Just a reminder that this story is AU. Enjoy this chapter and please feel free to tell me what you love or hate about it - just do so kindly.
Harry's brain awoke before his eyes opened.
Memories of the night before replayed in his mind. Despite the fact that he was thrilled that Peter had been captured and his godfather would now be free, he couldn't help but feel loads of uneasiness about it as well.
It amazed him how quickly he had grown to love Sirius. He was a link to his parents that he hadn't known existed and now that he did he couldn't get enough of the man. He knew that living with Sirius would be nothing short of amazing. Harry was sure that it would consist of a life without rules and consequences. Sirius would likely congratulate him on detentions he received and give him pointers on wandering around the castle in the middle of the night. If Sirius scolded him for sneaking out of the castle it would likely be because he hadn't been invited to join.
Harry was sure that Ron would be appalled by his thoughts but he couldn't help it – he didn't want to live with Sirius. He in no way enjoyed Snape's rules, nor did he particularly like the consequences that came with breaking those rules, but he couldn't imagine his life without them.
He tried to picture breaking a major rule such as putting his life in danger and Snape ignoring his misbehavior. He couldn't make sense of why, but the thought of his guardian doing such a thing hurt far more than any punishment could.
Harry slowly opened his eyes as he suddenly remembered the outcome of his disobedience the night before. He wondered if he would be permitted to join Snape for meals or if it would be a full day of solitary confinement.
He rolled onto his side spotting a plate on his bedside table. Although he was disappointed that he would be eating breakfast alone, he couldn't help but grin at the large helping of beans and toast on the dish. It was one of the many mysteries of his guardian. Harry would never understand why Snape punished and rewarded him at the same time but he was always very thankful for it. He hoped that if he ever had kids one day that he would remember to do the same.
Gingerly he propped his upper body up with his elbows and then pulled himself into a sitting position. For the first time he noticed that Bane was not in the room. He was sure that Snape would never go for it but he had been hoping that his guardian would allow him the company of his dog for the day.
Harry was about to reach over and pick up his breakfast when he suddenly remembered Snape's promise. He was amazed that it had taken him so long to remember. The night before he had tossed and turned for over an hour trying to imagine that Snape had to tell him.
Curiosity shot through his body as he quickly pulled the covers off of his lower body. A moment late his bare feet were on the floor. He walked across his room and slowly took hold of the door knob.
He paused for a moment as he debated his next move. He didn't doubt that Snape having his breakfast ready in his room under a warming charm meant that he was to stay put. He didn't think that Snape was still cross about the cloak mishap. He hadn't seemed mad when he had come home anyway. And what if he forgot about the talk, Harry rationalized with himself. If Snape forgot and he was stuck in his room all day then his guardian would break a promise and Harry knew that Snape hated to do that.
He turned the door knob and stepped into the hallway before he could change his mind. He quickly made his way down the hallway but halted to a stop at the top of the stairs.
There was always the chance that his guardian was still cross. He could have thought about the situation a bit more and decided that Harry hadn't been punished enough. He could have already decided that if Harry didn't stay in his room he would add more punishment.
Harry leaned on the wooden banister as he considered his options.
"I believe that you are supposed to be in your room."
The sound of the familiar voice pulled Harry from his thoughts and made him jump slightly.
"You are well aware of the rules," Snape continued. "The only acceptable reason to leave your room is to use the lavatory."
"I know," Harry replied looking down at his guardian who was standing at the bottom of the staircase.
"I was unaware that the lavatory up there is out of service. Or perhaps construction will be taking place and the lavatory will be rebuilt at the top of the staircase," Snape mused in a sarcastic tone.
"You said we could talk today," Harry replied not moving an inch from his spot. "You said that you would explain things."
"I did and I shall," Snape nodded. "After lunch."
Harry's shoulders slumped at these words – his face fell.
"I'm sorry Harry but I must leave shortly and I will not return until then."
"Leave for where?" Harry questioned with curiosity.
"The Ministry," Snape replied honestly. "I am meeting with Professor Dumbledore, Remus, and your godfather. Pettigrew was given a large dose of veritaserum last night. He confessed to everything we knew and then some. With such a confession, a trial is not necessary. He is already in Azkaban and has been sentenced to a lifetime there."
"Why does Sirius have to go to the Ministry?" Harry asked in a nervous voice. He abandoned the banister and took a step off of the second floor and down a single stair.
"The Ministry is requesting to speak with him," Snape answered simply.
"Can I come?" Harry asked as he stepped down two more stairs. "I'll be so good that you won't even know I am there."
"I won't know that you are there because you won't be there," Snape replied. "I believe that you are being punished today."
"I could stay in my room tomorrow instead," Harry offered.
Snape shook his head firmly. "As always the punishment which I have set is not up for debate."
"If Remus is going then who is staying here with me?" Harry asked. "Wouldn't it be easier to just take me?"
"Minka and Kermy are more than capable of watching over you," Snape replied. A stern look took over his face. "You will behave for them Harry. The consequences will be severe if you fail to do so."
"I will," Harry promised with a nod as he stepped down two more stairs. "Why does the Ministry want to talk to Sirius?"
"Likely to apologize for imprisoning him wrongly. I also suspect that they wish to discuss his relationship with you as well."
While Snape explained Harry took a step down another stair. He froze at Snape's words. "I won't have to go live with him will I? I mean I love him of course but –"
"Relax," Snape instructed seeing the tension on the child's face. "You will not be forced to move in with Black." Snape couldn't help the feeling of affection for his son that was racing through his body. He had suspected that Harry wanted to stay with him but hearing the words warmed his soul. "I simply meant that the Ministry would likely want to speak with your godfather about the safety precautions surrounding you."
"Oh," Harry replied. He made the move to step down another stair when Snape raised an annoyed eyebrow at him.
"However, if you take one more step down those stairs you may want to go live with your godfather rather than face the punishment that you will receive from me."
"I need to take care of Bane," Harry reminded him though he stayed put rather than moving down and testing the man.
"Bane is being taken care of by Minka," Snape informed him. "Now might I suggest that you turn yourself around and go back to your room where you belong before I find it necessary to assign another essay to your workload for the day."
Harry gave his guardian a pitiful look. "Will you come up and say goodbye before you leave?"
Snape nodded in agreement. "I will. Now go Harry."
Reluctantly Harry turned around and slowly made his way back up the staircase. He didn't see why his guardian couldn't just allow him to go and let him do his time in his room tomorrow, but he wasn't going to try and argue with Snape either.
"Had there been any inclination that you were innocent," Cornelius said in a solemn tone, "we would have released you at once."
Snape rolled his eyes at the words as he stared out the large window that overlooked downtown London. Cornelius' words were laughable. Black could have screamed that he was innocent from the top of his lungs every day, but without solid proof he never would have been released from Azkaban.
"Thank you Minister," Sirius replied calmly.
Snape's eyebrow rose. He was quite impressed with the mutt's ability to keep his temper under control. He had expected Black to be an emotional mess – yelling and screaming about the injustice of it all. He had been completely calm throughout the conversation. It almost made Snape wonder if Albus or Remus had given him something to help with his temperament. From what Snape had seen of the man in the past few months, which admittedly wasn't much, the man hadn't changed since their childhood days at all. He was still the same irrational, short tempered bully that he had always been. It made Snape fear what would happen if Harry spent too much time with the man.
"I think it may be appropriate to speak with The Daily Prophet about publishing a story to clear Sirius' name," Albus suggested.
Although Snape hardly believe that Black deserved such a thing he couldn't help but feel thankful for Albus' words. He was unfortunately all too aware that eventually his child would want to venture off somewhere with his godfather – it was only natural after all. The last thing Snape needed was to worry about how others would perceive Harry for being seen with a known murderer. He was sure that there would still be those that would read the article and doubt every word, but if it helped a few people see the truth it would be worth it.
"Of course," Cornelius nodded. "I can take care of that this afternoon. Perhaps we can even persuade them to print a special evening edition focused solely on Mr. Black's story."
"Excellent," Albus smiled. "Now we must discuss Sirius' living arrangements. He is currently residing at his parent's old estate however…"
Snape stopped listening as he glanced up at the large clock on the wall. It was nearly an hour after lunch. His thoughts immediately went to his son. He hadn't expected to be nearly this long at the Ministry. He knew that Minka would be sure to deliver Harry his lunch. She was very attentive when it came to such things. He also knew that one of the two elves would remember to take Bane out for some exercise and feed him as well. Snape's main concern was whether or not his child was getting restless. He didn't want to have to carry out further discipline. He silently prayed that Harry wasn't becoming impatient with waiting – that he hadn't ventured out of his room to investigate or find entertainment. Several times Snape had contemplated requesting to venture home for just a moment to check on his young charge however, he refrained from doing so. With Cornelius Fudge in the room the last thing he needed was for the man to think for even a moment that he questioned whether Harry would behave. The Ministry had surprisingly been leaving them alone lately and Snape did not want to give them a reason to change that. He did not doubt that Minka would alert him if she could not handle Harry. He also knew the relationship that the two shared though. He did not doubt that Harry could easily persuade Minka to allow him to misbehave.
"Now then, there is the matter of your godson," Cornelius said pulling Snape from his thoughts. "Surely you must realize that he is a special child. The level of security that he requires at all times is astronomical. I am well aware of your skill level Mr. Black and your ability to protect Mr. Potter is not being doubted in the least. I only wish to illustrate how important it is to put his safety as the top priority when you are in his presence."
Snape rolled his eyes once more. It wasn't that Cornelius' words weren't true - it was the way in which he said them. He would have liked to remind the man that the boy had a name. He also would have liked to demand that the overgrown toad stop speaking about his son as though he should be kept in a laboratory. Snape felt a wave of uneasiness flow through him as he realized that a year ago he would have referred to him solely as Potter, even adding the title of Mr. would never have happened.
"I would like to start the necessary procedures to file for custody of him," Sirius said plainly. "He is after all my godson."
"I beg your pardon?" Snape replied unable to stop himself from speaking. He turned away from the window to face the room of men. "I have been taking care of and providing for Harry for a year now while you have been unable to. I do not intend to just step down from my position."
"An excellent and valid point however, I am able to care for him now," Sirius retorted. "And I intend to do just that. His parents named me his godfather, they intended for Harry to be with me in the event that he needed to be."
"Sirius," Remus said softly speaking for the first time in over an hour.
"Over my dead body," Snape hissed. "Harry is happy, healthy, and thriving in my care. One day with you and he'll be back to risking his life at every chance he gets."
"You don't give him a choice but to behave," Sirius said. He was speaking in a calm voice but Snape could clearly see the anger on the man's face. "If he doesn't you beat him until he does. Isn't that right? I've heard you threaten him."
"I do not beat Harry," Snape snapped. "I discipline the child. Every person in this room is well aware of the tactics I use to keep the child safe. As I told you months ago Black I would find it hard to believe that had James Potter lived he would never find himself in a position where he had to punish his son." Snape could feel his temper boiling over. He would have liked to have seen Black protect the boy as well as he had without disciplining him. What was he supposed to do? Reward Harry for sneaking out of the castle and nearly drowning in the lake? Was he supposed to congratulate him for acting out in class? Was he to praise him for putting his life in danger? Black's words only further proved that he wasn't the right guardian for Harry.
"And I believe I told you then that you had better not lay so much as a finger on my godson."
"Enough of this," Snape said his attention turning to Albus. "Surely there has to be some statute of limitations. The man hardly knows Harry. Not even twenty four hours ago he was still wanted for murder."
"I know him well enough to know that he would jump at the chance to live with me," Sirius retorted.
Snape bit his tongue resisting the urge to tell the man exactly what Harry felt about living with him. His utter dislike for Black forgotten for a moment, he knew what it was like to feel that the child didn't want him. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to hear it.
"Of course there are guidelines to be followed with any child and with one as special as Mr. Potter those guidelines are only intensified," Cornelius spoke up. "Given the special circumstances of this situation Mr. Black would need to wait an allotted amount of time before filing an appeal for a custody change. I am not sure of the exact amount of time that must pass but I know it is at least a year under normal circumstances."
"A year," Sirius blanched. "What about joint custody or visitation rights? He is my godson!"
"I have never stopped you from visiting Harry," Snape pointed out despite knowing damn well that had the man asked he would have refused to comply.
"Please Minister, if it's at all possible I would like for Harry to visit me at my residence," Sirius said ignoring Snape altogether.
"I am not comfortable with him doing so unless another trusted adult is present," Snape spoke. He was fighting hard to keep his tone calm. The last thing he wanted was for his temper to get the best of him.
"I would be willing to accompany Harry," Remus offered. "Of course if everyone else involved approves of that. I could take him to visit weekly."
Snape had mixed feelings on the offer. On one hand he was appreciative that Remus was willing to offer his services. His doing so would make things much easier. On the other hand he was furious that he would likely have to give in and allow Harry to go.
"I think that it a reasonable compromise for now," Albus mused with a twinkle in his eye. "The time together would certainly be beneficial to both Sirius and Harry."
All eyes fell on Snape. He would have liked to refuse and then apparate home to his child. He knew that doing either desire was not an option though. "A weekly visit with Remus present would be acceptable."
"Wonderful," Cornelius smiled widely, "Mr. Black might I suggest that you use that time to get to know Mr. Potter and form a relationship with him. And now that that matter is taken care of I think this meeting can be concluded."
By the time he stepped back into his own parlor Snape's mood was foul. He had already made the decision that if his young charge hadn't behaved himself while he was gone the child would regret it.
After an exceptionally long meeting at the Ministry, he had been forced to accompany Albus back to Hogwarts where they spent more time discussing Harry's new visitation schedule with his godfather. Snape would have liked to tell Albus to be quiet about the whole blasted arrangement but instead he had kept his thoughts to himself.
Since he had left his house that morning he had been looking forward to coming home to Harry. Now that he was faced with the very real task of going to talk to his child and confess his past, present, and future he would have preferred to have been back at Hogwarts or even the Ministry rather than having to deal with it.
He snapped his fingers causing Minka to appear at his feet.
"Master Snape," she said as she bowed deeply.
"Minka," he answered, nodding. "I do hope that you had a peaceful day."
The small elf nodded enthusiastically. "Master Harry was very well behaved. He is nearly done his schoolwork as well."
Snape let out a small sigh of relief. "He didn't pester you to leave his room?"
Minka shook her head. "Not even once."
"Very good," Snape nodded. "And Bane wasn't any trouble for you?"
Another shake of the small head, "None at all Sir."
"Very well then," Snape nodded. "Thank you for your help. I think perhaps both you and Kermy should take the evening off. I am certainly capable of preparing dinner for Harry and I."
Minka smiled as she bowed once more. "Thank you Sir." A moment later she vanished in a small cloud of smoke.
Snape strode into the kitchen. He opened the small cupboard and withdrew a vial. In one quick motion he screwed the top off of it and ingested the thick contents. Seconds later the headache that had been pounding so violently that it was beginning to make him nauseous faded completely.
He left the empty vial on the counter as a reminder to himself to fill it up later before he turned and walked out of the kitchen.
Slowly he made his way up the staircase. He wasn't completely convinced that having this discussion with Harry was for the best but he knew that he did not have a choice in the matter. Several times now over the course of the last year someone had nearly slipped in front of the boy. It was only a matter of time before the truth was revealed whether Snape liked it or not. He was wise enough to know that telling Harry on his own terms was far better than the child finding out on his own. Still, he wasn't sure that Harry wouldn't be jumping at the idea of living with his godfather after they talked.
Snape knocked once on the boy's bedroom door before turning the knob and pushing it open.
Bane leapt off of Harry's bed jumping at Snape's feet for attention.
"He came in here on his own," Harry quickly explained. "I didn't ask if he could."
"It's fine," Snape replied shocking his young charge by his nonchalant response. He patted the dog gently on the head in response to his excitement before walking across the room and retrieving Harry's desk chair.
"I didn't think were going to be out until tonight," Harry said as he sat up a little straighter, his back leaning against his bed's head board. "You said you would be home by lunch."
"Yes well originally I had intended to be. I wasn't aware that the meeting would be quite as extensive as it was," Snape replied as he placed the chair closer to Harry's bed and gingerly sat down on it.
It wasn't until Snape sat down that Harry noticed that his guardian looked like he was a combination of exhausted and annoyed. "What's wrong?" Harry couldn't help but ask. "Was the meeting bad? Did something happen?" Despite Snape promising him earlier that he wouldn't have to move in with Sirius he couldn't help but worry that that was exactly what was going to happen.
"It wasn't all bad," Snape replied honestly. "Just extensive." Snape paused as he took in the concern on his child's face. "Relax Harry," he said in a gentle tone. "Although your custody arrangement was discussed nothing will change aside from the fact that you will be making weekly visits to your godfather."
"I will?" Harry asked. He hoped that the excitement in his voice didn't hurt Snape's feelings.
"You will," Snape nodded. "Remus will accompany you on them."
If possible Harry's excitement grew. He could only imagine how wonderful spending time with Sirius and Remus would be. He was sure that he would hear amazing stories about his parents and go on incredible outings with them. He was sure he would even be able to convince Sirius to teach him how to pull off a prank or two.
"About what you heard last night," Snape said in a solemn voice bringing Harry out of his daydreams.
The news of visits with Sirius had caused Harry to completely forget about the previous evening. Now at Snape's mention of it he felt his heart skip a beat. Remus had said that it wasn't bad but Snape's face was telling him the exact opposite.
"As I have told you my childhood was not ideal," Snape started searching for the correct words to explain the situation in a way that wouldn't leave his child hating him. "After my parents passed away I was left virtually alone and very confused. I do not wish for it to sound as though I am using my childhood as an excuse for my actions because that is hardly the case however, I think it does play a small part in the choices I made."
"What kind of choices?" Harry asked in a curious voice. His heart was beating at a rapid pace. He didn't have the slightest idea what Snape was about to say but he had a horrible gut feeling that it wasn't good.
"Do you know what a Death Eater is Harry?" Snape could feel his voice shaking and he prayed that Harry could not hear it.
Harry shook his head.
"A Death Eater is a follower of the Dark Lord," Snape explained. "It is someone who takes the Dark Mark and agrees to spend the rest of their life serving him."
Harry felt his stomach drop at the words. "You…" he whispered.
Snape nodded. "I took the Dark Mark. I made the decision that I would serve the Dark Lord to the best of my ability. As I have already said, I was young and very confused."
Harry felt his stomach turn at the words. He instantly felt betrayed by the man he had grown to love. He had half a mind to walk out of the room before Snape could say another word. He couldn't find it in him to move though. Instead he sat on his bed staring at his guardian, his mouth open in shock.
"I likely would have served him for much longer but when he made the decision to murder your mother my feelings changed drastically. There was no way to stop him. I would have been killed for suggesting such a thing," Snape quickly tried to explain. "I went to Professor Dumbledore and confessed my horrible mistake. I begged him for forgiveness," Snape admitted. "I begged him to do everything in his power to protect your mother Harry. They were put into hiding, the only person who knew their location was their secret keeper…of course you know the outcome of that." Snape paused as he eyed his child. The tears were rimming Harry's eyes though Snape couldn't quite place if they were due to sadness, anger, or a mixture of both. "When your mother was murdered I wanted nothing more than to renounce my position as a Death Eater. Unfortunately doing so would only end in my death. Instead Professor Dumbledore devised a plan in which I would pretend to continue to be a loyal follower of the Dark Lord. I would be a spy for both sides. The Dark Lord believed me to be spying on his behalf, in actuality, I was, and still am, a spy against him. In doing so I was able to distance myself from him. I was able to take a teaching position at Hogwarts."
Harry was silent as he mulled over this information. Bane jumped up onto the bed and settled down next to him. Harry's hand immediately found the dog's back and gently began petting him.
"I can certainly understand if you are upset with me for keeping this from you for as long as I have," Snape continued. "It is not a part of my history that I am particularly proud nor is it easy to discuss."
"Did my mum know you were a Death Eater?" Harry asked. His voice was hoarse from the tears he was holding back. He had never wanted so badly to cry out of pure frustration.
"She wasn't certain but she suspected," Snape answered honestly. "As did your father and godfather. I am sure that Remus suspected it as well however, my relationship with him was a bit different in those days. He and I never quite disliked each other the way his friends and I did."
"If my mum would have lived do you think you would have kept on being one?"
"I don't know," Snape answered honestly. Despite the fact that he wasn't thrilled with the idea of answering his son's questions he was thankful that the child was reacting so calmly. "I like to think that I would have come to my senses regardless but I honestly don't know."
"Does Draco know?" Harry asked in an annoyed voice. "Is that why he always has a comment about how I don't belong with you?"
"If Draco knows it is not my doing. His father shares far too much with him."
"Mr. Malfoy is a Death Eater too isn't he?" Harry asked in a confident voice. "That's why he said that playing both roles is exhausting."
Snape nodded silently.
"So the bloody Malfoys really are evil? Wait until Ron hears about this."
"Stop right there," Snape said in a serious voice. "I can certainly understand if you are upset or annoyed at the information that I have shared with you however, you will not share anything that was said today with anyone else."
Harry wanted to argue. He wanted to point out that if he told Ron not to tell anyone his friend would listen. He knew that tone of voice though and he knew the look on Snape's face. The combination of the two together was enough to make his blood run cold. "Okay," he quickly agreed.
"I am quite serious Harry," Snape threatened. "If I hear of you repeating any of this information to anyone you will be thoroughly introduced to the strap."
Harry felt his cheeks prickle at the words. It amazed him that Snape could get such a reaction out of him with one simple sentence. "I won't," Harry promised. Before his guardian could threaten him anymore he quickly changed the subject. "But why are there still Death Eaters if he isn't alive?" Harry asked careful not to say his name.
"The majority of his followers believe that he will return one day," Snape replied. "Due to this belief they want to look loyal when he does." Snape paused as he took in Harry's demeanor. The boy looked much calmer than he had only moments ago. The tears that had never fallen seemed to have given up hope of doing so and retreated back into his body. "What are you thinking?" Snape asked before he could stop himself. "What are you feeling?"
Harry shrugged softly not caring if he was chided for it. He was silent for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "I wish you would have told me sooner," he finally said.
"So do I," Snape agreed.
"I wish you never would have joined him in the first place," Harry added despite the fact that he felt childish for saying such a thing.
"We are in agreement there also."
"Will this change anything with us?" Harry asked once again embarrassed by his words.
Snape shook his head. "Not unless we let it," he replied honestly. "Which I certainly do not intend to do."
"What if the Ministry finds out and uses that to take me away from you?"
"The Ministry knows," Snape admitted. "They also luckily know the whole story. They know that I am a spy."
Harry nodded softly at this explanation. "If I have more questions later, can I ask them?"
"Absolutely," Snape nodded. "Don't ever feel as though you cannot ask me a question regarding to this or anything else."
Harry looked up with his guardian as he chewed softly on his bottom lip. "Do you think he will come back someday?"
"No." Snape spoke the lie without a moment of hesitation.
TBC...