Chapter 4

Bella.

''Wait.'' I call as Ben tries to jump from the car-he stares at the playground longingly then turns back to me.

''What?'' He asks, irritated.

''Don't talk to strangers,'' I give him a look, because he's done it before and he doesn't realize the possible ricks. ''And get me if you need me.''

''Yeah okay I know the drill.'' He throws himself from the car and runs the short distance to the playground. I grab Katie and lock the car, bringing my handbag which is also Katies bag-and walk slowly up to the gate, which I open and step into, quickly finding a bench to sit on where I can see him no matter his angle.

He's on a massive slide right now that's the same width as my bed, once he slides his way down he runs to a mass amount of ropes bound together into a pyramid with little squares of leather resting places scattered throughout. There were about five other children on there too. It wasn't really a hot day, but it wasn't exactly cold either.

Katie starts crying and I know it's near time to feed her and she doesn't need to be changed. I try give her her bottle-but she full on refuses and cries louder. I'm starting to get stares-as if I was somehow hurting my baby by trying to feed her. I sigh, knowing it's one of those days where made up formula isn't enough and she wants more. I hate doing this in public but I've had to before so once shes safely under a blanket when her whole body's covered and the important parts of me are I carefully begin to feed her-just as I see a little black headed girl I recognize playing with my son.

He's hardly here-I mean her parents would have probably taken her, not him. Though I'm happily proven wrong a minute later when he pops up in front of me grinning and I stare back at him. ''Do not scare a woman like that.'' I glare, it's mocking, of course, but it's still not right. ''This is not a good time for me.''

''I see,'' He looks down to the blanket and sits next to me. ''We've been going out two weeks now, and I don't really care about you feeding Katie. Aren't you weening her off?''

''Yes, except at night when I'm too lazy to make a bottle, and now, when she refuses one.'' He picks up the full one beside me and shakes it.

''Well it doesn't look too appealing.''

''Because she cares so much.'' I roll my eyes. ''Look away.'' I warn, trying to move to get back covered up, which I do though he doesn't look away and I pull Katie out from the blanket.

''She looks content.'' he laughs, giving her his finger to grab. ''I take that back, she looks high.''

I laugh because it's true-though I can't keep looking at her and bring her to my chest so her heads on my shoulder as I begin to pat her back. ''Why are you and Angela here?''

His whole face and body seems to, not relax, just melt and frown. ''Um, Angela's mother, my sister in law's really sick. Cancer, it's early days yet but she's in treatment and tired all the time, my brothers not in very good mental condition with it, very...airy, I mind Angela when I can.''

''Oh, god I'm so sorry.'' I frown. ''That's so horrible, I hope she'll be okay.''

''Rose.'' He smiles. ''She's strong, we can only hope. Angela knows she's sick but she doesn't understand-not really.''

''It's so hard to explain to children, even if they do understand you can't just tell them something like that.''

He's quiet a moment. ''What did you tell Ben? When you had to tell him about the divorce?''

''I kept telling him how much I loved him-and explained in nicer terms his father chose to live with the red headed skank who was at the door waiting as he packed his things. It didn't go down well, especially when I told him I was pregnant and he got excited and asked me if James knew, because he'd come back if he did. I couldn't tell him she was the reason he left-not the only reason, but.'' I shrug, bringing her back down onto my lap. ''Worth it.''

''You're so...brilliant.''

I snort. ''Yeah I'm perfect right?''

''No its just, not many people can raise a baby and an seven year old alone.''

''I'm tired all the time and have to shower and use the bathroom with my baby, it's not ideal.''

''Not bad either.'' He points out. ''I was-''

''I want to go home.''

I jump up-I hadn't seen him run over but I hear the pain in his voice and see the tears streaming down his face. ''What's wrong? Are you hurt?'' I try to check him over-but I can't be sure. I hadn't been paying attention, Did he fall?

''No, I want to go home.'' I know it's serious-he clutches my leg and he's never been big on any public displays of affection. Edward's still near so I hand him Katie and though it near breaks my back I pick Ben up and gesture for Edward to give me Katie back.

''I'll follow.'' He nods at me and it sends something through me-a feeling I'd never known before but my eyes well and I smile at him.

''Oh, Angela, did you see what happened?'' I ask as I see her nearing slowly.

She looked sad too-though not as hysterical. ''I don't know-we were talking about riding our bikes and-''

I groan, then apologize to Angela and place a hand on the back of his head to bring him closer to me. ''I'm sorry-he doesn't like, talking about that.''

It's all I can offer for now and I know I'll have to tell Edward later but he leaves it for now and follows me to the car before strapping in Katie while I try take Ben from my arms. Before he leaves he mouths to me if I'm okay and I can only nod back-hoping it's okay.

I eventually get him strapped in with the promise of ice cream-which I stop and buy quickly on the way home. He's making sad, whimpering noises as he eats it but I know it helps some. When we get home he watches TV while I make his favorite dinner-spaghetti and Katie scoots around the floor in her attempts to crawl. Katie starts to cry as dinner's just ready and I call Ben in and bounce her on my knee as we eat. He doesn't say anything but I know we have to-it's something we can't ignore.

''So, Angela was talking about riding her bike?''

''With her friends.'' he whispers. ''I don't want to talk about it.''

''Ben-''

''Mom, please.'' he looks down in shame, his lip trembling. ''I don't want to think about it.''

I put Katie back in her high chair and keep my arms out for him. ''Come here.''

He wouldn't like to admit he needed me-or that he likes the comfort of my arms. It's a rare day when he lets me do this, comfort him, he climbs onto my lap and breaks down, drowning in tears. I can't do anything to stop his pain, but I hold him tighter and tell him he's okay until he calms down and lets me hold him a few minutes. ''Can I have a bath, with bubbles?''

''Yes, of course.'' I smile at him. ''Let's go, you must be tired.'' I push the hair back from his face and see the droopiness in his eyes-it was a long day. He usually stays up as late as he can get me to let him, but I know he'll be out fast tonight. I know he's still scared or paranoid even now, since he holds onto my hand for life as we walk up the stairs and Katie stays on my hip pulling my hair.

''You strip, I'll run the bath.'' I order. ''And watch your sister.'' I don't have anything to block her from the stairs and I don't want her on the bathroom floor so he brings her into his room and I go in once the bath's done. He's nearly ready and I pick her up, she doesn't seem to impressed to be out of her pink dress but she loves baths-once you dip her feet in. Ben's already given himself a bubble beard and as I hover Katie above the bath she kicks the bubbles and squeals, stuffing her fist in her mouth. Ben has all bubbles like he's on a cloud so I can hold Katie in at the end-it's not that deep, if I had the balls to let her go the water would only be up to her stomach.

After the bath, as I predicted, Ben's falling around the place and barely pulls on his pajamas before he's in bed and sleeping. Kate needs a little more convincing and seems pretty alert from her nap earlier. She finally looks like she might sleep when I hear a small knock on the door and I say to come in, not loud enough to wake Ben but just loud enough for Edward to hear.

I didn't want to get up-I'm lying on the couch with Katie sitting on my stomach and her hands propping her up, once she sees Edward she looks confused before her arms give way and she falls face first onto me. ''I'm putting her to bed soon.''

''She's a very cute child.''

''That she is.'' I agree. ''I don't want to brag but I make beautiful babies.''

He laughs. ''You do.'' When I look back down at her, she's asleep with her mouth open and I have to laugh.

''Give me a minute.'' I quickly bring her upstairs into her crib and once I make sure she's still asleep I make my way back downstairs. ''How is Angela? I'm sorry if Ben scared her.''

''No she's fine-I just don't think she understood what happened-neither did I really.''

I bite my lip. ''Don't ever mention it to him, or anyone, not that you would it's just. Fuck.'' I run a hand through my hair. ''I bring him to therapy twice a week-doctor recommended it after he stopped eating, sleeping, talking. A week after James left us, him and his best friend, Eric went cycling, just down our road, I was standing with Eric's mother and we were watching them. It was just-Jesus they weren't even near the road one minute and the next one of them hit a hole in the path and crashed into the other and they just few off the bikes onto the middle of the road. There was only one car coming and they managed to stop before they got to them but-Ben had scratches and bruises and broke his arm but Eric-'' I took a breath. ''Cracked his skull open, he wasn't-they couldn't do anything to help him. Ever since Ben's been-different. As you would be.'' I mutter.

''Jesus Bella.'' He stands to sit down beside me and let's me lean back against his chest. ''That's horrific.''

''Even the mention of a bike sets him off-hysterical. It's probably so selfish of me to think, because I can't think of what Eric's family's going through, but it could have been Ben-I don't know if he even realizes that or not. I hope he never does.''

''It's not selfish to think that, Bella, of course you're going to, it's only natural. Ben shouldn't have gone through that-you say he needs therapy?''

I shrug. ''I don't know if it's working or if he needs it-but he needs something and I don't know what to do for him, I can't do anything.''

''If he's anything like you, he'll be okay.''

''I hope,'' I sigh. ''I'm sorry.''

''For what?'' He wraps his arms around me and I try not to, but eventually let myself melt into his arms.

''You don't need to-''

''What? Deal with it?'' He snorts. ''I like Ben and he's your son, if it affects him and you of course I care, don't be stupid.''

I twist in his arms, turning to stare at him. ''Are you a real person?'' my hand reaches up to his face, as if I think he'll leave in the next moment, but he doesn't, I know he doesn't.

''Yes,'' he says slowly, looking at me. ''Are you okay?''

''Just tired.'' I shrug. ''Didn't sleep much last night.''

''Do you want to sleep? I can go-I'll see you tomorrow when Ben's in school anyway right?''

''Yeah,'' I agree. ''Don't go, not yet?''

He looks at me again with something I can't pinpoint and holds me closer-that's the last thing I remember before I'm being woken in my own bed and groaning.

''Go back to sleep.'' He say's softly. ''It's okay.''

''What?'' I groan again. ''What's happening?''

''We fell asleep on your couch.'' I hear him yawn-which makes me yawn. ''I'm going to go-you go back to sleep, okay?''

''What time is it?'' It feels like the middle of the night-he confirms that. ''Don't go, stay you're too tired.''

''Uh, what?''

''Edward look at me.'' I point to my half asleep drooling face. ''I mean sleep.''

''Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch?''

''Don't be silly,'' I think I grin and pat the bed beside me while pulling back the covers. ''hop on in.''

He chuckles. ''Alright.'' Then I watch silently as he rids of his shoes, jeans and jumper then turns off the light and gets into the bed with me. I'm too tired to realize what's happening-but I remember the arms that wrap around me and pull me closer. I haven't been held like this in years-it's nice, different. I don't mind it, though I hardly remember it in the morning, even when he's still holding me.

So there you are-sorry to disappoint a guest reviewer, but this story will be more then fluff-I have an addiction to drama(as some of you who have read any of my other stories may have guessed) This story doesn't have that much drama, but there's some and it's sad and heavy. Just warning you. Please review, thank you! ;)xxx

-BATTM