I recently spent some time in a mental health facility and, among other things, it made me realize some things about my family.
Unknown to me when i went in, my sister was there too. Several things happened and i ended up playing a bodyguarding/protective role because of a harassment issue. I love her very much and did everything i could to help her until she was discharged ( there wasnt much i could do overtly as i was trying to avoid starting conflit in a unit filled with people with ptsd and histories of abuse). During this time not very many people talked to me and i didnt really talk to many myself. About a day and a half after she left, one of the other patients asked me if what my sister had been saying about me was true. I wasnt around her 24/7 and i hadnt heard her talking to people about me so i said as much. Turns out that, when i wasnt around, my sister was telling everyone that i was some kind of huge masterful manipulator that could twist the pants off the president. The thing is though, i hate lying. I would sooner not say anything at all then lie to someone. And im pretty sure there isnt a selfish bone in my body. If someone asks me what I want i always say whatever whoever else wants. If i get money on my birthday theres an ACTUAL rule that they wont give it to me if i spend it on other people because thats the first thing i want to do with any money i get. I freaking gave up getting a solo in band because someone else wanted to do it. I put myself and my own stability at risk to protect her and she effectively made sure every word i said to others was discredited in return.
My mother came to visit almost every day. It was hard because i already knew that she is toxic but for various reasons i am as of now unable to cut off. And one day during her visit my grandfather somwhow got brought up. She said to me "well we [who is we?] Know about your history [what history?] Of 'remembering things' [ 'remembering things'? what does that even mean?] And maybe he wasnt as bad as you remember him." and then continued on and, basically, insinuated that im making it ALL up.
Are. You. KIDDING ME!
My grandfather was physically abusive towards me. The last time he hit me was 7-8 years ago and there are STILL times when I'll freak out if someone gets angry or flinch if someone touches me or makes a movement my brain interprets as 'HIT INCOMMING'.
Naturally, I'm beyond pissed at this point. My response was a simple one. I got up and told the person supervising visitation i was done and left. Cried in my room for a solid hour and a half. She called later that night. And i was very short one to two word responses to her. She sighed and asked if i was still upset about earlier like i shouldnt be and was putting her out because i would just get over it.
Right. Because telling someone who was abused that theyre making it up is something trivial to just 'get over'. I said " i want you to look me in the eyes and tell me if you would say that to my sister about [removed name]." Silence for about 2 minutes before she told me that that situation was totally different and had nothing to do with it and how dare i bring it up. I told her that regardless of the type abuse is abuse and if you cant say to my sister that hers in all just in her head then you have no right to tell me mine didnt happen.
Dont let anyone convince you that your blowing it out of proportion or that you must not remember it right or even that youre flat out lying. You know what happened because you had to live it. They didnt so they have no right to say anything like that.