So this finally is up. I know. It took me forever. I had a mental block for the longest time, probably because most of it was already scripted out. It doesnt have the proper indents in this version either...Oh well, the words are still the same.
Hope you enjoy.
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Chapter 5: Blood Type
It was finally the last class before lunch. The last class before I saw Bella again. That thought sent pleasant butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Another brand new experience.
I looked at the classroom clock. I still had one hour. One painstaking, miserable hour until I had my Bella with me again.
Not my Bella, I had to remind myself. She wasn't even remotely close to being mine. She shouldn't want to be either. Who should want to be with a vampire anyways?
The guilt I had been trying to suppress all day resurfaced. What was I thinking? Of course I could never be with Bella like that. She would be in too much danger. I would be in too much danger of hurting her.
Even then, all hope was not lost. Maybe I couldn't be with her…in that way, but I certainly could be her friend. Having her friendship was good enough for me. Being Bella's friend would allow me to keep her close by. It satisfied my desire to see Bella safe and my need to listen to her fascinating voice at the same time. I was pleased at how things had turned out.
There was only one more unpleasant idea I needed to come to terms with before I spoke with Bella again.
My friendship with Bella could not be a permanent thing. This could go on for a month or two, a year if I was lucky. But vampires were rarely lucky; any advantage we got was solely from skill. I would need more than luck to stay around Bella. I would need control. Pure, strict control.
I had to prepare myself to leave Bella at any moment, at any time. I had tried to reason out of this situation, but there was no other way. This time, I would have to be prepared to leave if it was necessary.
In the back of my mind I knew I would be able to leave. If keeping Bella safe meant me leaving, then I would be able to do it. I would only be with Bella if it were safe for me to be with her.
Well, not safe. Bella could never be safe with a vampire, especially one who was drawn to her blood in the way I was, and one who was incredibly selfish. After all, ignoring every instinct in my body that warned me that Bella wouldn't be safe was the most selfish act possible. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Bella how cruel I really was.
Ah. My true flaw was that I was cruel and selfish, and I chose to do nothing about it. I was going to be with Bella anyways.
Before I could dwell on my flaws any further, the bell finally rang. As usual, I was the first one out of the room. I left more quickly than usual, and I knew it was solely because I would see Bella at lunch. Remembering Bella's smile made it easier to shove guilty thoughts to the back of my mind.
I smiled, remembering that Bella had agreed to go with me to Seattle. I did not even notice Alice walking next to me until she pointed out, with a smirk, that I had maintained a foolish grin on my face for the past five minutes.
I scowled at her.
Alice and I walked into the cafeteria to find that it was empty, other than our family. Jasper's face lit up when he saw Alice walk in. Alice sat down next to him and I sat on the other side of her. Emmett and Rosalie, on the other hand, were wrapped up in their own little world, their thoughts going overboard.
"Do you mind?" I muttered in their direction. There was only so much I could take. We were in school, for god sake! Rosalie turned to face me, annoyed, while Emmett grinned sheepishly.
"It's not like we we're doing anything inappropriate, Edward. It's not our fault you know what we're thinking. If you're so bothered by it, then maybe you should sit somewhere else, with someone else," Rosalie hissed.
The rest of my family turned and looked at her in shock. I was just as shocked. Where did that come from? And moreover, why didn't Alice see it coming? Something in the back of my mind told me that if I had been paying any attention at all, I would have noticed Rosalie's anger building up all day.
"Since you decided that we obviously don't matter anymore, and that you're in love with Bella," Rosalie continued, with venom in her voice, "you should go sit with her and her little friends."
People began filing into the cafeteria, but no one had noticed the tense situation at our table. Emmett met my eyes for a moment before turning away uncomfortably. He had seen this coming; he knew that Rosalie would eventually crack. He had tried to prevent it for as long as he could.
Jasper's mouth all but dropped open. He had heard Esme and Carlisle's conversation last night, like Rosalie, and had felt the happiness radiating off of me all day, but up until now, he refused to put those two facts together and accept what had happened. He couldn't accept it. The idea was too foreign for him. How could I possibly fall in love with a human?
Alice was the most accepting of my decision, and she instantly came to my defense. "So what if he likes Bella?" Alice scoffed. Rosalie's rage soon turned to Alice. It was then that I realized what was bothering me so much.
Rosalie thought that our family was no longer important to me.
"All of you matter to me. I care about all of you. Why do you think that liking Bella changes the way I feel about my family, Rosalie?" I asked angrily.
"It changes everything, Edward," Rosalie snapped back. "If you cared about your family, you wouldn't be doing this! If you cared about us, you wouldn't be getting yourself in this mess. Do you realize what will happen if she finds out about us?!"
"I don't want to hurt any of you, Rosalie, but I can't help how I feel about Bella. Love is something that just happens. Besides, I am only going to be Bella's friend. I know how dangerous the other option is," I responded, frustrated. Yet there was a small, selfish, part of my mind was traitorously happy that Rosalie suggested that I sit with Bella. I had actually considered sitting with Bella before, but I didn't think my family would be pleased.
But if Rosalie wanted me to sit Bella…
"Rose…" Emmett said patiently, but even he was not very happy about the situation. His thoughts were hard to decipher. There was a part of him that was happy that I had finally found someone, but the more dominant part of his mind was incredulous. He didn't believe that even a friendship between Bella and I would work out. After all, she was only human.
Edward, what are you playing at?
I looked at my four siblings carefully, wondering what would happen if I asked Bella to sit here. I instantly shook that thought off. Between Rosalie's glare of fury and Jasper's inability to control himself, Bella would feel so uncomfortable that putting her through this situation would be like putting her through hell. I couldn't do that to Bella; she didn't deserve the wraith of my family.
I grew more irritated.
"I'm glad to find that all of you so very accepting," I said sarcastically. "Nobody complained when Rosalie brought back a human covered in blood, but when I consider talking to Bella…"
"Don't even compare her to Emmett," Rosalie snapped furiously, "It will never work Edward! Stop dreaming about things that will never happen! That's what you've been doing ever since you met Bella, Edward, dreaming. It's about time you get back to reality."
That was the last straw.
No one in my family was willing to believe that even a friendship between Bella and I was possible. For the first time in my life, I had found something truly beautiful, and now no one believed that I could ever have it. That it was even plausible for me to have it.
Fine. Let them think what they want to think. I decided right then that I would prove them wrong, because Bella was worth fighting for. And if I couldn't do that with my family supporting me, then I would do it alone.
"Fine!" I snapped abruptly. "Since you insist that I leave and sit with Bella, I will do just that." Not waiting for their response, I got up and left the table.
As I walked away, Emmett and Jasper, both shocked, wondered whether I would actually sit with Bella friends, people like Mike and Jessica. I was almost their table when I turned away at the last moment and sat at an empty table. I saw Angela look up curiously, but she said nothing. I was grateful for that much anyways.
I figured that if I was going to sit away from my family to sit with Bella, I might as well have her all to myself. I snuck a quick glance back at my family to find Emmett and Jasper still shocked. Emmett was insisting that I come back through his thoughts. Alice was whispering harshly to Rosalie and Rosalie was arguing back furiously. Rosalie's eyes met mine for a moment and I saw the pain in them. She didn't expect me to choose Bella over my own family.
I was doing it again. Forcing my family to turn against each other.
I suddenly thought of Carlisle and his ideas about heaven and God. He thought that we still had a chance to be "saved".
I laughed humorlessly to myself. I had just left my family that had always supported me, despite what I had done in the past, to sit with a poor unsuspecting human alone. In God's eyes, if God even existed, I was probably making all the wrong choices.
If there had been any chance at all of being "saved", I had just killed it.
Oh well. If I was going to hell for betraying my family, then why stop there? I might as well sit with Bella alone, put an innocent human in danger, and go to hell thoroughly. It wasn't going to make a difference on judgment day anyways.
I sat alone patiently, twiddling my bottle cap between two fingers, avoiding curious human stares, waiting for Bella to come. Her presence would be a balm for my unwanted, useless thoughts.
I noticed her the moment she walked in. The scent in the air changed, it became sweeter, more luscious. I closed my eyes and breathed in, letting the venom flow excessively. Letting my body cry out. I opened my eyes, a small smile lighting my face.
I would not harm Bella right now. As long as I knew that, I could enjoy her scent without worry. I suppressed the urge to close my eyes and just breathe in again. It would only make resisting harder.
Whenever her scent hit my brain, my mind automatically calculated the possibility of getting her blood, the probability of quenching my roaring desire, while ignoring all reason or humanity. Normally the call was nearly impossible to resist, knowing that Bella's blood was so close, so…alluring, and so easily accessible.
But in a cafeteria full of hundreds of students, the probability of getting Bella's blood and getting out unnoticed was minimal. This made it just barely possible to resist temptation. After all, a vampire's second instinct, after bloodlust, was survival. My eyes nearly closed again.
So sweet.
As she entered my line of vision, her eyes automatically fell on the table where my family was sitting. She looked at their table for a moment before her face fell. I grinned with pleasure.
The voice in the back of my head warned me to stay away from her, and hope that she didn't see me sitting alone at this table. I was dangerous. I could not deny that, nor could I deny that it would be unfair to keep this piece of information hidden from her. She had to understand the truth. She had to know that if she was going to be my friend, it might be the worst decision of her life.
I let the tips of my fingers massage my troubled mind.
From my side vision, I saw Lauren signal to Jessica. Even Bella would have noticed that signal, if she chose to look up from her lemonade bottle at all. It was nowhere near subtle. Lauren's eyes were wide and she was frantically pointing at me.
Oh God, it's Cullen! The gorgeous one! And he's by himself today!
Jessica's eyes were glazed with happiness that only she could get from what she called in her mind "good gossip". I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at them. Reacting to them would only further their interest in the matter. Instead, I focused on Bella.
She was only wearing jeans and a tee shirt, but the simple outfit made her even more beautiful. She didn't need fancy clothes or what was in the latest fashion to look beautiful. I loved her even more for that. I didn't linger on what was under those clothes.
Vampire or not, I was still a man.
My eyes traveled to her face. Even in its sad expression, her eyes held depth. There was sadness in her eyes beyond the petty worries of high school. It was as though she had experienced the sorrows of the world, and now understood what the world was really like.
It was much like…like how I felt most of the time, looking at high school students, watching them worry about their next exam or who liked whom. In the end, would that really matter in the real world? Would what seems like the most important thing to a high school student make any real difference in the harsh realities of this world? I saw my answer agree with the answer in Bella's eyes.
She was not like others of her age. She was mesmerizing.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica said to Bella, her thoughts burning with curiosity, "I wonder why he's sitting alone today."
I hope it's something good
Bella's head instantly snapped up and her eyes met mine. I smiled at her and motioned for her to come sit with me. She continued to stare at me, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. Laughing, I winked at her to come join me. Jessica would understand that it wasn't an open invitation. I had made my opinions about her quite clear in the past.
"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked, barely keeping the jealousy and anger out of her voice. Bella took one look at the expression on Jessica's face and understood that Jessica was not happy that I was summoning Bella and not her.
"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework," she muttered for Jessica's benefit, and I chuckled at the possibility of me ever need help on homework. Jessica was still staring in angry astonishment. Bella rolled her eyes, and made a quick good-bye before walking towards me. Jessica continued to stare as Bella walked away.
She walked to my table more quickly than she normally did and her heart rate shot up the closer she got to the table. When she reached the table, she stood behind the chair, unsure of what to do next.
"Why don't you sit with me today?" I asked, reassuringly.
She automatically sat down, but her eyes never left mine. We sat in silence, gazing at each other for sometime, until she looked away. The smell coming off of her was too invigorating to be real. It was almost surreal.
I was so sure that she would just disappear.
I gazed at her, waiting for her to say something.
"This is different," she finally managed, attempting a smile. Her body leaned forward in curiosity.
"Well…" I started, but then changed my mind. I reminded myself that I had planned on staying with the truth. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly," I continued quickly, remembering Carlisle's idea that we were all going to be saved. And how I wasn't going to be saved after what I had just done.
Bella raised an eyebrow in confusion, but said nothing in response. We continued to gaze at each other in silence.
The table where Bella normally sat, however, was anything but silent. It was unusual, having all of their thoughts focused on me at once. Normally it was just one or two people, wishfully thinking. The last time a massive amount of thoughts were focused on me, it was towards the beginning of the year, when we had just arrived. Even then, my entire family received that attention, not just me. There thoughts were blaringly obvious.
Ugh, Bella. She's so annoying! Why would Cullen want to talk to her? Why would anyone want to talk to her? Maybe they all pity her…
Questions about Biology? Yeah, right! Everyone knows Cullen's like, a genius or something. She better dish after lunch, that little undeserving…
I hate Cullen…I hate Cullen…I hate Cullen…I hate Cullen…
What does Cullen think he's doing!? He has no right to take Bella from me! He does know that she's going to prom with me, right? He's such a self-absorbed, unsocial guy anyways! Why would Bella ever want to…
What the hell?! She's my friend damn it! He's going to find out just how bad of an idea stealing Bella from me was! He won't touch her again after I'm done with him…
I chuckled quietly. That was the problem with these high school children. They thought too much of themselves. Would they ever realize that they weren't the center of the world?
I tilted my head to side until I made eye contact with Mike, who had been staring at Bella's back for a full five minutes. He winced when his eyes met mine, but he didn't look away. I flashed my razor sharp teeth at him in a mock smile, and his eyes instantly widened in fear.
"You know I don't have any idea what you mean," Bella finally pointed out, breaking through my thoughts.
"I know." I smiled genuinely at Bella, but my eyes never left Mike's. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you," I said, smirking at Mike again. His heart rate at shot up significantly, and he was reconsidering his plan to "fight" me after school. I smiled smugly.
"They'll survive," she muttered. She didn't even bother turning around.
"I may not give you back, though," I said, finally breaking eye contact with Mike. I smiled at her wickedly.
She gave me an over exaggerated gulp.
I laughed. "You sound worried."
"No," she said smiling, but her eyes were more serious, recognizing a subtle truth in my words. "Surprised, actually…what brought all this on?"
"I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you," I answered more quietly. "So I'm giving up." I kept a smile on my face with some effort. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"Giving up?" she repeated, confused.
"Yes – giving up trying to be good," I continued. Giving up doing what was best for everyone. "I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may," I added with no humor left in my voice. I glanced at my family with a small frown. What would happen if the chips fell the wrong way? What would happen if what Rosalie said would happen, happened? If Bella found out?
Or worse…if Bella got hurt?
"You lost me again."
I smiled at her again. What would happen if she understood what I was talking about right now?
"I always say too much when I'm talking to you, " I confessed. "That's one of the problems."
"Don't worry – I don't understand any of it," she replied wryly, but her eyes were filled with curiosity.
"I'm counting on that."
"So, in plain English, are we friends now?"
"Friends…" I mused. Was I ready for this? Looking into Bella's eyes, not knowing what she was thinking, was…exciting. There was rarely anything that humans did that surprised me anymore. Bella was the exception. If she became my friend now, would I be able to let go of her later? Would she still be safe?
"Or not," she muttered sarcastically. I laughed, knowing how aggravated I must be making her.
"Well, we can try, I suppose," I replied offhandedly.
Would she still be safe?
I had to warn her. I had to try. Even if my life, my existence, was demolished by my warning, I had to try. Her safety meant more than my life.
"But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."
There was a pause.
"You say that a lot," she finally said, with effort.
Did she finally believe me? I doubted it. She leaned closer, as though trying to solve a puzzle. It was hard to explain the situation to her, especially when I truly did not want her to know the truth. I tried again anyways.
"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me," I warned again.
"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too," she answered, her eyes narrowing.
I smiled apologetically. That was not my intent.
"So," she said, struggling for words, "as long as I'm being…not smart, we'll try to be friends?"
"That sounds about right." I grinned at her. I felt a certain guilty pleasure that she was still sitting here, despite my warning.
Selfish and cruel, my conscience replayed.
Bella looked down at her lemonade bottle. I continued to gaze at her.
What was she thinking? There was a look of concentration on her face, but her heartbeat was finally normal. Was she thinking about me?
Or maybe I was being too self-centered. Maybe she wasn't thinking about me at all. She could be thinking about anything. She might be wondering about they rest of her day, or what she was planning on doing when she got home. She could even be wondering about her mother.
Last night, before she said my name, she had been mumbling about her mother. She was worried about her. I wondered how her mother would react if she knew that she was spending her time with someone like me.
Bella was still looking down at her bottle, still deep in thought. I couldn't help but ask.
"What are you thinking?"
She looked up into my eyes.
"I'm trying to figure out what you are," she answered truthfully.
My body went rigid, barely maintaining a smile. So she was thinking about me. This didn't make me feel any better. I was too afraid that if she found out, I might lose her.
Not that I deserved to have her.
"Are you having any luck with that?" I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.
"Not too much," she admitted, smiling sheepishly.
I automatically smiled back at her.
"What are your theories?"
She blushed, and for once I was glad that she paused and looked away. My body clenched and the monster snarled angrily, attempting to break free. My mind retaliated. Get used to this. Bella blushes a lot. I clenched my teeth and tried to focus on something else, anything else. Like getting Bella to say a theory. From her reaction, I presumed that it would be amusing to hear one of them.
"Won't you tell me?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound gentle. I tilted my head to one side, coercing her into telling me what she thought of me.
She shook her head. "Too embarrassing."
I glanced at her in frustration. If this was anyone but Bella…
"That's really frustrating, you know," I accidentally blurted out.
Her eyes narrowed. Her lips didn't tighten, but instead loosened, as though she was going to burst any moment. I grimaced, knowing that I had set myself up for whatever would come next.
"No," she began, "I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all – just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating?"
I grimaced again. I should have seen this coming.
"Or better," she continued with a spirit much like one of Alice's torrent's, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things – from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating," she ended heatedly.
"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?" I asked sarcastically.
"I don't like double standards."
At least she did not have Alice's advantage of not needing to breathe. She glared at me. I gazed back at her, unsmiling.
I took her words into deep consideration. I had not realized that my actions had so deeply affected her too.
Bella had not exactly been loud, but the anger on her face had been quite evident. It was clear enough for Tyler Crowley to notice across the cafeteria.
What did Cullen do to her? She's fuming! That guy's not even letting her eat! That's it! I've seen this long enough. It's time that I go over and break up their fight and give Cullen a good talking to…or more like a punch in the face since Mike chickened out. Wimp! Besides, she's practically my girlfriend! She's going with me to prom!
I looked over Bella's shoulder to see Tyler glaring at me, his jaw clenching and unclenching. He thought he could stare me down, did he? Why not give him a taste of his own medicine? I smirked. It would be a small amount of amusement in a day of terrible boredom.
Don't goad him, Edward… I turned my head over my shoulder for a moment to catch a concerned expression on Alice's face. Tyler would end up tripping over his own shoes while trying to "break up" our argument. He would get a bloody nose. Edward, please don't do anything. For Jasper… I sighed, and let my shoulders slump. Alice smiled, and silently thanked me. I shrugged and glanced back at Tyler. Mike was whispering to Tyler frantically, warning him that I was probably more dangerous than he thought I was. Tyler scoffed, unconcerned, and assured Mike that he could take me down any day. As Tyler began to get up, his eyes met mine and I glared back at him with just enough intensity to scare him off. Tyler slumped back down on his seat. I chuckled."What?" Bella questioned suspiciously.
"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you – he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight," I answered, smirking. I glanced over Bella's shoulder again to see Tyler fuming, but he no longer had the courage to get up.
Damn it! I don't want to scare Bella with my… beastly fighting skills…I guess this will have to wait until later. Watch out for me Cullen. Watch out.
I laughed openly.
"I don't know who you're talking about," she snapped frostily, "But I'm sure you're wrong, anyway."
"I'm not," I insisted, "I told you, most people are easy to read."
"Except me, of course."
Ah, she still remembered. And I still had no clue as to why.
"Yes. Except for you…I wonder why that is," I murmured, serious. I gazed back into her eyes, wanting her mind to suddenly connect with mine.
She looked away and took a sip of her lemonade bottle. I remembered Tyler saying that I wasn't letting her eat. I didn't think she was hungry; her stomach patterns were just fine. But just to be sure…
"Aren't you hungry," I asked.
"No," she replied casually, "You?"
Was I hungry for school food? Human food? No. I had…different hungers.
"No, I'm not hungry," I replied, chuckling at the irony in that statement. We were always hungry. She looked at me curiously for a moment, before asking something.
"Can you do me a favor?" she asked, hesitant.
I glanced at her warily, hoping she wasn't requesting something that would give me away. I look at her suspiciously.
"That depends on what you want?"
"It's not much," she assured me. I frowned, but I was still curious.
"I just wondered…if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared," she said softly, looking down. I smiled, and tried not to laugh at that request. It would be an easy promise to keep anyways. I wasn't planning on ever ignoring her again.
"That sounds fair," I said gently.
"Thanks."
"Then can I have one answer in return?" I asked. I knew I was cheating just a little bit to fulfill my curiosity, but that didn't seem so important.
"One."
"Tell me one theory." I grinned triumphantly.
"Not that one." She was exasperated. I looked at her face and repeatedly told myself not to give in to her pleading expression.
"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," I reminded her.
"And you've broken promises yourself," she retorted.
"Just one theory – I won't laugh," I said solemnly, trying to hide a smile.
"Yes, you will," she answered stubbornly.
I leaned forward and fixed my eyes on her, letting her feel their intensity. "Please," I said gently, breathing on her face. She did a double take and blinked.
"Er, what?" she asked, dazed.
"Please tell me just one little theory," I asked again, hoping to convey some of my need to listen to her hidden thoughts.
"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider," she divulged, still dazed.
"That's not very creative," I scoffed. Stolen right out of Spiderman.
"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," she answered, miffed, and apparently embarrassed that she had actually given in to my request.
"You're not even close," I teased. She rolled her eyes.
"No spiders?"
"Nope."
"And no radioactivity?"
"None." I smirked.
"Dang." She sighed.
"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," I laughed, seeing where this was going.
"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?" she scoffed.
I tried to compose my face again, but failed miserably. She scowled.
"I'll figure it out eventually," she warned.
"I wish you wouldn't try." I became serious again. As long as she thought I was the good guy, she would stay with me. What would happen if she found out I was the bad guy? The monster?
"Because…?"
"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" I smiled at her playfully, but the playfulness couldn't touch the truth of matter. What happens to the bad guy who falls in love with the heroine?
"Oh," she said, comprehension lighting her eyes, "I see."
Did she really understand? Suddenly I was worried again. Had I said too much?
"Do you?" I said warily, attempting not to show what affect fate was having on me. I attempted to keep the harshness off of my face. We were not destined to be. She would leave me now, realizing what I really was.
"Your dangerous?" she asked, as though she was still confused, but she knew the truth in her own words. Her pulse quickened as realization hit. Though I couldn't read into her mind, I could practically feel the nerve signals that were being sent throughout her body. Signaling fear.
And all I could think was that she was going to leave me here. That she was going leave. I hadn't the slightest inkling about her thoughts, but even then I knew. She would learn the truth. And my world would be destroyed.
Bella was glancing at my face, and this time I was forced to put my head down. There was realization on her face, and another emotion that I did not fully understand. It wasn't fear.
But if she understood that I was dangerous, then why hadn't she already left?
"But not bad," she whispered soothingly. "No, I don't believe that you're bad." I looked up in astonishment. Did she really think I was dangerous, but not bad? Her eyes were still focused on my face. She believed what she said.
"You're wrong," I murmured, so softy that I doubted that she heard me at all. Bella probably thought this because she did not know me; she did not know what I was capable of.
She had no idea how many murders I had committed, how many lives I had destroyed. It wasn't only the innocent. In killing one, I ruined the lives of many. I ruined the lives of the children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and the families of those I killed. And I regretted nothing. No amount of atonement could make up for what I had done in the past.
Bella was wrong. I had torn apart families with my hunger, and even now I was tearing apart my own family. How could I not be bad?
And after all of this, did I really believe I could be a friend of Bella's? How had I deluded myself into that idea? It was just as Rosalie said would happen, I was finally coming back to my senses. Rosalie was right.
Being with Bella was just really a figment of my imagination.
On cue, Bella instantly jumped up.
"We're going to be late," she exclaimed.
"I'm not going to class today," I found myself saying. My eyes stayed down on the bottle cap I was twirling. My mind was elsewhere, formulating plans.
Ignoring Bella again would be excruciatingly difficult, but not impossible. And if I couldn't handle that, then I could always leave Forks. But that would bring up the problem of convincing my family to stay here. It would be appalling to force my entire family to move again…
"Why not?" Bella questioned, breaking through my thoughts.
"It's healthy to ditch class now and then." I finally looked up at her, and she frowned in response. She must be wondering what the quickest way was to leave my presence. I didn't blame her.
"Well, I'm going," she replied. A faraway part of my mind replied something unimportant back to her, while a more prominent part of my mind focused at the matter on hand. A third part of my mind went back to the bottle cap. It was twirling much too fast. Beyond human speed.
Bella finally got up and left, leaving me to my thoughts.
There was a moment of silence.
And then suddenly the blast of voices returned to the more prominent part of my mind. When I was talking to Bella, their "voices" had been shoved into another part of my mind, but now that there was nothing else to concentrate on, the voices came back with full force.
Cullen and Swan! But she's repulsive! Okay, maybe not repulsive, but definitely not worth…
I automatically growled at the insult at Bella. She was certainly the most captivating human I had ever rested my eyes on. She was utterly stubborn, and opinionated, yet so attractive and understanding at the same time.
I hoped she would understand when I explained my need to be removed from temptation. After all, I had promised to warn her. But she would get over me; after all, she was only human. Humans easily changed.
The students at Forks clearly were as bored of the lunch period as my entire family was, otherwise they would have found something else to focus their attention on rather than Bella and I. We seemed to be the main topic of conversation. Obsessive children, I scoffed.
Oh my god! I wonder if anyone else noticed them. Are they officially… If Bella sees me beating Cullen, she'll probably fall for me instead… Haha! Too bad for Tyler, his girl's with Cullen!I clutched my head from the pain of an on coming headache. I needed to get out. I needed to leave this school full of students that thought that Bella and I were…something we could never be. Never.
I walked out of the cafeteria doors with more poise than I expected. I walked right out the back doors and into the parking lot. I passed several classrooms on my way out, and as I passed each classroom, every single teacher glanced up and looked in my direction. And then looked directly back down. They all had an unspoken rule about my family's frequent absences.
Ignore it.
This was not very difficult for them to do. All of us had brilliantly clean records and we always acted impeccably in school. Not to mention that we always caught up on our work and we maintained fairly good grades. The grades couldn't be perfect though; that would look suspicious. After all, we were only imperfect human beings.
I smiled to myself. It also helped that we were quite physically appealing, when we chose to be.
The truth was that we cut class so often that, if we were not vampires, we would have been kicked out of this school a long time ago. On the rare day that it was sunny, we were forced to stay out of human site. Because humans often did stupid things and had ridiculous ideas, skipping class was something of a daily event.
Today's biology class was one of these ridiculous human ideas.
Today was the Biology teacher's idea of a "fun" class. Because of the Red Cross blood drive in Port Angeles, Mr. Banner insisted that everyone find out his or her blood type. Alice had summarized that the class would be, more or less, several students pricking their fingers aimlessly and trying to draw out blood. This might have been a difficult, but tolerable, situation if I could somehow exempt myself from the activity. It would be hard to explain why the micro-lancet barb snapped every time I tried to pierce my skin.
And then there was Bella. I could not imagine myself watching Bella prick her skin and draw out blood. I didn't need to put myself in that situation to know how I would react to Bella's open wound. Her fresh open blood. The monster shuddered in eager anticipation.
I pulled myself out of that train of thought quickly. There was no way I could have remained in that classroom and remained humane at the same time.
Shaking my head, I walked in the direction of my Volvo. I attempted to block out all the human thoughts about Bella and I, but the task was nearly impossible. I needed music.
Music was not only soothing, but also the best source of distraction. If I could concentration on every beat and rhythm of each individual instrument in the symphony, then I could push the human thoughts to the back of my mind. It was the best solution, and it had yet to fail me.
But, sitting in the car, all I could think of was Bella. Her sweet smell, her invigorating smile, and her keen mind. But as keen and unusual as her mind was, even she wouldn't be able to understand and accept me as a vampire. Nor did I expect her to. After all, she was still only a human. I didn't expect any human anywhere at anytime to accept me for what I was. I had barely learned to accept myself for who I was.
I shouldn't be giving Bella any special attention, despite my feelings for her. No, I shouldn't do this especially because of my feelings for her. I shouldn't let her go to Seattle with me and endanger herself. True, I had warned her, but clearly she hadn't understood the implications of what that meant. Otherwise she would have already canceled our plans.
Should I cancel our plans for her? I could easily come up with an excuse. I could be sick, or busy, or even just uninterested in going to Seattle that day.
I grimaced. The idea of lying to Bella, yet again, was incredibly unappealing. And even then, I had a feeling that Bella would see right through my lies. She was too intuitive for her own good. This left me in a state of turmoil.
I had had an epiphany in the dingy unsanitary cafeteria, but the effects of it had apparently not settled in yet. I had realized that I could never be a friend of Bella because I was not worth even that much. Yet, despite this realization, I was not falling into despair. Nor was my mind willing to form any plans to avoid Bella.
And then another epiphany hit me.
Evidently, I was not worth Bella's attention, nor her friendship. But I could not, not would not, but could not risk what I had already formed with Bella. Rosalie believed that Bella and I together was an impossibility. Fine. But I would be damned, assuming I was not already damned to hell, before I let what I already had with Bella slip out my hands. I would "live in the moment," as humans called it. I would enjoy the time I had with Bella now, before it was gone in the future.
I had come to realize that it would be impossible to avoid Bella, not because Bella would not be able to leave me alone, but because I would not be able to leave Bella alone. I would not be able to watch her live her life out with someone else, knowing that there was something I could have done. I was too selfish to let that opportunity slide by. For once, I was going to let my emotions overrule common sense.
Love indeed does make people do selfish things.
I finally realized what it meant to be in love.
So I wouldn't lie to Bella about the Seattle plan. A sense of satisfaction spread through me. I could go with Bella to Seattle, and keep her safe. And then I could drop Bella home, laughing, and go home myself. I could actually have a normal day out, like all the other humans around me. That idea was most pleasant thing I had thought of all day.
Smiling to myself, I leaned my head back against the headrest.
A moment later, my head shot up, reacting to the new smell in my surroundings. It was the scent of Bella, not in Biology, but quite nearby. I instantly became alert of my surroundings. And then I was filled with horror.
In order to go to Seattle with Bella, not only did I need to be in control of my desires, but Bella also needed to be alive. Through the cold dreary mist of Forks, it didn't appear that Bella was in any condition to go anywhere. She was lying down on the sidewalk with her cheek pressed against cement and her eyes closed, looking quite sick. Mike was standing next to her nervously, like an idiot.
Bella moaned in pain, and I realized that I was already out of the car and walking in her direction. Fury and fear overclouded my emotions. Mike Newton had a good thirty seconds to do something to help her up before I pummeled him for standing around and doing nothing. Then another thought hit me.
What did he do to her?
"Wow, you're green, Bella," Mike said nervously. He let his hands reach out to her hesitantly, and instantly pulled them back when she groaned again.
It was too late. Mike Newton lost his chance to do something. Now it was my turn to take over.
"Bella?" I called out to her. Her body froze in shock, but her heart rate shot up instantly. I decided I would spare Mike Newton from pain just long enough to find out what was happening.
"What's wrong – is she hurt?" I asked, my fear for her safety showing in my voice. I turned to him angrily, demanding an answer. Mike recoiled in fear and instantly blurted out everything he knew.
"I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger," he exclaimed. I glared at him. He pulled even further away.
I swear I didn't do anything Cullen, don't hurt me please! I'll do anything; just don't mess up this beautiful face!
I rolled my eyes. Mike Newton wasn't even worth the effort.
But it was good to know that Bella had not participated in the ridiculous activity, nor had she been hurt. At least I wouldn't have to deal with the temptation of her blood. But it was funny, Bella's evident fear of blood. I nearly laughed. I lived off of blood, and Bella couldn't stand the smell of it.
"Bella," I called out again, this time leaning down right next to her ear, "Can you hear me?"
"No," she groaned. "Go away."
I laughed, relieved. If she still had petulance in her voice, then she couldn't be seriously hurt. Mike's fear was instantly replaced with jealousy.
"I was taking her to the nurse," Mike explained defensively, "but she wouldn't go any farther."
What was I supposed to do?What was he supposed to do? Nothing, now that I had arrived. I would be able to handle Bella much better than he ever could. I smirked in his direction.
"I'll take her," I said pleasantly, "You can go back to class."
He looked from my smirk to Bella, and was instantly suspicious.
"No," Mike protested. "I'm supposed to do it."
I was no longer paying attention to him. I picked up Bella easily from the sidewalk, since it appeared that she was not going to get up herself, and began walking in the direction of the Nurse's office, as was protocol. Bella's eyes flew open in shock. For Mike and Bella's sake, I tried to make it look as though it was taking some amount of effort, but my grip on Bella's body never slackened. I felt a slight jolt run up my spine as the warmth of Bella's skin hit my cold body.
"Put me down!" Bella nearly shrieked. I laughed.
Mike, who just realized that Bella was no longer with him, called out to her. We were much farther away from him, despite the fact that I was carrying Bella.
"You look awful," I told her. Her open deep brown eyes automatically set off my grin. Her eyes flashed annoyance for a moment before she clutched her stomach in nausea again.
"Put me back on the sidewalk," she moaned. Suddenly realizing that rocking her against my body was not helping her nausea, I pulled her away from my body and held her stiffly in my arms so she would not rock. She clamped her eyes shut again. I couldn't help but grin; Bella was in my arms and quite safe, despite what I had thought earlier.
"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I said, unable to keep the humor out of my voice. What a team we would make. She couldn't stand the smell of blood, and I had to work to stay away from it. Utter opposites.
She clamped her lips together.
"And not even your own blood." I smirked at her, knowing that if her eyes were open, they would show evident annoyance.
We reached the Main Building, where the Nurse's Office was, fairly quickly. Opening the door was only a minor problem. Not wanting to scare every human inside the building with my enhanced strength, I opted to kick the door open rather than hold all of Bella's weight easily in one hand. Ms. Cope, the receptionist, gasped when I opened door and carried in a nearly passed out Bella.
"She fainted in Biology," I explained to her, and then carried Bella past the front counter of the main desk into the Nurse's Office. Ms. Cope instantly rushed to open the door for me, and in my exuberance, I smiled back at her. Her heart fluttered.
I clutched Bella tighter and focused on putting her on the brown vinyl mattress of the one cot in the Nurse's Office. After I put Bella down, I moved myself to the farthest corner of the room, and focused solely on Bella. I didn't want to know what was running through Ms. Cope's mind. Her thoughts came through anyways.
He's only seventeen…he's only seventeen…he's only seventeen…I sighed in relief; at least that was all that she was thinking. I had endured worse. I turned to Bella who was glancing with me with avid curiosity and annoyance. That was the second time she was forced to be in a sick bed while I was perfectly healthy and watching her. I grinned at her. The nurse looked between Bella and I, utterly shocked.
"She's just a little faint," I reassured the startled nurse. "They're blood typing in Biology." Recognition of a familiar situation lit the nurse's mind.
"There's always one," the nurse said sagely.
Poor Bella couldn't handle blood. I barely muffled a laugh. Oh Bella.
"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass," the nurse told Bella in a motherly manner.
"I know," Bella sighed.
"Does this happen a lot?" the nurse inquired. Bella paused for a moment.
"Sometimes," she finally admitted.
I coughed to hide a laugh. The whole situation was still hysterical. The nurse turned her attention back to me in disapproval.
"You can go back to class now," she told me.
I could go back to my car. Or I could stay and watch over Bella and let the situation play out. It was evident which would be the more amusing option.
"I'm supposed to stay with her," I answered her in an authoritative matter. The nurse was not happy with the situation, but argued the matter no further.
Because of my acute sense of hearing, I heard Mike enter the Main Office before Ms. Cope did. He was fuming. The whole situation just became much funnier. I grinned at his thoughts while the nurse went to get some ice for Bella.
Damn Cullen! Why does he always do that? Every time I get a moment alone with Bella, he ruins it! What have I ever done to him? I HATE him!
Bella broke through Mike Newton's thoughts.
"You were right," Bella moaned, closing her eyes again.
"I usually am –," I told her cheekily, "but what in particular this time?"
"Ditching is healthy," she muttered.
I laughed, but I couldn't deny the fear I felt in those moments. For a second, I had thought that Bella was…dead. I could barely even bring myself to think of that idea.
"You scared me for a minute there," I finally admitted, "I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the words."
"Ha ha," she commented sarcastically. I smiled at her. She was becoming more like her normal self.
"Honestly," I joked," I've seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder." It was best not to let her know that, had she actually been seriously injured, I would have killed Newton.
"Poor Mike," she laughed, "I'll bet he's mad."
"He absolutely loathes me," I said cheerfully. His thoughts were only too obvious; his jealousy fueled his hatred. It was hilarious.
"You can't know that," she argued, but there was an underlying suspicion.
"I saw his face – I could tell," I told her, instantly on guard.
"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching?" she questioned. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Whenever she got the chance, she interrogated me. At least she was intelligent to notice something other than my face, I thought, vividly remembering the reaction of several other females. And this time, I could tell her the truth.
"I was in my car, listening to a CD," I answered. Bella didn't seem to be satisfied with my answer. Before she could comment, the nurse came in and put a cold compressor across Bella's forehead.
"Here you go, dear," she smiled. "You're looking better."
"I think I'm fine," Bella replied, but the moment she got up she stumbled. The nurse frowned at her, but in that moment, Ms. Cope stuck her head in.
"We've got another one," she warned.
And then the smell hit me. I was surprised that it hadn't hit me before. The smell of human blood. The venom flowed strongly and smell was unavoidable in the cramped little room. I struggled with humanity for a moment, before I noticed Bella standing next to me completely unaware of the bout of nausea she was going to get again.
"Oh no…go out to the office, Bella," I firmly asserted. Bella looked up at me, confused. It was hard to exercise patience in such a tense situation.
"Trust me – go."
And surprisingly, Bella actually listened to me and bolted out of the door. I was right behind her. Mike frowned. The moment he came in the door with a bleeding Lee Stephens, Bella left the room. That was not what he wanted.
Once we were out of the Nurse's Office, it became much easier to keep my breathing in control.
"You actually listened to me," I commented, surprised.
"I smelled the blood," Bella explained, wrinkling her nose.
"People can't smell blood," I contradicted. I was quite sure of this. A human's sense of smell was not that acute.
"Well, I can," she disagreed, "– that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt."
I gazed at her. That was not…very far off from the smell of actual smell of blood. The only difference was that we vampires found the smell excruciatingly appealing. Bella never failed to amaze me.
"What?" Bella asked, trying to find the source of my searching expression.
"It's nothing."
Mike came through the door just then, not caring about Lee Stephens enough to stay with him while his wounds were mended. In fact, the only reason that Mike agreed to take Lee Stephens to the Nurse's Office was that it gave him a reason to visit Bella. Ms. Cope would not allow more than one visitor at a time in the Nurse's Office. Nor would she listen to Mike's complaints that he was the one that was supposed to take Bella to Nurse's Office, not me.
Mike took one hate-filled look at me before glancing back at Bella. Bella was still looking at me. Mike's shoulders visibly slumped. I smirked at Mike behind his back.
"You look better," Mike snapped at Bella, his anger coming out on her.
"Just keep your hand in your pocket," Bella warned him.
"It's not bleeding anymore," Mike muttered. "Are you going back to class?"
That was a question with an obvious answer.
"Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back…"
But Mike was no longer listening. His face lit up as he suddenly realized that he had an advantage over me. Bella had still agreed to go to the beach with him…and a group of friends. I frowned. I doubted I was invited to this "party," and even if I was, I wouldn't be able to go. I had promised to go hunting with Emmett this weekend.
Mike thought the best way to put me off guard was to confirm that Bella was going to the beach with him. I leaned against the wall, feigning boredom.
"Yeah, I guess…So are you going this weekend? To the beach?" Mike turned to glare at me, and I turned away, pretending to not be interested in what they were discussing. I wouldn't give Mike the satisfaction of having an advantage over me.
"Sure, I said I was in," Bella replied, unenthusiastically. I smirked.
"We're meeting at my dad's store, at ten." His eyes flickered to me again, wondering if I would dare to show up uninvited. I hadn't considered it until then, but seeing Mike's expression if I did show up just might be worth the effort…
"I'll be there," Bella promised.
"I'll see you in Gym, then," Mike said, after a moment, finding nothing else to say to Bella. He did not want to leave Bella alone with me. I gave him a quick wave and smirked at him as he walked out the door. I turned back to Bella.
"Gym," Bella groaned.
That wouldn't be a problem. Getting Bella out of spending Gym with Mike Newton would be my pleasure.
"I can take care of that. Go site down and look pale," I whispered in Bella's ear. Bella nodded and sat down on the bench looking pale. It seemed to come effortlessly for her. I walked to the counter to Ms. Cope.
"Ms. Cope?" I asked softly.
"Yes?" she responded, but didn't dare to look up.
"Bella has Gym next hour, and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?" I asked again, in a low soft voice.
Oh God…that voice. God forgive me for my sins…"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" she cooed.
"No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind." Mrs. Goff reacted to me in the same manner that Ms. Cope reacted to me. She was excited if I showed up to her class at all.
"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella," she called out to Bella. Bella gave an overacted weak nod. I raised my eyebrows at her. Ms. Cope turned back to her work, praying to God for her sinful thoughts.
"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I whispered with sarcastic humor.
"I'll walk."
I opened the door for her and gave her a polite smile. Clearly recognizing my satirical humor, Bella huffed out. I smiled and followed behind her.
The mist outside had gotten even thicker. Alice said that the weather would clear up by the weekend though. I hoped it wouldn't. A dampened forecast would put a damper on a beach trip.
"Thanks," Bella said once outside, "It's almost worth getting sick to miss Gym."
"Anytime," I replied, wondering if Alice could have possibly been wrong about the weather. It looked like it was going to pour, not clear up.
"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" Bella asked.
I thought about it for a moment. Did Bella want me to go? Or was she simply asking to see whether I was going or not? The idea of Bella wanting me to go to this beach trip made it much more appealing. Even then, there would be problems. There were very few beaches near Forks where we were actually allowed on. Most of the beaches were down in La Push. Forbidden territory.
"Where are you all going, exactly?" I asked carefully.
"Down to La Push, to First Beach." I kept a straight face. I wouldn't be able to go on this little human beach trip. And if the weather really did clear up, I wouldn't have been able to go anyways, regardless of the location. My disappointment was easily hidden. I smiled wryly at Bella.
"I really don't think I was invited."
"I just invited you."
Ah, so she had wanted me to come. Perhaps it was better that I couldn't make it. Spending too much time with Bella was probably not the best idea. I came up with another excuse.
"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I smiled wickedly, imagining Mike's face if I did show up.
"Mike-schmike," Bella muttered, intending to be quiet, but it was clear to my ears. I enjoyed Bella's neglect of Mike much more than I should have.
We were in the parking lot now. To my surprise, Bella turned away from me and in the direction of her truck. I grabbed her jacket to keep her in place. Did she really think I would let her drive after her fainting spell? Friends did not do that to their friends.
"Where do you think you're going?"
She was confused. "I'm going home." She raised her eyebrows at me.
Not by herself. I didn't get very many chances in my human lifetime to be a good friend to someone, and I wasn't going to miss that chance now.
"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" I asked, indignant. Just because I appeared aloof didn't mean that I didn't know common courtesy.
"What condition? And what about my truck?" she asked, glancing longingly back at her truck. I grabbed her jacket, careful not to grab her arm too tightly, and dragged her towards the Volvo. She wouldn't have been escape even if she tried.
"Let go!" she insisted, but I didn't leave her until she was safely standing next to the passenger door of the Volvo. I unlocked the door deftly with one hand, and got in the car in seconds. It was now pouring and I didn't enjoy standing out in the rain. Bella hadn't moved yet.
"You are so pushy!" she grumbled.
"It's open," I told her. I was already in the driver's side.
"I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!" she fumed. She crossed her arms outside the passenger door, making it perfectly clear that she was not getting in the car. I lowered the passenger door window.
"Get in, Bella." I sighed impatiently.
Bella stood stubbornly still. I caught her looking furtively back at her car, and guessed her plan. I frowned. I wouldn't have had to guess her plan, if her mind was like everyone else's. Then again, I would not be in this situation with Bella if her mind were like everyone else's.
"I'll just drag you back," I threatened.
She pouted, but finally gave in. Once she was in the car, her arms were crossed again, and I could tell that she fully intended to give me the silent treatment. She broke out of her silence for only once.
"This is completely unnecessary," Bella said stiffly. I ignored her anger for a moment and fiddled with the controls. My family never used the heat dial, because we never were cold, and it took me a moment to remember that Bella needed the heat. I put on the music that I had been listening to before I saw Bella on the sidewalk and turned down the volume so that it was background music for Bella's ears. It was perfectly audible for my ears.
"Clair de Lune?" Bella commented, surprised.
I was just as surprised. Since when did 17-year-old high school girls start listening to classical music?
"You know Debussy?" I said, equally surprised.
"Not well," she admitted, "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house – I only know my favorites."
"It's one of my favorites, too," I murmured softly. It was nice to have this connection with Bella. It was so…normal. For a moment, I nearly felt human.
Neither of us needed to talk to feel comfortable around each other. I was more interested in the sound of Bella's heartbeat than I was in the music. It was equally soothing, surprisingly slow and steady. While listening to Bella's heartbeat, I forgot that she was not used to driving at my speed. I drove at the same speed I always drove at for some time, and when I saw that she didn't mind the speed, I continued driving at that speed. I glanced at Bella.
She was looking out the window, her legs curled to her chest. Her appearance was completely relaxed, and she had soft beauty about her. I almost leaned in towards her, almost touched her with the tips of my fingers. Almost.
Think of anything else, I thought to myself, think of anything but the luscious scent coming off of her, the scent that that could only be described as Bella. Think about anything other than those soft lips that were so full, so relaxed.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't fight both my temptations for Bella's blood and Bella at the same time. I was growing weaker every second. I was filled with urges I had never felt before. Urges that could only be described as hunger, but it was not hunger for her blood. Suddenly I was afraid that my hunger would take over. Not my hunger for her blood. My other hungers. My wants. My desires.
Bella reflection in the window smiled. Her smile was simple. Innocent.
Lips tightening, I looked away and strengthened my resolve.
Bella heard Debussy from her mother. Did her mother generally listen to classical, or did she only have some favorites like Bella? I wondered if there was anything else I had in common with Bella's mother. If I ever met Bella's mother, would I get more of an insight into Bella?
"What is your mother like?" I asked quietly. I turned to face Bella.
Bella glanced in my direction, her face still serene.
"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier." I raised my eyebrows. I doubted anyone was more beautiful than Bella. Sensing my doubt, Bella explained.
"I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." She stopped talking abruptly. The pain of being separated from her mother was evident in her voice.
Bella's best friend was her mother. Her mother was physically older than her, but it was clear that Bella was truly the older one in their family of two. Bella took care of her mother, loved her, cared for her.
Who exactly was Bella Swan?
"How old are you, Bella?" I asked, an edge of frustration in my voice. I had yet to discover why Bella was the way she was.
We had reached Bella's house. She made no motion to leave.
"I'm seventeen," Bella responded simply.
"You don't seem seventeen," I remarked, slightly reproachful.
Bella laughed. Why was she laughing now?
"What?"
"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." Bella laughed again, but then sighed. "Well, someone has to be the adult." She paused and looked at me for a moment. "You don't seem so much like a junior yourself, " she noted.
A hundred and seventeen-year-old generally did not have the same mentality as a seventeen year old. I decided not to get into that with Bella. I wanted to know more about Bella, and the best place to begin was with her family history.
"So why did your mother marry Phil?" I asked, remembering what she told me in Biology class that one-day so long ago. Bella was silent for a moment.
"My mother…" Bella began, with a curious tone, "she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him." Bella shook her head. I realized how odd it must be for her to talk to almost a complete stranger about such a personal matter, especially one that she did not understand herself.
But at the same time, I wondered what her mother would say if she didn't understand why Bella loved someone. Would she oppose or would she let Bella follow her own path?
"Do you approve?"
"Does it matter," she countered, immediately at her mother's defense, "I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants."
"That's very generous," I said gently, but then thought, "I wonder…"
"What?"
"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" I looked at Bella's eyes intently, wondering if she understood the real underlying question. Would Bella's mother approve if Bella were with someone a little bit more…unconventional.
"I – I think so," Bella stuttered, still maintaining eye contact, "But she's the parent, after all. It's a bit different."
"No one too scary then," I teased. She grinned.
"What do you mean by scary? Multiply facial piercings and extensive tattoos?" Bella joked.
"That's one definition, I suppose." That was the much better scary option. It was better to see someone and know they were scary than to see someone scary, but not know they were scary. Someone like me.
"What's your definition?" Bella asked, still in good humor.
"Do you think that I could be scary?" I asked, the question slipping out of my mouth. I wanted to take it back the moment I said it. Did I honestly want to know whether Bella was scared of me or not?
"Hmmm…I think you could be, if you wanted to," Bella responded after a moment, taking care to phrase her answer. I frowned.
"Are you frightened of me now?" I didn't want to keep her in the car if she wanted to leave. Forcing Bella to be in my company when she did not want to be was mortifying.
"No," she instantly blurted out, and then smiled sheepishly. I grinned back at her. At least she was not scared of me…for now.
"So," Bella said, searching for another topic," now are you going to tell me about your family? It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."
"What do you want to know?" I said cautiously. There was only so much I could tell her, and I did not want to outright lie to her.
"The Cullens adopted you?" she confirmed.
"Yes." I didn't need to expand upon that. She hesitated for a moment.
"What happened to your parents?"
"They died many years ago," I said, as though I was giving a piece of information in a museum. This was the one fact that I refused to lie about. It was the only piece of human memory I had, and I was afraid that if I lied about it, I would begin to forget the truth. But if Bella asked more questions, I wasn't sure how I would avoid them without lying. Bella seemed to recognize my discomfort.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.
"I don't really remember them clearly," I said gently, "Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."
"And you love them," Bella stated.
"Yes." I smiled, remembering Esme's happiness when I got to know Bella. "I couldn't imagine two better people."
"You're very lucky."
Lucky was an understatement. Without Esme and Carlisle, I would have become…I would have become a monster.
"I know I am," I said solemnly.
"And your brother and sister?"
Suddenly remembering Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper, I glanced at the dashboard. It was three minutes before the last bell rang. We had been outside Bella's house for nearly forty-five minutes.
"My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me." I didn't want to make Rosalie even madder than she already was.
"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go," Bella said, but didn't move. She wanted to stay in the car. I was exuberant.
"And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident," I teased.
"I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks." Bella sighed.
I laughed, but there was an edge to my laughter. I would not see Bella for another three days. In the little time I had known her, I had already saved her life once, and she had been in great danger twice. What would happen when I was not there to save her? I glanced outside.
"Have fun at the beach…" my eyes pointed to the sheeting rain, "good weather for sunbathing." Bella looked confused.
"Won't I see you tomorrow?"
"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."
"What are you doing to do?" Bella asked curiously. I hedged around for an answer that was…normal.
"We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier," I replied glumly. I wished I could hold out hunting for a longer period; I didn't want to leave Bella to fend for herself.
"Oh, well, have fun," Bella replied, with a failed attempt at enthusiasm. A smile played at my lips for a moment, before I became serious.
"Will you do something for me this weekend?" I looked down intently at her, indicating the seriousness of what I was going to say. She nodded helplessly.
"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So…" I tried to find the right words without scaring her, "try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I gave her a crooked smile.
She glared.
"I'll see what I can do," she snapped and stormed out of the car. Her anger lost its effect when she nearly fell over her front step in the pouring rain. I laughed openly. Bella turned around to glare at me, but her frown was beginning to give way to a smile.
I was still smiling when I drove away.
Oh Bella. What would I do without her?