Inspiration for this chapter from Prism #1 by Stateless (Music is an amazing motivator!) Enjoy!

May was just leaving the cockpit of the Bus as Coulson was climbing the ramp back onto it. Even before he was completely within her sight, she knew something was very wrong. The way his shoulders drooped, the lack of effort in the way he walked, the blank stare in his eyes. He didn't even look her way as he moved passed her.

"Phil," she called over her shoulder to him.

He stopped and glanced back at her. "Yeah?"

"Everything okay?"

He didn't answer. He just kept walking toward his room.

She followed. If he didn't answer, it meant he wanted to talk and he didn't want to do it there in the hall. She'd gleaned just as many non-verbal cues from Coulson as she'd learned the emotional ones. The same had gone for her. Her expressions were few and far between. Always stony, unwilling to compromise her character at the cost of being weak. It was the way she had to be. He recognized that. It was what connected them.

Within moments of reaching the doorway to his room, she found Coulson leaning over his desk, his fists clenched.

"I take it your meeting with Director Fury didn't go the way you'd hoped it would," she guessed.

"He wants to keep us here in New York," he reported.

Okay, not what I expected. "Why?"

"Because of me. Because of what happened in the desert."

May's confusion cleared. "They want to do a psych eval?"

He straightened and nodded. "It's standard protocol. I have no choice."

She frowned and took a step closer. "If you had a choice, why wouldn't you?"

Coulson opened his mouth but no sound came out. He scratched his head and sat on the edge of his desk. "Because it haunts me."

May's look softened. The screaming last night that she'd heard from his room… The nightmare. She'd heard him crying out more than just last night. It had never been as loud though, as earth-shattering as his scream the previous evening. It was getting worse.

"I don't like the idea of sitting down with a complete stranger and telling them my deepest darkest secrets so they can pick me apart like an insect under a microscope," he added.

"I know the feeling," she said, unwilling to share any more than that. They had talked about it many times before, back when she'd been just as defenseless and confused as he was probably feeling now. That had been his time to be there for her. Now she needed to do the same for him.

"You know how I said I felt different and I wasn't sure why?"

She nodded. "And I told you that you had every right to feel that way."

"I know why now. And it…corrupted…everything moral and principled about this job and the people I serve."

Sensing they needed more privacy, May turned back to the door and tried to pull it closed. It stuck in the track.

"Don't bother. Skye broke it last night breaking in here to check on me."

May crossed to him and took his large hands in hers, gripping his fingers. "You can tell me. I won't say anything."

And so he told her.

And when he was done, he quivered like a slacked line in a whipping wind. Every atom of May was calm. She'd been prepared for this moment, the moment that he would find out, the moment he'd crumble. She'd known it was going to happen ever since Fury had tasked her with keeping an eye on Coulson for him.

The only difference was that she'd had more faith in Coulson than Fury did. He needed to spring back from this. She had to make sure he did. Otherwise, she hated to think of the alternative.

And it didn't stop her from feeling the tiniest flickers of anger reignite as her former partner recalled his most anguish-filled moments. What they'd done was wrong. No one deserved to endure that much pain. It would fracture any mind. And the reprogramming made her even more sick to her stomach. She hadn't known about the extent of it, that it was meant to brainwash him. She'd only been aware of five surgeries. Coulson hinted at more. What else had Fury kept from him? From her?

"I'm not going to pass the psych evaluation if I keep dreaming about that room," Coulson said. "They'll take me away, maybe back to that room…"

"They're not going to do that. I'm not going to let them, Phil," she said with resolve.

He chuckled. "As if you could stop them?" His cheerless smirk vanished in moments. "You know as well as I do that they always get what they want, regardless of how it affects us."

She swallowed hard. She didn't want to remember. But how could she not? Coulson was going to endure his version of her own tragedy, the one that had made her lock herself up in a cubicle away from the world for years.

Her voice hardened. "No. They won't."

May gave his hand one last squeeze before she left his room and walked down the hall. Exiting the room was like coming up for air. It had been so hard to think in there, all of the images of Coulson undergoing that torture cropped up in her mind. It was horrible to imagine. She had to leave him with that promise. She had to step away for just a moment to think.

Fury was going to want her take on this.

She was going to have to disappoint him.

Phil couldn't go back into those rooms, couldn't undergo those same procedures again. She'd never be able to live with herself.

"Ward," she called into the cockpit.

The tall younger agent appeared within moments. "What's up?"

"We've got some downtime here in New York. I want to do some research while we're here."

Ward frowned. "Research on what?"

"I need to gain access to Coulson's medical file."

"Doesn't he already have access to that?"

"Not all of it. There are some parts of it that are still classified; level 8."

Ward leaned against the wall and exhaled. "None of us can access that."

May shook her head. "Except Skye."

Ward smiled. "I'll see if I can get her in to the database from a terminal in the city."

"We're looking for the facility that treated Coulson when they brought him back."

"Tahiti?"

May ground her teeth together. "Not even close."

Ward nodded and gave her a small cup on her cheek as he moved by her to look for Skye.

May gathered her strength and walked toward the ramp. Now for the hard part: convincing Fury she had no idea what Coulson was hiding.

Chapter 5 coming tomorrow evening...