"This is easily the weirdest and most difficult thing I've ever had to do," Dean comments as she attempts to stroke a mascara wand over her eyelashes. "Girls really do this every day?"
A couple days have passed without word from Castiel and not a damn thing about alternate universe travel in any of the books "Aunt B" has flipped through. The internet isn't much help as far as that subject goes. To everyone else on the planet, what we've done is still technically just a theory.
"You know what's harder than putting makeup on?" I ask as I literally powder my nose, sharing the mirror in the upstairs bathroom. "Taking it off. I think I spent a half hour the other day just getting the mascara off my lashes."
"Are we seriously having this conversation right now?" Dean pauses in her task.
"Hey man," I shake my head. "This was your idea."
"Shut up," Dean hisses, returning to applying her makeup. "What's so wrong with wanting to look nice in public?"
"Do you even think the library will have anything Aunt B doesn't?" I question and Dean shrugs, returning her mascara to the blue makeup bag on the counter.
"It's worth a shot," she insists. "I'd like this to be the first and only time I put on makeup." She pauses to apply a thin coat of red lipstick to her lips. "You know what I miss most? My..."
"You don't have to say it," I swiftly interrupt and she sends me a questioning glance in the mirror.
"Led Zeppelin tapes," she finishes. "What did you think I was going to say?"
"I donno," I shrug. "But that's not what I miss the most."
"Well, that too," she rolls her eyes, catching my drift. "Come help me figure out what to wear."
I frown as I follow the female version of my brother out of the bathroom and into the guest bedroom.
"I'm starting to worry you're getting a little too comfortable in this gender," I comment and Dean rolls her eyes.
"I don't know how girls dress," is her excuse.
"Yeah, this is too weird," I comment. "Even for me. You're on your own. I'm going downstairs for breakfast."
While he fights it, the estrogen seems to slowly be taking over my brother. The last couple of days we've spent hiding out at Aunt B's, I've noticed Dean doing a few feminine things; she gasped and whined over a broken nail, read articles in a Cosmo and, just last night, I caught her watching a show called Sex & Other Tales From The City, which is the equivalent to our universe's Sex In The City. And that's just the stuff I've noticed.
In our universe, Dean's a total dude. You may have noticed his habit for red meat, whiskey and busty Asian beauties. My theory is that, since he's a total guy in our universe, maybe this version of him is a total girl. At least, enough of a girl to be drawn to things like women magazines and boy bands.
As far as I'm concerned, I haven't personally noticed much of a difference. Which is actually kind of concerning, since I doubt Dean realizes exactly what she's doing. All I know is I've developed a taste for white wine. That's not too girlie, right?
Aunt B is in the kitchen when I get there, her hands busy pouring batter into a hot waffle iron.
"Morning," I greet her, helping myself to a glass of fresh orange juice while she finishes the breakfast preparations.
"Good morning," she replies cheerfully, giving me a welcoming smile. "Deanna up yet?"
"Yeah," I nod. "She's getting dressed. We're going to head to the library for a bit."
"Alright," Aunt B nods. "Just make sure you make it back in time for lunch. I'm making stuffed peppers."
I give woman Bobby a small, kind smile. I can see why we, this universe we, refer to her as Aunt B. When Dean and I first showed up, we didn't even ask to stay. But she insisted we make use of the guest room and has cooked us every meal since.
"If it's not too much trouble," Aunt B begins as she slices ripe strawberries with a sharp pairing knife. "I could use your help out in the garden later. I've let the weeds grow a little too long, they're starting to choke the beans."
"I think we can manage that," I respond. "It's the least we can do for all your help."
"I've been wondering," Aunt B speaks. "If you're in this universe, do you think the real Samantha and Deanna are in yours?"
"That's a good question," I admit. "I wish Cas would answer our prayers. If anyone knows anything about how this stuff works, it's an angel."
"What smells so good down here?" Dean joins us, dressed in dark denim jeans and a white tank top. "Ooh, waffles."
She hungrily eyes the elaborate spread all laid out on the kitchen counter.
"So, I totally appreciate that you've taken us in like this," my brother/sister begins while Aunt B proceeds to plate our home cooked meal. "But would it kill you to use a little meat?"
Now that she mentions it, we haven't had a single bite of meat since we wound up in this universe. It obviously bothers Dean a lot more than it bothers me.
"Well, no," Aunt B replies as she sets the food filled plates on the kitchen table. "But I wouldn't recommend it."
"Why?" Dean wants to know as we all take a seat.
"You're a vegetarian," is Aunt B's simple response. Dean's face falls.
"Really?" she chokes sadly and Bobby nods.
"For fifteen years now," she says before taking a large bite of food. "So if you're thinkin' about breakin' that streak, you should know your body won't be able to digest it."
Dean furrows her brows.
"So, if I went and ate a cheeseburger...?" she wants to know exactly what would happen to her.
"You'd throw up," I respond and Aunt B nods to confirm this.
Dean sits in a thoughtful silence for a moment or two, quietly chewing a bite of waffle as she ponders her new eating habits.
"Oh, Castiel," she prays at last. "Angel of the Lord. Get your lazy ass down here. Sammy and I really, really, really need you."
"It's not the makeup or the skinny jeans," I begin with an amused tone. "But the lack of meat that's bothering you?"
"Call it a last straw," Dean defends herself.
"I am here, Deanna," a female speaks and our attention snaps to the slender, young looking woman with piercing blue eyes, full pink lips and long wavy dark hair that spills elegantly around her shoulders.
Of course Cas is a girl in this universe. I don't know why I would have expected otherwise. Maybe I assumed there was only one heaven amongst these infinite universes.
This woman version of the angel dresses in a white collared shirt left unbuttoned to expose a spectacular amount of cleavage, along with a form fitting gray skirt that falls just above her knees and a pair of black high healed shoes. Oddly enough, she also wears a tan trench coat. It's actually somewhat comforting to see the stupid coat. It's the one normal thing I've seen in days.
"What is so important you've been praying to me consistently for?" she wants to know as she stares over Dean and myself.
"Dude," Dean whispers. "Is it wrong I think Cas is hot in this universe?"
"On so many levels," I shudder.
No amount of alcohol will ever scrub that sentence out of my mind.
"You look different," Cas tells us, her eyes narrowing as she studies us closer.
"That's because we are," Dean says. "We're in the wrong universe."
For a minuet, Cas says nothing as she silently attempts to determine our sincerity.
"I thought you were just playing a practical joke on me," she admits at last. "But I can see the predicament you're in. Tell me, who sent you here?"
I guess, if there's one good thing about angels, you give them a bizarre situation and they don't really hesitate to believe it. If anything, they brush it off like it's a normal, every day problem. No questions asked.
"We're not sure," I begin slowly. "But we think it was Gabriel."
"Impossible," Cas says. "Gabriel is dead. Lucifer killed her."
"Er, right," I agree. "But Gabriel's faked his, sorry, her death several times."
"You all thought she was dead for, what, two thousand years?" Dean jumps in. "I've personally watched, uh, her 'die' twice."
"You have a point," Cas admits.
"I'm thinkin' we call the son of a bitch to us," Dean proposes and Cas shakes her head.
"No," she instructs us. "If Gabriel is alive, we don't want to call her out of hiding. There are things much worse an arch angel can do than transport a soul to another universe."
"Can you help us?" Dean gives Cas a hopeful glance.
"I certainly will try," Cas tells us, something that doesn't really inspire all that much hope. "I will search for Gabriel. In the mean time, I need you to write down every detail about your universe while I find a way to get you back should I fail to uncover Gabriel. I need to know exactly what universe you belong in."
"You can send us back to our universe?" Dean swells with excitement.
"There are ways I can transport another soul to another universe," Cas begins slowly, her hesitant tone cutting our hopes in half. "But there are risks involved. It's best the one who did this to you put you back, as they are the only one who knows exactly where you belong."
"What you're telling us, then," I say, "is that you're chances of sending us to a third universe is...?"
"High," Cas breaks it to us.
"Screw the library," Dean says. "I'm staying here and writing down everything I know about our universe. Cas, you start looking for Gabriel."
The familiar sound of rustling wings carries the angel away without so much as a goodbye. Judging by her wordless exit, it doesn't seem to matter what gender Cas is. Cas is Cas. Which is actually really comforting.