Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Thank you to obsessedmom for correcting all my mistakes.

Chapter Four

I couldn't help but cry. No matter how much I tried to stop myself, they just kept pouring out of me.

Poor weak little Bella.

God, I hated being this way.

Emmett held one of his arms tight around my shoulders as he led me to the couch and sat me down. He sat across from me on the coffee table, my knees between his, that's how close we were.

And I needed this closeness with him, because I missed it terribly these last few days. He gently rubbed my shoulder and placed his other hand on my knee while letting me cry. I couldn't stand him looking at me this way. I felt so stupid, so I did something even more stupid; I forced myself forward and into his arms.

He didn't seem startled or shocked, he just held me tight as I cried into his shoulder and tried to breathe him in. It wasn't really working out well for me considering my nose was now full.

I just had no idea what to do about this whole thing. I was so confused and so worried about everything. He hushed me and stroked my hair gently, not saying a word until I calmed down and lightly sobbed into his shoulder now, "I missed you..." I whispered, because I really did and I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know I cared about him too; I just wasn't as strong as him.

"Really?" He pulled my shoulders back and now looked somewhat surprised.

"Yes, really." I nodded as I spoke quietly. I felt like such a bitch that he felt he had to question that.

"It's just... I know how I feel about you, and after the other day, when you left... I thought... Well... I don't know," He looked down and finally let my shoulders go, placing his large hands down in my lap, "I know you wish we hadn't done what we did..." His broad shoulders where hunched over as he watched my hands find their home in his.

How could you make him feel this way? Emmett is the sweetest man you've ever known. He's taken care of you since the minute you met him. He's taken you to the god damn hospital five times in the last seven years and held your hand until Edward got to you.

He's your guardian angel and you make him feel like he's a mistake? Only heartless bitches do that kind of shit.

I realized I hadn't responded to what he was saying, because my mind was internally beating the crap out of me right now.

I finally shook my head and sniffled, "Everything is just, really messed up. I'm not meant to feel this way about you." I took a shaky breath when I saw the way his blue eyes took on more sadness.

"You know I love you," I sighed and brought one of my hands up to his cheek. He looked like he hadn't slept in a few days, but he was still stunning, even with the deep darkness under his bright eyes.

"But there's too much standing in the way." He finished for me, "You can't live with the fact that I'm Edward's brother."

I felt fresh tears spill over, blurring my version and closed my eyes, "I feel like I cheated on him." I whispered, keeping my eyes shut and dropping my hand from his face, "And I feel bad that you're always with me and Nessie when you could be out meeting nice women who could make you happy." I opened my eyes, realizing just how long I had held him back from his life.

He grabbed both my hands and held them tight, "Listen to me, I'm never happier then when you and Nessie are with me. You are my idea of heaven. You and Nessie." He brought my hands to his lips and kissed them gently.

We sat there looking at one another. I wanted to kiss him and ask him to hold me until the end of time. I loved being in his strong arms, maybe not in that stupid pool of his, put every other time, yes.

But that was selfish.

"Why?" My question came out sounding broken and helpless, this was the reason I didn't understand what he was saying. "I'm a horrible person. I'm weak and... and average and you're like... you're the sweetest guy in the world." Here I went, sobbing again. I did not understand why he wanted me or what he saw in me.

"You are not horrible, baby, don't you ever fucking say that to me again." His voice was somehow soft with the harsh statement. I wanted to comply, but how could I?

"But," His jaw clenched and I quickly shut my mouth and swallowed.

"Never." He told me. "I won't allow anyone to talk about the woman I love that way. You are everything that is right in my life. Who would I be without you?" He sighed and finally smiled, rubbing circles into my palm with his thumb.

My heart wanted to beat out of my chest when I heard him talk about me that way. I sounded so special to him.

"Don't hate me, okay?" he said, surprising me and making my brows pull together. I didn't understand.

"I fell for you on my twenty-third birthday..." He really was the sweetest thing in the world, "It took you a whole ten minutes to own my heart... And I know I'm an asshole because I was with Rosie back then, but it's the truth... I don't want to lie to you anymore, Bella. I want it to be okay that I feel this way."

I fought not to just burst into tears like a child and listen until he was finished.

"I'm glad you and Edward were together, I really am. You made him this other person, this person I liked. He was always so lost before you, you made him smile, really smile. You brought him to life. Only you could. You were so special to him... And you were special to me, you still are, baby, you always will be... I felt like the worst brother ever for wanting you... I tried not to, I really did... But the feeling never went away."

I couldn't believe how much he was opening up to me after all these years. He really did love me, and I was the luckiest girl in the world... The most undeserving luckiest girl in the world.

He sighed and scared me a little when he suddenly looked frustrated, "I know it's messed up, I understand how you feel... I understand why you feel like you cheated on him, because I feel like I'm betraying him for loving his girl, but I can't fucking help it. I've tried to stop, but I could never get you off my mind... That's creepy as fuck, I know." He sighed and shook his head, making me laugh slightly at the last part. It wasn't funny though, it was a nervous laugh.

"I can make you happy, or spend the rest of my life trying at least... I can't be without you, Bella... Please don't..." I sat silent as his eyes watered and he swallowed a few times, as if finding the strength to go on, "Don't regret me." He was losing his fight not to cry and a few tears finally escaped onto his cheeks.

I couldn't stand watching him hurt over me. He had been hurting because of me for so long and for once I would do something good, I would take care of him, because he deserved it, because I wanted to be his strength too. He knew how I was feeling, more than I imagined.

His head hung low, as if ashamed that he was crying in front of me, but so was I. I pushed his shoulders back and stood, straddling his lap and wrapping myself around him, his face in my neck and mine in his. His arms came around my waist and held on for dear life.

We sat on his coffee table like that, crying. Crying for everything. Crying until only my sobs were heard and he was quiet, stroking my back and placing soft kisses on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to say, "I don't want to make you feel that way... I'm so sorry." I sighed and breathed hot air into his neck, holding on tightly still. "I want to be good for you..." I whispered because god knows I'd fail if I tried.

"You are." He told me, clearly and sternly.

"I'm a mess... I hate him, I hate him for leaving... but I don't want to hate him. I feel like... like loving you means I really do hate him, and that makes me... horrible..." I whispered the last word, hoping he wouldn't yell at me for using it again.

He pulled back, grabbing my shoulders again and making me look at him, "You are good, you are giving, caring and loving... You have never in all this time that I've known you said a bad word about anyone... Do you know that I've never met someone else like that?" he asked. I shook my head and pulled into myself. Why did he think so highly of me?

"I just said I hate Edward, that's bad." I corrected.

"You hate him because you love him so much... I fucking hate that prick too. He left you. He had you and he left you. I love him, but he's the biggest idiot I've ever known... It's so easy to be angry with him, but deep down we're really not, baby... We just miss him so bad that if we allow ourselves to realize it, we'd know it hurts more to miss him than it does to hate him... It's easier to hate..."

I cried. I cried because he was so wise and way too good for me, just like Edward had been. It was so fucking wrong that I saw Edward in him. Edward always made sense of things like Emmett does.

"I don't want to not love him anymore..." My eyes drifted to my wedding band on his right shoulder, "But it's selfish to love you both."

He shook his head, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. He traced my band with his finger and sighed, "You can love us both... If you want." He sounded so unsure.

You make him feel this way. You make him feel like he's less important than Edward. You make him feel like his second best.

I didn't want either of them to be second best.

"I do love you... I just feel like a total bitch for... for being so attracted to you, and wanting... things with you that I once wanted with Edward... You are not second best, I'm sorry for making you feel that way... But I'm just so lost..."

Come on, Bella. Be the strong one. Show him you can look after him too. Show him he's worth it. Make him worth it. Allow yourself.

"We could try to find our way together..." he whispered, letting my hand go and stroking my hair off my sticky tear covered face. "You feel so right in my life..." My eyes closed as his words were felt against my lips, now gently kissing me.

And you feel right in mine.

My arms wrapped around his shoulders again as we kissed softly.

"I never want to be without you." I told him, the realization hitting so hard I felt like I might go flying across the living room. If there was no Emmett, there'd be nothing left of me. I'd be no one and Nessie would have a ghost raising her.

I had to be my best version for her, and Emmett made me my best version. He was all that I wasn't. He held us all up. His strength was magical and beautiful, and he chose me to share it with.

"I'll make it all better, baby... promise." He sighed against my face and continued to hold it in his hands, "Just don't leave me."

"I could never," I knew it was true. As screwed up as everything was, being with him felt like what was meant to happen. We were meant to be here right now. We were meant to remember Edward together, overcome his death and love him for the rest of our lives even though he hurt us worse than we had ever been hurt before.

Edward was my partner. He was Emmett's little brother. We both grew as people because of him; I became a mother and a lover, and Emmett became a protector.

We were us because of him. Because he loved us and we loved him.

We could love each other too, we fucking do, it's obvious it can be done.

"I believe you, and I want you, and I need you, and I love you..." And I was in tears yet again, "and it feels so fucking good to admit it." So much better than I thought it would.

He crashed his lips against mine, holding me closer than ever. My arm tightened around his back, as the other cupped his face too, keeping him to me.

He lifted me as our kiss broke. I wrapped my legs around him while he wrapped one arm around my waist and held the other under my thigh. He walked us silently to his bedroom and put me down on the bed carefully. He handed me some tissues from his bedside table and I blew my nose, kicking my shoes off.

I smiled as we lay down and snuggled in close, nose to nose and arms around one another.

"It's gonna be okay." He assured, squeezing me around the waist and pressing my body even closer to his. I closed my eyes and smiled as our noses touched.

"I know." I believe him. He'd make it all okay, like he always did.

But this time, so would I. I'd make this work and I'd figure out everything I was feeling in time. I'd put everything in its place and we would understand it all together.

The most important thing right now was knowing we loved each other and we were going to be strong enough to accept it, learn to believe it was right.

0o0o0

I woke up with his arm around me and soft jasmine smelling hair under my chin. I smiled and opened my eyes, seeing Emmett's sleeping face on the pillow next to me, Nessie's small arm wrapped around his neck as she slept peacefully between us.

She had crawled in with us in the middle of the night, claiming the monster in her closet was out to eat her. Emmett told her he'd take care of the monster in the morning and she could sleep between us tonight. We'd keep her safe.

It had been three months since Emmett and I decided to really do this together, to allow ourselves to love each other. And it had been great. His parents understood and were happy for us, mine did too, and so did all our friends.

I should have given them all more credit. They were truly good people. They didn't judge us, they just wanted us to be happy.

We were blessed.

We were happy again.

And we knew now that just because we were happy, it didn't mean we loved or missed Edward any less. It was still hard, and it always would be, but we were getting stronger with each day.

It no longer felt wrong to look at Emmett and feel all warm inside. It no longer felt wrong to love it every time he touched me.

Nessie moved around between us, clearly awake now. Emmett groaned and turned onto his back, rubbing his eyes with one hand and finally turning to look at us. I held Nessie close and kissed the top of her head before Emmett smiled at us.

"You girls have no idea how nice it is to wake up to two beautiful smiles," he told us. Nessie giggled when he kissed her face all over, making me laugh too. He winked at me when he stopped and placed a small peck against my lips.

"Everyone sleep good?" he asked. Nessie nodded and I responded with, "Very good."

"I believe we have a closet monster to take care of." Emmett announced.

Nessie nodded and sat up, letting me stroke her long hair down her back as I laid back and enjoyed the comfortable bed.

"Let's go." he said, standing and reaching for her. He picked her up into his arms, now leaving me alone in the big bed.

"What about Mama?" She questioned, rubbing her eyes and then reaching for Mr. Bunny. I handed her the stuffed toy and she held it close.

"I think Mama would be safer here, don't you? She can call for help incase anything should happen to us in battle," Emmett told her.

Nessie was suddenly even more serious than before. She sighed and nodded, "Kisses first."

I grinned and got up onto my knees to kiss them both before they left the room.

I laid back down on the bed as they left, smiling and shaking my head when I heard Emmett yelling at the monster to get out and face them like a man. There was banging and shouting and Nessie's laughter as, I guessed, they got the closet monster.

I sighed and finally got out of bed, going to one of Emmett's drawers and finding a pair of his way-too-big-for-me pajama pants, but they were just so comfortable.

I slipped them on and rolled the bottom up so that I could walk without tripping and falling on my face, breaking my nose. Been there, done that... in the first month Edward and I had been married.

I smiled remembering how he yelled at me the whole way to the hospital, wondering why the hell I didn't have the sense to roll the legs up or just wear a pair of my own, and as I looked forward there he was, smiling with Emmett's arm around him.

I continued to smile as I took the framed photo and looked at the two amazing men in the black and white photograph Esme had taken in her backyard about six months before Edward's death.

Emmett was being a smart ass and saying something funny while Edward laughed. I could hear it now, it was always so velvety and soothing whenever he laughed. It made me so happy.

Smiling still, I put the frame back down next to one of Edward and Nessie. She was so small in his arms and he was looking down at her like she held all the answers in the world.

Without realizing it at first, the fingers of my right hand had attached themselves to my wedding band. I looked down as I slipped it off for the first time since putting it on. It seemed like a lifetime had gone by, by the time I placed it between the two photographs.

It felt okay to do this. It felt like it was time, and even though that ring was now on the dresser and not on my finger, I didn't feel any less love for him. The love was just a little different now. I loved his memory and I loved who he was. He'd always be in our hearts.

"Mama!" Nessie snapped me out of it as I turned to her at the door, "Uncle Em wants breakfast," she told me and then ran off as soon as she had entered.

I walked down the hall and joined them in the kitchen. Emmett was already pulling out all that was needed, quickly sitting Nessie up on one of the stools. The two of them started shaking the pancake mix together as I started frying the bacon.

Emmett left Nessie to the shaking and came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my stomach and kissing my shoulder. He froze up for a second before his hand quickly took mine, his thumb rubbing over the pale skin where my band had been only minutes earlier.

He didn't say a word, just brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it.

I relaxed into his chest and sighed because I had to take my hand back from his kisses to flip the bacon.

"Mama, Uncle Em made the mean monster leave," Nessie informed.

"Yeah, I heard you guys in there. Sounded like some fight." I nodded, smiling as she continued to shake the pancake mix way longer than needed.

"It was nothing. That guy didn't stand a chance between Nessie and I," Emmett told me, coming to stand beside me now so I could finish the breakfast.

"Well, lucky me. I feel very safe knowing I live with two such brave people." I winked at Nessie.

"Of course, baby. We'd never let anything happen to you." Emmett brought his hand to the back of my neck as he kissed my temple and made me melt from how much love there was in our home.