An Orange Sky
Chapter III – Hate To Cry
With the drone of the party below filtering upstairs, Draco finished the tale he and Sirius had started, Estelle asking questions and making jokes, but finally they lapsed into a shy silence, passing the hugely diminished bottle to one another. She wasn't quite sure what she could say to the son of the man who had been chasing her for seventeen years, although her attitude towards him had warmed in the last few hours. She had found that although he still retained a few of the negative characteristics of a Malfoy, surprisingly he was quite considerate and reserved in nature. She looked at him from beneath her lashes so as not to show that she was observing him.
He's not bad looking, she admitted to herself. His blond hair, which was so light it was almost white, was cropped messily to his jaw line with a slight fringe crossing his eye making his features seem more feminine and softening the sharp angles of his aristocratic jaw and cheek bones. He was startlingly pale, but this did not make him seem ill. Instead he appeared almost ethereal or regal. His eyes pierced Estelle with an intense gaze that showed intelligence and a perception that she would not have thought possible of a Malfoy . . . well, all other Malfoys except one. Yes, his haunting grey eyed gaze chilled Estelle to the bone. It was like she was looking at his double. Even his height and build was the same, lean but muscular, and toweringly tall, though not as tall as Remus. Estelle realised, to her horror, that she found she was attracted to him. This would not have been so bad but for the fact it was just because he was uncannily familiar to someone else.
Draco caught her looking and gazed at her, his stormy eyes questioning. Estelle blushed at being caught out and looked down.
"You remind me of someone," she murmured sadly. Draco kept looking at her with harsh intensity and then his expression changed as realisation dawned.
"You mean my Uncle, don't you?" he asked softly, knowing full well he was treading on dangerous ground. Estelle nodded, keeping her head down and examining the silver embroidery of the cover intently.
"People say I look like him a lot. More than I look like my father. They say that, now I've changed, I act a lot like him too. I wouldn't know, I was one when he died . . . shit! I'm sorry," Draco apologised, realising his error. "I didn't mean-"
"No, it's O.K," Estelle cut him off, looking at him with a mix of grief and embarrassment. "In fact, I'd rather like to talk about it. I've just realised that I haven't ever talked about him since . . . well, practically straight afterwards I had to go into hiding, so I've never had people asking about it, you know?"
"I heard things when I was younger. Were you – were you lovers?" Estelle held eye contact with him for several seconds before nodding resignedly.
"Then why? Why did you do it?" Draco asked, trying not to sound too accusing while hiding the curiosity from his voice. Estelle took her time to answer.
"Because he did a terrible thing . . . and he paid a terrible price."
"It must have been hard loving someone who was on the opposite side to you in the old War."
"We were never on opposite sides. It was the people around us who chose to split us apart. His side because I was fighting for good not for wrong . . . and my side because he was related to the wrong people. Sometimes I couldn't tell who was worse. The Order members were the ones who were meant to set an example but instead they chose to harbour their own discriminations. I still think that if they had given him sanctuary from his relatives like I requested everything would have worked out differently and he would not have been forced to become one of them. I suppose I still resent the Order for that, those that are still alive anyway. I'm sorry, I talk as if you don't know his relatives, as if they're not your family. I don't wish to offend you."
"Don't worry. I detest my scum of a family as much as everyone else likes too," Draco replied fiercely. "It seems unfair that the Order didn't help my Uncle. But then again, I know how hard it was to gain acceptance from them."
"I think it was mostly down to one person, an influential member who detested your Uncle."
"Who? And why?" said Draco, hardly bothering to disguise his eagerness for answers now.
"I had another lover, an Order member. Don't get me wrong," Estelle hurriedly added. "I am not the type of person who usually does that sort of thing. But I was in love with both of them and it was in a desperate time when the rules barely applied. They both knew about my relationship with the other and were unhappy about it. This member of the Order wanted me to see as little as possible of your Uncle and I think he swayed other members against him. He was insanely jealous and was also already married and with a family. He knew that if your Uncle survived the War I would marry him and end our affair. So he tried his best to split us apart. I didn't like this but I couldn't stay angry at him for long, I was in love. I sometimes think that his selfish actions led to not only your Uncle's death but his own. But then again, if I was not involved with either of them they may still be alive today. Perhaps this, maybe that. Pondering the possibilities makes me so tired," Estelle sighed, wrapping her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees and staring into space.
Draco stared at her for a long time, admiring her sorrowful beauty while considering these new facts. Before he had simply known his Father had pursued Estelle for the revenge of his brother's death. Now whole new stories were emerging, leading off to dozens of more questions. He wondered who this jealous Order member had been but decided not to push Estelle any further.
"I'm sorry for dampening the mood," Estelle murmured, looking up once again. "Whenever I say 'Your Uncle' it makes me feel so old," she joked. Draco knew she had taken the Youth spell but it barely registered when he looked at her attractiveness.
"You are not old. Not anymore."
"But you mustn't forget that I was old once."
"What does that matter? You were old once, you aren't now. Why live in the past when you have a full and bright future. You are simply gifted with more experience and knowledge than others. Physically, you are just a young girl." Estelle pondered this piece of wisdom.
"Yes, you're right," she answered and then conceived to lighten the mood. "What about you? What brings you here? I thought you would have Malfoy Manor to stay in? Not squatting here with us." She immediately knew she had said the wrong thing from the dark expression that now adorned Draco's face.
"I burned it down," he said simply, though Estelle could see that there was more to the tale. She did not ask any more questions but then chuckled quietly. Draco looked at her in surprise.
"I was just thinking," she explained, "that your father was probably livid." Draco gave a slight smile that faded quickly. Estelle cursed herself for again saying the wrong thing. It had been hard to think of his father without a slight wave of panic washing across her, a wasted effort it seemed.
"How did you escape my Father? I know he was desperate to punish you after what you did," Draco asked. "I never knew anyone to get away from him before." It was Estelle's turn for her features to freeze and then turn stony.
"I guess I'm just lucky," she sighed and refused to speak more on the subject. Draco realised she had many secrets and he had just begun to scratch the surface.
"Let's go down stairs. We are doing nothing but moping about up here," he suggested.
"Now that is a good idea," Estelle said, swigging the last from the bottle and allowing Draco to pull her up.
The party was slowly winding down. Everyone was still sitting in a circle next to the fire and all shuffled around to let Draco ad Estelle in. Sirius grinned at Estelle from across the circle and raised his eyebrows when she chose to sit next to Draco. Immediately some sort of magical drink was pushed towards her and the rules of a drinking game were explained. A few rounds later and Estelle could feel the alcohol seeping into her brain. The fact that she had not been drunk in over seventeen years and the euphoria of being within friendly company after all the years spent alone had Estelle feeling carefree but more importantly careless.
The twins disappeared up to their rooms for a second and when they returned one was clutching a small vial of clear liquid. Hermione looked at them confusedly, her brow furrowing. Estelle wondered why but after a few seconds of surveying the potion she realised what it was.
"Is that Veritaserum?" Hermione asked. "You know that's strictly governed by the Ministry?" Fred grinned and George swirled the dangerous contents.
"Yeah. It's a shame the new potions master isn't so careful about locking up his cupboard. We went looking about earlier and the door was just open, wasn't it George?"
"That's right. We didn't force it open or anything." George chuckled at the shocked looks on his friends' faces.
"And what are you going to do with it exactly?" Remus asked cautiously.
"Well," said Fred, looking about the group at the curious faces. "Me and George made up this game, right. We each get a shot and in one of them is one drop of veritaserum. Enough to make someone tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth for a couple of minutes. It's up to luck whoever gets the truth serum in their drink."
"Why would we want to do that?" Hermione asked sceptically.
"Why? 'Cause it's a laugh for all the others. Unless you're too scared? Do you have some threstrals in the cupboard, Hermione? Something you don't want Harry to know about?"
"No!" Hermione protested.
"Then you won't mind joining in. Come on, the more people the smaller the chance," George goaded. Hermione looked unsure.
"Well, okay. As long as you don't ask anything too private."
"We wouldn't dream of it," Fred grinned. "Besides, we can all get a laugh when Sirius gets it and we can learn about that girl he was seeing last month. George thinks she was a vampire."
"Oi! It's none of your business and I'm not going to get it. I've always been lucky," Sirius bragged. Slowly everyone nodded their heads in consent, not wanting to be left out. Finally Fred turned to Estelle.
"What about the lovely and mysterious Estelle? Will she partake in our unworthy game?" he asked. Estelle looked at him fuzzily. Alarm bells were ringing in the back of her head but they barely pierced the haze surrounding her brain.
"Sure," she simply replied. Fred and George seemed ecstatic that they had managed to get everyone to join their game. George conjured a tray with eight shots glasses upon it, filled with clear liquor. Everyone peered closely as Fred dramatically allowed one small drop of Veratiserum to drip from the vial and into one of the glasses. The group tried to keep their eyes on this special glass as George cast a spell that caused the tray to spin round without the glasses tipping or the liquid to spill. The tray span in the centre of their circle at a blinding speed so that all the group could see was a blur of colour. When it eventually rotated to a standstill everyone eyed the glass nearest to them warily.
Sirius was the first to drink, gulping it down quickly, followed by the twins who laughed heartily afterwards. One by one they all followed suit, looking about each other for a sign of change. Only Estelle had not tipped the drink back, choosing instead to stare at it. A moment of clarity had hit her and she now realised the consequences that could come from this 'harmless' game if she were the one to swallow the truth serum. She stared at the others who were all looking at her in expectation. I hardly know these people, she thought to herself. Fred made a motion for her to drink. A one in eight chance, could I risk it for the acceptance of this group. Estelle knew the answer.
Promptly she tipped the drink down her throat and winced at the sharp taste. A collective sigh went round the group but the tension began to rise again as the two Weasleys explained more of the game.
"Okay, at the moment we don't know who has the veritaserum. But if you ask a person influenced by the truth serum they will be forced to answer. So what George is going to do is ask a simple question and you've got to make sure you don't answer. We'll then know who has taken the potion because that person will be forced to say. Then the fun begins," Fred chuckled.
Most members of the group began to wonder why they decided to join in, wincing at the answers that could so easily come spilling from their mouths. George turned to look at everyone.
"What is your name?" he asked to the group in general. A second of silence stretched out. Then . . .
"Estelle Thelxiepeia Harper . . . damn it!" It just had to be me, she screamed into her head. Another voice joined at the back of her mind. Face it. You've never had much luck.
Estelle turned to the group. Sirius and the twins were wearing the largest grins she had ever seen. She could feel everyone's eyes on her.
"Be nice!" she asked, flinching at the thought of what she was about to be asked.
"This is brilliant," Sirius joked. "Now I can finally find out all those little secrets you kept from us, Elle." He winked at her from across the room and Estelle wished she could sink into the floor. The twins rubbed their hands together in anticipation.
"Who do you think is better looking, Me or George?"
"I think you're both pretty hot," she blurted out.
"And you've imagined having a threesome with us?" George asked, leaning forward. Estelle could feel the glares of curiosity from every person in the room. Someone took an intake of breath at George's question. "Come on, hasn't everybody?" Fred added.
"No. I can't say I have." Estelle's voice sounded monotonous and forced. "I don't know you that well," Estelle then said, without the influence of veritaserum her voice now sounding pained. Veritaserum did not stop the influenced person from adding more thoughts to their speech as long as it was truthful. They were only required to answer the question directly.
"Ah but would you like to some time?"
"Yes." Cringing in embarrassment Estelle buried her head in her hands. "I mean, I – I . . . I don't mean that," she tried to explain. The twins were doubled up laughing and Fred leaned in close.
"I'm looking forward to it," he smirked. Estelle glowered at him angrily.
"Who do you think is the most attractive person in the room?" Harry asked, getting into the swing of things.
"Draco." The blond boy in question smirked.
"Draco? Why?" Sirius asked in surprise.
"He reminds me of Damiene." Estelle saw Remus nod understandingly out of the corner of his eye. Draco's smirk had faded to one of puzzlement.
"I'm going to have to do so much explaining after this. This is so unfair," Estelle complained, directing it at the twins who just grinned at her.
Estelle felt the tickle of Draco's breath against her ear, speaking in a whisper. As he slowly asked a question, Estelle guessed what it would be and her blood froze in fear of what he would discover about her.
"How did you get away from my Fa-" Estelle sighed in relief as Sirius cut him off, eager to ask a question. But she didn't feel so relieved, however, when she heard the contents to his query.
"Who did you lose your virginity to?" and then added "What? You wouldn't ever tell me" when she glared at him in anger. Estelle struggled with herself, forcing her mouth to stay closed. But the effect of the potion was too strong.
"James Potter." She didn't look up but kept staring relentlessly at the floor. She heard Harry shuffle uncomfortably. Incredibly Sirius began to laugh, it was loud amongst the quiet shock of everybody else. She looked up at Harry, a quick searching glance, but he was there to meet her gaze. His emerald eyes didn't look too angry, just shocked. Sirius continued to laugh.
"Do you mind," Estelle snapped. Sirius looked coyly at her.
"I would never have guessed! James! Wait . . . when was this?" Sirius asked. The potion kicked in and she was forced to blurt out an answer.
"The middle of sixth year."
"Wasn't Prongs going out with Lily then?" Estelle glared at Sirius, flicking her eyes pointedly to Harry.
"They were on a break," she was forced to state coldly. Sirius scoffed at the moody expression on Harry's face.
"There's no need to look like that, Mate. You know your Mum wasn't the first and only, she just brought an end to them, that's all. Or do you want me to go into all his conquests again? I've got another one to add to the list now." Sirius then snorted, shaking his head at Estelle. Remus' voice drifted over, the first time he had spoken since the game began. It was quiet and when she looked at him he appeared sad, barely able to keep eye contact.
"It was just the once, right, Elle?" Remus looked at her, his eyes begging for the assumption, now plaguing his mind, to be wrong.
"No," the flat voice echoed around the room. Harry stood, his eyes blazing. Quickly the twins stood together and, seeing their game had caused trouble, simultaneously yawned and stretched their arms.
"It's getting late, isn't it George?"
"Yeah, Fred, definitely time we turned in. So if you'll excuse us." They quickly sprinted up the staircase and into their rooms. Hermione tugged at Harry's arm but he wouldn't move, instead staring at Estelle, so she returned to her bedroom alone. Remus began to collect up bottles. Estelle stared at the floor in uncomfortable silence. Sirius looked between Harry and Estelle curiously.
"He was the Member of the Order, your lover! Wasn't he? Oh, it all makes sense now," Draco murmured, forgetting he had an audience. Estelle shook her head but a muffled 'yes' could still be heard.
"I – I don't understand. You – you were my Dad's lover? No, no this isn't right. How long?" The effects of the potion were now wearing off and Estelle managed to keep her mouth tightly shut.
"HOW LONG?" Harry shouted, a magical pulse of anger soaring through the room. Estelle realised this boy was growing to become just like his Father, including a bad control over his magic when he was angry. Sirius sensed the wave of magic and stood quickly.
"Don't get wound up, Harry. They were probably just fooling around. You're a teenager, you know how it goes," Sirius tried to placate the boy.
"Until the night he died," Estelle muttered. She didn't know why she had said it. The potion had worn off but she had still uttered the sentence. Why? Perhaps her subconscious had finally become tired of hiding the truth away within her. Her dirty secrets . . .
Estelle didn't look up but she heard the portrait door bang loudly. Harry's goodbye. Sirius gave a low whistle. Estelle's head felt like it was water logged. Thoughts were swirling and weaving about her mind, slipping away before she could grasp them. She clutched her head and let out a low moan.
"Let's get you to bed," Draco said, hoisting her up and supporting her with his arm.
"I don't feel too good," Estelle moaned. The soft chink of Remus collecting glass bottles was deafening.
Sirius had been lost in thoughts at this sudden revelation. Now he came to and, looking at Estelle's slumped and weary form leaning heavily against Draco, realised how insensitive he had been to her, causing her all this trouble in the first place. He wanted answers, he wanted Estelle to give him a plausible explanation for this mucked up situation. But that would have to wait until the morning.
He saw Draco wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close in order to support her. Draco! Draco! She thinks Draco is the most attractive, Sirius incredulously wondered. He was used to receiving female attention and now that he wasn't he felt extremely bad tempered. She thinks of you like a Brother! A voice told him. That's not the point, another butted in.
"I'll take her," Sirius ordered Draco, who looked like he was about to complain. The animagus glared at him so Draco huffily passed the mumbling form over to Sirius.
Lifting Estelle up in his strong arms, her head resting on his shoulder and her arm draped round his neck, he began to carefully climb the staircases. Once in her bedroom he pushed aside the drapes and laid her gently on the bed, pulling off her shoes and jumper. She was still mumbling and he didn't know whether to leave her or not. He turned to leave but Estelle grabbed his arm.
"Don't go." She whimpered. He allowed her to pull him onto the bed. He lay down next to her, looking into her eyes. They were hazy with drink but he could still see the green irises that darkened to brown. She closed her eyes and turned so that her back was nestled against his chest and his legs spooned her up. He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his nose into her hair. He loved the smell of her hair, even back in school he used to hug her just to breathe in the lovely scent.
After a while Estelle's breathing evened out and Sirius thought she had gone to sleep. He was about to move when she spoke in a quiet voice: "I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did." Sirius sighed.
"Why, Elle? I mean, . . . Lily and Harry. Didn't you or James ever think about them?" Sirius found it hard to keep the anger from his voice. He didn't understand how his two best friends could do that to the people they loved.
"I thought about it every day, every second. And it killed me. Don't you dare think I'm a selfish, insensitive bitch," Estelle snapped, moving away from Sirius.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so angry. I'm just finding it hard to understand," Sirius murmured into her hair, pulling her back against his chest.
"I kept telling James over and over that it was over. He'd never take 'no' for an answer and I was so weak and alone. With Damiene away it was just harder and harder to resist, to stay lonely."
"You're both good actors, I'll give you that," Sirius chuckled against her ear. "I didn't have a clue."
"I think Remus knew in a way, maybe a wolf's intuition . . . Oh God, Sirius, I loved him, I really did," Estelle moaned, a tear slipping from her eye. She hated to cry, it showed weakness, self pity, a lack of restraint. She despised herself whenever she cried. But the pent up emotion had finally released, she could now let go of another vile secret that had been eating away at her. The tears began to pour down her cheeks and she sobbed gently, her back heaving against Sirius'.
"Please don't hate me, Sirius. I couldn't bear it if I lost you too," Estelle sobbed. Sirius rocked her soothingly back and forth.
"I'm here, I'll always be here, don't worry," Sirius murmured. "Sleep now."
"Don't go. Stay with me. I can't bear to be alone for another night."
"I won't move, I promise," Sirius whispered, clutching her close. She drifted into a heavy sleep, Sirius keeping his arms wrapped tight around her.
She cried out in her sleep, during the night, her brow sweaty. Sounds of pain that broke Sirius' heart. He didn't know what had happened to her when she disappeared but he was now coming to believe that it was something truly terrible. She called to him a lot, sleep talking, asking him, Remus and James to come back to her.
"Help me, Damiene!" she moaned, heart wrenchingly at one point, the raw love still surfacing. Sirius stroked her hair and whispered comforting words into her ear but he knew she couldn't hear. She was lost in the nightmare of her memories.
A.N: If you want to know something interesting about Estelle's middle name, Thelxiepeia, then visit my profile and at the bottom of the bio is a link to a Wikipedia page. If you read that page you may find answers that clarify things that happen later in the story. I will eventually include an explanation in the story but if you want to gain a better understanding of what is happening please visit the page.