After loading the very few bags into the car, that's always kept on the plane, and getting into it ourselves, dad in the driver's seat, Scott in the passenger's seat while Virgil, Gordon and I got into the backseat of the car in that order, we left the parking lot of San Francisco General Hospital and headed back towards my boarding school. I managed to talk dad into letting me stay the rest of the school year at least, since there was only about two months left before we were sent home for summer break, while on the way to the car. After that no one spoke a word. It was so silent in the car, the only sounds were coming from the car, outside, and our breathing. At the moment I was glad that I brought my I-pod with me to fill the, too much to handle, silence in the car.

After several tries to untangle the huge tangled mess of my headphones, I gave up and tapped Gordon on the arm. He turned his head towards me and I showed him the headphones. He smiled at me, understanding what I was silently asking him to do, and took them, untangling them, then handed them back to me. I nodded my thanks and put them in my ears and hooked them up to the I-pod. After it was set up, I turned it on and pressed play. Soon 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars was playing through my headphones.

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh take, take, take it all but you never give
Should've known you were trouble from the first kiss

I should've known he was trouble when he told me about his past. I can't believe I thought he would've been different. No one can go through all that and not be affected in some way. I should've taken more time to get to know him better instead of take pity on his past and because of my feelings, said yes when he asked me out. But he was the first boy I ever liked, had feelings for, how was I suppose to know to be more careful then I already was?

Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?
Gave you all I had and you tosses it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did

The same thing I did. I gave Danny my heart, my love. I had loved him and he threw it all away, he never loved me. When I learned of Danny's past before we went out, and given the way he acted before he had told me and after, I just never imagined that he would turn out to be the same. A very abusive person. Maybe there is still hope for him, but now that he was done this…made me have to go to the hospital and have my dad and brothers come from home, hundreds of miles away, just because he was angry…I wasn't really sure that I could change him if I tried. Was it worth it?

To give me all your love is all I ever asked

That is all I ever asked of Danny, to give me his love. To love me just like I thought I loved him…like how I had loved him before he got so abusive towards me. Why would he ask me out if he didn't like me? Maybe…just maybe he does like me, maybe even love me, and that's why he is abusive. Because he doesn't want me to ever leave him. Thinking that making me fear him will make me stay? Or maybe it's because he knew I liked him and wanted to be nice, then when he got to angry, thought it was okay to take it out on me? Because I was his girlfriend? Because I am his girlfriend?

'Cause what you don't understand
Is I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on the blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would've done that and more. I still would..I think. I'm so confused on my feelings, I'm not sure what I should be feeling anymore. Should I still love him? Hate him? He had a reason for doing what he did and I would do anything. Including taking all the abuse from him. Maybe that's his way of showing he cares…if he cares at all.

See I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same

I do go through all this pain for him. I just don't think I would die for him…or take a bullet for him. Does that mean I love him? Or that this is all just some huge crush? Do I go through all this abuse and pain because I just have some big crush on a boy that is very abusive and might never let me leave him…alive at least? Is this all because of some crush? But one thing is for sure, he would never die for me…or take a bullet for me. He would put me in the way before they could even fire at him or harm him and make me pay for it, go through all the pain from it.

Black, black, black and blue
Beat me till I'm numb, tell the devil I said hey
When you get back to where you're from

He does beat me until I'm numb and worst. So does that mean I love him? I'm still not sure. I don't think I will ever know the answer for a long time. Maybe one day in the future very far from now but not today.

Maybe there was a reason that I was abused. I started to think of everything that I have done in my life that I could remember. Then it seemed to click in my mind. I was the cause of my mother's death. I was the reason that she wasn't around anymore. That Alan doesn't get the chance to have anything to remember her, that dad lost the love of his life, that my older brothers and I don't have a mom. If only I hadn't gone outside that day.

-Flashback-

It was a beautiful day outside with the snow covering the ground and trees, the clear blue sky out with very little clouds showing from where you could see out of the window. I had been looking out the window and, being only four years old, I had wanted so badly to go outside and play in it. That's all I had wanted to do but I wasn't allow to because I was sick.

I had gotten a cold a few days earlier and had used all of the medicine that we had supplied at the two story house we would stay in when we went to the mountains. Daddy and my older brothers were all out having gone back into town off the mountain, about an eight hour drive from the house, to get some medicine for me. They had decided to take a trip to get some more after I took the last of the medicine we had this morning, they had been gone for about six hours now and should be almost to the town by now if they didn't have any troubles.

Mommy had gone into the kitchen, after getting me set up on the couch in the living room on the first floor, to make some soup, to help me get better. A few minutes after mommy had left the room, I looked back outside to see that snow was falling down again. I could feel the medicine kicking in and was feeling a lot better, but what I didn't get was why they had said that I had to rest even after the medicine had kicked in. The snow falling was so tempting, I couldn't resist not going outside anymore.

I got off the couch and went to the front door on the side of the house, opened the door quietly so mommy wouldn't hear and make me go back to the couch, but didn't close it as I ran out into the snow. I ran quite a ways from the house but still close enough that I could hear mommy humming inside. I had only just started to play with some of the snow when the ground started shaking.

"Cynthia! Where are you?" I heard mommy ask while yelling, but I couldn't respond. I was frozen where I was outside in the snow. The ground had never shook before and I was scared. Seconds later, I saw my mom running from the front of the house and look up at the mountain. I managed to move my head to look at what she was seeing and saw lots and lots of snow coming down the mountain and fast.

I looked wide eyed not able to do anything now but stare at the snow that was coming fast down the mountain heading straight for us, it was so close that when I felt mommy pick me up, I wasn't sure if there was enough time for both of us to get inside safely.

"I love you all. You'll be okay, Cyndi. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you all." Mommy kept saying while also reassuring me that I would be okay and not to be afraid. She had kept repeating it until we were close to the front door of the house. They snow was so close, about to consume us, there were only two choices that mommy had to choose, that much I knew. She had to decide whether to toss me into the house to save my life but not her own or not toss me and have the snow consume us both.

In the split second she had to make the choice, mommy had made, what I thought, was the hardest choice a person could make, but for her, was most likely the easiest choice she would ever make. She tossed me into the house through the front door and let the snow consume her. I watched as mommy vanished from my sight and snow filled where I had last seen her, in the front door with only very little of it coming in through the open door.

"No! Mommy! Please come back! Please! Mommy!" I started crying and screaming as I realized what had happened. "Please don't go! Don't leave! Come back! Momma!" No matter how much I had screamed and cried for mommy to come back…she never did. I looked around from where I sat on the floor and found there was it was filled with snow, that there was no way out.

Afraid of something coming through the snow, I slammed the front door shut and locked both the locks. Then I went around making sure all the windows were locked and closed the curtains to prevent myself from seeing anything scary. I made sure all the lights were on to see where I was going since it was so dark. I was so scared that something would pop out and scare me now that I was all by myself.

Then I went back into the kitchen after turning on all the lights and grabbed mommy's cell phone and the house phone that were both lying on the counter next to a warm bowl of soup that you could see the steam coming off of. Tears welled up in my eyes as I remembered mommy making the soup only minutes before. Then I went up to the second floor, looking around, I found that the windows in the back, facing the mountain, were nearly completely covered and the windows that were facing away from the mountain were only partly covered at the bottom and I would be able to see if anyone was coming. Looking out the window facing away from the mountain, all I saw was a flat layer of snow; I couldn't see mommy or anyone for that matter. I made sure all the windows were locked as well and closed the curtains still afraid that something would pop up and scare me, while turning on the lights as I went from room to room. No one was in the house but me and I wanted it to stay that way until daddy and the others got home.

I opened mommy's cell phone to find that it had signal and was fully charged. I went to the contacts and found the number that mommy had showed me was daddy's number. I pressed the green phone that mommy had also told me was to make a call, she had showed me how to call daddy if there was an emergency and how to check to make sure it was working. I put the phone up to my ear waiting to hear daddy's voice come through it. After two rings, I heard the voice of my second oldest brother, John, come through the speaker on the phone.

"Hi mom." John said into the phone. I was ready to break down crying again at the mention of mommy and what I was about to tell my daddy and brothers. I knew I was young but I still knew what had happened to mommy and how they were going to take the news.

"It's not mom, can I talk to daddy please?" I asked, somehow managing to keep my voice calm enough to be understood as I spoke. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes already and knew that once I spoke to daddy.

"Sure here's dad." He said and then I heard the phone being moved. I heard my brothers messing around in the background, and dad ask 'who is it?' and John answering him, 'It's Cyndi.' All noise seemed to quiet down some but not completely, I had never called them before while they were out and I think they knew something was wrong. I heard dad reply, 'Put it on speaker' before hearing his voice come over the phone.

"Hey sweetheart, is everything ok?" Daddy asked. I heard the car in the background, meaning they were driving right now.

"Are you on the road right now?" I asked with the same tone. Now the few noises of my brothers were gone as they all heard my voice and I'm guessing the sadness in it.

"Yeah, we are almost to town." He replied.

"Can you pull over please? I don't want to tell you this while you are driving, I don't want anyone to get hurt." I said catching myself before I gave to much information that someone, mommy, was hurt…I mean dead. I heard an 'ok' and then the car sounds stop a minute later.

"Cynthia, what's going on?" Dad asked the worry I always heard when one of us gets hurt in his voice.

"Mommy's gone." I replied finally cracking and letting the tears come down, starting to cry really hard. All I heard was silence on the other end of the phone; the only sounds were my crying.

"Sweetie, what do mean mommy's gone?" Dad asked sounding like he was going to cry as well.

"I was feeling better and went outside to play in the snow…..I only wanted to play in it, I didn't know that was going to happen." I cried, "Mommy was in the kitchen making soup. I was just starting to play with the snow when the ground starting shaking…. When mommy came to check on me, she found me outside…. She looked towards the mountain and so did I….there was tons of snow coming down really fast… She ran and grabbed me. As she was running back…..towards the house….there was only time for her to toss me inside before the snow came…..she tossed me inside the house and when I turned around…mommy was gone, there was only snow." I finished crying the worst I've ever cried in my whole short life. I hoped they would understand what I had said so I wouldn't have to repeat it again. "I had only wanted to play in the snow. I'm sorry!" I cried harder. "I didn't want to lose mommy! I didn't know the ground was going to shake! I didn't know the snow would be coming down so fast! I didn't know! I'm so sorry daddy! Please don't be mad at me!" I cried.

"Listen, Cynthia, it's ok. It wasn't your fault. I know you didn't know that was going to happen, that you just wanted to play. No one is mad at you." Daddy said softly. It sounded like he wanted to cry. "Are you in the house?"

"Yes. I can't get out. The first floor is blocked with snow, I managed to close and lock the front door and close the curtains. The second floor the windows are filled half up with snow, I also closed the curtains. I turned on all the lights so I could see. …Daddy I'm really scared. I'm all alone." I was still crying, but calmed down some so I could at least speak.

"It's ok, Cyndi. I'm turning around, we'll be there in about an hour or so. Do you want to talk to one of your brothers to help stay calm?" Dad asked. He had taken the phone off speaker to hear what I was saying after I told what happened and broke down.

"Yes please." I said. Daddy said 'ok' and I heard the phone moving around before I heard the sound of my oldest brother, Scott's voice over the phone.

"Hey sissy." He said.

"Scott, I'm scared." I cried into the phone.

"I know you are. Do you want to watch a movie? Or have a snack?" He asked staying calm the whole time. I wondered if maybe he was in shock like mommy and daddy are when they get surprises.

"I want to watch the lion king two and mommy had made me some soup before the ground started shaking….its waiting on the counter in the kitchen." I said still calming down.

"Ok, do you know where the movie is?" He asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Do you know how to turn on the movie?"

"Yes. Can I turn it on by myself?" I asked.

"Go ahead. And make sure you eat the soup. It will help you get better." He told me, letting me put the movie on myself. I went back downstairs and turned on the lion king two while also grabbing a few more movies for when it was over and put it into the DVD player.

"Can I eat my soup on the couch while I watch my movie?" I asked to whoever was listening on the other line.

"Yes you can." Scotts voice said, meaning he still had the phone. I then put the phone on speaker and set it down on table in front of the couch then went to grab my soup. I carefully took it off the counter and moved to the table where the phone sat and the set it down. I pressed play on the player and then sat down in front of my soup watching my movie while I waited the many hours until my family got back.

-End flashback-

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I thought back to that day. It was one of the worst days of my life. But it had all been my fault that mom had died. No matter how many times someone told me it wasn't my fault she died, I would also know the truth…that I caused it, that it was my fault. If I hadn't have gone outside to play in the snow, then mom would still be here. Everyone would be happy and we would be a whole family again.

But maybe that's why I was abused, it was payback for causing my mom's death. Now that I really think of it, I do deserve the abuse. No…I should have died that day, instead of mom. Then I wouldn't be going through the abuse and by now everyone would be happy again. Who knows, mom and dad could have had another child that would replace me, but…it didn't turn out that way. Now I was stuck in a relationship that I feared I will never be able to leave, no matter how much I tried.

I hadn't realized that my tears had escaped from my eyes and were streaming down my face until I felt someone's hand wipe them away. I jumped and stopped my music, which had changed to something else, pulling my headphones out of my ears in the process, as I turned and saw the concerned eyes of my three older brothers. I knew dad would have also been looking too if he didn't need to keep his eyes on the road to keep us from crashing.

"Are you alright?" Gordon asked from beside me, holding my face in his hands, still wiping away all the tears spilling from my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just daydreaming." I replied trying to reassure them I was fine without having to tell them that I was thinking about mom and making them sad again.

"About what?" Virgil asked, not dropping it.

"Random things. Mostly the times of when I was little." I said, avoiding telling them about mom while also keeping to the truth. They would hopefully drop it and then I wouldn't have to tell them anything. Not about mom, or my fears of when we get back, after they leave, when I see Danny again.

I knew that he would know that I told them, after all he knows that Virgil knows about medical stuff and after seeing me, would be able to piece everything together and I would most likely be getting the worst beating of all after they left. I couldn't help but fear for my life. I feel so trapped in this relationship that no matter what anyone, including myself, tried, I would never be free from being Danny's….at least not in his mind.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I looked back over at my family, hoping I wasn't showing any of the fear I felt inside on my face and that they would believe that was everything without going into details. Thankfully they did, and looked a bit relieved. I bet they were hoping I wasn't thinking about Danny. The tears had finally stopped and Gordon had let go of my face. They all went back to what they were doing and so did I. I put the headphones back into my ears and resumed the music not even paying attention to what was playing. Just thinking about the person I feared most in this world, my abusive boyfriend, Danny. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to stop the beating, that I knew was coming, I thought, "Please don't let it be too bad."

Thanks for hanging in there with my sprained wrist. I learned why sprained wrist are worst than breaks...because it's so easy to resprain it. It was suppose to be healed two weeks ago but I ended up respraining it because the brace it was in didn't help it at all. Then I went back to the ER and got put into a splint for another two weeks and after that I couldn't move my wrist without moving my whole arm, which is how it's suppose to be I guess. I'm finally able to start using it again. I hope you like the chapter and again I'm sorry it took so long for me to update but I had a very hard time typing. I hope you like it.

I don't own anything from Thunderbirds, I just own my OCs and anything that isn't apart of the movie. Thanks again for reading. Please review!

Twilightgirl1596