A/N: Hi! Jesus, I had no idea the chapter was THIS long O_O - it's like 2000 words longer than all the others! Daaaamn. Hope it's worth the read ^_^. Once again, posting at what could be considered a stupid time of day - so my brain's gone all mushy.

A big huge squishy thanks to everyone who reviewed/alerted/read etc so far - greatly greatly appreciated ^_^!

Things start happening in this chapter :).

I've also realised that there will now be 6 chapters in total instead of 5, all of which I'm very muchly hoping to post before the end of the month, so expect really crazy rapid fire updating ^_^.

Big thanks to Shalane and Sheepy for beta-ing - you guys seriously rock XD.

Warnings: errr...angst? possible cliches - sorry bout that =S. yaoi perversion (both ways) ;-)? I'd warn of one other thing, 'cept there isn't really much need if you've bothered to read this far already (I'm assuming everyone reading is non-squeamish about yaoi/shounen-ai etc - if you are, err...feel free to press the back button?)

I'm also thinking about changing the fic title - though I'm not sure what to.

Comments are very much welcome!

Akkarin was having a rather enjoyable evening – something he concluded some time after his fiancée had gone home.
His party had so far been a great success partially due to the large turnout (perhaps too large a turnout even for his liking, but it was unreasonable to complain about one's party being too popular). He was also at least moderately drunk from all the wine he'd consumed and had gotten the opportunity to meet up and talk with several people he hadn't had the chance to speak to in what felt like forever.

Though he'd told those who'd asked that he planned to return to the Guild in a few months, Akkarin wasn't sure that would necessarily be the case. He knew he could quite easily find something (or at least convince everyone that he had found something) that demanded he stay away longer. Perhaps he could tell his family that he had met someone during his travels…
No. He couldn't stay away because of that – truth or otherwise.
Unfortunately, his parents had pretty much planned out his entire future life for him already; and it wouldn't do to go against their wishes if he still hoped to be included in their inheritance, or the wishes of his fiancée's family.

He hadn't actually expected Laria to turn up; Akkarin had assumed she would deem the party too 'rowdy and boisterous' for someone as snooty (and possessive) as she was.
Truth be told, this evening was the first time they had spent more than a couple of hours in each other's presence, away from the gaze of House servants or their respective guardians, but still – although Akkarin could tolerate her touchy-feely-ness after he had hit his head on the handrail (he'd rather she hadn't tried that in front of a few hundred of his guests, but Akkarin suspected that was the whole point), the attack on him whilst he had been talking to Lorlen had been completely unnecessary.

His friend had been about to speak when she had approached, and quite naturally Lorlen had gotten pretty uncomfortable when they began kissing; Akkarin could feel the waves radiating off him and wished he could simply shove Laria away and apologize to his friend for the intrusion - but he hadn't wanted to risk his family's reputation by doing so.

But Akkarin then would proudly acknowledge to anyone that he was unbelievably greedy and selfish when it came to getting what he wanted.
And he'd decided that he'd had enough of his future wife for one evening (Heavens only knew how they would survive married life together) and wanted to spend some time with Lorlen instead.

The Warrior glanced at the Healer sitting next to him on the University stairs from the corner of his eye.
Akkarin had been ecstatic to see that his friend had decided to come after all; he knew Lorlen hated large social events and therefore was exceedingly grateful for his presence.

However, his friend had been rather quiet tonight; even more so than usual and that worried him. Maybe Lorlen was thinking about what happened with Laria earlier on, or what life would be like as a fully qualified magician – an active member of the Magician's Guild.
Or, most likely, perhaps he was thinking about tomorrow morning and what it would or could mean when Akkarin actually left the Guild, maybe for good.
Lorlen had mentioned his worries about their separation some time back but his friend was still unable to understand where those doubts had come from as they were completely unfounded – of course Akkarin would write to him, he'd most likely send the Healer an address or two sometime and insist his friend go join him on his wondrous adventures across the Allied Lands.
It would be just like old times, the two of them against the world.
Well, maybe that was a bit melodramatic; but it got the general point across.

Akkarin turned to face the younger magician properly, though the other did not seem to notice.
Lorlen had a far off look on his face, eyes seeming to sparkle as a strange little smirk made the corners of his lips curve upwards.
The Warrior found himself staring at the other's mouth, deciding that Lorlen did in fact have very nice lips – all pink and soft-looking...

Mahogany orbs slid away from Lorlen's mouth, Akkarin's gaze rolling over the other's rather effeminate jawline, letting it dribble off the edge of the Healer's face and sweep across his pale throat then down, past the shirt collar to his chest partially hidden in shadows due to the way Lorlen was sitting…

Though the Warrior imagined Lorlen had a rather nice chest as well, what with Lorlen actually being rather attractive now that Akkarin really looked at him properly…how had he not noticed this before?
Or had he?

His gaze landed on Lorlen's legs and Akkarin had a fleeting memory he had been with his friend the day he bought those. If his memory was correct, it was he who had suggested Lorlen buy them…
Akkarin took another few seconds to mentally praise himself for his excellent fashion sense – the whole time during which he had unknowingly been staring at the Healer's legs.
Oh, like it really mattered anyway. If legs like those had been on anyone else, Akkarin almost definitely would have found himself staring regardless.
It wasn't that he was actually attracted to Lorlen per se; simply complimenting him…not that his friend was making very good conversation at the moment anyway.

Drawing himself out of his thoughts, Akkarin found himself once again looking at the Healer's face, captivated as the smile on Lorlen's face began to blossom further; the Healer's dark eyes softening and becoming half-lidded. The younger magician let out a quiet sigh of longing and the Warrior felt himself frowning deeply, eyebrows knitted together tightly as his good mood suddenly took a nosedive.
He didn't know why, but something about that sigh made him feel…strange.
The Healer just didn't do longing sighs; never whilst in his company anyway - but Akkarin had just assumed that was because his friend had never truly wanted anything or anyone that badly before…

Akkarin had spent the last five years with Lorlen; and he had gotten to know quite a bit about him, though his friend rarely ever spoke about himself directly.
He knew both of the other's parents were dead and that he didn't get along very well with the relatives he was staying with currently (Lorlen's mother's sister's family? Something like that anyway). Maybe that was partially the reason why Lorlen barely ever socialized, choosing instead to do work or stay in his room and read or 'think', usually only venturing outside when Akkarin forced him to.

The Warrior knew everything about Lorlen's life because (as arrogant and egotistical as it sounded) other than work, rest and food, it mainly comprised of him.
But then he had to go and sigh like that and Akkarin faltered for a moment, wondered if Lorlen said something to him about a love interest whilst he wasn't paying attention…
Maybe Lorlen chose not to tell him on purpose, but…did that mean…they were drifting apart?
The thought itself cleared Akkarin's mind considerably, the warm haze of the alcohol beginning to subside as the sombre thoughts and unanswered questions began to appear in his head faster than he could keep up with – all of which ultimately linked back to one question in particular -

How much did he really know about Lorlen?

And the Warrior quickly realized that it's a pitifully small amount for someone who is meant to be his best friend.

Akkarin was sure that he spent more time with him than anyone else – but somehow, just being around him no longer seemed enough.
He wanted to know what's going on in his friend's head at that very moment, what it was that interested him, what he wanted to do with his life now he had become a Healer. Did he want to get married and settle down somewhere so he could start a family of his own?

The older magician found himself surprised by how much the thought of his dear friend moving on with his life without him worried and frightened him.
Not that he needed to worry, the Warrior quickly told himself – Lorlen was perfectly capable of looking after himself.
He was young, handsome, friendly and fiercely passionate about his new job; no doubt someone would eventually notice him and see the Lorlen that it turned out perhaps not even he knew of…

A lump in his throat made it increasingly difficult for the Warrior to swallow and he was forced to look away. Everyone seemed to think that it was only Lorlen that needed Akkarin around, but the secret was, Akkarin needed Lorlen just as much, if not more.
The Healer was his voice of sense and reason, responsible for saving him from (or in impossible circumstances, staying with him through) countless detentions and other punishments.
The younger magician was always there to chastise him whenever he dumped a girlfriend, always whining about getting caught whenever Akkarin snuck wine out of the Night Room before the magicians arrived, though all complaining seemed to cease once they were sat by the spring in the middle of the night drinking expensive wine and bantering about mindless rubbish neither of them would remember in the morning.
But that would no longer be there after tomorrow; and Akkarin was hit with the startling realization of just how much he has taken his friend for granted.

"What are you thinking about?"

Lorlen blinked at the unexpected question, drawn out of his reverie by the unnaturally quiet tone of Akkarin's voice – despite the large amounts of alcohol he knew the other had consumed.
The Healer turned to face the Warrior and Akkarin briefly felt a sharp recognition, horror and terror, echoed also in Lorlen's eyes, saw the slow burn of pink creep over the Healer's neck and engulf his cheeks, a strained parody of a smile replacing his previously startled expression.

Lorlen looked away in embarrassment, and in doing so missed the strange expression that fell across the other's face if only for a moment.
Missed the chance to perhaps prevent all that would happen to them in times to come as a result of this one night.

Akkarin also was clueless to the importance of the current situation, focused instead on the fact that Lorlen still hadn't answered the question, and that therefore meant he was hiding something.
Many people would have left it there, reasoned that it was obviously something the Healer did not wish to discuss and therefore choose to respect his privacy.
But Akkarin was not most people, and there was something about that flush on Lorlen's face that held his interest just long enough to deem this matter one worth pursuing further.

He opened his mouth to question the Healer further when something made him stop and reconsider, taking in the way Lorlen was subtly biting his lip…forced himself to stop staring at Lorlen's lips again, noting the tension in his posture and the way his gaze was purposefully (deliberately?) focused somewhere else…

And then it dawned on him, realization seeping through Akkarin's face as it slackened his jaw and raised his eyebrows. His friend was embarrassed about something; Lorlen was blushing. There was no way he was letting this go now!

"OK then…" Akkarin's eyes narrowed "who are you thinking about?"

Because he was genuinely curious as to whom Lorlen would think about in that way (his friend hadn't said anything about what he thinking of but it was pretty obvious).
Not to be harsh, but the Warrior had almost begun to assume his friend was asexual - he'd shown no attachment, beyond friendship, to anyone during the whole time they'd known each other.
Well, he'd tried to have a relationship once with a girl he met at the Races, but Akkarin could tell almost straight away that even if Lorlen had pursued it, it wouldn't have lasted long anyway.

However, oddly enough, this turn of events had failed to improve Akkarin's mood at all.
As much as he wanted his friend to be happy in his absence, the Warrior had grown used to the idea that it would always be just the two of them; and the thought that Lorlen had, perhaps fallen in love with another, made Akkarin feel…he wasn't sure he wanted to put a word to it.
But Akkarin did know that his good mood was deteriorating rapidly. And that it was all Lorlen's fault.

The magician in question was left feeling dazed and just a little mortified at his current predicament.
How…how could he have been so careless? Akkarin was sitting right to next to him and he was daydreaming about…about…that? What if he'd seen it via mental communication – not deliberately perhaps, due to their close proximity it was more than likely…
Akkarin's gaze was now rather hostile, something that completely caught Lorlen off guard and made him more frightened than he could remember being in a long time. At that look, any remnants of his previous blush melted away and anything he had planned to say was forgotten instantly.
Had Akkarin realized what was going on? Did he already know how he felt about him? Was that what his friend was waiting for him to admit?

Maybe he feels the same way back…
But Lorlen doubted it.

"Why the sudden interest, Akkarin?"

Akkarin's eyes flashed, a strange triumphant grin on his face.

"So there is someone."

Lorlen blinked and fought back a scowl. Damn it.

"Yes…" he admitted reluctantly. Akkarin sensed the other's hesitation.

"But…?"

The Healer smothered an angry retort, more than slightly annoyed at Akkarin's damned determination and general hard-headedness.
Could he not get the hint that he didn't want to talk about this?
"It's complicated?" Lorlen answered meekly, unsure of what else to say.

The Warrior's face seemed to soften at his friend's reply, though not to the point that Lorlen was confident he would get out of this with their friendship still intact.

"You don't sound too sure." Akkarin muttered quietly.

"I'm not."

"Then…what's the problem?"

Lorlen sighed tiredly, tendrils of fear probing his mind at the dangerous territory this conversation was steering towards and the clinical and detached way in which his friend was interrogating him. But what was the problem?

"I –"

The problem was that he didn't have a clue what was going on.
He didn't know how Akkarin felt about him and didn't know whether anything they might have was even worth pursuing in the first place. There was also Laria to consider, as well as his own family, Akkarin's family and what something like that would or could mean for their friendship at the moment – Lorlen wasn't even sure of what it was he felt for Akkarin in the first place!

"Lorlen?"

"I don't understand!" he cried out, hiding his face in his hands.

That seemed to throw the Warrior a little bit, because the sudden torrent of questions halted.
"I don't know what's going on because I'm not sure what I want…or what he wants from me…" He continued, only realizing the truth of the words as he said them. Akkarin tensed slightly next to him.

Neither of them said anything for a while after that and Lorlen found himself growing curious about his friend's strange behavior.

"Perhaps I can help." Akkarin stated some time later, and this time it was Lorlen's turn to be confused.
"I'm no relationships expert - but I can tell that you quite obviously want this person; whoever they are. I'm also going to assume judging by your confusion that you've been friends with them for quite some time, but you're no longer sure if the two of you are just friends or something more than that – which is why neither of you seems to know what the other wants and why you're so nervous about admitting you even like them in the first place, because that would be accepting defeat and admitting that there is no way back to how it was before."

Lorlen remained deathly silent, listening to Akkarin.

"However…" He paused for a short time and his eyes narrowed, "there's more to it than that. There's something about this person in particular that makes things far more complicated, something about them that others would not approve of should they become anything more than a friend to you."
"And you know that if anything were ever to happen between you two, that you would almost certainly risk upsetting quite a few important people – unless you tried to keep it a secret, but that will almost certainly fail in the end; and you also run the risk of losing them in the process…"

The Warrior fell silent for a few moments before glancing back at his friend with a rueful smile, "Or have I got it entirely wrong?"

Lorlen remained frozen in position, his face far paler than normal. He blinked once slowly, the only outward sign that he was still alive and conscious. He gulped quietly, his throat suddenly exceedingly dry.

"No, no – I'd say that was pretty accurate." He answered in a small far off sounding voice.

Indeed, Akkarin's description of his scenario wasn't just accurate – it was scary. How had he figured out so much using such little information? The only thing that kept the Healer from accusing the other of reading his surface thoughts, was that Akkarin had referred to 'them' as female on several occasions.
But even that reasoning seemed feeble and weak now he considered it. Oh, he was doomed. If Akkarin didn't already know, it was obvious he would know soon enough – if he was clever enough to piece together that much by himself, whilst supposedly drunk; he should have realized how he felt about him…
He emptied half of his wine glass in one gulp, grimacing at the bitter aftertaste, keeping the glass in his hands as he sloshed the remaining liquid to and fro.

"What should I do?" The tone of Lorlen's question made it sound more like a statement.
Akkarin made a soft sound, something between a sigh and snort, and shifted across the cold stone of the University step towards his friend; the Warrior casually sliding an arm around Lorlen's back to curl around his waist thus pulling them even closer.

"I suppose that depends," he murmured directly into the younger man's ear, as Lorlen closed his eyes and forced back a shudder, "on just how much you want them."
The Healer's eyes snapped open, breath hitched in his throat; just as a hollow metallic chime shattered the rising tension in the air, and at the same time, smashed through any lingering indecision the Healer had.
He now knew exactly what he wanted.

Akkarin pulled his face away from Lorlen and looked up in alarm, dark eyes glazed over as he listened to the bell. How long had he spent here sitting outside with Lorlen? Had eleven o' clock already come and gone? Time was something he'd completely lost track of while he had been sitting there. OK, how many bell chimes? He began to count. One…

Lorlen bit his lip – how was he going to do this?
He couldn't very well ask Akkarin straight out, but then surely he couldn't do the alternative either, that was even worse.
But…actually no, this entire thing was a bad idea – maybe it was best if he did nothing, after all it wasn't too late…

Two…

The Healer was beginning to tremble now, all the energy from the nervous excitement making his bones vibrate as he bit back a fit of hysterical laughter at just how utterly petrified he was. Another part of him wanted to screech at himself for showing such weakness – he was Lord Lorlen, a Healer of the Magician's Guild; and he would not implode or explode at the mere thought of showing a little backbone.
If the worst should happen, he would blame it all on the alcohol and deny all knowledge of it.

Three…

Exactly – if anything went wrong he could blame it on the wine.
Besides, he'd told himself before he arrived here that night that 'he had nothing left to lose' and that 'for one night only, consequences could all take a running jump'?
Well, yes, OK, he had, but–
And then Lorlen breathed in the smell of the warm pressed against his side, and detected something that wasn't right…it was…perfume. A woman's perfume.
He remembered how Laria had draped herself over him when Akkarin had stood on the balcony, had kissed him once they'd landed, had kissed him again when they'd just started talking…

Are you telling me that you would let her have the last laugh?

Lorlen abruptly drained the rest of his wine glass, slipping a hand up the back of Akkarin's neck and into his hair as the Healer pulled him down for a kiss.

Fou -

Meanwhile in the background, the bells began to chime merrily as the clock struck midnight.

A/N: Yeah, I did have to end it there XP. Please don't kill me?