Part 3 of a multi-part short story. Set in an AU where Lara develops a bit of an alcohol problem after Yamatai. Inspired by the Evanescence song of the same name. Special thanks to Reasons Lost for editing this for me!

All feedback is appreciated!

I slept on the couch that night. It was strange sleeping alone for the first time since Lara and I started dating, but the door to our room had remained locked so there was no way I could've entered. As I lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling, I wished that I could have been relieved that Lara wasn't involved with anything illegal, but that just wasn't the case. I was worried about her. I knew she was having trouble adjusting after that place but I never really knew just how much trouble. For her to push me away the way she did? That in itself was concerning. But to lock herself in our room with nothing but a bottle of whiskey? The more I thought about it, the more difficult it was for me to find sleep. What if she was missing when I woke up? What if she ended up drinking too much and needing my help while I was asleep? I couldn't stand it.

Despite the thoughts running through my head, I did end up nodding off for an hour or two at some point early in the morning. I don't remember dreaming, only waking up to what I thought was Lara screaming for my help. The apartment was completely quiet though, and I realized that it had just been my imagination. I had been so consumed by my thoughts before sleeping that my brain had made them a sort of distorted reality.

Rubbing my eyes, I reached for my phone on the coffee table to check the time. It was six forty-three in the morning; I had work in two hours and there was no way I was going to function in the state I was in. I was exhausted and stressed; I couldn't stop worrying about Lara now that I was awake again. There was no way I could justify leaving her alone after what happened the night before. I had to be sure she was okay. I bit my lip and hesitated before unlocking my phone and texting one of my co-workers, Breanne.

Can you cover my shift today? Personal emergency that I can't ignore. I hit the send button and waited for her to respond. I knew she'd be awake because she always talked about how she'd made a habit of waking up early to go for a run every morning. One minute later, my text tone went off and I unlocked my phone to read Breanne's reply.

Don't worry I got you. Hope everything is okay. I sighed in relief and replied with a quick thank-you before locking my phone. With that at least taken care of, I flopped back onto the couch and draped an arm over my eyes. I wasn't going to sleep, I couldn't, but I knew that Lara wasn't going to let me into the bedroom. All I could do was wait for her to come out-if she was even going to.

I was stuck in a limbo between sleep and consciousness when I finally heard it: coughing, retching, and the sounds of something splattering into the commode of the toilet. Lara was awake. I uncovered my eyes and swung my legs over the side of the couch to get up and help her.

The sight that I was met with in the bathroom was pathetic, at best. Lara was sitting on the ground in front of the toilet with one arm draped across the seat and her head in the bowl. Her entire body convulsed whenever she'd retch, and every convulsion was accompanied by more disgorging. I lingered hesitantly in the doorway before going to her and holding her hair back while her body continued to purge itself of the toxins she had ingested. It wasn't until a few minutes later that it finally stopped and she was reduced to nothing but pained groans. I knelt down wordlessly and started rubbing her back in what I hoped was a comforting manner. Her body jerked beneath my touch, and for a moment I thought she wasn't done emptying the contents of her stomach until it happened again with a concurrent sob that was amplified by the toilet. My heart ached for her; she was hurting and I wanted to take the pain away.

"Hey, come on…" I hushed her quietly and lifted her head from the toilet so that she'd look at me. When she did, she looked like a complete wreck. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the rest of her face was pale and sweaty. She also look exhausted-as though she hadn't slept which, I told myself, she probably hadn't. Her bottom lip quivered, and she clenched her jaw in an attempt to stop it. When that didn't work, she turned her head to the wall and averted her gaze from me.

"I can't do this, I'm a fucking monster, Sam…" her angry tone caught me off guard, and it was a moment before I responded.

"You...what? No you're not!"

"You said it yourself…" Lara's tone was suddenly sad, and tears started welling up in her eyes. She balled her hands up into fists and wiped them away forcefully, "Or...you didn't but I see the look you're giving me, Sam." I didn't even know what she meant by that. What was she talking about?

"The look I'm giving you?" I asked in confusion, "Lara, I'm looking at you this way because I'm worried about you. You won't talk to me and you locked yourself in our bedroom with a bottle of whiskey last night. How can I not be?"

"You thought I was dealing drugs!" She spat bitterly. I opened my mouth to say something but she beat me to it, "Everybody seems to think that I'm a monster after Yamatai, even you...tell me, when did you stop loving me? During, or after the island?" That hurt.

"How could you think I don't love you?" Every word I spoke was being forced by the lump that had formed in my throat, "I've never stopped loving you. I was just concerned because you've been acting so different ever since we got back and the person I love would have never just accepted her inheritance instead of going out and-"

"There! You just said it! I'm different than the person you love!" Her head snapped sideways to look at me again, sending the tears that had clung to her cheeks flying to the floor.

"That's not what I'm saying. I already told you that I still love you, I'm just worried that-"

"That's exactly what you said and now you're just saying that because you pity me!" her breath reached my nose and I smelled it again: alcohol. She was still drunk. "Fuck…" she murmured, leaning herself against the side of the tub and holding her head in her hands. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter!" I sat up against the tub beside her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Please listen to me. I'm just worried that you're letting things get out of hand and you're not even make an effort to take control of your life. You worked two jobs in college! You could have used your inheritance to pay your way through it but you didn't. What changed between then and now? Please just talk to me. What's going on with you?" she didn't move or acknowledge what I said, "Lara, please!"

"Will getting a job make you love me again?" she asked suddenly, turning her head in her hands to look at me. She looked so depressed and desperate it took all I had to not break down and cry. I couldn't do that, I had to be strong for both of us, otherwise nobody would be.

"I've told you several times already. I still love you, why won't you believe me?"

"That's what they all say." She stood up and made for the doorway, "I'll work on getting a job tomorrow."

"Lara…" I wanted to chase after her and stop her, but before I could it was too late. I heard the bedroom door snap shut and lock with a click once more. She was shutting me out again and there was no way I could get her to let me in.

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