Regina stared up at the ceiling, her tangled thoughts caught in an infinite loop. The crickets chirping outside her window and the breaths she exhaled amplified inside her ears, forming a background for her racing mind. She groaned. Sleep would not come easily this night.
It had been two days without Henry. Two days since she left Henry with Emma. With his absence, the nights and days blurred into an empty void—that hollow ache deep within her chest. She always kept herself busy when he stayed with Emma, distracting herself with work.
How did she survive a year like this?
Zelena. The challenge of Zelena had served as a distraction.
Moonlight filtered into her bedroom, highlighting the walls and dresser. She turned, facing the window and the light. It went dim, most likely another cloud blocking the illumination. She closed her eyes, praying for a rest that never came.
Her mind strayed back to Emma and Henry. At least her appointment—no breakfast—with Emma had passed with no further incidents, and that was fine with her. She grew weary of the ceaseless bickering. She remembered how Emma's close proximity had twisted her emotions between calm, to enraged, and to deeply insecure. At times, she couldn't seem to think in her presence.
Regina had learned much during her life. She had learned how to remain cool in the face of any situation; to not fall victim to her heated passions. Empath was weakness and must be restrained. Love is a weakness.
Rage was the only sensation she afforded herself. It sunk into the dark magic, rushing within her veins, erupting from her lungs. It was like quicksilver rushing through her limbs. It was… alive.
Her mind drew back to her youth where emotions overwhelmed her. The days that everything she felt stumbled gracelessly from her lips. The days she believed in trust. She learned the hard way trust was weakness.
She learned to hide her emotions with righteous rage, trap the innocent and naïve girl that was once Regina Mills and place her in a cage, walled up and stuck in the dark recesses of her soul. Well, until Henry came into her life. He burned brightly in her chest, a sign that she was not broken. Damaged, but still standing. She could love again.
Regina visibly shook her head. She fought so hard for control only to have Emma Swan thoroughly plunge her into a chaotic mess.
Why was this so hard? Emma had already agreed to a mutually beneficial arrangement with where they would each have custody of their son, but a misspoken word or rash action could crack the fragile ice that bridged the two of them together. The easiest solution was to limit contact. There was no need to see Emma frequently. They could be acquaintances, and leave it at that.
Regina's heart slid into her stomach. She flattened her lips. Why should she care if she saw Emma? She didn't. At least, that is what she told herself.
She had no memory of exiting the bedroom, but suddenly, she was in the living room. Eyes unmoving, she shuffled to a lamp on the side of the leather sofa and switched it on. A faint light lit the space. She weaved around the sofa, and past another cherry end table, which held another small lamp. A grand piano stood on the far side of the room, its lid shining with a pale gleam. Trailing her fingers across its casing, she opened it to reveal the beautiful ivory keys. A sense of calm blossomed within her as sat down on the bench.
The piano had been a recent addition after Tinker Bell suggested she find a hobby. She snorted, rolling her eyes at the memory. The nerve of that woman, always intruding…always meddling.
Regina argued with Tinker Bell almost as much as Emma. She shook her head, a whimsical smile lifting her lips. Even after telling that infuriating, smug fairy to take her foolish nonsense and whisk herself back to Neverland, Tinker Bell still had the audacity to challenge her. No one else had ever been so bold—well except Emma, but that was an entirely different issue.
She inhaled, the scent of ivory and wood settling her senses.
When she was young, before she let her misguided vengeance engulf her, she had sought solace in her music. She would spend hours lost in the melody, closing her eyes, her body swaying to the harmony. Music was her sanctuary, the place she ran to when she wanted to forget her mother, Cora. A place that shielded her from Cora's critical gaze and sharp words.
Music never condemned her.
Music never demanded perfection.
A vivid flashback of her father crept into her head. She missed the way he stood with his arm propped against the doorway, gazing at her with such pride in his eyes. His eyes that loved her. After all these years, she could still hear his voice. I only wish for your happiness, my dear. Just be happy.
She smiled at the memory, yearning for her father this night.
The keys were smooth under her long fingertips. She played the first few bars of a song long forgotten, the rich reverberation of the tuned piano caressing her.
More memories slammed into her and her hands faltered. Cora had tried to take the enjoyment out of everything Regina loved. She had an unhealthy obsession with anything that could increase the family's status and drilled Regina for hours. The lessons and training in piano were no different. She would stand behind Regina with her hands behind her back and that flat expression on her lips.
Cora never encouraged her. Nothing Regina did was good enough—she was never good enough. She heard her mother's callous voice. It surrounded her and her stomach lurched. You were ever the disappointment, Regina.
Regina blinked.
Must her mother always invade her thoughts?
She closed her eyes, and a force seemed to take possession of her fingers. It had always been this way, when the music gripped her, control vanished. She had learned to surrender herself to the urge long ago. The tempo built in strength and the world vanished as the music swept everything away in a strong, fast moving maelstrom.
Someone gasped behind her and Regina jumped
"You—I had no idea you could play!" Tinker Bell said, her voice a breathless whisper. "I mean…play like that!"
Regina's body twitched at the interruption as she stared holes into Tinker Bell's head. She took a deep breath, allowing the anger to seep out of her.
"Most people knock," Regina said dryly. "I see you let yourself in. Obviously, you need a lesson in manners."
"Forgive me, oh dark mistress. Please don't aim your wrath my way."
Regina rolled her eyes. "Why are you here?"
Tinker Bell regarded her, her right index finger pressed against her chin. "Oh, just wanted to know if you've seen Robin? How is he?"
Regina raised an eyebrow "As far as I know, he is fine. Just like he was when you asked the other day. And the day before that."
"Well, I just worry about him being all alone in that forest he camps in without a nice woman to—"
"You can put your worries to rest." Pinching her lips together, Regina nodded towards the door. "Now, if you excuse me, I am going to retire for the night. You can see yourself out."
Undeterred, Tinker Bell crossed her arms. "I saw you two together the other day."
"So stalking has become another one of your annoying habits?"
"Stalking?" A flash of amusement crossed Tinker Bell's face. "I saw you at Granny's holding hands! Anyone could see that!"
Regina began to shake her head but sighed. "Yes, I spent a nice evening with Robin."
"Oh? That's awesome! You got to tell me all about it!" Tinker Bell said, practically jumping up and down. "Oh, you have the most adorable blush right now."
Regina's face burned, and she knew her face was as red as one of her vibrant apples laying on the kitchen counter. She narrowed her eyes. "I will do no such thing."
Tinker Bell's wide eyes glanced around the room. "Come on, Regina! And, what about this hidden talent of yours? You can't just play like that and expect me to forget it!"
"No. No one knows and I would like to keep it that way."
"Seriously, Regina? Seriously?"
"You will tell no one."
Tinker Bell's face dropped as if Regina had killed several of her puppies. That foolish girl! That dejected expression did not fool Regina. She knew Tinker Bell would not let the matter drop.
"Fine. About Robin." Regina said, inclining an eyebrow. "As for the other, this is between us. I trust you will keep it our secret."
Tinker Bell bit her lip, scrunching her eyebrows together as if considering the matter. She glanced at Regina, her smile bright enough to melt the thickest of ice cubes. "Yes! Yes!"
A soft smile set on Regina's lips as she reflected upon Robin Hood. He was certainly full of himself but there was something about him….
Charisma, passion, sensuality…a knack for causing a pleasant buzz to flow through her. He calmed her, yet excited her at the same time. His mouth struck a fire inside a place long dormant. She would burn from that flame with arms wide open.
"Well, I can tell you…" Regina rolled her eyes at the attentive glow in Tinker Bell's eyes. "that he is a good man who cares about the people he protects."
"Regina! What the—"
A knock at the door interrupted the conversation.
Robin stood outside, silhouetted in the bright light of an unveiled moon. His eyes, fierce like sapphire flames. His burning stare traveled down to her lips before he turned his gaze towards Tinker Bell. Regina's skin tingled with warmth.
"Hello, ladies," Robin said. "I hope I am not intruding."
"No, you used the proper method of making one's presence known." Regina glanced at Tinker Bell and frowned. "Unlike some people…"
"Hi, Robin! I—I was just leaving!" At Tinker Bell's delighted grin, Regina's shoulders stiffened. That damnable fairy. Tinker Bell would ensure the whole town knew about Robin's visit.
"Are you sure?" Robin asked, "I don't want—"
"Oh, please…intrude by all means." Tinker Bell said, her voice rising as she bolted out the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Regina!"
"Lovely," Regina muttered under her breath.
She turned to Robin and her breath hitched. Robin stared at her. His gaze inflamed her skin, shooting through her veins. She shivered. "I—"
"I wanted to see you," he said, his voice low and husky.
Time crawled to a halt. Her breathing hastened. It took all her strength to not drop everything and bolt from her home. What did Robin see in her? She was broken…damaged. No one could love one such as her. Her own mother rejected her, and that wound festered in a place that would never heal.
Was it a trick? His wife was dead because of her. He should hate her!
Under that throb of pain, dark energy rose within her. Hot. A raw sensation.
Her mother's twisted laughter rang in her head. Love is a lie, Regina. Will you ever learn?
She took a deep breath, willing the power to simmer to embers.
"Regina?" Robin said, his brows furrowed.
He reached for her hand, and she stared at it a moment before taking it into her own.
The fairy's irrational imagination conjured Robin as being Regina's soulmate. But, there was a connection between them, and she was drawn to him. He allowed her to spend time with his son. If she was a game to him, she wouldn't be allowed near his child. She'd trust him this once. He would not hurt her.
She swallowed, her throat dry.
"You wanted to see me? Well, here I am." Regina said, looking away. Realizing he was still outside, she stepped aside. "Would you like to come in?"
As soon as the door shut, Robin's warm lips were on hers. "I have wanted to do that all day." He growled, his rough timbre resonated deep inside her. "All I have thought about is you." He nibbled on her bottom lip. "The taste of you."
She gasped when his tongue invaded her mouth. She leaned into him, moaning, tasting some sort of alcoholic beverage, wondering what he had been drinking.
She felt…safe...secure.
Her back crashed against the door frame and his lips attacked her neck. She curled her fingers into his shoulders, clinging to him and pulling him closer.
He leaned back, touching her with his eyes. Those eyes, hard and gentle at the same time.
"I just wanted to—" he whispered, shaking his head.
"Maybe, it's past time for thinking." She reached for his head, bringing his mouth back to hers. She just wanted to feel something besides the emptiness. She just wanted to feel…
###
The next day, Regina stood outside the police station. She reached for the door handle when the door burst open. She jerked back, her pulse spiking. She took a moment to collect herself and glared at the person responsible for her increased heart rate.
Emma Swan stood on the threshold, frozen as if her shoes were cemented to the pavement. Unruly blond hair cascaded past her shoulders, damp like she'd stepped out of the shower. She stared up at Regina, her eyes wide, lips slightly parted. Then she blinked as if snapping herself out of some trance.
"Emma," Regina said, her heart racing like an unbridled horse. "It seems you are punctual for once."
Regina watched Emma tucked stray strands of golden hair behind her right ear. Emma's fingers were long, her nails short, and Regina had a strong memory of them tangled with her own that night she had thrown everyone into the Enchanted Forest to save them from Peter Pan's curse, knowing she would never see her son again. Or Emma.
Regina gazed at her empty hands and hated that memory. It left her longing and empty; and if Emma had looked closely enough, she'd have seen Regina clenching her hands tightly, her eyes burning with such…need. This terrified her. Since when did she feel anything for Emma Swan?
Since when did she need anyone? She cared only for Henry.
"Um—hi," Emma said, her words tripping over themselves. "Thanks for doing this."
Emma had approached Regina that morning with a missing person report. Rose Amber, a part-time cashier at the Marine Market had gone missing. Rose lived near the docks but never ventured out much. Emma and her deputies did a search, but they never found Rose or her body. People did not just disappear in Storybrooke. Zelena had warped the townspeople into those ridiculous flying monkeys so Emma wanted to know if Rose could be trapped somewhere, unable to call for help. Perhaps the magic had not freed her when Zelena was captured?
Regina smirked. Emma's stammering amused her. "Of course, dear. I take it Zelena is not in a talkative mood?"
"Nope," Emma said in a quiet voice. "You know I wouldn't have bothered you with this if I had any other choice." Emma glanced away. "I know you didn't want to see her. I won't leave you alone with her."
Regina sighed. So true. She had no desire to be in the same room with Zelena. Her sister. When had life become so insane and surreal? First, her mother returned to finish the work she had started, the complete corruption of Regina. She had lost Henry and resigned herself to the fact she would never lay her eyes on his sweet face. He came back but couldn't remember her. He regained his memories, but she'd never forget his blank expression. And then, her sister tore into her world like a vortex, unrestrained and destructive. Regina flattened her lips and pressed a finger to her forehead; this situation cast her brain adrift into a sea clouded with confusion. She struggled to stay afloat.
Zelena spent most of her life in an irrational vendetta against Regina; for the sin of having a mother. Foolish insipid child. Of all the things to be jealous of, Cora was not one of them. Zelena would never take responsibility for her actions, her envy causing her to spiral into madness.
Maybe insanity runs in the family?
A surge of pain welled up inside her. Her arms hung at her sides, body slack. Her family had caused so much damage. Henry had it on both sides. His father's side and Regina's. She wasn't even blood. She would bring Henry nothing but death and anguish—Emma should take him back to Boston. Away from her before her cursed existence could infect another life.
I am a disease.
Her lips trembled, and Emma's hands hesitantly brushed against her arm. Her body tingled where Emma touched her. Regina recoiled, stepped back. The constant ache in her chest was made worse by that dejected expression.
I hurt everyone I touch.
Emma took a deep breath before speaking. "I swear I will stay with you the entire time." She stretched her her hand out but dropped it to her side.
Regina's face went slack and her voice dull. "Let's just get this over with."
She squared her shoulders. Zelena would make a suitable distraction once more.
A.N. I just wanted to point out that this is Swanqueen but I also wanted to establish a relationship with Robin at first.
I'd also like to thank all the new favorites and follows and reviews. It means alot. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. We've been sick so I might have been under the influence when I wrote this.