4
Ring! Ring! I groaned and switched my phone to silent. I had lost count of how many times my phone had actually gone off the past two days. I didn't care though. I didn't want to answer it. I had been locked up in my apartment for those two days without any contact with anyone, I wasn't about to start now. I wasn't about to get roped back into the nightmare I had just gotten myself out of. I didn't care about school. I didn't care about the play. And I didn't care about her. I just wanted my old life back. I was sure that if I blocked everyone out for long enough, they would eventually go away. Bang! Bang! They were persistent. Bang! Bang! Just ignore it and they will go away. Bang! Bang! Whoever was at my door was starting to annoy me. Couldn't they take a hint? I wanted to be left alone. Bang! Bang! I wanted to scream for them to go away, but I didn't want them to know I was here. Bang! Bang! They were annoyingly determined.
'Gajeel,' a muffled voice called from the other side of the door. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't put a face to it.
'I know you're there,' the voice called a little louder. It was female. It wasn't her. I let out a sigh of relief, but a funny feeling remained. I didn't like it. It wasn't her. It went silent. Maybe they finally gave up.
'Finally,' I muttered, but I spoke too soon. I heard my front door open and I jumped up from the couch I was lying on. Lucy stood in my doorway. I was shocked. How did she even get in? I looked around for the answer and saw a small key in her hand. It was my spare key. The one I kept under a nearby rock. But how did she know?
'Hi,' she greeted me cheerfully and walked in without my invitation. She didn't even look at the mess of clothes and unwashed plates.
'What are...' I started to shout, but she interrupted me.
'I hope you don't mind,' she began. Of course I mind! 'Juvia told me where I would find the spare key. She said you might be sleeping so I should just use it to come in.'
'She said that?' I demanded and Lucy nodded. Juvia! I had never been angry at her until now.
'She said you wouldn't mind,' Lucy told me and I glared at her.
'Do I look like I don't mind,' I spat. Lucy shrugged.
'You look like you're surprised to see me. I don't blame you, but I came to drop off your school work so you don't fall behind,' Lucy answered. She wasn't even fazed by my hostile nature. I rolled my eyes.
'So Mirajane sent you?' I asked her rhetorically. I didn't care about an answer, but Lucy shook her head.
'No I asked Mirajane if I could get your work and bring it to you. She didn't ask me to do it,' Lucy explained and this surprised me.
'Why?' I shouted. She didn't flinch.
'Because you're my friend,' she simply answered. I didn't expect that. I didn't want her thinking that. I opened my mouth to retaliate, but no words came out. I watched her put down a pile of books and papers on my kitchen counter and smile at me. I was so distracted by her and this unexpected behaviour, that I didn't even notice the new arrival. His presence caught me by surprise. Darn that spare key!
'Good day Miss Heartfilia. Good day Gajeel,' he spook cheerfully to both of us. I glared at him while he continued to smile. I really didn't like him. I really didn't like this situation.
'Hello Principle Dreyar,' Lucy sweetly greeted the old man. I grunted in his direction, but as always, my behaviour didn't bother him. He was a tough one to crack.
'I thought you would be at play practice Miss Heartfilia,' Principal Dreyar admitted and Lucy nodded.
'I'm going there now. I was just dropping off some school work for Gajeel so he doesn't fall behind,' she explained and the old man raised an eyebrow at me knowingly. I looked away frustrated.
'Is that so, that's very kind of you,' he praised her and Lucy's smile broadened.
'It wasn't a big deal,' she assured her beloved headmaster before turning to me.
'I have to go now. I hope we see you soon back at school,' she added with a smile just for me. She waved at Principle Dreyar and then she was gone. I stood dumbstruck. The whole scene seemed unreal to me. But it still wasn't over. I frowned at the old man.
'You can scowl at me all you want Gajeel,' he laughed, 'but it's still not going to affect me.'
'What do you want?' I demanded as I turned away from him and flopped back onto the couch. I wanted to get this over and done with. 'Did Levy tell on me? Did she say I wasn't helping out with her precious play?'
'No.' Principal Dreyar answered firmly. His tone changed completely. I had said something he didn't like. I didn't like it either. I quickly shook that feeling away.
'She's being covering for you. Every time I ask her where you are, she says you haven't been very well. She's been doing all the work for the play by herself.' the old man informed me and I looked away from him grudgingly. I didn't want him to see the surprised look on my face. The little brat was looking out for me. I thought she would resent me by now. My tummy started feeling weird and I didn't like it. Principle Dreyar stared at me. I could feel it. Was he waiting for a response? Well he wasn't going to get one.
'I came to see how sick you are for myself. I had a feeling I would find you in good health, I was hoping I was wrong though. I didn't want to believe that you would leave Levy alone,' he spoke when I made no intention of doing so. I groaned and rolled away from him. My tummy felt worse. I didn't want to hear what he was saying. I didn't want to hear that. Alone. Alone. Alone. That word kept creeping into my head and I tried to shake it away. It wasn't my problem. She wasn't my problem. This didn't make me feel better. Principle Dreyar sighed.
'You know Gajeel, any idiot can act tough and not be bothered, but it takes real character and strength to be someone who does care,' he told me and my tense shoulders relaxed. My anger subsided and hostile expression changed, but the feeling in my tummy stayed. I slowly turned and sat up to look at the old man. He wasn't there. I was alone. I was finally alone...and I felt it. It didn't feel the same as before. It didn't make me feel satisfied like it used to. The old man had done something to me. He had changed the way I felt and I didn't like it. I wanted the old me back. I wanted these stupid feelings to go away.
'I don't want to care!' I shouted and punched the wall closest to me. I was so annoyed. It didn't make the feeling in my tummy go away.
'And what's so wrong with caring?' A voice demanded and I looked towards my open front door to see Juvia standing with her hands on her hips. I didn't feel like seeing her.
'What do you want?' I demanded. She didn't look impressed. I tried not to care, but I did. She folded her arms and stared at me impatiently. She was waiting. I sighed.
'Sorry,' I muttered and she unfolded her arms.
'Thank you,' she responded as she walked in and looked at my mess. She raised her eyebrows.
'I don't usually have company,' I told her. She knew that.
'You don't have to have company to live normally Gajeel,' she said firmly. I don't remember her being so forward.
'I don't c...' I started, but she quickly cut me off.
'Juvia knows, you don't care, but you can drop the act now. Juvia knows you,' she interrupted and I looked at her oddly.
'What act?' I asked. I didn't like her tone.
'The act of not caring. Juvia heard your conversation with Principle Dreyar. Juvia knows you really care. That's why you're feeling this way, because you feel bad for leaving Levy alone,' Juvia explained and I shook my head.
'That's not true!' I snapped at her, 'I'm feeling this way because no one will leave me alone!'
'No one likes being alone!' Juvia snapped back.
'I like being alone! I've always liked it!' I shouted while glaring at the blue haired girl. I just wanted her to drop the subject.
'Why?' she demanded.
'Because!' I screamed. I didn't have to explain myself to her.
'Because why? Just tell Juvia. If you don't care so much then it shouldn't bother you telling Juvia. Just tell Juvia, Gajeel! Come on, let it out!' she screamed back at me and she wouldn't stop. I just wanted her to stop.
'Because this is who I am and if I lose that then who am I? I've already lost enough in my life, I'm not going to lose who I am too!' I blurted out as loud as I could. I immediately regretted it. I wasn't one to express my feelings and it annoyed me that I was forced to. I looked away from Juvia as she stared at me thoughtfully. I wanted her to leave me alone. She wasn't going to. I expected her to lash out at me, but she remained silent. She didn't move. I glanced quickly at her and was surprised. She looked hurt.
'So then you don't really care for Juvia? At least you don't like caring for Juvia because you feel it changed you,' she whispered with sad eyes. She slowly turned away from me and I jumped forward to stop her.
'No!' I cried out as I shook my head fiercely. I didn't mean it like that. I pulled gently on her arm and she looked at me with tears in her eyes. Ouch! I had never felt this kind of pain before. I had never been the one to hurt Juvia. This sucked!
'It's different with you. I really do care about you,' I assured her, but she didn't look convinced.
'It's not a hassle for you?' she asked timidly and I shook my head again. I hated myself for even making her think that.
'Of course not. You're like my sister Juvia, the only family I have. It's different with you,' I told the blue haired girl. I wanted her to stop looking sad. I wanted to stop feeling so bad.
'Why is it different with Juvia,' she unexpectedly demanded. I looked at her blankly. I didn't know how to answer her.
'Because...because,' I hesitated. Why was it different? I tried to think about it. 'I don't feel like I'm changing because I care about you. You understand me and accept who I am. Other people don't.' I explained. I felt uncomfortable. This expressing feelings thing was not something I enjoyed. Juvia shook her head.
'That's not true. Principal Dreyar accepts you. Lucy and Natsu do too. Everyone does,' she said and I looked away with folded arms. I doubted that.
'Levy also accepts you,' Juvia added, surprising me. I quickly hardened my gaze and groaned. She had to bring up that person. She had to bring up my, my...I hated admitting this...my weakness.
'Juvia knows you won't admit it, but Juvia knows you feel something for her. It's something you haven't felt before and it scares you in a way,' she started to speak. I tried to block out what she was saying, but I couldn't. I couldn't deny it. She was right, frustratingly right. 'Juvia knows because Juvia has felt it with Gray. But we've handled these new found feelings differently. You've tried to fight it and ignore it, but when Juvia first fell for Gray, Juvia didn't hide it. Juvia made it known to him and to everyone. Juvia was very much in his face. It was a little pathetic really. Juvia tried to show Juvia's love for him in some big, over the top ways that just ended up embarrassing him. Juvia didn't know any better because Juvia had never felt these feelings before.'
'Eventually Erza told Juvia to calm down in a nice way. She explained how Juvia was really making Gray feel and Juvia backed down. It took some time, but he's slowly coming to Juvia now. It's not how Juvia would like it, but it's better than before and you might not see it, but Juvia is happy, Juvia is really happy. And...' she paused and looked up at me with such an intense gaze.
'...Juvia just wants that for you. Juvia just wants you to be happy. You keep saying that if you give into caring, it means you're changing, but maybe you're not changing. Maybe you're just discovering a part of you that has been hidden for so long you forgot it was there. Maybe this IS who you are,' Juvia told me. I stared at her. I was stunned. She stepped forward and touched my cheek. She had never done that before. It felt soft.
'Think about it. Wouldn't it be easier and better to accept this than to lose what you have gained...than to lose...' she paused and looked into my eyes. It felt so intense. I wanted to step away from her, but her strong gaze wouldn't allow me.
'...than to lose...Levy,' she finished and my eyes widened. My breathing deepened. I didn't like what she had said. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. This was happening a lot lately. Juvia smiled.
'You don't need to say anything. Just think about what Juvia said, don't try to forget about it,' she told me as she gently squeezed my arm. It almost sounded like she was pleading with me. I didn't like to disappoint her, but I didn't like to feel either. I didn't know what to do.
'Juvia hopes you'll come to school tomorrow,' she added and with a wave of her hand, she walked away, leaving me alone. Alone and full of thoughts I didn't want. I wanted to block out her words, but they were screaming inside my head. I needed to get out. I needed to get away from here. I ran out and slammed my door behind me. My head turned in all directions, trying to find a place I could get away from my unwanted thoughts. There was nowhere to go. I refused to accept this. I sprinted forward, not knowing where I was going, but not caring. I just needed to get away. But no matter how fast I ran, the thoughts kept coming, more forceful with each step. Certain words kept jumping out at me. Alone. Caring. Changing. Strength. Levy. Images of her now flooded my thoughts. Her smile. Her laugh. Her eyes. I missed everything about her, but I didn't want to admit that I did. I didn't want to be weak. But it's not being weak. Yes it is! No it isn't!
Argh this was frustrating! I couldn't make up my mind. My head spun with uncertainty. The voices continued to scream inside my head, both fighting on different sides. Accept! Reject! Give in! Let go! I didn't know what to do. I had never been in a situation like this. I had never felt this way before. I had never felt like I was losing control. But it didn't feel bad. It frustrated me. But it didn't feel bad. I couldn't understand it. Despite the indecision and annoyance there was still a pleasant feeling. A strange, nice feeling. I didn't know what it meant, but I had felt it before. I felt it when Levy Laughed. I felt it when she smiled my way. I felt it the most whenever her soft skin touched mine. I always felt it with her. I couldn't explain it. It was light and appealing. I had tried to ignore it before, to push it away, but it had never really gone away. It started the moment I first looked at her and it hadn't stopped since, no matter how much I had tried to deny it. And I didn't want to stop feeling it.
I stopped running. My eyes widened and my breathing picked up. I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to lose what I had gained. I didn't want to lose her. The defeated voice in my head slowly stopped. The need to not care went away and my head wasn't spinning anymore. I wanted to care and that was okay. It was a little weird, but it was okay. It was different, but a good different. It didn't feel like changing, it felt...complete. It wasn't that I wanted Levy. I needed her. For the first time ever I needed someone. I needed that blue haired, small squirt. I didn't know when it had happened. It didn't matter. It was real. It was me.
'Gajeel,' a familiar voice whispered and I turned around in response. I didn't expect to hear that voice. I didn't expect to see her, but there she was, standing in front of me, looking as surprised as I was. We stared at each other. Her cheeks were red. Mine were too. This time I knew why. I felt something between embarrassed and awkward. I hadn't felt it before. I wanted her to say something, but she didn't speak. She shouldn't have to. I had left her alone. I had done wrong to her. I looked down at the ground.
'Levy I...' I began to speak hesitantly, but she interrupted me.
'It's okay. I understand,' she surprised me. I looked at her stunned and saw her smiling. I had missed that smile.
'I'm just happy you're back,' she beamed and I smirked. Juvia was right. Levy did accept me for me. She understood me. I stepped forward and took the two bags from Levy that she was carrying. They were quite heavy.
'You shouldn't be carrying such heavy bags squirt,' I told her and the nickname surprised her. She smiled again with a blush. I liked making her smile. 'Where to?'
'I'm heading home to put the programs for the play together,' Levy answered in her sweet voice. I had missed that sound. I nodded and followed her in an unfamiliar direction.
'Thanks,' I muttered when Levy handed me a glass of lemonade. We had been working on the play's program for what seemed like hours now and there hadn't been much said between us during all that time. Levy was very focused and dedicated. Me? I was anxious. I was nervous. And I was excited, but I wasn't about to admit to any of this. I took a long sip of my lemonade before continuing with the program I was busy with. I reached for the one half of the program and my hand immediately stiffened. I didn't move except for my eyes. I looked to where my hand had accidently touched hers as we had both reached for the same thing. She didn't move her hand away. I didn't move either. Her hand was so small compared to mine.
'Go ahead,' I eventually said as I pulled my hand away. It was the third time we had done that since starting on the programs. It almost felt intentional.
'Um, thanks,' Levy said softly and grabbed the piece of paper we had both gone for. I watched her, expecting, probably hoping she would say something more, but she didn't. I frowned. This was hard. I tapped my finger against the glass in front of me. It took me a while to notice that Levy was now looking at me. I don't think she liked the noise.
'Sorry,' I muttered and immediately stopped. At least she noticed me. She continued with the program. I sighed to myself.
'Do you not want to help anymore?' she unexpectedly asked me. It took me by surprise and I shook my head.
'I do,' I answered unsurely. She stopped what she busy with and sighed herself. This definitely caught my attention.
'Can you not focus?' Levy questioned. I nodded.
'Me neither,' she responded to my nod. I didn't expect that. She put down the piece of paper she was holding and stood up. She was so close to me, I could reach out and touch her. My hand twitched at my side.
'Gajeel,' Levy whispered after a long moment of silence. I looked up at her. She wasn't looking at me. The feeling in the room started to change.
'I'm...I'm sorry,' she eventually said. I was surprised.
'For what?' I asked. She still didn't look at me.
'That you've been forced to help me. I'm sorry you had to do what you hate,' she answered. She looked a little sad. Did I make her feel that way?
'Don't be sorry. I don't hate it,' I told her and she looked at me surprised.
'You don't?' she questioned. I shook my head. 'I thought you did. It seemed like you did.'
'It was a pain at first,' I shrugged, 'but not anymore.'
'It's nice. It's nice being...' I hesitated. Something was beating loud in my eardrums again.
'...with you,' I mumbled. I looked away embarrassed. I didn't want to see her reaction. My tummy felt weird. It was quiet. The silence was killing me. I risked a glance at her and saw her smiling timidly at the floor. Her hands were gasped in a ball together and she was blushing. I didn't expect that reaction.
'It's nice being with you too,' she spoke softly. My tummy turned. I liked it.
'Levy I...I'm not...well...I'm not very good at saying things and I'm not very good at being sociable. Well you know that. It's just that...um...what I'm trying to say...' I stumbled. The right words wouldn't come out. What was I even trying to say? I didn't really know.
'I know,' Levy interrupted me. 'I understand.'
'That's something I like about you. You don't have to say or do much, but I still feel that I understand you and that you understand me,' she explained with a shy smile. I stared at her. She just got me. She didn't want me to feel uncomfortable or out of place. Man I love this girl! I immediately stopped my thoughts. I had never thought that before. It was a little alarming, but it was okay. I smirked – I was finding more reasons to. Levy giggled.
'I don't see that often on your face,' she teased and I looked away with folded arms. My face felt warm.
'Yeah, well...whatever,' I muttered. My behaviour didn't upset her. I was glad. Ding! Ding! The clock sounded. It was midnight already. The time went by so quickly.
'It's late,' Levy thought out loud. I nodded. 'I guess you need to go home and get some sleep.'
'Yeah,' I agreed. I followed Levy to the front door and stepped outside after she opened it for me. I turned to face her and scratched the back of my head. Levy pulled at her hair and looked down at her feet.
'Um, thank you, Gajeel,' Levy said softly and before I could respond she stepped forward and surprised me with a gently kiss on my cheek. She lingered there for a moment and then stepped back. I didn't respond at first. It was new to me. My skin tingled where her lips had been. It felt different. It felt good. I stopped her before she could step away from me completely and pulled her closer. This surprised her. It surprised me.
'Ga-Gajeel,' she whispered. I just held her. I don't know why I did it. I just did. It was out of character for me, but it felt right. I wanted her close. Her tense body relaxed in my embrace and she leaned her head against me. We stood like that for a long time. We didn't speak. I think we might have stayed together longer, but the wind picked up and I felt her shiver against me. I looked down at her and she smiled timidly at me.
'It's cold,' she worded. I nodded. I didn't feel cold. I felt warm. I stepped back from her and my hand slipped past hers. I kept it there. Her hand was so small.
'It fits,' she smiled and I looked at our hands together. It did fit. It fit really well.
'I'll see you later at school,' she added and it almost sounded like a question. I nodded to assure her and her smile widened. 'I'm glad.'
'Me too,' I agreed. She gently squeezed my hand, gave me one last smile and closed her front door with a wave goodbye. I raised my hand up to give my own goodbye and she disappeared behind the door. I didn't like that, but at least it didn't end here. I looked up at the night sky and wondered how it got to this point. How did I get here? But it didn't matter. It only mattered that I was here.
I walked casually through the school hallways with a yawn. I was early. That was a first. I was excited. That was also a first. I didn't get much sleep. My mind kept playing every detail from the previous day. I thought about everything. I thought about her. Things had changed so much in a very little space of time. It felt unreal. But it wasn't. It was real. She was real and I was happy. That was a first too. Juvia had been right. I would need to remember to thank her. I smirked. I didn't know when last I had felt like this. I didn't know if I ever had. But I had a reason to now. Because of her.
I stopped outside my classroom. This was the first time in a long time that I was actually willingly coming to class. I looked through the glass window of the door and saw her. Levy sat at her desk reading a book with her red framed glasses. I liked that she wore them. Lucy sat next to her, going through lines with Natsu. They sat so close together. He was still so clueless. Jellal was standing with his arm around Erza near the front of the class. His girlfriend looked like she was going through a list. Elfman and Evergreen sat at their desks and I looked closely. There it was. They were holding hands under the table again. A few classmates were huddled in groups while others sat on their own, unbothered. At the back of the glass I saw Gray standing by Juvia's desk. He was talking to her. She smiled and blushed while he handed her a note. He looked embarrassed. I opened the door and stepped into the classroom. Everyone glanced at me, but no one made a scene. I walked to a smiling Levy and Jellal playfully punched my arm as I passed him. I didn't get angry this time. I nodded in his direction and waved at Erza before stopping to look down at my favourite person. Levy beamed up at me.
'Hi,' I whispered and she stood up. I didn't mind that she hugged me in front of everyone. I wanted them to know. I wanted the guys to know, especially Jet and Droy who were always staring at her. Lucy watched us knowingly while Natsu looked confused. He was so oblivious.
'Should I be welcoming you to the club?' Jellal asked as he walked over with his hand in Erza's. I shrugged.
'Huh? What club?' Natsu asked and Lucy rolled her eyes.
'I'm fighting a losing battle,' she muttered to Levy and Levy patted her arm.
'If I can win, so can you,' she encouraged her friend. She smiled at me when I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. I got the feeling that she had spent some time talking to Lucy about me. Her smile didn't disagree with this.
'You might be welcoming another person sooner than later Jellal,' Gray said as he walked over to us and looked back at Juvia. She hadn't heard him. She was smiling at me.
'Really!' Lucy cried. This clearly thrilled her. The others didn't look surprised. Natsu still looked puzzled.
'Calm down! I said might be,' Gray snapped at her. He folded his arms and looked away uncomfortable. I knew that feeling.
'What club are you talking about?' Natsu asked again, but I wasn't listening to him anymore. I was focused on Juvia. She knew. I signalled for her to come over and she listened immediately. She squeezed my arm gently and smiled at Levy.
'He can be a bit rough around the edges, but no one will care more for you than he will,' Juvia told Levy with a wink. My bookworm blushed with a slight nod. She already knew that. I was glad.
'So Gray, about being a part of the club,' Jellal teased and Juvia went blood red.
'Shut up!' Gray spat at him and the others laughed. A sound came out of me to. A faint sound, but it was definitely a laugh. I hadn't done that in a long time. Juvia looked at me. She was as surprised as I was.
'I want to be a part of the club too!' Natsu shouted and Lucy blushed.
'You don't know what you're talking about!' she moaned at him, flustered.
'Why are you all red in the face and why can't I be in the club? I want to be!' he moaned back and the laughter grew louder.
'You can't just join the club,' Jellal explained to Natsu. He was enjoying this.
'What do I have to do?' Natsu demanded. Lucy looked so red. 'I'll do whatever it takes!'
'You have to...kiss someone,' Jellal answered with a sly smile. Levy giggled next to me and I smirked down at her. I noticed how Gray was now standing near Juvia. It was becoming a common thing now.
'Huh? A kiss,' Natsu muttered. He looked confused again. Lucy sighed. She thought that would be the end of that. It wasn't. Natsu turned to her eagerly.
'Lucy kiss me!' he ordered and leaned forward. He was inches from her. Slap! He seemed to get hit a lot in the face. I shook my head. He had no idea. He held his face and moaned at Lucy while she breathed heavily, wide eyed. She was shocked. He turned around miserably and folded his arms.
'Lucy didn't want to kiss me,' he sulked and Erza patted him sympathetically on his back. The others laughed. I laughed too. I enjoyed laughing. Levy tried to calm Lucy down while Jellal tried to educate Natsu in some way. Gray and Juvia listened in and glanced at each other every now and then. I looked up at the classroom's clock and saw that class would begin soon. I didn't have much time.
'I'll be back just now,' I whispered to Levy. She nodded at me and smiled as I walked away. She didn't need to ask any questions.
'So are you two dating?' I heard a now clam Lucy ask Levy. I didn't stay to hear the answer. I already knew it. There was something important I needed to do. I stopped outside the familiar door and took in a deep breath. It was the right thing to do. I knocked on the door and opened it in response to being told to come in. I poked my head in.
'Gajeel,' Principle Dreyar said surprised. I got the feeling that he wasn't really surprised.
'What can I do for you?' he asked and I saw Mirajane and Laxus watching me from the two seats in front of the old man's desk. They also knew.
'I just...I just wanted to say...thank you,' I muttered awkwardly. He had been right. He knew what he was doing when he gave me my punishment. I think he expected this to be the outcome, but I had fought him the whole way. He didn't give up. Thankfully he didn't. He smiled knowingly at me.
'You are welcome,' the old man responded while Laxus and Mirajane smiled at each other. He didn't press the matter further. I was glad for that. I nodded my head in his direction and closed the door. I let out a sigh. That was done. I looked up at the red ceiling and smiled for the first time. I had a reason to. I had Levy.
THE END