The imprint. I somehow managed to forget about that, wrapped up in the problems at home. Apparently, Seth was able to keep himself distracted while he was in his wolf shape, because I heard Jacob's short, shocked "Oh!" when he caught up with my mother's words that replayed in my head. Judging by the mutual silence that fell after, Seth was already back in his human form and Quill and Embry hadn't phased yet. I guess Embry needed some time to be on his own and I couldn't blame him. I would expect myself to do the same, but something changed in me in the last couple of months. I didn't mind Jake's company, I even enjoyed it. He knew a lot about me, paying attention to moments when I let down my guard. So far, he had never betrayed my secrets. And tonight, I could really use somebody to talk to, sort things out.
As I thought this, I heard Jacob hesitating. For a second, he considered getting in touch with Embry first, but then decided against it. "Get down here", he sent me several mental images of his location. A deserted part of the beach, covered with driftwood and rocks. I knew the spot well, spent countless hours there before, staring at the moon's reflection in the stormy water. I nodded, grateful for the place he picked. "Thanks," I told him, "I know Embry's your best friend." He just shrugged. "You're my friend too, you know," he smiled. "And, I'm pretty sure you could use my wise advice better now," he was actually grinning now and despite the mess in my head I had to join in. "Well, master Yoda, I'll join you in a few," was my final reply before I shot through the forest to the ocean.
Jacob was there when I arrived, already human. He sat on a small rock, his eyes closed, his arms supporting his torso as he was leaning backwards. Even now, "off duty", he still looked like a real leader. Once again I thanked heaven and hell that at the time Jacob stood up to claim his birth right.
Of course, I was less thrilled at the time. His reasons seemed ridiculous: how could he betray his pack, his brothers? Worse, how could he betray us over a girl who treated him like he was her toy? I couldn't wrap my mind around it. And then, as I was too busy watching Sam's rage over Jacob's revolution I forgot about Seth for just a second. With all the pack's exclamations in my head, it took me a while to realize that I couldn't hear Seth anymore. I remember the panic that washed through me alerting the others to Seth's absence. And then, between all those different voices in my head, there was one that was strong and clear: "He made his choice." It was Sam's voice and there was sadness in it, mixed with frustration. For him, this meant the attack would probably be postponed. And then he had another, probably involuntary thought: "What is it with you Clearwaters?" Pain took over and I launched myself towards the village.
Even when I was out of the woods I had to work hard to calm myself down. Yet after a few minutes, I was able to shift back to my woman shape. The shape of a young woman, or whoever I was supposed to be. I tried to brush the tears on my cheeks away. Sam wasn't worth it. None of them were. I'd deal with them later. Now first I had to find Seth before he would be in any danger and drag him back to the res. It didn't help that I couldn't hear him. Damn this new pack division!
And then it hit me. A new pack division. Seth was member of a different pack and that was what made him free of Sam. That would be just my luck: me looking for the solution for months, and Seth accidentally finding it. Suddenly, finding Seth seemed like an even better idea. And suddenly, dragging him back didn't sound that good at all. Rather, I would stay with him and protect him. Away from Sam. This thought was the sweetest music to me. Even if it meant staying with Jacob and protecting a bunch of leeches.
It didn't take me long to find Seth and Jacob then. Once I made my choice, I was surprised to find I was able to hear them. Good. That meant I didn't need Jacob's permission to stay in order to belong to their pack. I raced to their location, prepared for their hostility. I handled Jacob's initial reaction well. The only time his words stung was when he unknowingly repeated Sam's words: "What is it with you Clearwaters?" I wasn't able to hold my façade much longer then. My hurt gave away my pain. Yet it was pain Jacob recognized, and he reluctantly let me stay, both at that time and later when he and Sam divided the pack's members.
It seemed so long ago. Last months had been hard on all of us. Provided with our common enemy, the Volturi, we grew closer. So close, that Jacob and I were actually friends now. Like I said, I didn't mind being with him, discussing the imprint and my suddenly uncertain family situation. I smiled as I walked towards my Alpha.
When I was about 20 feet away, he turned around, his eyes meeting mine. "Well, last night didn't impact your speed. I didn't expect you would make it so soon", he flashed me a smile. I rolled my eyes. "Couldn't wait to see you again", I answered. He patted a spot on the rock right next to him. "Come on, get over here and tell me all about it." He was serious now, his voice sympathetic.
As I made myself comfortable on the rock, I saw Jacob looking at me, concerned. I must have been in worse shape than I thought. As I tried to collect my thoughts, Jacob spoke first: "I forgot to tell you, Jasper asked me to give you his apologies." Wow. I mean w-o-w. A vampire, apologizing to me. That was something new. "Why?" My voice was clearly stunned. Jacob grinned. "It's something about his past", he told me. "I don't know the details, but apparently he doesn't think it fit to strangle a lady. He followed his instincts to protect and that's why he reacted the way he did." I winced at the word 'lady' but had to smile at Jasper's apparently decent upbringing. "Well, tell him his apologies are accepted", I allowed. "Besides, I guess my behavior must have been odd to him."
For some reason, Jacob looked embarrassed when I said that. "Actually…", he hesitated, "Actually Jasper was the one who found out about the imprint." Oh great. I forgot how Jasper was the guy who could sense emotions. I guess mine were a sweet cocktail at the time. I blushed, recalling the confusion. Jacob noticed, apparently, because he lightly touched my shoulder with one of his enormous hands. "Don't worry, girl, I know what you're going through." I realized that he really did. And then, I let all my uncertainty out. "But Jake… you're the pack's Alpha, tough and smart. I'm just a freak, the first girlie wolf in history. Sam ditched me. And even my human cycle isn't running as it should. How could Nawheel and I ever be a match?" Jacob snorted. "First of all, his name is Nahuel, not Nawheel. And second… are you seriously saying this? You're imprinted on a half-vampire who stopped aging over a century ago and you are worried about your cycle?" He softly looked me in the eyes, reassuring me. "Just enjoy this. Talk to him. Get to know him. Imprints are a miracle, things will work out."
I was silent for a few seconds, pondering over his words. There was something there… I would talk to Nahuel in the morning, I decided. For now, family problems needed to be solved. "Okay, you convinced me", I told Jacob. "Now what about my family mess, oh wise Alpha?" I considered telling him of the conversation, but then remembered he had seen the details already. I would expect him to be more bothered by it, even though he was not involved. The whole situation was scandalous, not only for the pack but for the situation at the Res. What would happen if the elders found out mom was not the only woman dad ("Harry", I mentally corrected myself) had? Yet Jacob looked mostly unimpressed. "What about the family mess?" he replied. "What bothers you? Being related to Embry is not such a bad thing. Seth could do worse. And as for your father… isn't your father the man who raised you?"
I recalled all those times Harry ("dad", I mentally corrected myself this time) was there for me when I was little. He took me fishing and taught me sports. And when I started dating with Sam, he was the first one to know. Yes, he was my father. But deep inside of me, a new longing was burning. A longing to know my biological father, the one whose blood ran through my veins.
When I told this to Jacob, he understood of course. But he had no idea how I could begin to find my father other than talking to my mother about it. I wasn't sure that would help: mom could be very stubborn and it didn't seem the subject she would want to talk to me about. Still, it was worth trying. In the morning. Now Jacob's calming voice had worked miracles on my anxiousness, fear turned into exhaustion. I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer, so I closed my eyes and leaned against Jacob's shoulder. It was in no way a romantic thing, but I really did need his support. He put his arm around me, my thoughts got fuzzy and before I knew, they gave way to dreams.