Rather surprisingly, Dorian doesn't complain about the trek to Terrasen. It's on foot and in secret, so we have to take a lot of back roads and overgrown forests. When I told him my plan, he agreed, and added some other good points to it. We'll have to go over it with Rowan, Aedion, and the others, but I know they'll be all for it. It's genius.
We're only about a day in, so we haven't yet expanded the details of our plan. But we have a little over a week until we reach the safehouse in Terrasen, so we have enough time to go over and perfect everything.
About halfway through packing, Dorian pointed out that we wouldn't be able to carry all of his bags on a week long journey. We settled for his clothes and as many books as we could get without physically straining ourselves. I shifted into my Fae form so I could access my strength and carry more, which Dorian took as a challenge, so he grabbed even more of his books.
I can see the sweat on his brow and it's only then that I realize I'm sweating, too. The temperature isn't too high, but we've been walking all day, so the exhaustion has built up almost unbearably. It reminds of what Dorian said: I wake up exhausted every day. I'm used to it by now. The sun is almost completely gone, so I pull Dorian aside to stop him.
"We should find a place to rest for the night, or even just a few hours. I'll die if I don't get some sleep," I add with a flashy smile. He sighs with obvious relief. Good - I can tell he needs the sleep.
"Where?" is all he responds with.
I shrug. "Anywhere's good, really. Just something with a little shield from the impending rain - it's spring now, did you even know that? I didn't - and we should be good."
"Like this?" Dorian calls from over by a small clearing. I trudge over leaves and fallen branches until I reach him and look around. There are trees still surrounding the clearing, and a creek that lines the trees. On the other side of the creek is what looks like part of the beginnings of a mountain, and there's a little crack in the stone that appears to be a cave.
"Looks good," I agree, "but we need to make sure there aren't any animals already inhabiting it." He nods and sloshes through the creek; I follow him closely. He peers into the cave and I come up next to him, summoning my fire to light up the darkness. It's empty, save for some leaves and dirt. I grin. "Perfect."
We head inside and make sure to cover the entrance behind us with rocks and branches to conceal any possible people wandering out from seeing us. I use my fire to make a torch using a shirt and some sticks. Dorian gets the blanket from one of the bags while I get the makeshift torch in place so it won't fall over and burn us both.
Thunder claps outside and I jump a little, which makes Dorian chuckle. I blush from embarrassment as I swat his arm. "Shut up! I'm just looking or for predators and things...we wouldn't want the King of Adarlan to die while last seen with the Queen of Terrasen, now would we?"
"Right," he drawls, still grinning jokingly. I hit him again and he mocks pain. "You were the one who pointed out it was gonna rain!"
I roll my eyes, giving up. I am really too tired to be arguing with Dorian of all people who is probably the only person who stands on the same ground as I do wit-wise. "Whatever. Go to sleep." I push him down so he's lying on his back; I curl up next to him and let him wrap his arms around me.
"Should we put out the torch? I don't wanna burn in my sleep," he asks.
"With that mentality you shouldn't be sleeping so close to me," I smirk. He rolls his bright, blue eyes as he summons his own magic to smother the fire. It's pretty, his ice covering my fire, and it's right. Our magic melding.
He lies back down beside me and rewraps his arms around my back, pulling me closer to him. Despite our sweaty walk through the woods all day, some Gods-damned way he's managed to still smell like heaven. This boy is the only real proof heaven does exist. I find myself staring at him as he drifts to sleep; his skin is still golden brown even though he's been living in the shade for months now. I graze my fingers along the stubble that's grown, which so unlike the clean-cut Dorian I know.
"What're you doing?" he mumbles as he gracefully takes my hand in his. He gives it a soft squeeze then releases it. I wish he hadn't.
"You haven't shaved in awhile." My voice seems pathetic and I wonder why I'm even saying these things. But I feel such a strong need to touch him all of a sudden, to be as near to him as physically possible.
He chuckles and pulls me into him, but somehow it's still not close enough. I need more. I run my hands through his dark, curly hair as I prop myself up to look at him better. Gods, he's so damn attractive. I remember that being the first thing I picked up on when I met him in the throne room. It seems so long ago, years even, when in reality not even a full year has passed.
His eyes flutter open, but I can barely see them. Through the cracks in our makeshift door, moonlight shines in and illuminates parts of the cave. "Aelin…?"
"Shh," I whisper into his ear. I follow my instincts, I follow the Fae magic humming inside of me. I kiss him, and everything suddenly feels right. Like all the pieces are finally falling into place, simply because of him. His lips, his eyes, his hands, his skin. Him. He tastes the same way he did the last time I kissed him, but also brand new. Like the same Dorian, just new and improved.
He tries to break the kiss, but I won't let him. Anything he needs to tell me he can do later; I need this right now. I need him now. I climb on top of him, straddling him. Having to break the kiss for air and to pull his shirt over his head, Dorian uses that split moment to say, "Rowan?"
I finally allow myself to realize the truth, to accept the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head the past few days. About the betrayal, and Rowan, and Dorian. "I'll deal with him when we get to Terrasen. But...but...I'm so confused, Dorian. Since I've been here, since I've seen you again, it's like all I can feel is this buzzing connection to you. Not just here, though, but months ago when you got freed from the Valg prince and magic got released. Ever since then I've felt that connection pulsing in me, like our magic is linked."
I'm blabbering again. All these feelings pouring out of me, all the while I'm sitting on top of the King of Adarlan, and all I want to do is rip his pants off. His chest is gleaming from where the moonlight hits him through the slits in the cave entrance. I want to kiss him again, but I don't want him to reject me. Gods, I'm so inconsiderate...he must not even be over Sorscha yet, and here I am trying to get into his pants.
"But what about Rowan? Don't you...don't you love him?" Dorian asks meekly, like he's afraid of the answer.
"I can't love someone I can't trust."
He props himself up on his elbows and looks me dead straight in the eyes. "I know what you're talking about. That connection? Well, I feel it too." He says this more rushed, like he's excited. Like there's something important he has to get to. "And I think I might know why."
"Go on," I say nervously.
"With everything you have with Rowan, you might not want to hear this," he counters cautiously. "It might not even be the reason for all this…"
"Go on," I repeat steadier.
Dorian swallows before continuing. "You know how I read a lot?"
"You? Really? No way."
"Shut up. Anyway, when I did a lot of reading about Fae a few years ago - which I never told anyone about, mind you, because the fact that I had those books in my possession let alone read them could've had me executed - I learned something. It might not apply to us, because you're only a demi-Fae and I'm, well, human. But it's this connection Fae have with someone, usually another Fae, called their 'mate'."
"I know. Rowan told me about that while I was in Wendlyn," I explain. The mention of Rowan's name makes Dorian shift uncomfortably under me. I climb off of him so he can sit up, but I stay as close to him as possible. "It doesn't just apply to two Faes. It can be one Fae and a human. Or a demi-Fae and someone…"
"Does he...did he…" He can't seem to articulate his sentence, but I know what he's trying to ask.
"No. His mate...died. A long time ago," I respond.
He looks confused and upset. "So he knows there is no possibility of you two being mates? And that your real mate is out there somewhere? But he chooses to stay with you anyway?"
Gods, I never thought of it that way. "Yes. Yes. Dorian...that doesn't matter. I know what you're saying - gods, I feel like I know everything about you - and...you're my mate. I know you are. I've never hurt you - did you read about that? - and that connection is so gods-damn strong. You're my mate, Dorian Havilliard."
At this point all four of our hands are tangled together in a big mess, and there are silver tears lining my eyes. Dorian leans in and kisses me big and full, untangling our hands so he can tangle his in my hair. Suddenly he's on top of me and I can feel him.
We fall into sync and all I can hear is the sound of his voice, moaning my name, and the rain, softly pattering outside.