FULL CIRCLE
by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)
http://members.dencity.com/avalon_online
J/C, PG-13, 4/9
FULL CIRCLE IV Chakotay sat numbly in Kathryn's chair. No one on the Bridge met
his eyes and a deathly silence had fallen. He had to resist the urge
to stand up and explain his actions...or to flee. In the end he did
neither. Instead he sat stiffly in her chair and asked for a report
on the ship's status.
"Navigation and warp are back on line...Sir." Paris' voice was
low and subdued. He didn't look behind him.
Tuvok added: "Long distance scanners detect no sign of the energy
waves. They seem to have dissipated completely. Repairs to
the ship are underway. There are no reports of casualties."
Chakotay nodded. Another lengthy silence fell. Then the
turbolift doors slid open and everyone jumped. Seven pairs of eyes
turned to Harry Kim who hesitated at the threshold before squaring his
shoulders and crossing to Ops.
Chakotay turned to him. "Mr Kim?"
"The Captain...that is..." He ground to a halt, then continued,
stammering a little. "Uh...she's in sickbay. With the Doctor."
Chakotay nodded curtly. Once more, an unhappy silence descended.
The tension did not abate.
Finally, Chakotay stood and said to no one in particular: "I'll
be in...the ready room. Inform me at once if there's any sign of
the energy waves." Not waiting for an answer and carefully not meeting
anyone's eyes, he turned and left the Bridge.
* * * "What have I done?" He sank into the sofa across from the desk,
unwilling to sit in her chair, and closed his eyes. He had
just relieved his Captain of command. Depending on what happened
next, he was either acting in the best interests of the ship...or was guilty
of mutiny. And right now, he didn't quite know which...
He tried not to think about the pain he had seen in her eyes...or the
fact that he had caused it. But it did no good. The image of
Janeway's face and the expression of betrayal she had worn before she managed
to hide it rose up before him. Guilt warred with the unhappiness
within him.
The doorchime interrupted his dark thoughts. He opened his eyes
and glowered at the door. Whoever it was didn't go away. The
chime rang again. Bracing himself inwardly, Chakotay said:
"Enter."
Tuvok. The Commander wasn't surprised. He had expected this
-- just not so soon. "Sit down, Lieutenant," he said wearily.
The Vulcan raised an eyebrow to see Chakotay sitting on the sofa rather
than behind the desk, but crossed to a nearby chair, turning it to face
Chakotay. Without preamble, he said: "May I ask what your intentions
are, Sir?"
Chakotay swallowed, feeling slightly ill. "I don't know.
I'm open to suggestions."
Tuvok didn't hesitate. "Very well. I suggest you talk to
Captain Janeway."
"I don't think she'll want to talk to me right now." His
tone was bleak.
"Probably not. Nevertheless, the question of her identity and
state of mind remains in doubt. You are the person most likely to
determine whether she has indeed been taken over."
Chakotay shook his head. "No. Not me. You've known
her longer than I have..."
"From my observations, you are the person she is closest to on
this ship. That, plus the fact that you have first hand knowledge
of Eidolon and his methods of possession..." Chakotay winced slightly.
"...makes you the most logical choice."
The Commander closed his eyes briefly before meeting the Vulcan's gaze.
"What if I was wrong?" It came out as a whisper.
Tuvok paused. "I...do not know. I do not know how
she will react to this. But Commander...you should be asking yourself...what
if you are right?"
Chakotay rose to pace across the ready room, unconsciously following
the same path Janeway had taken, hours earlier. "I know. The
Kathryn Janeway we know...may not even exist any more." A shaft of
pain went through him, surprising him with its intensity. If she
were gone...then so was his world. His pace faltered.
Tuvok spoke again. "Commander...I suggest you go to sickbay and
endeavour to find out."
Chakotay turned to face the other man. "You backed me up out there
just now. What do you believe?"
Tuvok paused, then said: "Given the violent nature of Eidolon
I believe it was...wise...to take precautions. It would not be logical
to leave Captain Janeway in command while there are doubts as to her identity
and mindset. If you had not relieved her of command, I would have
done so."
That didn't make him feel any better. If anything, he felt worse.
It was as if they had all turned against her... Chakotay had sworn
to himself early on that he would stand by her and would never hurt her.
He had broken his word now, on both counts. A shudder ripped through
him.
Tuvok was still talking. "Hopefully the Doctor will be able to
determine the cause of her blackouts and stop them. In the meantime,
there is the ship to consider."
Chakotay nodded numbly. "All right Tuvok. You have the Bridge.
Keep scanning for the energy waves and continue with the repairs to the
ship. I'll...be in sickbay. With the Captain."
The Vulcan stood and waited for Chakotay to precede him out the door.
They had nearly reached it when Tuvok stopped him. "Commander?"
"Yes?"
"Captain Janeway may have been right on one count. If we are to
discover the meaning of her visions and these energy waves...we may well
have to return to the planet..."
* * * Janeway sat stiffly in sickbay, refraining from both verbal and physical
assaults on the Doctor by sheer willpower. The hologram babbled on
cheerfully, heedless of her homicidal feelings, while he ran an even more
extensive series of tests on her.
When they had entered, Ensign Kim had hovered indecisively for a moment
then gratefully bolted when she told him to return to the Bridge, leaving
her alone with the Doctor...and her thoughts. The hologram had given
her something for her headache but she hadn't bothered to tell him that,
after the first moment or two, it wasn't working. No, she had other
things on her mind besides the pain in her head. If anything, she
was almost grateful for it...it kept her from dwelling too fully on what
had happened...
"I have to check a few more readings," the Doctor was saying.
"Just lie down and relax. I'll be right back." She didn't move.
Finally, something of her demeanour crept into his awareness. "Or...you
could always just sit there." He cast her a wary glance then hastily
moved to another part of sickbay.
Janeway barely noticed that he was gone. She was concentrating
on not moving. If she moved, she would give in to the anger that
was consuming her. If she even thought about it, she would do something
violent. Something she would regret later. And so she sat quietly,
focusing on breathing.
The door slid open. Without looking she knew who it was.
Chakotay. "You will not lose your temper," she told herself resolutely,
"You will be calm and rational." Rational. Right. Her
fists clenched.
"Kathryn?" His voice was low and hesitant.
"Yes." Her own was cold and flat. Chakotay flinched, then
forced himself to continue.
"I...we need to talk."
"Go on then."
He swallowed, fighting the cowardly impulse to turn around and head
right back out the door. She didn't look at him, merely sat on the
biobed, waves of icy coldness emanating from her. This was worse
than he had imagined. Much worse.
"I...stand by my decision."
That got a reaction, though probably not the one he had hoped for.
Her head swung round and her eyes met his. He took an involuntary
step backwards. He was wrong -- she wasn't giving off waves of ice...instead,
fire seemed to be crackling from within her and she was obviously holding
onto her temper by her fingernails. Once more the impulse to run
swept over him.
"I see." She stood carefully and walked toward him. He shifted
his weight, but stood his ground. "You 'stand by your decision.'
How admirable." Her voice rose. "Did it never occur to you
to talk this over with me first? Or that you might perhaps be overreacting
because of your own experiences with Eidolon?"
"Kathryn..."
"Don't call me that!" The words lashed at him and Chakotay paled.
Pain flitted across his face.
Janeway abruptly turned to pace rapidly across the sickbay floor, certain
that if she didn't move away, she would punch him in the jaw. Hard.
It was so tempting. He was standing at attention in the middle of
the floor and she was suddenly convinced that if she did try to hit him,
he wouldn't even duck. She took a deep breath. No. That
wasn't the answer. She closed her eyes briefly, then turned back
to him, her emotions whirling.
"All right," she said, a little more calmly now, "I appreciate your
position. I can understand you putting the ship's safety first.
However," she said more forcefully, as he opened his mouth to reply, "I
have not been possessed by anything. Or anyone. I am
still me."
"That's exactly what Eidolon would say if you had been possessed."
His voice was low.
She was going to hit him. Or perhaps scream in frustration.
How could she convince him...? Janeway knew she was herself.
Granted, she had had some doubts at the beginning, but they were gone now.
At some point during the last few hours she had lost the fear that Eidolon
was still inside her somewhere, waiting to take control. These hallucinations
were not a side-effect of some alien possession. She didn't know
what they were, but she knew what they weren't. Now if she
could only convince him...
Then she had it -- the answer. She cast her First Officer a long
look, hesitated, then turned and walked back toward him. He didn't
move. "Commander. Chakotay." There was a tremor in her
voice, but it was no longer caused by anger. "If I had been
taken over by Eidolon, you would know. Others might not...but
you would."
His eyes darted to her in surprise and he licked dry lips. She
bit her own lip and continued, directing her words somewhere over his right
shoulder. "When...you were possessed, I knew it. Somehow.
Almost right away." She paused, drawing in a ragged breath.
"I'd like to think that you know me as well as I do. Probably more.
That... even if your eyes deceived you...something within you would recognize
the truth."
She took another half-step closer and tilted her head to look up at
him. "Chakotay," she said softly, "Look at me. Tell me who
you see."
He stared down at her, all his emotions naked on his face. He
hesitated...took a deep breath...and pulled her into his arms. "Kathryn,"
he whispered brokenly into her hair.
That word held everything. Relief, sorrow, guilt...and something
else she wasn't ready to acknowledge. Janeway stiffened for just
an instant then slowly relaxed, her own arms tightening around his body.
She drew in a ragged breath. He believed her. He believed
her. A tear gathered at the corner of her eyes.
Chakotay held his Captain in his arms, feeling her heartbeat gradually
slow to match his. How could he have allowed his own fears and worries
to blind him like this? "Forgive me," he asked, so quietly she could
barely hear him, his arms tightening around her. "I'm sorry."
She nodded once, her face hidden against his chest. Then, after
a lifetime, she reluctantly began to disengage from his embrace.
Chakotay fought down the impulse to hold her for just a little while longer,
and released her, trying to get his own emotions under control. He
looked down at her and, giving in to temptation, gently wiped the tear
from her cheek with one finger. She gave him a quick half-smile before
taking a small step back. The smile vanished.
"Commander..."
He braced himself. Despite her apparent forgiveness, he still
had a lot to answer for. A distant part of his mind wondered how
mutiny would look on his record. Well, he was already guilty of treason...why
not mutiny...?
"Commander...about what happened on the Bridge...You may have acted
for the wrong reasons..." A pause. "But you might have
made the right decision..."
Chakotay blinked. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that.
He frowned down at her, noticing for the first time how pale and strained
she looked.
Janeway continued unsteadily. "...because given the way I'm feeling
right now, I'm not fit to command a toy boat, let alone a Starship..."
Even as she spoke, she swayed.
Instantly he moved forward, catching her before she could fall, and
steering her toward the biobed. "Doctor," he shouted. Janeway
clutched Chakotay's arm as the hologram hurried toward them. The
pain that had been slowly building behind her eyes had suddenly exploded
within her and she could no longer ignore it. She gasped as they
helped her onto the bed, grey fog obscuring her vision. She felt
as if hot lances were slowly being driven into her skull. Pain consumed
her. Distantly, she realized she was still clinging to Chakotay's
hand.
"Doctor. What's the matter with her?" Fear went through
him in a rush.
"I don't know." The hologram held a medical tricorder over her,
frowning at the readings. "Her isotronic neutrino levels have increased
exponentially. There's a massive buildup of..." His voice faded
away as light flared behind Janeway's eyes...
...then erupted. She opened them...to see a dozen men with weapons
firing at her. Instantly, she ducked behind what looked like a mining
cart. To her left, Yvara raised a similar weapon, shaped like a laser
rifle, and fired back. Laserbolts whined through the air and the
heat was intense.
The pain was gone. Relief swept through her. Then another
laserbolt just overhead drove everything else from her mind. Janeway
glanced around hastily, carefully staying behind the dubious shelter of
the cart.
She was in the Guardian's cave. Only this time, the strands of
lights in the floor didn't pulse and the central console was only half
complete. She was still in the past. Then the memory of what
she...Eidolon...had said before came back to her. "We'll destroy
the Guardian ourselves..."
It obviously wasn't going well. She and Yvara were pinned down
in the cavern by...whoever they were. Even as she realized this,
some part of her mind was analyzing the situation, weighing options, looking
for a way to accomplish their mission... "What mission?" the part
that was still Janeway screamed silently in frustration. "Why destroy
this computer? Why risk their lives for..."
A laserbolt hit the rockwall. Janeway started. That had
come from behind them. Both she and the alien woman started
to turn...and another bolt hit Yvara high on the chest. The woman
gasped, a surprised expression on her face, and the laser gun dropped from
numb fingers. As if in slow motion, she crumpled to the ground.
"NO!" Janeway found herself screaming, raising the gun she hadn't
known she carried, and firing at the oncoming men. One bolt hit the
first, and he slammed backwards into the wall, a shower of sparks erupting
from a buried energy line. Janeway fired again, then ran toward the
fallen woman. She had almost reached her when a laser bolt hit her
in the middle of the back. Janeway lurched forward, not yet feeling
the pain, and crashed to the ground near Yvara.
And then it hit her. Agony. Overwhelming, all-consuming
pain, like nothing she had ever experienced. Or imagined. Someone...Janeway
or Eidolon, she didn't know who...had time to whisper only one word before
another bolt burned into her body. "Anari..." she said...and the
light around her faded.
TO BE CONTINUED