really had to go the bathroom.

Agnès watched her go, rinsing off the last of the scrub before she made to follow. "You look like you've been gaining some weight, Edea. It's good your sickness isn't affecting you too badly."

Edea froze for a moment, before wrapping a towel around her figure and grumbling lightly to herself, feeling more than a little self-conscious. But they talked about each other's bodies all the time, it was nothing new. "I think I'm just bloated. You know - it's just… That." There was no way she could explain to Agnès of all people her fears. The other woman wouldn't understand.

"Ohh… I see. That explains it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." Agnès hugged the other girl before they parted ways, Edea heading to the toilet section of the restroom.

But her mood was soured now by the comment, and she curled in on herself once she was alone, hand cautiously stroking her belly as though it might bite her. There was absolutely no way… she had to swallow past the lump in her throat, rub her eyes with an angry fist. They had to awaken the Wind Crystal tomorrow - perhaps while she and Agnès were in Florem for a girl's day out in a couple of weeks, she could stop by a clinic to have herself looked at if she wasn't better by then.

The next morning, she woke up before anyone else, having gotten more than her fair share of sleep the day before, and bounded down to the pub, ignoring her body's protests until she made it. There was after all, a decently kept bathroom in there, and it afforded relative privacy as she threw up again. Not even the Proprietress seemed to notice, though she was taken aback by Edea being the first one down for breakfast.

"I'm just really geared up to go," she smiled cheerfully as she drank a cup of ginger tea, followed by another one, just in case, before she even started on her usual stack of pancakes and jelly donuts. The others joined her quickly, and if they found it odd that she was awake and so peppy that early in the morning, they didn't say anything, even though Ringabel did try to check her temperature with a hand as they started heading out. She smacked him in the shoulder for that one.

An hour later, she was grumbling at herself for the tea. Even though the Wind Temple was the same as always, they still had to fight their way to the altar. The fighting was rejuvenating in a way. It made her head clear. It made her blood pound in her heart, and she never felt as alive as when she was killing monsters, helping to purify the temple again and reclaim it for the Vestals. For Agnès.

But as much as she loved fighting, she couldn't fight her body's natural urges. And yet, she tried to, ignoring her discomfort as they stepped into the crystal altar room.

There, just as it had been 8 times previously…

"Look!" Tiz cried, pointing out the darkness that covered the crystal, as though candle wax had been dripped on it, or perhaps a build up of pure refuse.

"This crystal has also reverted…" Agnès said sadly, her gaze sweeping across it as she slowly approached the giant floating crystal. It had, but that wasn't the only problem. The cloud of darkness, a choking scent in the air, the corruption was visibly gathering at a point on the crystal and heading for them.

Ringabel stopped Agnès with a hand on her shoulder before she could move any closer. "Wait, something lurks nearby!" Edea mouthed the words along with him, before she spoke up next, hand reaching for the sword at her hip.

"Another creature back from destruction!"

"Here they come!" Tiz managed to get out as Orthos materialized in front of them.

Edea was playing her favorite role, that of complete offense. Ringabel was the healer today, for some odd reason, and while Tiz was also playing offense, Agnès was support; it would be easier for her to awaken the crystals if she wasn't drained from the inevitable fight.

Of the many beasts they fought, Orthos was fairly straight forward. Two heads, two weaknesses, but it was so easy to tell them apart. So easy to exploit the weakness on one head and protect themselves from the other. Edea lost herself in the fight, focusing on the one task at hand, to take down her enemy.

But as one monstrous head finally drooped the ground, she felt another painful urge surface, and she stumbled slightly, her attack missing. For a moment, panic welled in her. What was she doing, fighting like this? Edea paused in battle, and pressed one of her hands against her stomach, careful not to hurt herself on the spikes of the spear she held. It wasn't just that she wasn't in top condition, but she had no idea how to protect the little thing possibly growing inside of her or if it would even be hurt by her actions. If she were really - and something happened -

"Edea!" Ringabel cried, and she snapped out of it just as she was hit by the fireball. Pain bubbled up across her limbs, and though Ringabel was quick to follow up with a healing spell, she felt numb and stiff. She hadn't been fully healed; that would have to wait until after the battle but she could still fight.

The blow brought her back to focus and more than that, it enraged her. Weren't animals supposed to have a sense about that sort of thing?! How dare it attack her when she was like this! She defaulted for the next round, gearing up her defenses, and Ringabel healed her again. She smiled to herself, thankful that he would always, always be looking out for her, even when she was being foolish.

The remaining head looked like it was just barely alive, and after Tiz blasted it with a bit of ice magic, Edea decided to just go all out, especially if Ringabel had her back. She threw everything she had into one final series of attacks, preferring to just stab the damn thing to death instead of any of the Valkyrie's fancier techniques.

To her great relief it worked, and as soon as the monster was dispatched and disintegrated into nothingness again, she sagged to the ground, her spears falling beside her.

"Edea," Agnès gasped, kneeling beside the other girl. Edea squeezed one hand against her stomach as she fought to regain her breath. She could not miss the way that Ringabel and Tiz both turned toward them, nor the way that Ringabel grasped his staff tightly as he approached. She had to get out of there before he could get too close.

"It just - I just thought of something distracting" she breathed, standing. "You have a crystal to awaken. I- I'll help you change, come on." And then maybe she could make quick use of the living quarters herself.

"I want you to sit and stay here while I finish healing you," Ringabel interrupted them, and he grasped Edea's arm. "I told you that you weren't well enough to fight, Edea! Instead, you had to be foolish and stubborn! You could have been hurt. You could have died." He was angry, angrier than usual, his voice biting. They all gaped at him.

"I… I do think it may be best for you to stay and catch your breath," Agnès said, stepping back. "Tiz? Perhaps you could assist."

"No!" Edea insisted, shoving Ringabel away with such force that they both staggered back, Edea caught by Tiz just as he came back behind her. Ringabel recovered on his own, and she could see the years of experience in his movements as he straightened up and stared at her. She could also see quite clearly the hurt on his face. They all stared at her.

"I'll go with Agnès," Edea asserted, looking away from them all. She was horrible. "It's not proper if Tiz helps her with this, and I've always done it. I-I want to do it. And I would like to use the bathroom, too."

"Oh. Oh," Ringabel said, and he stepped back a little more. Even out of the corner of her eye she could see the forced smile. "I'll heal you when you return."

"I don't need - "

"Whatever you decide, hurry up!" Airy interrupted them, hovering overhead. Useless in a fight, she had finally fluttered back to them as the monster was defeated. "We don't have all day, you know!"

Edea forced a smile at her. "We're going, we're going!" She reached for Agnès and pulled the other girl away from the altar and back toward the temple proper. "Let's go, Agnès… let's get it over with."

As soon as they were out of sight, and into the relative peace was the Vestal's living quarters, Edea took a few moments to compose herself in the restroom, scrubbing her face with water from a broken sink and drinking a little more water to rehydrate herself.

"Are you angry at him?" Agnès asked her once she returned, already stripped down to her underthings and waiting for Edea's helping hand.

"I'm not angry at him at all," Edea replied numbly, as she and Agnès started the usual process of dressing the Vestal and making sure that the garb was immaculate. That it was laced up tightly in the back, no huge tears, and that it fit on her the way it was supposed to.

"I see," Agnès replied, going quiet. "So you yelled and shoved him because you weren't angry?"

Edea huffed as she rummaged around for Agnès' brush in their bags, wanting to brush out the Vestal's hair before she started the ceremony - it always got so tangled when she was active, and the less distractions, the better.

"I'll apologise to him later. It's just that I don't need him coddling me everytime I sneeze. Whose idea was it for him to be healer today anyway?"

"It was his," Agnès replied. "He asked us last night if we would mind, because he wanted to make sure you would be well, and wanted me to reserve my strength."

"Oh." Well, that explained it. A part of Edea was loathe to allow him to heal her, at least so close and intimately. Curagas fired off across the battlefield were one thing - one way spells that were the result of an incantation. But when deep healing was required, it was a different thing. It would mean Ringabel would have to be close to her. It meant he'd be able to feel if there was anything wrong with her body - and she realized that was probably want he had wanted to do. Of course. Scowling, she pushed him out of her mind and focused on the task at hand - Agnès!

"He was worried," Agnès reminded her.

Edea sighed. The act of brushing Agnès' hair - she had so much of it! - was usually very calming and fun for them both, but she was so much on edge she couldn't enjoy it.

"I know he's worried. And I'm grateful that he worries about me. I know why he does, too. It's just - I'm not a child anymore. I can take care of myself."

Agnès was quiet for a few moments as Edea finished up, taking out the last of the tangles. "Ringabel is a good person. He would worry about any of us who weren't feeling well. I believe you would do the same."

"Of course I would, Agnès!" Edea vowed, and wrapped her arms loosely around the other girl from behind as soon as she set the brush aside. "You're my friends. I would take care of you."

Agnès giggled and leaned back into the embrace, touching Edea's arm with a hand. "Allow us to care for you in return." The vestal turned around so that she was facing Edea, beaming down slightly at her.

Edea stepped back when she did, mindful of the fact that she was a little dirty and Agnès was - Agnès was dressed in gorgeous ceremonial garb that was so difficult to clean. But before she could move too much, Agnès had grabbed her hands and closed her eyes, focusing.

"Oh!" Edea exclaimed, feeling a familiar warmth spread across her form, relieving so much of the aches she felt. Right,Agnès was using an asterisk that had some healing powers. It was so nice… like floating on a cloud for a few moments. Even though she knew that Agnès really shouldn't be doing this, not when she had to awaken a crystal so soon, the gesture was appreciated. A lump formed in her throat as she reminded herself that just as much as she wanted to protect her friends, they wanted to protect her too.

The warmth faded, as did the glow on Agnès' hands, and just as Edea opened her mouth to thank Agnès for healing her, she noticed the frown on the other girl's face. She looked…confused.

"Edea, why - "

"Are you two done yet?" Airy interrupted again, flitting around the entrance to the living quarters. Both girls jumped, and the conversation was forgotten as Edea hastily packed everything except for Agnès' change of clothes back into the pack. "We've been waiting forever! You need to hurry and awaken the crystal before Orthos comes back!"

"I-I am on my way!" Agnès called, and though the fairy fluttered into the room to escort her out, Agnès shot Edea a quick look that had the blonde's stomach sinking.

Agnès knew, didn't she.

At the very least, Edea could dodge Ringabel's insistence to heal her when she followed Agnès back to the altar, even though the older boy looked unconvinced she was fine.

"That was a big fireball, Edea," Ringabel whispered, leaning over just enough so that she could hear him. If Airy thought they weren't paying attention or doing something that might distract Agnès, she would get angry, as she had before.

"Agnès healed me, I'm fine," she replied, not looking at him. "And you did too, remember? Twice. If I don't feel well tonight, I'll let you know."

"Edea-"

"Shh," Tiz was the one who interrupted them this time, giving them both a glance. "She's starting."

Edea kept her eyes trained on Agnès' kneeling form, trying to match her breathing just as the other girl did. Being untrained, and not really knowing how to read the crystal's natural rhythm, she was never really able to do it. But she could pretend. She could try. And she kept her hands folded in front of her belly as she breathed in and out, watching with a growing dread as the light around the crystal grew brighter and brighter until finally -

She closed her eyes as the light was summoned completely. Even though she had experienced it 12 times before, it was always a shock to her heart. The light was almost painful in its intensity, piercing through her eyelids and making her skin feel tight. She wondered if it could be felt inside of her body as well, and if it was comforting or distressing. Her hand hovered over her belly before she dropped it back to her side.

"You did it, Agnès!" Airy cheered, and the fairy checked her brooch. As it had 12 times previously, the jewel that corresponded to the right crystal was now glowing. "Only three left!"

If only Edea could believe that anymore, though at the very least, this meant that the blessed wind would return. The group exchanged tired smiles as the girls once again headed off to get Agnès' changed - this time back into her regular clothing so that they could leave, and so the Vestal could get some real rest. And this time, the boys waited outside the living chambers for them, Airy perching on Tiz's shoulder.

Edea folded up the vestal garb for her while Agnès pulled her clothes back on.

"Edea," Agnès said quietly, mindful of the two men nearby. "Before, when I was healing you - "

"I don't want to talk about it," Edea replied quickly, just as quietly. "Not here… let's wait until we get back." Because as much as she didn't want Ringabel to know right now, she definitely didn't want to let Airy know. No. No. Not at all.

While she had no way of confirming what Agnès had felt or seen or whatever the white magic sense had given her, Edea had a feeling it was intimately involved with what had been plaguing her the past few weeks.

And as she joined Agnès in their room that afternoon for a brief nap, Agnès confirmed it. They had both already changed in their nightgowns and were now relaxing from the fight. The usual grand dinner would be served in a few hours, but until then, all of them had their own ways of healing after the battle. Ringabel liked to drink or write. Tiz liked to read, or even do chores. Agnès usually slept or took a bath. And since Edea liked to save her appetite for the feast, she usually sparred or napped.

Now, she curled up with Agnès on the older girl's big bed, allowing the other girl to rest her hand on her stomach. No one would disturb them if they thought they were sleeping.

"When I was healing you earlier, I felt another life-force aside from your own. It was so odd, and right about… here,"Agnès murmured, moving her hand around. It was glowing slightly with white magic, and Edea could feel the warmth of the glow spreading throughout her entire body. It was as though she'd grown used to the fatigue and the slight discomfort in her stomach, but now that magic was numbing it - oh she felt so alive. For a moment she considered asking Agnès to use that glow on her tender breasts, but thought better of it, mind crashing back to reality as she processed what the other girl said.

"Another life-force… ? What's it feel like?" she asked, curious, even as anxiety and dread pulsed in her.

"Small," Agnès replied, her hand moving again, gentle but sure, right down to Edea's lower belly. She'd never had a completely flat stomach (that took more commitment than she was willing to put in) and Agnès' palm fit perfectly over the slight curve of it. The light flickered before going out, and she summoned it back with little thought. "Very small. Young, perhaps."

Edea bit her lip at those words, and willed tears not to spring into her eyes as her hand hesitantly covered Agnès' until the glow went out again. She had no reason to cry, right? It was just that Agnès was a witness, in a way, to what Edea had been wondering for the past weeks, and now the blonde didn't know what she was feeling as a maelstrom of emotions swirled through her. Relief? Fear? Excitement? Horror? She settled for acceptance, mostly. And sadness.

"Edea?" Agnès asked, seeing the look on her friend's face. Edea looked like she'd been struck in the face by a Mandragora. "Are you a-"

"I'm pregnant," Edea finished for her, laying back against the pillows. When Agnès' hand pulled away, hers remained, rubbing gently at the skin of her stomach, wondering if she would be able to feel her baby's life-force too if she used healing magic on herself. "… I'm pregnant." She was actually, officially pregnant, and with Ringabel's child to boot. Oh Crystals.

When the older girl was very quiet for a few moments, Edea chanced to look over at her, bracing herself for the disappointment she expected to see, and paused when she saw Agnès thinking, cradling her chin in her hand and tapping her lip with her finger.

"I don't understand," Agnès finally said, noticing that Edea was looking. "How did that happen?"

"Well, Agnès, when a mommy and daddy really love each other," Edea started, forcing herself to make light of the situation, but she trailed off when she noticed how confused the Vestal looked. Oh no, please no. "… You know how babies are made, don't you?"

"Children are born from their mothers when the woman makes the decision with her partner to bring new life into the world, and their prayers are answered by the crystal," Agnès informed her. "What I don't understand how you could have gotten pregnant, especially at this time. You're not even wed!"

Edea sighed. Agnès' words were so innocent, and even though they were not meant to judge, it still stung somewhat. And she was technically right, wasn't she?

"I don't… really know all the details, myself, how it actually happens. How… who determines why a woman has a baby when she does. But babies are made when a woman and a man join together," the blonde explained slowly, rubbing at her stomach again. It had only been the once! If this was the work of a crystal, she was going to have to figure out which one and have words with it.

"Join together?"

"Ringabel and I had sex," Edea finally blurted out bluntly. "He planted his seed in me, and the resulting flower is the life-force you felt." Afterwards, she felt a little sick. Having it all out there, like that?

Whatever explanation Agnès had been expecting, it wasn't that. The vestal squeaked and clapped her hands to her mouth in surprise, eyes wide. Sheltered she may have been, but even she knew the basics and what Edea had said.

"You and… Ringabel?" Agnès clarified. That had been what she'd been missing - people who had babies were supposed to be married and in love. And they were supposed to be older than all of them were, except for perhaps Ringabel - he was about that age when men started to have families, wasn't he? And he was very much in love with Edea. Come to think of it - the two of them had been kissing lately, is that what had caused this to happen…? And she had walked in on it! Her blush deepened.

"Hold on, hold on, Agnès," Edea protested quickly. "I don't know what you're thinking but - it was just the once and it was weeks ago!"

"Oh."

"Babies make their mothers sick… that's how a lot of women know they're expecting. And I've heard women say that no matter how horrible they feel while pregnant, it's always worth it." Which she wasn't sure she really believed. "It's why I've been feeling so sick. And kind of why I've been trying to ignore it. I - I didn't think I could actually be pregnant. It was just the once."

"Oh…"

Here she was, confessing entirely. Edea signed. "He wasn't feeling well, and he wouldn't sleep, and I was tired. So I asked him if he… you know, he wanted to - to be with me, and he accepted. We… it was a mistake. I made a mistake, but I won't regret it! But this is why things have been so weird between us lately." And things were just going to get weirder.

"Oh."

Edea glanced at the other girl. The way that latest 'oh' had sounded was off. Agnès was looking at her still with some confusion in her eyes, but her gaze was otherwise firm.

"Agnès?"

"Do you truly believe your child is a mistake?"

Was that how it sounded? Edea sat up straighter. "That's not what I meant to say," she argued, and now she felt a pang in her chest that anyone would describe their child as a mistake. That wasn't - that wasn't right at all. Babies shouldn't be mistakes, even if they were unplanned. Unplanned it may have been, but their baby was not a mistake.

"It's just that Ringabel and I - we weren't ready for it. What we did that night - he loves me, you know that. But I can't say that I love him back and I never should have slept with him." She was definitely babbling now as the full gravity of the situation came down on her. She was pregnant with Ringabel's child, and she had no idea what to do. This wasn't a problem she could face with her fists. It shouldn't be a problem at all. She had promised Ringabel and herself she wouldn't regret that night, but now it had lead to something tangible and solid and alive, life created between the two of them that was growing even now. What was she going to do?

Agnès must have seen the brief look of panic on her face, because she reached over and touched Edea's hand that still resting on her stomach. Edea rolled a little closer so that she could lean against the other girl, and they both went quiet for a few moments

"… Does he know yet?" Agnès asked. It would explain his behaviour. He was very protective, and knowing what she knew about his past…

"No," Edea shook her head, and bit her lip. Of course he didn't, he'd never let her out of his sight if he knew, much less let her go into battle the way she had. "I didn't know either, not for sure. Not until you told me. I wanted to get looked at by a healer or someone who had some experience knowing what was wrong with me. Maybe I still should. Just in case your magic senses are off. Maybe it's just a parasite. Like a worm. Or my stomach virus has evolved."

Agnès gave her a look. Oh Edea, hated those looks. She didn't receive them as often as Ringabel did, whenever he said something completely ridiculous, but they always made her feel like she'd said just a little too much.

"Edea, how long have you suspected you might be with child?" The Vestal suddenly continued a on a few moments later.

"Oh, hmm… just about a week or so. Not very long." She explained how she had chalked up her initial morning sickness as stress, and only realized she might actually have something else going on once she noticed the lack of her cycle, the tenderness in her form, all those weird symptoms pregnant ladies supposedly got, things she didn't pay attention to in school. Growing up, she had figured that when she had children, she would be late in her 20s and she and her partner would be trying for them, so she'd just know. Or at least be expecting it!

"I see," the older girl mused, eyes glancing off to the side as she counted off on her fingers, thinking back to when she had first noticed Edea's illness. It fit. "And so, you decided to go into battle, even though you had good reason to believe there was a child whose life is dependent on your safety?"

Edea flinched at the accusation.

"I didn't know for sure! And you guys needed me there… please don't make me stop fighting, Agnès. I'll get this taken care of." The words came out of her mouth before she even registered them.

"Taken -"

"Stop, wait," Edea said before Agnès could repeat that back, because she didn't want to hear it, and the other girl went quiet. "I have to tell him first. I really have to tell him." Even though everything felt surreal, and she felt so confused, she knew that Ringabel needed to know more than anything. And though her own words were beginning to clue her on what the best, most reasonable, most responsible course of action would be, she didn't know if she could accept it. So she would worry about it later. For now, she wanted to make sure Ringabel knew - he absolutely deserved to. Edea found she was shaking a little as she thought about it.

"Then you should tell him."

It was not a conversation Edea was looking forward to having. She had no idea how he would react, or if he would react at all. "I want to make sure, first," she decided, even though she knew she was stalling. "There has to be a clinic that can tell me for sure." Maybe even tell her if the baby was healthy or if she'd hurt it in her last fight.

"Edea…" Agnès started, but cut off when the other girl buried her face in her shoulder.

"I can't be a mother right now, Agnès," Edea said, her words somewhat muffled. "I don't know how, and we're in the middle of your journey. It would be too selfish of me to have a child!"

Agnès still didn't quite understand how this could have happened if Edea didn't know if she loved him, and hadn't wanted it, but she wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulders and held her. She had many questions, but those could wait.

"I was taught that children are blessings given to those who want them, and that each life is created for a reason," the Vestal said soothingly. "I believe that holds true here, even if it's in the middle of our journey."

Edea had been taught something similar, that children were supposed to happen to couples who were in love and ready for a family, but that sex was involved and sometimes they could be unplanned, which is why she needed to be careful. In the military, she'd learned even more.

But she said nothing, simply closing her eyes and leaning against her friend as she tried to comprehend everything. What she'd suspected was probably true. As much as she didn't want to doubt Agnès' words, neither of them were really trained on how to handle this sort of thing. Maybe she should see a healer, just in case. Someone who could tell her for sure, and who could help her take care of things.

And Edea decided to go from there, as soon as that was done. She'd tell Ringabel, and they'd figure out what to do together. As she tried to calm herself down enough for a quick nap, reminding herself that Agnès needed some rest, she kept thinking over and over in her head how this was against everything she believed in. There was nothing black or white in this situation. Nothing completely good or completely bad about having an unexpected, unplanned baby when she was unwed, in the middle of an incredibly dangerous journey, and didn't know if she was in love with its father, even if he loved her.

She hated shades of gray.

That night, they made it through dinner, Edea reminding herself over and over that she had to eat because there was a tiny innocent life now depending on her for its nourishment. And more than that, Ringabel was watching her like a hawk for any sort of weakness or illness, and even though he stopped staring after the third time she threw melted chocolate in his face, he just got better at hiding his gaze.

Agnès was a surprisingly good actress, Edea having begged her earlier not to let Ringabel know until after she'd been looked at. The vestal was pretending as though she knew nothing, smiling gently at them all as they talked about the crystal having been awakened, and their plans for the next couple of weeks as she recovered from the strain of it.

"I'm not going to lie to him, Edea," Agnès had said as she changed out of her nightgown and back into her dress.

"No no, you don't have to lie - I just don't want him to find out that I might be - about this - until I've had a chance to be looked at. So pretend nothing's wrong, and all we did was sleep. I'll take care of things, you can trust me."

"Only for tonight, and until you get looked at… if you love him, you should tell him he's going to be a father. He'll be delighted."

Edea hadn't been very sure about that, both that she loved him or that he would be happy to hear the news. But she promised Agnès she would tell him as soon as possible, and was just thankful that she had her best friend's support during this. It was going to be rough, she could already tell.

Why couldn't she just face this with her fists?

As dinner wound to a close, Ringabel finally seemed to pick up on her bad mood and retreated to the bridge so that they could move away from The Temple of Wind, and Edea sagged slightly in her seat, clutching her mug of sweetened tea.

It was then that Tiz approached, holding a tray of full of just-baked cookies and bowls of sweet cream. Edea's eyes lit up as he offered them to both her and Agnès, and gratefully took one.

He waited until she'd eaten two cookies before speaking.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on? Ringabel's worried out of his mind and I'm running out of things to tell him."

Edea was grateful he waited until her mouth wasn't full, but she paused with a cookie against her lip and exchanged a glance with Agnès. The other girl said nothing, but shook her head. If she wasn't going to lie to Ringabel, she was most certainly not going to lie to Tiz.

How to put this… Edea nodded, sticking her cookie in her mouth to give her some time to think.

Tiz was patient, of course, and waited as she chewed and chewed and chewed, and swallowed half of her glass of tea to wash it down. Only then did she finally open her mouth.

"Tiz?" Edea started, worrying at her bottom lip and playing with her spoon. "You used to be a shepherd, right?"

That was apparently not what the man was expecting. He looked taken aback, and a glance at Agnès showed him how confused the vestal was by the question as well. "Yes? Why, is there a problem?"

"No, no. Of course not," the blonde laughed, then fidgeted in her seat. Tiz could know, but she didn't know how to tell him. "I just want to to be sure - how many times did you have to put the … the female sheep-"

"Ewes."

"— how many times did you have to put the ewes in with the rams before they got pregnant?" she finished, huffing and refusing to look him in the face, her own bright red. It was a weird way to ask, but a part of her wanted to make sure it could happen on the first time, and she didn't exactly want to tell Tiz she'd had sex with Ringabel. That was just weird.

Tiz stared at Edea some more, then back to Agnès, who shook her head, then back to Edea, his eyes falling to her stomach. Before Edea could ask him if he was alright, and to tell him to say something already, the man hunched over, hiding his face in his hands.

"I'm so sorry, Edea!"

Now it was the two girls who shared a confused look. "Why are you sorry, Tiz?" Edea asked.

"Because I should have given him a better talk about safe sex!" the shepherd squeaked out, and she could see his face turning red between his fingers. Agnès made a quiet sound, biting her lip and pressing her hands against her own face.

Edea frowned at him. "What was that about safe sex?" And why hadn't she heard about it?

"I thought - his memory being what it was back then- that he may not remember. Right before we left Caldisla, I took him aside and just talked to him. Gave him a few condoms that we purchased in the city. Just in case…"

"Why didn't you tell me about the condoms?" Edea asked him. She doubted she and Ringabel would have been in their right minds to use them that night, but maybe! They might have. Or she could have thought of some other way to tire him that didn't involve him releasing inside of her, and that would have cleared up this whole mess.

His face was so red she half-worried he might pass out at the table. "I- I didn't think - I'm so sorry, Edea."

Agnès was the first to take pity on him, the Vestal carefully reaching over to place a hand on his shoulder. He made an interesting, embarrassed noise.

But Edea shook her head. "You needn't apologise. It's his - it's Ringabel who needs to take responsibility for this…" He didn't know yet, she thought, but he would soon. And - "I might not even be pregnant?" She forced a laugh, already knowing that she was deeply in denial. She'd tried to feel the little life-force for her self, but hadn't been able to. Her own drowned it out. "Perhaps we could see a doctor in Ancheim and have them take a look at me, just to be sure."

Because if there was one thing she was certain of, it was that she absolutely couldn't go to Eternia like this. What if the Braev of this world found out…? Worse, what if the Alternis of this world found out? She wasn't very worried about her mother's - she knew she would have her support no matter what - but she was certain either of the two men would not be pleased. And it wasn't like she wanted Ringabel dead.

"Ancheim? We're not too far, I'll tell Ringabel we need - "

"No!" Edea interrupted him, so loudly that both of the others jumped, and she glanced at the rest of the pub to see if the others had noticed, too. They hadn't, thankfully.

She continued. "Don't… don't tell him yet. Not why." Her hands pressed more firmly against her belly. Tiz was a terrible liar, what was she thinking letting him know about this until she was ready to tell the father? "Tell him to stop by Ancheim before we leave the region… if he asks why, we'll just tell him that we want to eat there. He won't question that, will he?" Ringabel liked Ancheim's cuisine, knew she liked it too. He wouldn't mind staying there a few days for that - meanwhile, that would give her the time she needed to get checked out without him knowing.

Tiz hesitated. "I'm not going to lie to him, Edea. You should tell him."

"I'll tell him once I'm sure," she murmured, biting at her lip. "You know it'll just hurt him if I tell him and it's a false alarm. Please, Tiz?" She would ask Ringabel to go to Ancheim herself if she was certain she wouldn't accidentally give it away by acting nervous. She felt sick, though. She had promised Ringabel that she wouldn't avoid him again, and here she was keeping this from him when he needed to know more than anyone.

In the end, they recruited Datz's help, and though the Shieldbearer was understandably confused, he agreed to relay the request to have the ship moored down near Ancheim for a few days so the party could rest and recoup, stock up on supplies, and the girls could have a "girls day out".

"That's perfect," Edea breathed out in relief as she listened to the plan in the relative privacy of her bedroom. "He won't question that." Hopefully.

Datz offered her a smile. "I'm sure he'll be happy to have the chance to spend some time with the women there as well, but … whatever's going on, you make sure to tell him as soon as you can." His face grew more serious. "You're both my friends, so I won't take sides, but consider his feelings if he finds out that something's being kept from him"

Her face burned - was she that obvious? - and tried not to wrap her arms around her stomach. Now that she knew what was in there, her hands drifted there often, almost of their own accord. It was the biggest giveaway to her secret.

"I'll tell him soon," she promised, and as soon as the older man was out the door and heading over to the bridge to give the pilot her message, she fell back on the bed, her hand pressing against her stomach. This was so complicated and messy. Expecting a child was supposed to be a good thing for both mother and father, not… this.

She wanted it to be over.

It was less than an hour later that Ringabel's voice came over the PA system, announcing in a flighty, jovial tone that he would be happy to anchor near Ancheim as requested, and that he hoped Agnès and Edea would enjoy themselves while they were there. He went on to speculate about the women in the city, if one of his ex-girlfriends was still living there, and if she might want to go on a date, and Edea toned out the rest of his babbling, gritting her teeth.

He was upset that he was being avoided and left out, she could tell, but what kind of man went gallivanting around when the woman he claimed to love was - oh. Right. He didn't know yet because she refused to tell him until she was absolutely positive. She tried to let go of the irritation that she felt, but that was easier said than done, and she rolled over on her side to face away from the door when it opened and Agnès entered, instead trying to conjure up a bit of white magic in an another attempt to feel that life-force for herself. It didn't work, but it was calming all the same. She could imagine it was there.

If Ringabel wanted to run around and attempt to be the wannabe Casanova he'd played at being previously, then she would let him, so long as he didn't find out about the secret she carried. She would let him, because she knew once he found out about his child - if it were true, of course - then everything would change between them again.

She just wanted this to be over.