Here we go again...
Santana Puckerman has a hunch, and it's definitely not a good hunch. She's pretty sure it's an accurate assumption. Her hunch, that is, and Santana's always had the intuition of a narcotics doggie. Remember when that bitch Mercedes Jones started making moves on her man in high school? She sniffed the cheap drugstore hairspray in her weave from a mile away. Then she took action, and nipped the whole debacle in the bud. That's what she has to do now. Fix whatever's going on with her daughter.
Kelsey is a good girl. She gets straight As, doesn't sleep around, and is just as nice to the computer geeks as she is to the homecoming court. In short, Kelsey is everything her parents weren't in high school. That's how her parents know they did their job right. It's all about raising your kids to be better than you are. But lately, Kelsey's been acting weird. Not rebellious, just uncharacteristic. She never has an appetite for anything - not even Puck's famous sloppy Joe's - and has been wearing baggy, unshapely clothes that do little to show off her slim physique. Plus, she hasn't been talking much, not even to her younger brother.
Having been a teenage girl once, Santana can only deduce that her daughter must be having some sort of weight crisis. Weight crises mean low self-esteem and low self-esteem means drastic measures, the kind every parent fears. She remembers starving herself and drinking those horrible Sue Sylvester shakes every week to keep the weight down in high school. Hell, she makes herself one of those shakes every once in a while even now; she's kind of gotten used to the taste. Then again Santana might be paranoid about this whole thing, she remembers being a lot of that in high school too. All those nights alone at home wondering what Puck was doing. She needs a second opinion. She needs someone who will tell her she's either crazy - a quite plausible possibility - or right to be concerned. Mother's intuition or something like that. Someone like her husband, who's been talking to the plumber upstairs about why their toilet's been leaking.
"Hey," she greets her husband as she hands him a cup of wine that is identical to the one she's been nursing. The plumber is out in his van, getting some replacement pipes.
"Thanks. What's up, baby?" Puck replies after giving his wife a chaste kiss. Puck wonders what he's done to deserve this serendipitous visit. Santana's been sitting at the kitchen counter all morning, with a far off look in her eyes. He had decided he'd let her chill out for a while before picking her brain.
Well, it's now or never. She might as well just say it. She could either be totally wrong or right on, but it's better safe than sorry, right? "I think Kelsey thinks she's having a weight problem, and I want to know what I should be doing as a mother," she blurts. There. She said it, quick and painless, like ripping off a band-aid. Now all she has to do is wait for her husband's reaction.
"Okay, what makes you think this?" Puck replies calmly. How can he look so collected in a crisis like this? Their daughter could be suicidal for all they know! To be honest, Puck thinks this is just his wife exaggerating like she always does, but he figures he'll give it a shot. For his wife, of course.
"She hasn't been eating well and she's walking around wearing those god-awful baggy sweatpants! What if she's got an eating disorder? Or what if she's suicidal because she thinks she's fat?" Santana cries, throwing her hands into the air. Can her husband not comprehend the gravity of the situation? Puck is trying his very best to suppress the laugh slowly creeping up his throat. Santana's worried Kelsey might be suicidally depressed based on that "evidence?" Those aren't even legitimate reasons! Come on, this is Kelsey they're talking about. She's his little girl. She can't be insecure about her weight already.
"So? You've never eaten a lot and you walk around in my clothes sometimes, and you're perfectly fine," Puck rationally explains. That kind of behavior is nothing out of the ordinary for him.
"That's only when I feel fat after I randomly decide to try on my old Cheerios outfit and discover my ass is too big!" she wails. Oh god, here she goes again. He's had to deal with fat talks for the last two decades.
"Baby. Neither you or Kelsey is fat, and neither of you have any reason to be insecure. This is Kelsey we're talking about. Trust her. Besides, I like your ass the way it is," he says slyly, giving his wife a playful smack on her bottom, which sends her into a fit of giggles.
"Ahem. Mr. and Mrs. Puckerman? It seems that your pipes are leaking because well, they're old, and because acid is eroding them. An acid that is most commonly found in vomit. I'll be out of your way in a few minutes," the plumber says after he magically reappears. Puck's first thought is, "Oh shit, is Santana pregnant again?"
Santana, however, is a little more distraught. After throwing herself into Puck's unprepared arms, she cries a muffled "Our daughter is bulimic" into his chest. Puck still thinks this is bullshit, but goes along with it for his wife. Over the years, he's realized he never wants to be on Santana's bad side. Ever. Or else there will be repercussions. This will probably all blow over later, and he and Kelsey are going to look back on this moment one day and see what a crazy lunatic Santana is, right? Well, despite his personal opinion, he's still standing in the middle of his bathroom kissing Santana's forehead, telling her it's all good.
Three hours later when seventeen-year-old Kelsey Puckerman returns home from a trip to the mall, she finds both her parents sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine between them, which freaks her out for three reasons. 1) They're sitting on the couch together, doing nothing. Usually when they get alone time, they're upstairs doing the nasty. Kelsey's come to learn that a locked door means do not enter at all costs unless you want a lifetime's worth of serious psychological therapy. 2) Her dad has a blasé, bored expression on his face, while her mom looks like she's been crying. 3) They're staring straight at her. Oh god, what if they found out?
"Hi guys," she says apprehensively. That's right, stay cool Kelsey. If you act like nothing's wrong, they'll believe you. Her dad motions for her to sit down between them, so she complies. Her mom looks like she's about to shatter any minute. "Mom," she prods, "What's going on? Are you guys getting divorced again?"
With that comment, Puck is alert as he's been all day. "What? No! Where the fuck did you get that idea?" he exclaims rhetorically. He doesn't like to be reminded of the time in his life when he was a total douche to Santana. He considers their divorce one of the biggest mistakes or his life.
"Kelsey. What I'm going to ask you I'm only asking because your father and I are concerned. You can be honest, okay? We won't judge you," her mom asks. Oh sweet holy mother of Jesus, they know. Kelsey can't even look at her parents. Those pitiful looks they have on their faces, looking at her like she's Bambi or some other innocuous forest animal. After all her parents have given her, she disappoints them like this? She feels so ashamed she wants to run upstairs and hide in her room, but she can't.
"Do you have an eating disorder?" her mother asks point-blank, staring her straight in the eye so hard that it's getting difficult to hold her gaze. What the fuck? No! Where did this come from? Kelsey knows she should be making a shocked face, but her body isn't responding. Looking at the love and concern on her parents' faces just kills her, after what she's done. The guilt is eating her alive. And so, she bursts into tears, which of course, makes her parents assume the worst.
"You do? Jesus, Kelsey. I really thought your mother was wrong about this one…" her dad says softly.
"No! No! I don't, I swear!" she cries, burying her face into her own hands. Her mother lets out a sigh of relief and pours herself another glass of wine. Why do they care so much? She hasn't done anything to deserve this devoted attention!
"Then what's wrong? You haven't been eating, and I've noticed you wearing those loose clothes. Talk to us, honey. We can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong," her mother trails off. Kelsey can't bear to say it. She has to tell them, though. She just won't look into their tender eyes. So she simply points to her abdomen.
Puck sucks in a huge burst of air and immediately feels the need to get up and punch something, but he can't because his baby girl needs him right now. He remembers all Quinn Fabray wanted when she was pregnant was her daddy, and that son of a bitch couldn't even man up for his daughter. Santana is even more surprised. This is a mother's worst nightmare coming true. What did she and Puck do to deserve this? Were they bad parents or something? Actually, what did her sweet little girl do to deserve this? No, this can't be right. There's no way she could have missed this.
"You're pregnant?" Santana manages. She can barely get the toxic words out.
"Not anymore," Kelsey whispers tearfully. She got an abortion last week. She never should have let that boy get her drunk. How many times had her parents warned her about teen pregnancy? The only person to blame for it is herself.
"Oh, baby," Santana cries, stroking her daughter's silky hair. Santana is blaming herself. It's her job to keep her daughter out of trouble, and she's failed. That's all there is to it. But she has to deal with her own guilt later, because her daughter needs her right now.
So, Kelsey cries and Santana comforts. It's going to be okay. Everything's fine. We're here for you.
Mother knows best, right?
So I feel like I've been neglecting Noah Jr as a character. Does anyone have any ideas about what I should do? I will take them very seriously, promise. I also feel like Im losing readers because each time I get reviews for a chapter, they're from people totally different than the previous chapters. Are you guys still out there?
Send me a review? xoxo emily.