Bedlam and Broomsticks:

A/N: Angel2u! The promised fake dating chapter. I hope you enjoy!

Kissing and Sitting In Trees:

"I need you to be my girlfriend!" The words popped out of nowhere in the common room, and that was how Izzy knew that her year was going to be complete and utter chaos.

She flicked her hair off her face, and looked up from her defence textbook, to see none other than Sirius Black, The Ultimate Man Whore, standing in front of her. "Need?" Izzy questioned mockingly.

Sirius nodded frantically. His grey eyes were wild, hair falling over his face, toned body leaning over hers in the armchair. "Yeah. Well, you can be my real girlfriend if you want," he paused in his panic to flick his hair off his face. "I'm amazing in the sack. But I should rephrase. Will you, Isabella Flynn, please be my fake girlfriend?"

"What's in it for me?" Izzy said, eyeing him off.

"The joy of helping out another intelligent wizard such as yourself?" Sirius said uncertainly.

Izzy squinted and turned her head on the side, as if trying to visualize it. "I don't think that's it," She shrugged her shoulders as if to say, 'what can you do?'

Sirius knelt down and clasped his hands. "If not that, then the relief of seeing me not killed by Marlene?"

"She's not going to kill you," Izzy laughed. "She just wants to get back together with you."

"Exactly," Sirius said feverishly. "And I will die if that happens."

"Why the ruse? Just tell her you don't want to be with her."

"I can't! She keeps following me around, crying and sniffling, and saying I'll regret it and come back to her eventually! If I'm in a relationship she'll realise it's over."

Izzy grinned mischievously. "I heard you and James snogged. Why don't you ask him ot be your fake steady boyfriend."

"You're funny." He furrowed his brow. "Please." He begged pleadingly.

Izzy shrugged and closed her Defence textbook. She leant over her lean legs that were slung over the side of the armchair and captured Sirius' lips in a quick kiss. His eyes were wide when they parted. Izzy shrugged again. "There's no love lost between me and McKinnon."

Sirius grinned. "I owe you." He slid her over and sat in the armchair, pulling Izzy onto his lap, arms loosely around her waist.

Izzy narrowed her eyes. "You're way too comfortable with this, Black." She told him suspiciously. "And yeah, you owe me massively. It's only second week. How are you in this much hot water already?"

Sirius ignored the question and grabbed her textbook. "What are you … doing?" He asked confusedly.

"It's this new-fangled thing that people do, right?" Izzy said mockingly. "It's called studying, Black."

He placed a light kiss on her nose. "If you're going to be my fake girlfriend, maybe you ought to call me by my first name."

His face was so close to hers that Izzy actually had trouble breathing. "Alright then," She struggled. "Sirius."

"Izzy," his breath brushed her nose, and out of the corner of her eye, Izzy noticed Marlene delicately climb through the portrait hole. "Shit," He whispered. "It's Marlene. Do I have permission to snog my fake girlfriend?"

Izzy sighed. "Make it quick."

"Sirius Black is not known for making it quick." He grinned.

"Apparently he also refers to himself in the third –" But her remark was cut off by Sirius' lips coming crashing down on hers, and Izzy internally laughed. This was kind of fun. No pressure of an actual relationship, yet all the perks. Because though he annoyed the crap out of her, she could admit it, Sirius Black was a fine looking specimen.

Izzy was never going to admit it, but Sirius Black was an amazing snog. When they surfaced for air, Marlene had stopped dead in the middle of the common room. "I cannot believe this!" As the two looked over, she stormed off up to the girl's dorms and Izzy sighed.

"That's going to be rightly fucking awkward."

Sirius chuckled. "Well, take comfort in the knowledge that you're a top notch snog, and if you weren't such a prude I'd consider shagging you in a broom closet."

Izzy narrowed her eyes and shoved him, her hands splayed on his chest. "You're a tosser," Izzy announced, sliding off his lap and heading across the room. "I mean, a broom closet, really?"

"Love you pookie," He called mock-sweetly as Izzy headed up the stairs. And though she pretended to be mad, a little smile graced her lips.

When she got upstairs, Lily was sitting on her bed. "Gee," Lily started. "You were ages! Talking to Black were you?"

"What?" Izzy asked defensively. "No!"

"You've got that smile," Lily shrugged smugly.

"Shut it Evans."

"Seriously, spill."

"Where's Marlene?"

"Pity shag with Gideon, I'd guess."

Izzy grandly flopped back on to her bed. "I'm officially Sirius Black's fake steady girlfriend."

"Sirius Black doesn't have steady girlfriends," Lily frowned. "Not even fake ones. You snogged, didn't you? That was what the smile was for?"

Izzy blushed furiously. "No!"

"Ohmigod, you did!"

"Go away, Evans!" she chucked a pillow at her head.

"Isabella Flynn," Lily shook her head. "You are so in love."

"I am not."

"Well, if you're not in love, you at least fancy a good shag with Black."

"I do not."

Lily shrugged. "I know I'm right."

Izzy narrowed her eyes. "I'm going to bed."

"Sirius and Izzy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"I hate you."

"First comes love, and then comes marriage -"

Izzy sat up. "I thought you hated Potter, but he seems to think he's taking you to that dance the Prefects have organised."

"Well," Lily griped. "I sort of, accidentally, said yes. He said all this stuff up a good image for the Head Girl and Boy and it just happened. Accidentally."

"Accidentally?" She asked dubiously, grinning. "James and Lily sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"I hate you." She poked her tongue out in a very mature manner.

"Head Girl!" Izzy gasped. "Dress shopping in Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Okay."

The two girls lay back on Izzy's bed, staring at the ceiling. Simultaneously they said, "Love you really!"

Sirius, after sitting in the common room for a while, headed up the stairs, trying to stop his mouth from forming that dorky smile. When he reached his bed, James chuckled. "Spoke to Iz, did you?"

"No, why!" He said defensively.

"You've got the smile."

"I do not."

"Yeah you do."

"Tosser." Sirius muttered. "My cheeks really hurt too."

James sighed. "You're in the same boat as me Padfoot."

"Since when am I on a boat?" Sirius asked rhetorically as he pulled his shirt off and climbed into bed.

"You fancy Izzy, I fancy Lily."

"I don't fancy Izzy."

"Sure."

Sirius cringed as he admitted, "But, just so you know, Marlene was following me and Izzy has kindly agreed to be my fake steady girlfriend until I get her off my back."

"Did you snog?" James sniggered, trying and failing to hide his amusement at this new turn of events.

"Yeah."

"She's an amazing snog, isn't she?"

"How would you know?" Sirius asked jealously.

James laughed. "You're in love, you prat. Just admit it."

"I hate you."

"Whatever, git. At least I'm healthy enough to admit I love Evans."

"Yeah, but you're taking her to that dance thing," Sirius whined. "You at least have a shot."

James grinned, treasuring this nugget of golden information. "Well, Flynn agreed to be your girlfriend, didn't she?"

"Fake." Sirius said dully.

"It's a start."

Sirius heard James' deep intake of breath. "What?"

"I just realised, I actually have to take Evans on a date!" James voice jumped an octave or two higher than usual. "What do I say? What do I do? I can't do this! I fancy her, Padfoot, badly!"

"Tosser." Sirius snorted. "You didn't think about that before asking her to the dance?"

"Not really. You know me. I'm an impulsive guy."

"You're an idiot, is what you are."

The next morning, Izzy dressed up in her warmest clothes, left Lily where she'd fallen asleep next to her last night and headed down to the Great Hall, grabbing a piece of toast before she ventured out in the cold for Quidditch practise.

Sirius met her halfway, swinging his Beater's bat in his hand. "Hey babe."

Izzy's teeth chattered with cold. "Don't call me babe."

Sirius slung an arm over her shoulders. "Alright love."

Izzy sighed, "I would object to this because Marlene isn't around to see our fake PDA, but I'm so fucking cold I'm going to allow it."

Sirius chuckled. "Prongs is a right mad idiot."

"And he's dragging the rest of us down with him." They reached the shed and Izzy grabbed her broom and zoomed up into the air. "Catch me if you can!"

Sirius grinned and shook his head. "Challenge accepted!"

As they were playing lightning fast tag in the air, James blew an ear splitting whistle. "Get down here, you hooligans!"

Sirius and Izzy met in the air. "Ah, shit."

"I know."

They hovered above the ground as James screamed himself hoarse for a few minutes. "I don't care if it's cold, or wet, you're a bunch of pansies! We are going to win the cup this year!" He bellowed.

Izzy sighed. "James, for our firtst match we're playing Hufflepuff, can't we at least chill this week? We know we'll win."

"Do we?" James got all up close and personal. "What if I only have the chance to score ten points and then the Hufflepuff Seeker gets the Snitch? What'll happen then?"

"It won't happen," Izzy shrugged. "I'm awesome."

"Drop and give me twenty," James roared.

"Okay," Izzy looked around at the rest of her team mates. "You just spat on my face, it's cold, it's muddy and I dont know about the rest of you, but I'm out."

Izzy placed her broom in the shed and began her hike back up to the castle. Sirius caught up with her after about two minutes, and the other members of the team stayed for another James Rage, God knows why. "Hey," Sirius said neutrally.

"What's got his knickers in a twist? I thought Lily finally agreed to go out with him."

"Yeah." Sirius rolled his eyes. "And he never thought she'd say yes, so now he's having a spaz attack."

"Clearly. I'm going to eat some pancakes."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm going to have a fag."

"Lung cancer," Izzy rolled her eyes.

"Obesity." He retorted.

Izzy flipped him off and jogged into the Great Hall.

Lily greeted her at the Gryffindor table. "Practise over early?"

"This is all your fault."

"My fault?"

Remus slid in next to Izzy and grinned. "Ah yes. You agreed to go to the dance with him and now James is having a spaz attack."

Lily coloured. "I didn't mean to. I was just too tired to fight with him."

"Sure." Izzy rolled her eyes. Remus took a blueberry off the top of her pancakes. "Hey!"

"See you," he got up to leave. "Meet you in the library later?" He asked both girls.

"Sure."

"See you then."

"It's all your fault," Izzy repeated, sipping her pumpkin juice.

Lily sighed. "I should've just said no."

"Lily, just admit you fancy him, it won't kill you."

"I fancy …" She pretended to choke. "Oh wait, it will. Besides, I don't fancy him."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Are we going to have this idiotic argument every time the subject comes up?"

"If that's what it takes." Izzy shrugged.

Izzy was curled up by the fire like a tabby cat when James lay down next to her, head next to hers, distinctly messy hair ruffled. "Hey."

"Hey, sociopathic Quidditch captain."

"Sorry." James coloured. "I did overstep the line a bit, didn't I?"

"Teensy bit."

"I just spazzed. I want to win the Cup, and be a good Head Boy so that Evans knows I'm good enough for her."

Izzy's heart just about melted. "Well, as Seeker, I won't let you down in your dreams for the Cup, but Head Boy? You're going to have to achieve that one all on your own. And never spit on my face again. It was rightly uncomfortable."

James grinned. "Righto. But I'm sure I can manage the Head Boy thing."

Izzy kissed him on the cheek, glad his James like arrogance was back. "I'm sure you will."

"Thanks Flynn, later."

"See ya, James."

"By the way, Sirius is out having a fag, looking all dark and mysterious if you want to go check it out. I think it's your duty as fake steady girlfriend, isn't it?"

"Why don't you?"

James looked vaguely uncomfortable. "Guys don't talk about feelings and stuff."

Izzy rolled her eyes and headed out into the corridor, barefoot. "Astronomy Tower!" James called after her.

Sirius was at the Astronomy Tower, questioning his feelings. He wanted Isabella Flynn. Badly. James had been right. But Sirius wasn't going to let on that he fancied her. James was a good guy and would be good to Evans. Sirius was a pureblood Black, and sooner or later would have to succumb to his nature. He knew it was coming. It was showing whenever he did stupid things to Snape that the others thought crossed the line. That cold apathetic cruelty. And when he finally embraced his true nature as would inevitably happen, he didn't want the girl he loved: a half blood, around to be hurt. She needed to be with someone safe and secure. Even Remus would be better than him, and Remus was a fucking werewolf for crying out loud!

"Sirius," the sweet innocent, all too familiar voice floated past him. It was as if he had conjured her up just by thinking about her. He couldn't escape the blue eyed brunette even if he wanted to.

He turned and blew a ring of smoke towards her which she dodged, coughing. "Hey."

"Tosser." She flung at him.

Sirius looked at the cigarette in his hand and put it out, knowing how much she hated them. "What are you doing here?"

"James told me you were here." She leant against the railing and overlooked the grounds, hair blowing in the slight breeze.

"Ah hell, you aren't wearing any shoes; you'll catch your death out here in this weather."

"Sorry mum," Izzy ducked her head, trying to hide a smile.

"Why did James send you?"

"Guess he figured, I'm your fake girlfriend. It's my job, now, right?"

"Unfortunately," Sirius mumbled, kicking the metal railing with a booted foot.

"Well I'm sorry! I could have let you get eaten by the big bad Marlene monster, but I thought I'd do you a favour. Didn't realise it was such a chore for you to spend time with me!" And with that, Izzy whirled on her bare heel, and rushed out of the room.

Sirius kicked the railing again. "Shit." Now he was on the outs with his fake steady girlfriend. Life sucked at the moment.