Chapter Four: Sweet Child O' Mine

She's got a smile that, it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

Guns N' Roses

…

"Do you see her?" Derek asked Elena as he held her on his shoulders, towering high above the crowd outside the airport terminal.

After a moment of silence, the little girl whispered excitedly, "There she is!"

Addison hadn't expected to find them waiting for her when she got back, but it was a great surprise. In only a moment, after what had seemed like an eternity apart, she was holding her little girl in her arms again. As she buried her face in Elena's soft, dark curls and, to her surprise, she breathed in the scent of Derek's cologne. And at that moment, she was so grateful because that meant that he had held her close and given Elena all the warm embraces that she had longed to all the while they were apart.

"I missed you so much, Mommy," Elena whispered as she clung tightly to her mother. All the emotion that she'd purposely restrained when she spoke to her mother on the telephone that past week was now overcoming her. She hadn't wanted to make her mother feel bad because she had to be away, but if it was up to her, they wouldn't have to be apart again.

"I missed you, too, Sweetie. So, so much," she replied. Then, looking up at Derek who had been quiet the whole time, she couldn't help but smile as she stood and met him eye to eye. "Thank you, Derek."

He kissed her cheek and smiled in return. "Welcome home, Addie. How was your flight?"

"Long but thankfully uneventful. Although I did sit by this adorable young pregnant woman who asked me at least a hundred questions after I mentioned that I was an OB/GYN," she recalled cheerfully. "Oh, and Meg's daughter is the cutest little thing, Derek. And Savvy and Weis are doing great, but they're really freaked out that Elena and I have decided to move back. And so have your sisters—call Nancy, by the way. But anyway… How are Meredith and the kids?"

"Everyone's doing wonderfully," he assured her brightly. "Things are great."

Addison smiled, then turned her attention back to Elena. "I know someone else who missed you," she said and then pulled Elena's doll out of her bag and handed it to the smiling child.

The doll, Amélie, had belonged to Leni when she was a little girl, and now it was Elena's most prized possession. Usually, she was never without it, but to Addison's surprise, she had handed the doll to her mother right before she got on the plane for New York. "So you can take a part of me with you," the little girl had reasoned.

"Amélie," Elena whispered, winding her fingers in the laces of the doll's dress out of habit. "I hope she had a good week in New York."

"She did. And I bet you had a wonderful week with Daddy and Meredith, didn't you?" Elena grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "Well, my darling," Addison smiled as she stood and took Elena by the hand, "I can't wait to hear all about it. Let's go wait for my bags, then we'll go to the hotel."

"Wait… You're taking Elle tonight?"

"Yes," she replied quickly. "I thought we'd already discussed this, Derek."

"I thought we had decided that she would stay with us until you get settled into your new place."

"No… we decided that while I was in New York taking care of things, Elena would stay with you, and when I got back to Seattle, then she'd come back to stay with me," she insisted, refusing to relent.

"A hotel room can't do justice to a real home, Addison. And besides, all of her clothes are at my house."

"It's for a few weeks, Derek. A month at the most. The movers will be here with our things tomorrow, and then we'll have it put into storage until we decide on a house. I'm not going to argue with you about this; it's what we decided on a week ago."

Elena sighed loudly; technically, her parents didn't ever fight; there was no yelling or shouting or name-calling. Most of the time, they didn't even argue. But when they did, it was usually about her, and she couldn't stand that. "You're talking about me like I'm not here. Again."

Suddenly being reminded that his daughter was standing right there, he immediately knelt and put himself eye-level with her. "I'm sorry, Princess; your mom is right. You two have some catching up to do. Be a good girl, okay?" he whispered, hugging her tightly before starting to walk away.

"Derek," Addison called out, and he stopped and turned. "I'll bring her over tomorrow morning before you leave for work, okay?"

"All right," he nodded. He knew that there would definitely be adjustments for all of them in this new chapter of their lives, and all he wanted was for everyone to be happy. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Elle. I love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy."

…

"So, I want to hear everything about your week," Addison requested as she and Elena sat on the soft, fluffy bed after finally settling into their hotel room. "What did you guys do? I want all the details."

Elena loved that sometimes her mother acted like a mother, but sometimes, she treated her just like a friend. It was a wonderful balance, and Elena knew that she was lucky. Talking to her mother was so easy because for such a long time, it had been just the two of them

"Today was the first day that Daddy had to go back to the hospital, so I helped Meredith take care of Aida, and we practiced for my interview. And Cristina came to visit when she dropped Hayden off after preschool. On the other days, we kind of just hung out," she began to recall to her mother, who was listening attentively to her daughter's every word. "This morning Daddy cooked us breakfast, and I cooked spaghetti for dinner. Oh, and we went on a ferryboat ride, too."

"I'm glad you had such a nice week, Sweetheart," Addison smiled as Elena cuddled up next to her.

"What about your week, Mommy? How is everyone in New York?"

"Sad," she answered, being completely honest. She tended not to sugarcoat things with Elena; she felt that if she spoke to her like a rational adult, Elena would grow up as such. So far, her reasoning was proving true. "Like I was telling your dad at the airport, everyone is sad that we're leaving again, but they understand. They're really going to miss you, but we can fly out there together when I have a consult."

Elena nodded in agreement as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. She was going to miss her family back in New York; her grandmother and aunts, uncles, and cousins had been such a big part of her life. And that wasn't even mentioning the friends that she and her mother had accumulated over the years who had become like family.

"You're so quiet tonight, Elle. I honestly thought you'd be a nonstop chatterbox," Addison remarked. Normally even after only a few hours apart, Elena could ramble for just as long about every detail of every minute of her day. But tonight, she was strangely reserved. "What's on your mind, Sweetie?"

"I just don't like it when you and Daddy argue about me," she revealed after a moment. "It upsets me."

Addison sighed heavily as she hugged her daughter tightly. "I'm sorry, Elle. That's something your dad and I are gonna have to work on; we're going to have to get used to raising you together. We just both want what's best for you. But just so you know… it upsets me, too."

"But even though sometimes you argue with Daddy, you still love him, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"You're just not in love with him."

"Exactly."

Elena then questioned, "Well, how can you tell the difference?"

"It's hard to put into words, really. It's… it's just a feeling, and it's something you have to know for yourself. There are different kinds of love; as you experience each kind in your life, you learn to distinguish them," she explained. Upon seeing Elena's bemused expression, she assured her, "Someday that'll make more sense to you."

"I hope so. It can't make any less sense, I guess," Elena grinned, and Addison was glad to see that her daughter was in better spirits.

However, when Elena yawned widely, Addison said, "Okay, I think it's time for both of us to get some sleep because I'm exhausted, and I know you are, too. I don't know if it's the time difference or the jet lag or just stress—it's probably a little everything—but I can hardly keep my eyes open. We'll finish talking about all this tomorrow. Sound good?"

Elena nodded and pulled the covers up around herself. "Sweet dreams, Mommy."

"They will be now that you're back with me," she whispered, and kissed Elena's cheek before turning off the light.

…

"Hey, you. The kids are both asleep," Meredith grinned mischievously when he walked upstairs into their bedroom. However, noting the distracted look on his face, she questioned, "Derek, what's the matter? Where's Elle?"

"With Addison. She'll bring her back here tomorrow," he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, then slowly proceeded to take off his shoes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, but she could tell that he wasn't.

Still focusing on his shoes, he was still for a moment. "This is harder than I thought it would be." Meredith waited quietly for him to continue, and he finally admitted, "I thought that actually having Elena in town would make it easier, but she might as well be across the country if she isn't right here with us."

For years, Derek had always felt so guilty about not being able to be a bigger part of his eldest child's life. He did what he could, but it was hard because they were so far apart. He did everything he could to partake in the major events of her life—he was there for more than some fathers who actually lived with their children—but he always felt like it was never going to be enough.

"How long are you going to beat yourself up over this? Derek, Elena loves you. And she knows how much you love her," she said softly.

But he just shook his head. "For six years, I've watched her grow up in pictures. I couldn't go to every ballet recital or every PTA meeting. Hell, I had to hear her first words over the telephone. I wasn't there for her, Meredith; for six years, I wasn't there. When she gets older and looks back, what's she going to think?"

Meredith moved to the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms reassuringly around her husband's shoulders. "She's going to think that she was one of the luckiest kids in the world because she had a dad who loved her enough to spend nights on end worrying about whether or not he was a good dad. Which you are, by the way."

"How would she know that?"

She grinned and replied, "Because one day when she's older, I'm going to tell her. Maybe on her wedding day or something."

"Her wedding day? Seriously? You're already thinking about her wedding day?" he questioned laughingly. "She's six years old, Mer."

"I know, but someday she'll be twenty-six," she said and started to giggle at his expression. "It's just that she's our oldest, so I just figure that she'll be first. Of course, the twins told me that Hayden has a girlfriend at preschool, so maybe he'll end up being first." After a pause, she added, "I don't think Aida will be first. There's no way she'll settle down before she's thirty; I can tell."

"You can tell, huh?" he teased then kissed her cheek playfully.

It was a relief to see him smiling again; it broke her heart when he was unhappy. "Feel better now?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I do."