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• • • • • SECRETS AND BLOODSHED • • • • •
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• Chapter Three•
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[Peeta Mellark]
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Primrose Everdeen, her sister. Gale Hawthorne. This boy, I don't even want to think of his relation to her. But now, I feel the guilt of loathing this boy. Because right now, seeing Katniss on the ground like this, crying her eyes out. I'd trade my own life for Gale. I don't want to see her at this weak stance. I am willing to trade my life for Gale. Yes. Because I know she loves this boy. I can't bear to see her like this.
I am here, seated on the cold hard ground like she is. I don't know how to comfort her. As painful as it is, I know I am a stranger to her. And I know she doesn't trust strangers like me. To touch her might most likely be a sin. So I didn't dare to.
I feel so much pain for her. I want to hug her, embrace her until the pain goes away. But I can't do that. Katniss is not a person to show her frailty to anyone. But right now, she can't do anything to save Prim or Gale. The two of the most valuable people in her life. I can't stand to see her in her current stance. Screaming. Crying. Begging. And barely breathing. I've seen every angle of her emotion when I always view her from afar but this one. Mixed with anger and defenselessness, I failed to see.
I notice only now that all eyes are staring at her. "No, don't look at her" I think. Everyone must be thinking she's weak, not knowing how strong willed she is. They don't know. My face is rearranged unto a fuming expression. "Don't look at her"
From a distance, I can see her. Delly, who is the owner of the only pair of eyes that looks at me. She must see my enraged façade. I diverted my gaze away from her. I don't want her to see me being weak for Katniss.
"Stop! Stop!" I heard the familiar voice, but this isn't the cheery one I always hear from her. "Please stop!" she ran to the stage and grabbed Prim's wrist. "I volunteer! I volunteer! Let me take her place" she eagerly says to Effie Trinket and Mayor Undersee.
"Delly, no." I half-shrieked as I absorbed what she is doing. "No!" This is just stupid. What is she thinking?
Then the Mayor, the escort and the mentor gathered in a circle to discuss whether to acknowledge Delly. Then the three nods in unison. She endangered her life to save Katniss' little sister. Prim runs down the stage and embraces her older sister.
Within a split second, those gray sorrowful eyes sparkles with a tinge of hope right in the corner of her eye, as she hugs Prim, sheathed into her protective arms.
"Announcing the District Twelve tributes for the 78th annual Hunger Games, Delly Cartwright and Gale Hawthorne."
The peacekeeper let me inside Delly's designated room in the Justice Building. I see her looking at me. Smiling despite the fact that she's about to be thrown into a bloodbath in the arena. What a stupid choice she had made. I can't possibly think o her getting killed. I hate that imagery overcoming my mind right now.
"Well . . ." she smiled bitterly. "I managed to save one for you." She can't hide her teary eyes. "Peeta, take good care of yourself."
"I'm the one to take care of myself?" I say in a sarcastic but not so offensive tone. "Pardon me, I'm not the one who's about to be killed here." I sit over to her side and embraced her. "That was such a stupid move." I softened my tone. I hate seeing her like this. "Why'd you do it?"
"I don't know, but it felt right doing it" I hear her almost whimpering.
"I really hate you right now." Well not really hate her, hate her. I just hate what she did to herself. And I'm guessing this isn't her wanting to be the Victor for District Twelve of saving Prim. I bet it's about me. Us.
She half-scowls at me comment. "So that's what I get for saving your crush's beloved sister." I am right. No doubt about it now. Delly knows I've been crushing on Katniss Everdeen since the first glimpse at her sparkling gray eyes.
"Delly," my voice is deep and serious. "Win for me. Win for District Twelve." I embraced her tighter.
"Can't say I can" she buries her face in my neck, "But I don't die without a fight." She pulls away and plants a quick smack on my lips. I feel so insensitive. We've talked about this before. That I can't return her feelings for me. And let it go. Apparently, her stunt today proved she hasn't let it go. A peck can't hurt. Katniss wasn't even my girlfriend, barely even a friend, this can't count as cheating. I kissed her, long enough to make her feel that I care for her safety. I regret nothing. This is a start, an inspiration for her to struggle staying alive.
We pulled away "Well, don't you do that, Peeta." She says with her hushed voice. "I can take a word, stay alive? Yeah, I'll do that" she smiles again, the one without a trace of ruse.
"I'll be waiting for you" I reply. "But you won't be living in the Seam anymore."
"Uhm . . . yeah . . . Goodbye hunting" she laughs a bit as she imagines herself being a victor. I also smile at the thought.
"Just win, Delly," I reached for her hand and kissed it. "I'll wait by then."
I went my way out, not even finishing the three-minute allotment. I have to say sorry to her. The kiss is only intended to give her hope. Somehow making her struggle to stay alive.
"Peeta," the peacekeeper was about to close the door when she called me back. "Call Katniss for me" she follows with a bright smile. I nod. I wish this is not the last time I'll see that smile.
I asked myself a million times over. Do I love this girl? Delly Cartwright. A youthful and adventurous, young woman, who first made a friendly conversation with me in school. Then confessed her special feelings for me. I always say no in my head. No. I don't love her in any romantic way possible. I love her as a close friend and a hunting partner. She doesn't equal the impression that Katniss gave me. And comparing them is a ridiculous thing an imbecile would thing of doing. I never compare them. I never attempted to. And never will. Cause I'd degrade Delly. And I don't want that.
Delly's confession hadn't changed our friendship. And didn't affect my feelings for Katniss. I don't want her to die though. I want her to win. I have that gut that she can win.
A peacekeeper opens the door where Gale is. I can't help but look. I see her, about to leave the room. Prim goes ahead of her. She makes a final goodbye and heads for the door but he stops her. He grabs her wrists and waist. I see her stagger back. As he pulls her near and kiss her. This is not a scene that I'm expecting to see. I want to look away from it but I can't move, like I just fell into a lake of freezing water. Every shivers run to my whole body. The cold stabs every inch of flesh in my body like a million of knives cutting through my skin.
"Peeta, look away" It's Prim's voice. It surprised me. I can hear her in spite of my frozen state. "You okay? I know you didn't like what you see. Just talk to her Peeta, she'll be rough at first but you can earn her trust. I'm talking to Delly" she says innocently, then walks to Delly's room
When she walks out the room, she instantly catches my eyes. She's walking over to me. What will she say? I think 'Thanks for breaking my fall' or 'What's your name?' maybe 'Get out of my way' or 'What did you do to my sister?'
"Can I talk to Delly?" an angel's voice is talking to me. Speak you dope, I mentally ordered myself.
"She said she wanted to talk to you alone. Prim went in on her own, so come in when she's done."
She nods. I think this is the right time. I collected all my gut and straightened up.
"I'm Peeta Mellark" I offered my hand. She just stares at it. She didn't touch the hand. "I live in the Seam," the hurt is still there when she didn't take it but I continue anyway.
"Katniss Everdeen" she replied in a cold stiff manner.
She seemed to have pushed aside the conversation so I tried to continue on. "Delly and Prim are friends in school, right?" And so am I with Prim but I didn't tell her that.
Damn. Another knife struck in my heart. She didn't reply. Bad. Really bad. I can't believe I'm pulling off a bad first impression. I said no more, she's clearly shoving me off. I could take a hint, so I'll just shut up now.
Prim goes out of Delly's room. Katniss examines Prim's puffy eyes then mumbles something. She goes in Delly's room.
"She cried, didn't she?" I ask her.
Prim nods. "I don't want to see her like that again."
"It's a sight I don't want to see either" my voice was low yet gruff. Then there was a brief silence among us.
"She talked mostly about you." I just listen to her. "Don't think this is your fault" Well, this is mostly my fault. If she didn't know I like Katniss, she wouldn't have saved Prim. Prim is her friend and very precious to Katniss. The only family that she have left. And Gale being picked out of the Reaping bowl. I'm sure somewhere in Katniss' mind she wished herself dead. That goes for the both of us. If I'll never talk to her, maybe after both of them being Reaped, she thought many ways to kill herself at that moment. Delly knows she don't want to witness her at that stance.
I saw Katniss went out of Delly's room, looking at me. "From now on," she offers her hand for a shake, which startled me. One moment she's her best to make me look invisible and constantly ignoring me then the next . . . "We shall be . . . friends" she wants me to be friends with her. What did Delly told her? I have no idea but I'm sure it's enough to make her want to be friends with me.
I escorted them to their house. Katniss tells Prim to go inside.
"What is it?" I ask, curious of what she might say that she wanted me alone.
"I want to tell you . . ."she hesitated to speak but managed to regain voice as I anticipate "That you can't go anyplace where I can't see you." Her words surprised me. Now I'm even more curious of whatever has Delly told her to do.
Yet this irritates me. I can't let a girl babysit me. I don't need one anyway. But her being by my side always is the thing I want but the protection from her, it doesn't seem fair. "Did she tell you to look after me? 'Cause you know, I don't need a security guard. It's not that I don't trust you Miss Everdeen," – I see her cringe at the informal addressing. "—it's just absurd, I'm the man here." I placed a hand on her shoulder. It surprised me that the sudden touch didn't seem to have an effect to her. "I should be the one protecting you"
"Protect me from what?" she wonders.
"From every harmful living thing" I say, a bit stuttered. "From the Capitol" I leaned in to a whisper, without a trace of hesitation.
Damn. I can't tell her this now. I shouldn't have said the Capitol. Now she'll wonder what made me say those words.
"I'll come be at six" but I should tell her since I gave her the idea. "I want to tell you something too"
At six, we'll watch the replay of the Reapings across all the Districts. And at six, I'll tell her what I know about the disappearance of her parents.
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• • • • • ~ FanFiction by: MsDayDream ~ • • • • •
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