Disclaimer: Charmed isn't mine! No!

Song is No Roads Left by Linkin Park. Please listen to song first. It's beautiful. A nice key for a confusing chapter.

Bold (other than now and end) is Leo's heart.
Bold Underlined is Piper's heart.
Italicized is Leo's flashbacks.
Italics Underlined is Piper's flashbacks.
Bold Italics is Song
Bold Underlined Italics is Me in the Story
Nothing is Leo's present thoughts.
Underlined is Piper's present thoughts.

Standing alone with no direction
How did I fall so far behind?

I stood before my sisters house. I remember the turning point in this whole situation.

Why Am I searching for perfection?
Knowing it's something I won't find

Why had I left, knowing there was nothing to gain? Nothing I would find to heal the hole Piper had created? Well, it started with...

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again

"Uh, Piper. That was Mike. There's a shipment I have to go help take care of. I'm so sorry," I said, slipping the phone in my pocket. Piper threw down her napkin.

"I knew something like this was going to happen. We can't even finish a fucking anniversary dinner without you having to leave," she said. I sighed. I had expected an explosion. This wasn't what I had expected.

"Look, this isn't my fault," I told her. She nodded.

"I know. I'm gonna go to the club and help out Phoebe and Paige, okay?" she said, picking up her purse. I went over to her and grabbed her waist.

"I love you," I told her, grabbing her lips with mine. We pulled apart.

"Love you too." We walked out the door.

All because

I sat down on the couch. Everything just got so complicated. All because...

I run
Till the silence splits me open

I walked into the club. I went to the bar, told Phoebe and Paige what happened and then went onto the dance floor, after getting some cherry flavored drink. After 2 hours and 3 drinks, I was starting to feel drunk. Ah, so what? I never get drunk, so why can't I? I got another one and sat down in the alcove.

"Would you like to dance?" I heard. I looked up and noticed an enticing male standing above me. I was about to answer, 'Sorry, I'm married' but I stopped myself. Why can't I dance with him? Nothing's going to happen. It was a 'why can't I' night. So I grabbed his outstretched hand and he lead me to the dance floor. We danced for three straight songs, then we went back to the bar and got more drinks. After another hour, I knew I was drunk. I looked at my wedding finger, but didn't see the glistening band circling it. I remembered taking it off before going to the club so it wouldn't get lost. Before I could get a hold of myself, Dan, the enticing male, also my neighbor, was leaning in for a kiss. I let him. And after the night, I had slept with another man. We had gone to his house, so as not to let my sisters know. I stayed there the night and left in the morning.

I run
Till it puts me underground

That night I reached home, hanging my jacket up and heading upstairs. I thought that Piper would already be asleep. She wasn't even home. She's probably helping close up the club, I had thought, when I later found out that she had been in a bed with another man. I dropped into our bed and fell asleep. The next day I found that Piper had never came home. Maybe she decided to stay at the club, I again thought and got into the shower. When I was out, Piper was at the mirror brushing her messed up hair.

Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one

A couple days after...the thing...I was a wreck. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't be around Leo because I was so ashamed that I had slept with another man. I had gone to the church and confessed my sin to the priest, but that could not help me ease my conscience. I had to tell Leo.

"Leo, can I talk to you?" I whispered, coming into our bedroom. Leo nodded and motioned me to sit next to him. I chose the seat by the vanity mirror. "Uh, Leo, I have to confess something." Leo nodded, telling me to continue. "I know you're gonna hate me, but,her goes. I...slept with another man. I didn't mean to! I was drunk, I'm young, and I was just so mad that we couldn't finish the anniversary dinner. I'm killing myself over the fact that I did it and I can't eat, sleep, be around you, because I am so ashamed. I had to tell you. I couldn't keep hiding this from you." Leo looked shocked, heartbroken, and angry. I knew this was going to happen, but why was I so surprised by this? He didn't speak. "Leo?"

"How could you?" Leo said. His face was like stone. I closed my eyes. I started to cry. "I-"

"Leo, I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you and you have every right to leave me. But, I still love you. I don't love him. I only love you. That's why I married you. I was drunk, angry, and...depressed."

"I need some time alone Piper." I nodded, got up and went over to him. I tried to kiss him on the cheek, but he flinched away. One more tear slid down my cheek. I got up again and walked out.

When did I lose my sense of purpose?
Can I regain what's lost inside?

That was my turning point. I realized. Can I get Piper back? I didn't know. But I had really low self-esteem since then. I thought that Piper didn't love me, that she thought she deserved better. I evolved into the jealous type. Whenever she was late, I accused her of cheating on me. I was paranoid, but I had a right to be. They were stupid accusations. Every night included a fight, a rude remark from another woman, tears, screams from our sons, accusations, and someone sleeping on the couch. I realized I had to leave, to find myself. Wyatt and Chris were no longer my primary goal to make happy. Neither was Piper. I knew that I had to help myself and them, by leaving and figuring things out. I thought about it and decided Sunday morning was the perfect morning because Piper always slept in. I pondered whether to write a note or not but at the moment of my departure, I couldn't. I was running late and I knew I had no time. I bent down and kissed her on her cheek, her nose, and then a light peck on her soft lips. I jogged into Wyatt and Chris's room and hugged them once more. I practically ran downstairs and out the door.

Why do I feel like I deserve this?
Why does my pain look like my pride?

Yes, Leo had a right to be angry. Maybe he did have a reason to leave that I didn't know. But he left me and my children behind. I had a right to not want him anymore. But he was hurt. Give him another chance! My heart screamed. But I just can't let it go. He hurt himself, me, and the boys. If he hurt himself then he should get a second chance! It's revenge that he created! I grabbed my hair. I can't get my heart and mind in the same place.

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again

I had to go see Piper again. I knew this, but not just yet. Give her time and she'll take you back. Well, there's nothing left to lose. I sat down on the wet sidewalk and looked at myself in a puddle. What have I become? I was scared. I realized that now. I was scared that Piper would do it all over again. I also realized that she had been sorry. I was so imperfect that I let myself down. I had to get my life back on track.

All because
I let myself down

I turned off the burner and got myself a cup. I poured the hot liquid into the cup. I chose Chamomile Mint. I went back into the living room. I curled myself up into a ball. This is all happening because he let you down.

In my fear and flaws

I'm fearful. I have so many flaws, and I can't handle it. And neither should Piper. Piper doesn't want me back. I shouldn't try. I should forget about it. But that doesn't mean that I should stop loving her. I can still show her that I love her.

I run
Till the silence splits me open

I want Leo back. The thought came to me and I was stunned. But wait 'til he tries again. Then tell him yes. I thought it was the perfect plan. I took a gulp of tea.

I run
Till it puts me underground

I ran from my problems. It put me farther down than I had started. This is what I get. A lifetime without the woman of my dreams. I wonder if she's with Dan. Probably not. I saw him at the store yesterday with a pregnant woman. That guy gets around...And one of the girls he got around with was my wife. Piper was not the person I should have been angry at. It was Dan.

Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one

I was breathing heavily. My heart was racing as I clutched my chest. I tried to call out but my heart was keeping me from doing so. I heard someone walk into the room as I let my tea mug smash onto the floor. Things were going in slow motion. I was falling. The person was yelling for help. Bounding footsteps. Aching chest, sides, everything.

No roads left but one

I was mad at myself and Dan. There was no where left for me. No other direction. Or at least I think so. Piper isn't a way. A new place isn't the way. Alone must be.

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again

Breathing came out in gasps. I was scared. I was killing myself all this time and didn't realize. Paige was calling the hospital, Phoebe was holding me up. I wanted to die rather than have my sisters so scared as they were now.

All because

I picked up my bag out of the back seat. I wiped off my pants. I walked up to the door.

I run
And the silence splits me open

Ambulance speeding. Lights flashing. Bumps in the road. Air not getting into my lungs. Beeping horns. Sound blaring. My mind was a whirring of things and I couldn't think. Paige stood beside me while Phoebe picked up Wyatt from second grade and Chris from first. They would be scared.

I run
And it puts me underground

I knocked on the door. Footsteps. Door opening.

"Leo, what a surprise! Come on in!" she said. I took my headphones out of my ears and stuffed the MP3 into my pocket. I walked in and closed the door.

But there's no regret
And no roads left to run

Neither heard the end of the song.

Yes, another chapter. Hurray! Took long enough, I know. Please review!

COPhoebeP3