Chapter IV

As Misaki looked at the clock he realized that it was only 4am. But he couldn't sleep anymore. No matter how hard he tried.

He lay there in bed, quietly sobbing. He knew that he kind of overreacted...but Usagi had never rejected him or not at least kissed him goodnight.

In the morning he stood up. His eyes burning and he knew without looking into the mirror that they were bright red. He almost was to scared to go downstairs. He didn't want to see an empty room.

But when he went down, his lover sat on the sofa in the living room and was writing. He looked up when Misaki came down and gave him a weak smile.

„ Good morning.", he said. His deep voice made Misaki shiver.

„ Morning.", he answered but turned right away so Usagi wouldn't see his swollen eyes. Usagi didn't even notice.

Without another word Misaki went into the kitchen beginning to make breakfast.

He jumped a little as Usagi suddenly grabbed him from behind and kissed his neck. Misaki shivered out of pleasure as Usagi covered his neck with soft warm kisses.

And then something happened that Misaki thought would never happen.

He was about to lean on his lovers chest as the phone rang. And Usagi pushed him away to get it.

Usagi who never ever would stop doing something perverted to Misaki, no matter what was happening, now pushed his young lover away and got the phone.

As the older man picked up his mouth was drawn into a little smile that ended as he looked at Misaki, for whom this scene was a total nightmare.

He didn't think about hiding his red eyes anymore. He just looked at Usagi with hurt in his eyes. But his lover didn't see it. He put the phone back and turned around to grab his jacket.

„ I have to go out for a while." He said and left the house.

It stabbed right into Misakis heart like a knife. Usagi had smiled at the voice of someone else. He always thought this smile only belonged to him. He was proofed wrong.

Misaki never took Usagi for granted, but he never thougth of Usagi leaving him. Not after all this endearing confessions.

No...maybe he is doing something for me. I mean that would be possible, right?

He took a deep breath to calm himself. It didn't work like he wished it to.

Today was a weekend so he didn't have any lectures. He didn't know what to do with all this free time. He was used to be occupied by Usagi the whole weekend. Now he didn't had any idea what to do.

He sat on the sofa and looked around. There was no laundry to do and nothing to clean.

His thoughts drifted off.

As he remembered that he last night wondered if Usagi would love him if they had met in another way he wondered again.

Would I love Usagi if had met him under other circumstances? I mean I fell in love with though he has that selfish and sometimes arrogant character, but would I have fallen in love with another Usagi-san too?, he questioned himself.

I mean. Wouldn't Usagi-san be someone else if he didn't have such a long unrequited love?

Having too less sleep last night Misaki nodded off. Again having a nightmare about Usagi leaving him and again waking up crying.

The sun already went down but Usagi still hadn't returned. Misaki curled up into a ball, because he felt like his heart would come out of his mouth if he had to much space.

„ Usagi-san...", he whispered into that empty room, tears running down his face.

The door opened and Usagi came into the room, again with such a tired look that Misaki wondered what the hell his lover has been doing.

„ Ah Misaki. Sorry I'm la-" Usagi stopped right in the middle of his sentence as he saw Misakis red eyes and the tears on his cheeks.

He hurried over.

„ Misaki, what's wrong?", he asked with a worried voice. Misaki nearly felt happy again, but then he smelled parfum on Usagi and he nearly threw up. He didn't want to believe it.

„ Ah..." He wiped away his tears and gave Usagi a smile which should be happy but was full of sorrow.

„ Nothing...I just..." He paused for a moment. „ I was thinking about my parents..." Usagi lifted his eyebrow, not believing his lover but he didn't ask farther even though that was exactly what Misaki wanted, but he didn't know that.

„ Where have you been?", Misaki asked the older man. Usagi thought for short time. Misaki could see how he thought of a lie and it hurt him deep inside.

„ Ah just doing some things at Marukawa." He said it without looking Misaki in the eyes and so he didn't see how his lover looked like his heart was slowly torn into pieces.

„ Ah." That was all Misaki answered. „ Usagi why are you taking care off me?", he asked innocently. But he regretted it right away because he new somehow that Usagi would say something that'd hurt him even more.

„ Hmmm. Because Takahiro entrusted me with you." Misaki didn't want to listen. He didn't want to hear Usagi talking like he didn't care about him anymore.

He wondered why everything changed so fast. Just yesterday morning he still seemed to be all lovey-dovey with Usagi, but now his lover lied to him and was out for two days in row not telling Misaki where he went.

He stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

Misaki somehow thought of his dream about being pregnant. And before he could think about stopping himself he blurted out something stupid.

„ Usagi-san, how would you react if I were pregnant?" His breath stopped as he was waiting for the answer. The silence in the room became awkward and at some point he could not bear it anymore and turned around.

Usagi looked at him totally shocked. Then he chuckled. It wasn't the reaction Misaki wanted.

He's laughing at me...

„ Ahaha...never mind. I'm talking crap aren't I?!" He turned around and ran upstairs into his room locking the door and standing there, slowly sinking to the ground.

He heard Usagi come closer and then a knock at the door.

„ Misaki. Please let me in...", said a begging voice.

„ You know Usagi I'm tired...I'm going to sleep." He then covered his ears not wanting to hear anything his lover said. Or should he say ex-lover?

As he lay into his bed he soon fell into a restless sleep.

Sorry. I think this chapter isn't as good as the others. I just wanted to write what I kind off saw in my head. But I couldn't find the right words to describe it.

But I hope you like it nevertheless.

I know what I want to happen in chapter five... but I don't know if I can find the words to write that down. :D So wish me luck on finding the words.

And thank you ll for reading my story. I'm still hoping to get some constructive criticism from you. Thx. :D