An update. I know I'm as shocked as you are about this. My computers been a bit of a pleb lately and deleted everything - all my fics, music, everything then it died. So i kind of had to re-write (is that even a word?) it from memory. Anyway heres chapter 4. Not quite sure where I'm going with it next so any ideas would be appreciated.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything - do you think COE would have happened if I did?

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Ianto had been sat in Jack's dimly lit office for what felt like hours, staring at the blank computer screen in front of him. He was broken out of his trance when he heard Jack enter the hub through the cog door. He stood up from behind the desk and started to pace backwards and forwards across the room, wiping the tears from his eyes as he saw Jack making his way up the stairs towards the office.

"I don't know how many more times I've got to tell Mr Jenkins that he can't keep a Weevil as a pet." Jack laughed as he walked through the door, shrugging his coat off his shoulders.

"That has to be the second time this month." Ianto replied casually.

"Third actually, but he's promised me it wont happen again, said he didn't realise how dangerous they were until it tried to rip his throat out." Jack laughed again as he made his way across the office towards Ianto. Pulling the Welsh man towards him he captured his lips in a passionate kiss. "I've wanted to do that all day." Jack whispered softly when he finally pulled away, cupping his face he went to kiss him again he realised that his cheek was wet. "Ianto, what's the matter? Have you been crying?" He looked at Ianto, who was shaking his head. "Yan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Ianto replied before he started to kiss the older man, pushing him back across the room until the back of his legs collided against the desk behind him. "Bedroom." He growled before pulling Jack roughly towards the hole in the floor by his belt. He waited impatiently as Jack climbed obediently down the ladder.

Jack gasped as Ianto shoved him roughly onto the bed and climbed on top of him. He pulled Jack's shirt over his head and threw it onto the floor behind him. Jack was surprised at first by Ianto's dominance, as Jack was usually the one in control, Ianto had always been a gentle lover before, but right he didn't seem to care how rough he was being. Not that he wasn't enjoying the sudden change in behaviour, he was just shocked. He knew something was wrong with his lover, but he also knew that Ianto would talk to him when he was ready. As he felt Ianto's hands move to undo his belt and remove his trousers all thoughts of Ianto's sudden change in behaviour were pushed to the back of his mind, losing himself in the moment.

Jack watched intently as Ianto stood up and began to slowly undress in front of him. Walking back towards him again he leant forward and captured Jack's mouth in a brutal kiss reaching over into the cabinet next to the bed he searched blindly for the lube and condoms that Jack kept in there. He smiled into the kiss when he found what he was looking for. Not breaking the kiss he rolled Jack onto his back and positioned himself between his legs as he began to prepare the older man.

Jack groaned at the loss of contact as Ianto removed his fingers. "Do you want me to fuck you?" Ianto whispered seductively into Jack's ear. Jack nodded unable to form a sentence as he watched Ianto position himself at his entrance, before thrusting into him. "You okay." Jack replied by wrapped his legs around Ianto's waist meeting every one of thrust with his own. Pushing himself up on one hand, Ianto used his other to slowly stroke Jack's painfully hard erection making him moan. "Come for me Jack." He whispered in to Jack's ear. The words alone were enough to bring Jack to his climax crying out his lovers name as he came. Ianto thrust into Jack a few more times before he came hard inside jack. Pulling out of Jack, he collapsed onto the bed next to him. Picking up his shirt off the floor Jack quickly cleaned them both up, before they fell asleep.

The next morning Jack lay awake watching Ianto sleep, absentmindedly running his fingers up and down the younger man's arm, who was curled up next to him on the small camp bed. He loved moments like this when it was just the two of them. He looked down as he felt Ianto stir next to him.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Jack asked placing a kiss on Ianto's forehead.

"No." Ianto replied bluntly pushing the duvet back and climbing out of the bed pulling on a pair a clean pair of boxers.

"Hey, where are you going? The others won't be in for a couple of hours, I thought maybe we could talk." Jack said softly walking up behind Ianto placing a hand on his shoulder, wrapping his other arm around Ianto's waist pulling him against his chest. "I know there's something you're not telling me."

"You can talk Jack, you're not the only one with secrets." Ianto snapped trying to free himself from Jack's grasp. "Will you let go of me?" He shouted.

"No, I'm not letting go of you until you tell me what's wrong, no matter ho long it takes." Jack replied calmly tightening his grip around his lover's waist. "So, are you gonna tell me what got you so worked up last night?" He whispered softly kissing the nape of his neck, feeling Ianto relax he loosened his grip slightly allowing Ianto to turn to face him, Jack was shocked to see that he was crying again. "Please talk to me Yan, I can't bear to see you like this." Jack pleaded with him as he took hold off his hands and pulled Ianto down so they were both sat on the bed. "You can tell me anything, no matter how bad it is."

"I know Jack, I know." Ianto sighed. "It's Hermione."

"Nothing happened between us if that's what this is about, there hasn't been anyone else." Jack said sounding slightly hurt.

"That's not what I meant, I trust you." Taking jacks hands in his he took a deep breath. "Remember how Hermione told you that she came to Cardiff looking for somebody?" He looked up at Jack who nodded. "Well she found him, she found me."

"I don't understand, why was Hermione looking for you?" Jack asked looking a little confused.

"I'm a wizard. I fought in the war with her." He looked up at Jack who looked shocked, but nodded for him to continue. "When it was over I just needed to be alone, so I left. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I didn't intend to be gone so long, I just needed time to grieve. We all lost so much during that war, but we were all to busy fighting to process any of it. As soon as it was all over it hit me, it was all I could think about and I couldn't deal with it, so I just ran away."

"Do you want to tell me about it? I'd understand if you didn't." Jack asked.

"It's ok. I want to talk about it, I just don't know where to start. I suppose the beginning would be a good place" He looked at Jack who smiled at him. "Okay, my Mum met Sirius Black while she was in her last year at school, he was two years younger than her and a bit of a player. They had a one night stand and she got pregnant with me. He was only sixteen when I was born and still in school so I only saw him during holidays and some weekends. Mum moved back to Cardiff when I was born and Dad lived in London so he wasn't around much."

"But I thought your Dad lived in Swansea. We went to see him last Christmas, he gave me the whole 'if you ever hurt my son you're a dead man' talk."

"That was my Stepdad, Gareth. He's a muggle my Mum married when I was six, but there not together anymore, but he still there for me. Wait a minute did you just say he gave you the talk? Oh my God that is so embarrassing."

"It really wasn't that bad." Jack laughed at the horrified expression on his lovers face. "What happened to your real Dad?"

"When he was nineteen he got sent to Azkaban prison. I asked my Mum where he'd gone, but all she'd say was 'Daddy's been a very bad man and he has to go away for a while.' I was only three at the time, so after a while I suppose I just kind of accepted it. It wasn't until my first year at Hogwarts that I started to question it. The other kids avoided me, talked about me behind my back saying that I would probably turn out just like my Dad. When I went home for the summer that year I asked my Mum what was going on and for once she told me the truth. My Dad had been made secret keeper to his best friend James Potter and his family, he was the only person who knew where they were and he sold them out to Voldemort who murdered them. Their son Harry, my Dads Godson survived. My Dad then killed twelve muggles and another one of his friends Peter Pettigrew, he was caught and got sent to Azkaban without a trial. The next year when I went back to school I was different, I kept my head down and got on with my work, eventually they got bored and found something else to talk about. In my fourth year Harry started at school and the rumours started again.

"My Dad escaped from prison the summer before my sixth year. I didn't want to go back to school, I knew it was going to be hard. Being talked about I could deal with, but it was different it was like they were scared of me, they thought I was going to turn out like my Dad. I guess they were right." He said more to himself. "I spent the majority of the year with Hermione, she had fallen out with her friend Ron over something trivial and felt just as alone as I did. At the end of the year the Headmaster called me into his office and told me that my Dad was innocent and that he had gone into hiding. That it was Peter who had betrayed the Potters and faked his own death. They couldn't prove it the ministry because Peter had escaped yet again."

"But you knew the truth." Jack said softly.

"And that's all that mattered. I spent the summer at my Godfathers house where my Dad was staying, getting to know him again. I went back to school that year happier, it didn't last though." Ianto laughed bitterly. "There was a tournament at school. I'd been forbidden from entering it, my mum said it was too dangerous. Harry got entered and my Dad spent the entire year running around after him, he even came to the school once, but it wasn't to see me. It was like I didn't exist, all I wanted was for him to put me first for a change. I guess I was jealous. That's when I decided I was going to leave the wizarding world. Remus, that's my Godfather helped me to apply to some muggle universities. I got accepted into Bristol University to study Archaeology. About a month before I was due to leave I went round to my Dads house to tell him that I was going and that I couldn't keep coming second to Harry, because it hurt too much."

"What did he say to that?" Jack asked.

"He asked me if I'd come back later 'cause Harry had got into trouble with the ministry yet again and he was having a hearing that day." Ianto replied bitterly.

"Oh Yan, I'm sorry."

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't like Harry, I just wanted my Dad to at least acknowledge the fact that I was there. It was like he'd forgotten he had a son. I thought that if I wasn't around as much he might start to notice me. I couldn't believe how well I fitted in at Uni, I made friends, got a boyfriend." Jack's head shot up at this. "What you know you weren't the first."

"I know, you just never mentioned anyone before. What was he like?" Jack asked curiously.

"His name was Oliver Wood. He was in the year above me at school, professional Quidditch player, Irish, smart, funny, kind, gorgeous and I loved him."

"What happened then?" Jack asked hoping that he didn't sound as jealous as he felt.

"One night after we'd been going out for about four months, Ollie didn't show up at my flat like we'd planned. Naturally I got worried so I went round to his house. The death eaters had been there and they'd left their mark above the door. There was a note inside for my Dad from his cousin, Bellatrix trying to get him to come out of hiding. I was a mess Jack. I went straight to the Headquarters with the letter begging them to do something, anything. My Dad told me to calm down, locked me in my old room all night by myself." Ianto cried and Jack watched helplessly as the younger man breakdown in front of him. "The next day Remus came to tell me that they'd found Ollie, that he was alive but in a critical condition. Remus took me to see him at the hospital, when I saw him it broke my heart knowing that I was the cause of his pain. I broke up with him that night. I know it probably won't make sense, but I broke up with him so he wouldn't get hurt again."

"That makes perfect sense, you sacrificed your own happiness to makes sure he was safe." Jack said quietly.

"Later that year I got an owl from Remus, saying that the order needed me at the Ministry. When I got there the first person I saw was my Dad. He was still a wanted man, the last place he should have been was the fucking Ministry. I asked him what the hell he was playing at. He told me that Harry was inside and he couldn't just sit at home waiting for news. I completely lost it with him. I told him I hated him for all the years of hell I had to put up with at school, just because I was his son, for all the times he put Harry first and for not being there for me when I needed him the most, when Ollie got kidnapped. Then I told him that if he didn't leave I never wanted to see him again. How could I?" Ianto cried.

"You had every right to be angry Yan." Jack told him.

"No I didn't Jack, because that was the night he fucking died." Ianto yelled. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to know the last thing you said to your father was that you hated him? That you wished that he wasn't your Dad?" Ianto shouted at him. "I didn't feel like I had the right to grieve for him. So I spent the next two years doing anything I could for the order to make up for it, but it was never enough and that's when Torchwood came into my life. I was the ideal candidate. Student, cash in hand, no questions asked and no one to miss me if anything happened to me. I waited until the war was over then I left. Seeing Hermione last night brought it all back."

"Why now?" Jack asked confused. "Why did they wait this long to find you?"

"They didn't. Hermione said that they'd been looking for me eve since I disappeared. When they were rebuilding Hogwarts they found Bellatrix's wand and destroyed it. Two days later my Dad fell back through the veil that killed him and he's alive. Hermione told me that he wants to see me and I'm scared Jack. Everyone I ever cared about ends up getting hurt or leaves me and I'm scared that if I let him back into my life he'll leave me again. I don't know what to do." Ianto sobbed as Jack pulled him into his chest, doing the only thing he could and held him until the tears stopped.