"Cas just fucking feel for yourself!" Dean grabbed Cas's right hand and placed it on his chest over his heart. "Feel for yourself." Touching Dean caused a feeling that Cas had never felt before to course through his body. Every inch of him tingled, every nerve felt on edge.

"Dean, I am confused about what you want from me." Cas tried to remove his hand. This contact was surely the reason for these feelings, these feelings that felt wrong…different…perhaps right? Dean wouldn't let go of his hand even though to tugged it away. Did he really want that hand gone? Couldn't he have made Dean let him go?

"I feel as much as an angel is capable of." Castiel said sheepishly.

"That's an excuse," Dean breathed out his nose harshly, angrily. "Tell me you don't love me."

Cas didn't know how to answer this. He felt something that could be love, or at least what he understood to be love. He liked being around Dean; in fact he felt most whole when Dean was around. He was comfortable and allowed to be himself. Is that not what family did? Does family not offer you the safest of environments, allowing one to be himself?

"Dean, you have said many times that we are family, and I agree. I love you as one does family." Dean let Cas's hand go at this statement. A tinge of sadness twisted in the angel's gut.

"And that's it. That's all you feel?" Dean turned his back on Castiel and walked a few paces away. Against his better judgment Castiel wanted to continue this conversation.

"Why are you asking me these things Dean?" Cas walked up behind Dean. "Do you not feel this familial love that you have so often expressed?" Cas was afraid of the possible answer. He couldn't take it if Dean took this from him.

"That isn't what I'm saying at all." Dean's face was contorted as if he were experiencing an internal battle. It was as if Dean's own mind was fighting itself about what course of action to take.

"Has something changed between us?" Cas's sadness began to seep through his words. He didn't want to lose the only home he'd really ever known. This thought shook Castiel in a much different way than the touch earlier. This shook him with fear; he didn't want to loose Dean.

It was in the midst of this world changing thought that Dean turned around quickly, grabbed Cas's face between both hands and pulled his face to his own. This wasn't Castiel's first kiss; memoires of Meg came back to him. This kiss was different though; this was prefect. Then, before he knew it, hands were no longer holding onto his face. He opened his eyes and Dean was gone.

A gentle breeze wafted down carrying with it the natural sweetness of the woods. The earth mixed with perpetual growth, it showed the world would just move on without any intervention. This is what Cas loved best; he felt at peace here in the woods. He would come to these woods in upstate New York whenever he had a spare moment, needed to think, or just needed peace that he couldn't find anywhere else. It was in this very bit of woods, on a lonely fallen tree, that the angel Castiel found himself. It was undoubtedly an act of self-preservation that brought him here. This place has always been a place of solace and in a moment of pure panic his subconscious brought him here.

It was a long time before Castiel moved, he sat statue still, as if he were part of that very tree. It was a silent red-brown blur that roused the angel. Cas had been so still for so long a solitary chipmunk crawled across the log and looked at him inquisitively. This small companion looked up at the angel and it was then that Castiel moved to look at him.

"You have it easy little creature." Castiel talked to both himself and the chipmunk. The little animal's nose twitched.

"Your life is a series of patterns…of reoccurrences. You wake up, search for food, perhaps find a mate for the sole purpose of procreation, and that's it. You have no need for love." Cas looked up through the patches of leaves at the sun. He closed his eyes and let the beams warm his face; he let it revitalize him.

"What need do you have of love?" He asked at the minuscule beast.

"You need food and shelter." He thought for a moment. "The only contact you need is in order to keep your species going. That isn't love. I know that much. What I don't know is what I am feeling."

This thought plagued the angel. In general angels were sure of themselves. They had their orders and they followed them. If need be an angel would stand, unmoved, for centuries just because that was what they were told to do. In fact he had done that very thing many times before. Angels never question. Does that also means angels don't think for themselves, that they do not make their own choices as Dean had stated?

"No, freewill is not something afforded to angels." Castiel almost yelled at himself. His chipmunk friend scurried away to the end of the log looking at him worriedly.

"Angels were made to obey. Humans were made for freedom." It was this very fact that angered his brethren. Why would god love humans so much to give them what he denies his most fierce followers? Humans who fight and kill in his name all the while denying him by their actions are allowed to have freewill…to love.

"Have I not served my god well?" Cas asked the confused chipmunk. "Have I not helped the humans? Have I not learned from them? Have they not learned from me? Haven't I helped them grow and they me in return? Am I completely angelic at this point?"

Castiel stood up and began pacing; hundreds of thoughts raced through his head almost simultaneously. His one companion fled, but Castiel did not notice.

"A person changes depending on the outside influences prevalent in their life. Why not, then, could angels too change based on these same outside influences?" He continued pacing, asking questions of the air.

"I have always believed that my god was a god of love and am I not feeling love?" Cas stopped pacing. "Love is love, even if some humans would say otherwise. I remember when men wrote the bible, and I remember the choices they made to put their own views into that book. I know my father, and I know that he wanted love in the world."

And with that the angel was gone, only a few footprints and a stirring wind gave away that he'd ever been there.

The hiss of opening beer bottles filled the room. The Winchester brothers sat, one on the bed and the other on the couch.

"Well, that was fun." Dean said as he took a taste of his beer.

"Fun?" Sam laughed. "We almost died."

"C'mon Sammy," Dean forced a smile, "we always almost die."

Sam shrugged and began watching TV while Dean looked at the wall in front of him. His mind drifting to that kiss, it was one of the only true kisses he can remember. A stir of wind made him blink and there was Cas.

"Hey man," Sammy turned to the angel, "we could have used your help today."

Cas did not talk; he just swiftly walked over to Sam, placed his first two fingers on his forehead, and said, "Sleep." Sam slouched over onto the couch and Cas walked over to the bed where Dean once lay. Now, however, he was standing and he was angry.

"You disappear when I finally allow myself to admit how I feel." Dean wiped his mouth with his hand. "You disappear when I…when I kiss you." Dean closed the gap between he and his friend and looked into his eyes. Anger, love, loss, confusion all danced on his face.

"Yes. I did." Cas replied simply.

Dean inhaled, preparing for the barraged of words that were planning on leaving his mouth when Cas slowly reached up and placed his hand on Dean's cheek. Dean deflated, his eyes big with anticipation and fear. Dean's heart pounded in his chest; it couldn't take much more of this.

"Cas…?" Dean whispered.

Castiel laughed to himself. "Don't you ever stop talking?"

And with that he gently pulled Dean's head down the three inches that separated them and placed his lips on Dean's. For a moment it was like the world stopped and all that existed was the two of them. Everything faded to black and all that was left was a man and his angel.

Dean's hand lay lifeless at his side for a moment, and then they came to life pulling Cas into him. He deepened their kiss, his passion rising with every minute. Castiel moved into Dean's embrace as if it were made for him. The two stayed locked like this, woven together, until Dean broke the connection. He gently pushed Cas away, his hands on the angel's hip, leaving them there as he spoke. Castiel's hand was still just touching his cheek, his eyes looking down.

"What does this mean Cas?"

"I do not know Dean," he looked up once more into those deep eyes, "and I do not care." He wrapped his arms around Dean and deep reciprocated in kind, their mouths finding each other's again.

Dean backed up to the bed, still holding Cas. In unison the two stopped their kiss and looked at the bed.

"Dean, I-" Cas stammered, "I'm not sure this is something I can do right now."

Dean dropped his hands, as did Castiel, and turned slightly away. Castiel examined his face as if to search for answers. A range of emotions flashed on and off of Dean's face until it settled on understanding. He turned back to Cas and took his head in his hand.

"It's ok, I am not sure if I am either…honestly." He smiled, "I mean…fuck…I don't even know how this works with another dude." Dean gave a devious smile.

"Well I am not sure how it works at all really." Cas offered as a means to make Dean feel better.

"So, how about we wake Sammy up and figure this out in the morning?" Dean said.

"Should we not tell Sam?" Cas tilted his head.

"Let's just wait. We need to figure this out first, then we can tell Sammy." Dean looked at the ground.

"That is probably best." Cas looked at the ground too. "I am not sure that I want to share this just yet. I think I prefer this being something that only we, two, share for now.

Cas got up and walked over to Sam.

"Should I take back the few seconds he remembers so as to not arouse suspicion?" Cas stood in front of Sam, arm extended.

"Yeah, but hold on a second." Dean said as help got up and walked over to Cas and Sam. "I want to do one more thing before he wakes up."

Dean grabbed Cas's hand and pulled him in for one last kiss.

Damn he tastes good. Dean thought as he pulled away, walked back to the bed, and repositioned himself to act as if nothing had happened. As he did this Cas steadied himself and touched Sam's forehead again, bringing the younger Winchester brother back into the realm of the conscious.

"Oh, hey man." Sam said a little confused. "We really could have used you today." He looked over at Dean to back him up.

Dean shifted uncomfortably. His short time with Cas had produced a painful erection that he both couldn't satisfy and had to hide.

"Yeah, Cas, you know we need you." Dean looked into his angel's eyes, trying to keep a straight face, but the edges of his lips fought to turn up into a smile. Cas looked down awkwardly, knowing that he was a bad liar. Seeing this Dean began to worry. He jumped off the bed, clapped his hands, and said, "Well, I could use some grub. Let's go eat."