AN: (very little) Sexual content! Shouldn't be a surprise for readers who actually played the game, but still.

Somewhere in Wurmwater, Captain Scarlett rallies her crew for another quest for treasure on the Buccaneer's Bacchanal. Standing in line, many pirates await instruction from the incorrigible queen of the pirates. Surprisingly, among the crew was Herbert patched up like a rag doll that a nightmare farted out, but Scarlett was desperate for members, so he got a pass. Mercer was of course present, even Shade.

"Oh man, wait till my friends back in Oasis hear about this. They're gonna freak." Shade tells Mercer, elbowing him.

"Keeping poking and you'll be having your elbow for lunch." Mercer hisses.

"Our first best friend quarrel, ah memories." Shade sighs.

"Shut yer traps, our Goddess is on deck!" Herbert yells, causing everyone to stand at attention.

Scarlett zips down a zipline and lands in front of her crew. Pacing back and forth, Scarlett sort of gives her thanks for those serving under her.

"Well, uh... Thanks for joining me crew or whatever. Anyway, news of treasure has reached my ears and..."

"Yes! I, Herbert, will find it for you, my angel!" Herbert interrupts her.

"Mercer." Scarlett calls to the cook, who nods then drags the lovelorn hermit away.

"As I was saying, there's treasure, go find it, dismissed. Oh yeah, here's a map." Scarlett says, throwing a tattered map towards them.

Scarlett then sits in a chair accompanied by a table with an elegant bottle of rum on top. She watches her crew scramble around, preparing to set sail. Her gaze stops on a crewmate with a particular getup.

"Hey you, uh BoneHead!" Scarlett hollers, gaining his attention.

"Come here."

After her command, Zer0 in his B0ne H3ad helmet walks over to Scarlett.

"Haven't we met before? I think I tried to kill you or maybe that was someone else." Scarlett asks, rubbing her chin.

Zer0 - NAW

"Huh, thought so. Well, back to work."

"Are you not gloomy?/So much charm wasted on them/Let me rock your world" Zer0 says, bowing his head.

"Woah, don't know where that came from, buuuuuut I already have someone in mind." Scarlett says, pulling him close with her hook.

"Hey, punk! You're not gonna rock anyone's world and that someone is no doubt me! Right, captain?" Herbert shouts, running towards the two.

"No, you dolt. It's Moxxi, sweet sweet Moxxi." said Scarlett, sighing at the end.

"T-then let me change your mind with a poem... Cough... Cough." Herbert clears his throat and pulls out a piece of paper.

"Crap." said Scarlett.

Zer0 - (-_-')

"A haiku for you, my love. Ahem... I love you Captain Scarlett/Like a Bullymong steak/Marry me" Herbert finishes, then looks at her with moxie.

Zer0 - D:( WTF!

"Back to work." Scarlett tells him, facepalming.

"Oy, you heard her." said Mercer, before dragging him off again.

"Ahhh! Scarlett, you're tearing me apart! Not that I don't like it!" Herbert yells.

"Geez, I need to clear my head after that. You wanna give me a hand, BoneHead?" Scarlett asks, downing the bottle of rum.

Zer0 - :D

They retreat to the captain's quarters, placing a bandana on the door knob.

An hour later, Zer0 exits the room and stretches his arms. Herbert just happened to be cleaning the deck and looks at him. After the two make eye contact...

"What did you..."

Zer0 - ;9

Zer0 then slingshots something at Herbert and gives him a thumbs up, before disappearing. After Herbert holds the piece of cloth in his hands, he sits there in awe as he held on to what he would consider treasure.

"Kill that bastard! He's one of those Vault Hunters!" Scarlett screams, running out of her cabin with only a blanket covering her body and her Captain's hat.

Looking around completely flustered and frustrated, she catches a glimpse of a love stricken Herbert holding her underwear. She marches over and snatches it out of his hands then kicks him overboard.

"He could've at least taken them with him." Scarlett pouts, then heads back inside.