Author's note: takes place before the events of In You I See Stars. I was interested in Haku's interactions with Zabuza and how she would conceal the fact that she's female. Lots of time-skips in this one.
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"Here," Zabuza said, and he tossed Haku his sword.
Haku caught it, but the blade was heavy, the weight of it throwing her off balance. She hoisted the sword upright, but stumbled, her center of balance pitching forward. Zabuza glared.
"Useless," Zabuza said. He yanked the sword away. "What good is my idiot apprentice if he cannot even lift a sword?"
"Zabuza-san, forgive me," Haku said. She knelt forward, staring at the ground. "I swear to you I will atone for my uselessness."
"Hmph." Zabuza glared.
xXx
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Early morning. Zabuza was drunk again, and sleeping off the night's debauchery on the flimsy straw mattress at the corner of the room. Carefully, Haku rose and lit a candle, making sure to shut the door quietly behind her.
It was not quite dawn; she could hear the soft sounds of birds chirping, the early morning sounds of grass stirring in the breeze. Quietly, Haku set down the candle and pulled up the thick canvas shirt she had worn the night before; tossing it to the side, she picked up the stiff bindings Zabuza used to bind his shins and knuckles and slowly, methodically, began to bind her breasts. It was a painful process; with every pass, she tugged the bandages harder, wincing slightly as she ironed herself flat. Turning to the side, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror; breast buds which threatened to expose her deception were now conveniently hidden, and Haku pulled her shirt back on, satisfied.
Returning to the room, Haku stopped and paused at the doorway, reflecting silently on Zabuza's sleeping form. The night before had been hot, and Zabuza had fallen asleep shirtless. In the watery half-light, Haku could see the scars criss-crossing the span of Zabuza's body; suddenly she had the urge to run her tongue over each jagged mark, but Haku pushed that back down into herself. She flushed, then quietly closed the door.
xXx
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"You like it rough, don't you?"
The woman's face was caked with make-up; Zabuza grunted, then tossed her the coins.
"Shut up," Zabuza said. "I'm not paying you to talk."
The woman shrieked, Zabuza pushing her against the wall.
Through the crack in the door, Haku watched them, darkly. As usual, Zabuza was too preoccupied with the prostitute to notice. She watched as the prostitute's hands pressed flat against the tan skin of Zabuza's back, watched how the muscles of his arms and back moved and flexed as he worked her. Hot, wet sounds of flesh slapping against flesh filled the air.
Haku has watched the parade of Zabuza's lovers with quiet loathing; women in brothels and alleyways, cheap and smelling of sweat and cigarettes. They changed towns as often as they changed clothes, and each time, Zabuza prowled the night to satisfy his baser urges, needing to sample what that city had to offer.
Sharp, punctuated gasps moving in time to Zabuza's thrusts, and Haku curled up on her cot, trying to ignore them. Sex was rough and sex was hard, and Haku pressed her thighs together, instinctively. Almost reflexively, her mind swept back to the perfect line of Zabuza's body, at the muscled flanks and back and at his nakedness, which Haku has seen without Zabuza's knowledge. Moaning slightly, Haku pressed the flat ridge of her pelvis against the mattress, breathing hard and listening as Zabuza fucked the prostitute in the other room.
She started to touch herself; without realizing it, she had began to moan softly, the pads of her fingers pressing furtively against her clitoris. Zabuza pounded the woman next door, and Haku moved her fingers in time with his thrusts.
The door swung open. Haku jerked back, but Zabuza barreled after her, grabbing her by the arm and slamming her against the mattress.
"Hey!" the prostitute clutched her clothes. "What the fuck is going on?"
"The little pervert's peeping on us." Zabuza yanked Haku forward. "You do that again and I'll kill you, do you hear me?"
"Zabuza-san, Zabuza-san, forgive me..."
"Idiot!" Zabuza said, and he punched the headboard, just above her head.
"Oi," the hooker said. "I'm taking my money." Zabuza ignored her as she threw on her things and slammed the door.
Humiliation. It settled painfully on her chest. She loved him and she wanted him but it could never be, he could never want her. Not like this.
Haku began to cry.
There was a long, awkward moment when Zabuza just stood and stared at her, curled up on the pallet and sobbing like a child. Her shoulders shook. Big fat tears rolled down the sides of her face, which was red and blotchy, and she sniffed back inelegant gobs of mucous, wiping her nose miserably. Silently, Zabuza sat down beside her, the bed caving in with his weight.
"Oi," Zabuza said. "Kid."
Haku looked up. Zabuza wasn't looking at her; his eyes were focused at the door.
Zabuza glared, then rubbed his neck, hard.
"Wipe your hands, first," Zabuza said. He tossed Haku a rag. She reddened, wiping her hands ashamed. "Shit," Zabuza said. Haku stared at the floor, little sobs still at the back of her throat, while Zabuza seemed to count the floorboards, as if deciding what to say.
"I should have let you have a go at her," Zabuza said, finally. "At least you won't be jerking off to another man's sloppy seconds." He rubbed his neck again, as if embarrassed, slightly. "I used to do it too, when I was a kid," Zabuza said. "It's probably why I can hold my sword."
Haku swallowed, miserably. Zabuza glared.
"I should get you one," Zabuza said.
I-what?" Haku's eyes widened. Zabuza adjusted his mask.
"A whore," Zabuza said. "You're at that age, right?"
Haku stared. Her mouth was dry. Zabuza seemed to itch uncomfortably.
"We'll get you one tomorrow," Zabuza said. He looked out again, as if searching for his words. "It's the least that I could do."
xXx
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"You want me to what?" the prostitute said. "Him? His voice hasn't even broke, yet."
"Oi, you fucking cunt, don't you everinsult that kid! Not if you like what I'm paying you."
Haku sank further into the background, mortified, as Zabuza continued negotiations. For Zabuza, negotiations were like sex: hard and fast and unrelenting, and pretty soon the prostitute acquiesced.
"You'd better be nice to him," Zabuza said. "Or else I'll cut your fucking throat."
Haku spent the night panicking. Panicking and pacing, the bindings around her chest so tight she couldn't breathe. The door opened and the prostitute stared, crossing her arms moodily before sitting on the bed.
"Haku, I'm leaving," Zabuza said. "Fuck her hard, you hear me?"
"Yes, Zabuza-san." Haku flushed. Zabuza closed the door.
In their room, Haku fidgeted nervously as the prostitute stared at her, a bored expression on her face. "Can you even get it up?" the prostitute said.
Two needles to the neck later, Haku bodily hoisted the prostitute's body and gently laid her out on the couch. She would wake in a few hours; no harm no foul, Haku mused.
xXx
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When Haku menstruated, she made sure to hide the evidence before Zabuza could catch wind of her condition. But Zabuza had a nose for blood; he sniffed the air, then glared.
"Haku," Zabuza said. "Are you injured?"
"What? No, Zabuza-san. You are mistaken," Haku said. Zabuza narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, suspiciously.
Haku had never been caught. Not really. Zabuza never thought too deeply about these things, as Haku had no reason to lie.
xXx
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Haku's head slammed back against the cold wooden floorboards, making a sickening crack as Zabuza's strong arms roughly pushed her down. He was kissing her, his mouth hot and wet and Haku's hand fluttering upward, her breath pushed up from her lungs as her legs were roughly jack-knifed open.
"Zabuza-san." Her breath sounded jagged in her ears. "Zabuza-san, please-"
They grappled, her hands on his belt buckle, the sound of the metal clasp coming undone. His pants tugged roughly off, hands reaching beneath her robe and-
He was inside her. One harsh thrust, pain lancing through her like a knife. Haku squeezed her eyes because she wanted this, wanted this more than anything. The pain seared her but she was no stranger to it, is no stranger to the feel of a kunai sinking into her flesh, no stranger to the searing sting of senbon ripping through her skin. Zabuza thrust and his hands dug into the sides of her arms, hard enough to bruise, and Haku squeezed her eyes, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
And then it was over. Zabuza breathed hard, hair stuck to the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead, and she could feel the gentle pulsation of him coming inside her. Somehow, this made her cry even harder.
"Haku." Zabuza eased his weight off her, and Haku was surprised to see the worry in his eyes. "I hurt you."
"No. I am fine." Haku's voice was thin. Zabuza shook his head.
"This will not do," he said, and Haku felt his hand gently stroke her leg. In the dim light, Haku could see the thin smear of blood on the inside of her thighs, and was only moderately surprised when Zabuza gently probed the swollen flesh around her entrance. She winced slightly. Slowly, Zabuza withdrew his hand, then wet his finger with his mouth.
Haku's mouth went dry. She watched, amazed, as Zabuza looked at her with an intensity that makes her shake, then pressed the wet pads of his fingers on her clitoris. Haku sighed, and her head rolled back. His eyes never leaving hers, staring intently as he rubbed her, moving his fingers with firm strokes.
"Z-Zabuza...san. Oh."
She came suddenly, the strength of her orgasm surprising them both.
Her breathing slowed, as did the thunder of her heartbeat in her ears. Zabuza was still watching her, his eyes glittering in the dark.
xXx
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Haku remembered the first time they trained. How afterward her muscles ached, and she lacked the strength to barely stand.
He slammed her forward against the table, her body caving over the table's edge as he took her from behind. It didn't hurt anymore, but Haku knew she had no right to anything less. His body covered her back and she felt his cheek flush against her skin. She was Zabuza's tool. She liked how he treated her like she was unbreakable.
Now he grabbed her roughly by the hips, forcibly turning her body so that she was facing him. Haku moaned, her bare foot planted against his chest. The friction, his cock thick and thrusting hard inside her, made her weak in the knees. Haku moaned, and her hand gripped the muscle of his bicep. The muscle was hard and taut and Haku marveled that this man was inside her, that this man wanted her, was pulling her close and striving toward release.
This time, she came unprompted, the friction from his pelvis against her clit sending her over the edge. It wasn't long before he came too, and he all but collapsed on top of her on the table.
xXx
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Sometimes she thought about it. How her father had killed her mother. They were supposed to love each other. How could that have changed?
"Your father was a fucking coward," Zabuza said. "If he were alive I would have slit his fucking throat."
He didn't say anything more, then, just bent over and started sharpening his sword. Haku stared at her hands, which were clenched in her lap. People were meant to be used. They were meant to be thrown away. She blinked, a tear starting to slip, when Zabuza moved and wordlessly pulled her close.
"Idiot," Zabuza said. "Don't cry. It's annoying."
She sniffed pathetically and he brushed back a strand of hair from her face. They didn't say anything then, Haku wiping back tears and Zabuza sitting silently next to her.
xXx
.
At the tavern, Haku held back as Zabuza spoke to the innkeeper, counting out money and reserving a room. "For you and your wife?" the innkeeper said, and Zabuza grunted out a short, "Yeah," before Haku could say anything.
"Wife?" Haku watched as Zabuza set down his pack, the sword gleaming dimly in the halflight. "Zabuza-san. We are not married."
Zabuza snorted, annoyed. "You nag me like we are. What's the goddamn deal?"
Happiness. It tugged at the corners of her mouth. Quickly Haku stepped forward and kissed him on the side of his cheek.
"O-oi. What was that for?"
"Nothing," Haku said. "I am just very happy."
"Well good," Zabuza said. "So long as you'll shut up about it."
And beneath the mask, Haku could see him smile.