Running Up That Hill
By: The Hatter Theory
Chapter 4: Inside Out and Outside In
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha or it's characters. I don't own the rights to anything written by Placebo. I do own the characters I've created, although in a very abstract way. I'd say it's more that my muses own them and inflict them on me when they so choose.
The sky was clear that night as they touched down in the field. A half formed moon and stars lit the area, exposing a flat, smooth plain free of any sign of disturbance. As if in deference to their presence, not even the wind stirred the tall grasses that had resisted the changing of the seasons. It would have been a beautiful night, one she would have appreciated before, but it was with a singular absentmindedness that she stepped from the cloud of youki onto the ground. Not even noting Sesshoumaru's intent regard, she mentally fumbled over her phrasing for the umpteenth time that evening.
"You seem in doubt," Sesshoumaru observed dispassionately. Kagome looked ahead of her. After searching for a way to approach the topic all evening, a part of her was grateful he had broached the topic -however inadvertently- himself. Another part of her wanted to strangle him for forcing the issue when she still wasn't sure how to voice it. Taking her time, she tried to word everything carefully, afraid he would find something suspicious with Sango's request.
"Sango wants to try and form a band of any slayers that might be among the refugees and go beyond the border to try and help with the efforts against Naraku." Direct, blunt, and only slightly rushed. That couldn't be bad right? Nothing to misconstrued as something it wasn't. Hopefully. It was not the first time she was made painfully aware of how little she knew about protocols, but it was the first time those protocols truly mattered to her. Sesshoumaru had proven the rules she eschewed were very much a part of his life and his own behavior.
"Has the taijiya considered that searching out slayers might be a waste of time? At best they would be skeptical of a woman looking for slayers in a land belonging to a youkai such as myself. At worst they could consider her a traitor, asking for their aid at the behest of a youkai."
Kagome hadn't considered that, and it only added to her growing list of worries.
"Neither of us thought about that, I guess. It feels like this is Naraku's war against everyone, so I didn't think it would matter."
"I would think it would have pleased you, to find some way to keep the woman here."
"I don't think any of the options would please me to be honest. If she stays, she's unhappy, so I'm unhappy for her. If she goes, she gets what she wanted, but I'll be worried she'll get hurt. There's no real right or wrong on this one, just one of us getting what they want. If she stays, we'll both feel bad. If she goes, at least she'll feel like she's doing something," Kagome groaned, feeling childish for whining.
"Not many would be willing to make such a concession."
"It's what friends do. I'm just worried that she'll get hurt, and I don't know if I could handle that, not on top of everything else. And I'm the one relaying the message. I don't know if she'd ask you, so if something does happen, I'd feel responsible."
"Her choices are her own."
"So you support the idea?" She really didn't want to hear his answer, she knew what it would be anyway.
"It is a good idea, if she can actually find that many willing to admit their skills."
"I'll tell her, and give her fair warning of what to expect."
"She will report back to me before she ventures beyond the border. I will send one of my hawks with her."
"Hawks?" Kagome asked, confused.
"This Sesshoumaru has little doubt that with her in potential danger, you would find it hard to focus, and I require your full attention. The hawk will be a way to relay messages. They are well trained, and the fastest of their kind."
"Th-thank you!" She cried, her eyes bright. It wouldn't alleviate all of her worry, but it would be good for the taijiya to check in and let her know she was alright.
"Now, are you ready?" He asked, implying by his tone alone that he considered the matter trivial at best and that she had been wasting time. Ignoring his curtness, she nodded.
"Mmhmm," She hummed an agreement. "Throw it at me."
"Tonight, I want you to attempt something different."
"I'm always ready for a challenge."
And on that score she was correct, and he found it to be the singular pleasure in this whole predicament. For once he had a willing and very capable student. She fumbled, but that was to be expected. However, she never stopped trying, and she was showing an amazing aptitude with different tactics of energy use that he found himself actually enjoying the challenge of teaching her. Though he knew the groundwork better -how could he not after centuries of practice?- this was a new approach to the idea altogether, and in that they were similar.
"When I project my youki, I want you to add yours, then throw it back at me, and then catch them again."
"Like volleyball with energy?" She asked, her eyes comprehending his directions.
"Volleyball?" He asked. When she made little observations he didn't understand, he asked, mostly for information. It was another reason he had come to value their daily escapes from the castle. The onna was a fount of information. Facts and methods he had never heard of seemed to tumble from her lips, the miko completely unaware of their value to him. And he would have it stay that way, which is why he repeated the little things that erupted when she wasn't thinking as blandly as possible.
"It's a game from my time, sort of like exercise. There's a small field with a net between two teams. Both teams hit a ball back and forth. The point is to keep the ball from hitting the ground. When it does, it's a point."
This game, and ones she had described before, all sounded incredibly childish. What point was there to hitting a ball back and forth? And why use a net at all?
"It's just one of the things in my time. Anyway, how am I supposed to fling it back?" She asked, her nose wrinkling.
"Just push it at this Sesshoumaru-"
"You said there was no protocol when we trained," She interrupted. He stopped short, his irritation with the interruption quashed effectively by her observation.
"You are correct," He admitted.
"That sort of day with the council?" She asked, staring at him, expression both bemused and pitying.
"I don't understand."
"You tend to speak more formally when it's been a trying day with the council," She explained. He wasn't entirely comfortable with the observation, nor her ability to read him well enough to deduce such.
"It was not my council, but petitioners," He told her stiffly, trying to hide any further tells from her.
"Calm down, it was just an observation, and I've seen you often enough after a long day to notice it. Besides, I think I'm one of the few you change your speech patterns with, so it wouldn't be noticeable to too many people."
She had a point, and it was almost as irritating as her initial point had been. Damn her. The hollow eyed miko was gone, and the woman before him had purpose. But did that new found purpose and drive have to include inflicting her regard on him as well? He was more than pleased with their relationship of student and teacher. He did not like her making personal observations about him. He was alpha, it was his place to hold any such habits if he should wish, and he did not.
If he were prone to cursing, he might indulge at that moment. However, he was not, so he did not. On reflection, he knew it would only give her more to work with anyway.
"Just do as we have been doing. Catch it when it is passed, and push it back at me."
She did just that, and when he caught it and threw it back to her, Kagome let a smile play on her lips. Even if he disapproved of games, and this was training, experimenting with something that was as far removed from a game as anything else could be. But it didn't keep it from feeling like a game. And it certainly didn't keep it from being fun.
Just to annoy and confuse him, when the ball of their combined ki came back at her, she caught it, threw it in the air and spiked it like a volleyball, sending it hurtling high over his head. He jumped fluidly and hit the orb back at her, expression flat. Doing her best to call on her highschool abilities, she jumped in the air and threw her fist forward, only to miss it by inches. The orb sailed past her hand and behind her, hitting the ground and exploded. The resulting blast, small as it was, sent her flying into the sparse grass face first. When she stood, she could swear Sesshoumaru had just barely managed to school his expression into apathy, although the corner of his lips twitched.
"I hadn't thought of that," Sango murmured thoughtfully as Kagome relayed Sesshoumaru's words from the night before. "But in a time like this, surely others wouldn't find this a betrayal. It's not just one species at stake in this, but all of us. Without some form of alliance, death is inevitable for one if not for both."
"You really think so?" Kagome asked, her worst fears confirmed. Sango was a cynic, and it was something Kagome had grappled with since meeting the woman. But Sango's cool observation wasn't just a pessimistic nature running away with her. It sounded so...factual.
"Hnn. You and Sesshoumaru are working together though, and from everything you've told me, there isn't a stronger youkai or miko to be found. In a way, it's like you two are the expression of what's necessary. There's nothing in nature so dissimilar than a youkai and a miko's energies."
"Are you calling us mascots?" Kagome asked, her eyes twinkling merrily. It was a thought that had not occurred to her, but the youkai in the shiro did seem to adopt a position of deference when she ran across them, even the higher ranking ones. Did they perhaps see her as close to their master's equal?
"Something like that," Sango admitted reluctantly. "Maybe even the first to take real steps toward making peace between our species."
Startled by that, Kagome waited patiently for her friend to explain her reasoning. Kagome understood what Sango was saying about her. But Sesshoumaru...In what way could he be equated with someone that was progressing in such a direction?
"Rin. I mean, you adopted Shippou, and Rin is his ward. It's not a secret that she follows him everywhere and worships the ground he walks on. And even though you have to look hard to see it, for us humans at least, he does treat her as one of his own."
It was as unlikely as it was clear, but Kagome nodded in agreement. The daiyoukai was succinctly uncomfortable about her commenting on anything personal involving him, and desperate not to effect his relationship with his ward, had thus far kept all commentary to herself. Sango was right.
The daiyoukai would seek the girl out, and after half a mark of listening to the child, despite all appearances, he was completely relaxed. It was subtle, and if Kagome hadn't been watching so closely, hadn't dealt with him on such a personal basis each night, she was sure she would never have even noticed. But he did relax in the girl's presence, and it was something both needed to cope with the darkening atmosphere of the shiro.
"It's strange. A few months ago, if you'd said we'd be where we're at right now, I would checked to see if you were one of Naraku's puppets, or a kitsune trying to trick me. Now, it just feels like a new chapter. So surreal sometimes," Kagome sighed, falling back onto the futon and ignored the fact the Sango had already begun to pack.
"I was always afraid something bad would happen. After my village-" There was a pause where Kagome respectfully studied the ceiling, allowing the taijiya a moment of privacy. "Well, I knew the worst could happen. But it can't get much worse, can it?" Sango asked, her tone suddenly desperate. Kagome sat back up and watched her friend warily, wondering where this new wave of fear came from. She didn't want to tell her that it could get worse, didn't want to add to the older girl's already considerable burdens.
Instead she pulled her into a tight embrace, searching for the right words.
"It'll get better. It's always darkest before dawn," Kagome quoted, remembering the oft repeated words, a soothing reminder of her own mother.
"We'll make it, and beat Naraku, and everything will work out," Sango said, sounding more as if she was trying to convince herself than the miko holding her. Neither was so impolite to point out the others tears. Instead, they held tightly to one another, trying to find comfort in one of the few sure things they knew.
They trusted one anothers strength, and Kagome promised herself that she would believe in Sango, because Sango believed in her, and that's just what friends did.
"When this is over, you and Miroku will get married, and have a dozen children, and I'll spoil each and every one of them," Kagome laughed. Sango squeezed her tightly before pulling back. Sango made no comment, knowing that once it was over, Kagome would only have friends, and not the great love Sango herself had discovered, and she refused to bring something awful to mind during her last day with her friend for a month.
"We'll all be happy," Sango promised instead, her eyes shining with the remnants of her tears.
"We will," Kagome agreed. The promise sounded faintly hollow and forced despite her best intentions.
It was a gray morning, one the suited Kagome's mood perfectly for once. Sango's departure had left her feeling disconnected and worried about the distance that had grown between her and the other woman. To have just grasped their friendship, only to lose it again left her tottering precariously on the edge of a crying jag she did not want to indulge.
Instead she found the children, both just waking and devouring a large breakfast, and suggested a game. Both children had wolfed down their food quickly, surprising the miko. Caught by their eagerness, she suggested a game of simon says, knowing that the child and kitune would be on equal ground for once. They chose an out of the way room that looked as if it wasn't used often for anything. Although there was no apparent dust, it felt as if the room itself hadn't been aired out in quite some time.
"Touch your nose," Kagome said, giggling when Shippou slipped and touched his nose.
"Nope, Simon didn't say," Rin corrected, looking at the kitsune with delight. So many games counted on finding or endurance or speed, and it was a welcome change to be better at something than her new playmate.
"She's right Shippo. One step back," Kagome told him. Sighing, the kitsune stepped back, his expression conveying his own chagrin.
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin squealed, although she never moved. He nodded his head to acknowledge his ward's adoring gaze, then focused his attention on the miko.
"A game," She supplied, suppressing the urge to smile when his eyes narrowed. "It looks like it's going to rain any second, and they need something to do. Me too for that matter," She added, trying to smile brightly.
"It is in that interest that this Sesshoumaru has sought them out," He intoned, completely excluding Kagome from his words. Stung, she wondered why he would look for the children and not her. Had she done something wrong?
"Oh."
"I have procured a suitable tutor, and their lessons are to begin today."
Stunned, and that was all he could call it. For once he had found a way to completely silence the normally verbose onna. He savored the victory silently, allowing himself the momentary pleasure of basking in her shock.
"Tutor?" Shippou asked. "But I wanna play!"
"Shippou, Sesshoumaru has done a very kind thing for Rin and you both. Tell him thank you for the opportunity," Kagome insisted, imploring Sesshoumaru silently to excuse the pup's glowering.
"But I want-"
"Don't you want to learn? If you study, you can eventually be as smart as Sesshoumaru," Kagome tried, ignoring the silent huff she heard from the daiyoukai's direction. "And I'm sure that you and Rin can make it fun for one another."
"But it's school!" Shippou whined.
"Where I come from, learning is fun," Kagome told him conspiratorially. "And I wasn't so lucky. We had at least twenty students in a class, so we couldn't ask for help. Sesshoumaru is offering to let you share with Rin, and you'll both be able to learn much faster than I did," She finished. "And, if you study hard, I'll make sure you both get rewards at the end of each week."
Nothing but the promise of a reward seemed to goad the kit into agreeing, his eyes shining with the promise of some untold goody.
"Follow this Sesshoumaru," The daiyoukai commanded. Both children began to follow, and he paused, turning to the miko expectantly.
"Are you coming?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry," She stuttered, still reeling from the shock at the change. Following silently, she was only half aware of the children's chatter. The walls of the shiro passed by in a blur until they stood in a room that screamed 'order'.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, Kagome-sama," A voice said. Kagome whirled at the sight of Tenka, her eyes widening.
"You're the tutor?" She asked, surprise evident.
"I am. Is that not to your liking?" He asked, eyes confirming the depth of his sudden apprehension, which only served to confuse Kagome.
"It's fine, I just thought you were one of the shiro's healers," She murmured, still wondering at the flash of distress that had sparked in his eyes.
"I am well educated as well as being a healer. If it please you, I would be honored to teach your kit," He began.
"I don't know why you're being so formal with me, save it for him," Kagome said with a wry smile while gesturing at Sesshoumaru, who did not look in the least amused. "It's fine. If you meet his approval, I'm sure you're more than just 'well educated'. And I know you'll be good to them."
"I will endeavor to do my best Lady," He bowed slightly at his promise, eyes dancing with merriment. He hadn't seen the two interact much since her arrival at the shiro, instead hearing secondhand from Sesshoumaru. His daimyou's observations had always been dry, and Tenka hadn't expected the easy familiarity and jests at the daiyoukai's expense.
"We shall leave the children to their tasks," Sesshoumaru rumbled, breaking through the giggles that hadn't escaped, but still hung in the air, as if mocking his superiority.
"You both be good for Tenka-sensei. I'll be getting reports from him to see if you're doing your work. Remember what I said Ship," Kagome warned, softening her tone with a wink. Both children nodded and waved goodbye, and when the door to the room slid shut, she tried not to think about how her life was always changing, moving, without a pause for breath.
"There are youkai closing in on the border," Sesshoumaru intoned as they walked down a corridor, heading in the general directing of the inner gardens.
"Has Naraku gotten too eager?" Kagome asked, her eyes narrowed at the implications.
"No, these are not Naraku's. These are solitary or small packs, but they threaten those seeking asylum."
"And why are you telling me?" She asked, brow raised in askance.
"Because this Sesshoumaru would like to start putting your training to good use."
"But I'm still not proficient, I mean, I bumble all the time in practice!" Alarm made her voice crack. "Remember last time, I just stood there!" She reminded him, bringing up the fight with the youkai she had interrupted.
"You will not this time," He replied, not even deigning to look at her as he continued walking. His apathy struck her, and for a minute she wanted to throw a tantrum, as she had with Inu Yasha. It was childish, but it had gotten the hanyou's attention. However, the youkai lord did not seem partial to overt displays of emotion, and throwing a tantrum wouldn't gain her any ground.
"Fine."
He didn't reply, and she hadn't really expected him to. But when they stopped at the dojo and he came back and held a bow and quiver out to her. She inspected both, pulling the bowstring and testing the draw.
"Do you really think this is a good idea?" She asked as she sat herself on the cloud of youki he had summoned for travel. His response was to be silent as he began directing the cloud beneath her.
"I wish you could see the look on your face," Kagome crowed, trying to keep from falling over as laughter bent her double. The youkai looked more than mildly affronted, and she wondered if maybe this was the way to get a reaction from him, to steal all his thunder and his battle.
"It seems your lack of faith in your abilities was misplaced," He said softly, calmly. Kagome wiped a tear from her eye and straightened, but wasn't able to bite back the grin that she knew reached from ear to ear. It hurt her cheeks it was so wide. Even his suddenly soft tone didn't break her mood.
"Okay. Be that way."
"What way?" He asked, brow raised.
"All quiet and stuff. First you were ready to go kill things, and now you're mad. Because I am awe-some!" She finished in a sing song voice.
Refusing to acknowledge anything she said at this point, he merely summoned his youki and sent a tendril at her, pushing her back slightly. When her laughter stopped and her eyes widened at him in shock, he allowed himself a smirk.
"Did you just-?"
"There are more to find, and there is storm coming."
Satisfied with her nod, they took off. He ignored that she hadn't even disembarked the cloud of youki she was riding to dispatch the group of youkai. Or given him a chance to vent some of his anger on them. In fact, it had been over as quickly and efficiently as possible, as he himself would have done. Should he be proud the speech-making, time-wasting miko had matured, or be slightly threatened by her sudden ease with her powers and using them?
They had not gone a mile when he touched down again, his eyes alert. He could smell them, but couldn't see them. He knew the miko didn't have the luxury of his superior senses, and wondered if she could feel them at all.
"I feel something, it's weird. It's youki, but they don't want to be found."
"Prey rarely does," He commented in an offhand manner, eyes scanning the forest around them.
"No, not like that. They're really scared. Not angry or anything. Don't attack, okay?"
His look was as flat and bored as anything she'd ever seen, and she hoped it was him giving her a frustrated 'fine'.
"Hey, you can come out, we're not going to hurt you!" Kagome called, her eyes scanning the trees. For several minutes there was no change, and then Sesshoumaru inhaled sharply, his eyes widening. His only luxury was that Kagome's gasp covered his own indiscretion.
Children were coming out of the woods. Youkai, hanyou, and human. A motley assortment, ranging in size and coloring.
"We heard that it was safe here," The oldest said, coming to the front of the group. He had a baby tied to his back, and another on his front. The boy was human, but the two babes were youkai. Where did he find them, and why was he carrying them?
"You are just inside the border of this Sesshoumaru's lands," The daiyoukai replied blandly.
"Oh. We didn't realize, we thought you was one of them," The boy remarked. Sesshoumaru put him at about age twelve. Barely too young to be trained in war or sent into the fields to farm.
"Sesshoumaru, we've got to get them away from here," Kagome said quietly.
"How did you come to travel here together?" Sesshoumaru asked instead, ignoring the woman.
"At first it was just me. But it's bad out there, real bad. Heard rumors about the west still being safe, and one day I was hiding in the woods from some bandits coming through, and she," He jerked his head to a youkai that looked about his age, "Did something to keep me from being noticed."
Sesshoumaru focused his eyes on the girl, a sort of snake youkai, although the only outward sign of her lineage were the slit pupils and faint, scale like patterns on her skin that were barely visible in the dim sunlight.
"My parents were killed, but we're forest creatures. I know how to hide, how to hide others," She admitted in a sibilant voice.
"Zurui came with me after that. The others we found along the way, we couldn't just leave 'em, especially not the babies," The human defended, looking ready to run at a moments notice.
"Are all of you orphans?" Kagome asked gently, bending her knees so that she was at eye level with most of them and less threatening.
"Not all of us. Some have folks off fighting, but our villages-" The child tried to explain. "They don't know where we are, and we don't know where they are."
"Sesshoumaru," Kagome gently begged, her eyes filled with tears.
"How many?" Sesshoumaru rumbled.
"A dozen, including the babies," Zurui explained, coming to the boy's side. Kagome noticed she too carried a child on her back.
"Sesshoumaru-" Kagome began again.
"Most of the refugee camps are either human or youkai. Your group will not be welcome, such as it is."
She wanted to hit him then, hard and fast. The expression on the children's faces were enough to break her heart. They were children for kami's sake!
"The shiro has plenty of room."
"What?" She whispered, stunned.
More humans, in his home? Kagome eyed the inu warily, wondering if this was some sort of joke. Sesshoumaru was not nice, and definitely not to humans or those with human blood.
"Sesshoumaru," Kagome began again, wondering at the sudden offer, no, command.
"My Lord," Zurui started respectfully. "It would be an honor, but-"
"It has a price. You will be messengers for this Sesshoumaru's court." Kagome saw the children relax, which was strange. "Come."
The cloud that suddenly appeared seemed at least quadruple it's normal size, and Kagome twitched. This was different, this was not the youkai she knew, and it had upset some internal balance inside of her. She liked constants, clung to them since everything had gone so awry, and his sudden actions pushed something off kilter. Ignoring what felt strangely like vertigo, she beckoned to the children.
"You're a miko," Zurui observed as Kagome took her hand.
"I am."
"Miko don't help youkai," The girl started.
"I'm different, I promise. I'm helping Lord Sesshoumaru, and I'll help you too."
"The last miko we met tried to separate us." It was a quiet accusation, and Kagome tried not to flinch at the cold distrust in the child's tone.
"I won't do anything like that, I promise. In fact, when we arrive, you can meet my kit, Shippou. And Sesshoumaru's human ward, Rin." Zurui's eyes widened at the promise and the gentle tone it was said in.
"Come on," The older boy said, helping the smaller children onto the cloud. Kagome noted that excepting two hanyou, there was an almost even number of human and youkai children in the group. Once the last had been helped up onto the floating mass, the oldest boy, obviously the leader, got on and sat.
"What's your name?" Kagome inquired as they lifted into the sky. She noticed that Sesshoumaru was going much more slowly than usual, probably out of deference to their new guests.
"Tegatai," He offered, suddenly shy. Kagome could see the lines of exhaustion beginning to creep onto his face. How long had he been traveling and taking care of the others? She looked at the youkai girl and the human boy and tried to say something, anything to bring some light to the darkness in their eyes.
"I'm sure your families would be very proud of you," She offered gently. "You've done a very noble thing." If the youkai suddenly clutched the baby to her chest a little more tightly, and if there were tears in the boy's eyes, Kagome didn't comment on it. Instead, she offered to take the child from Zurui's back and cooed at it gently on the way back to the shiro.
"I didn't expect you to bring them back here," Kagome said gently, her confusion still evident. On the way back it had begun to rain, and for all of his power, Sesshoumaru hadn't been able to keep them clear of it. However, upon their arrival, he had ordered several of his household servants to take the children to the bathhouse and get them warm clothes, followed by an order to make sure they ate.
Then she had silently followed him to his study and sat across from him. While he hadn't asked her to follow, she'd had the strange feeling he wanted to say something to her in private. The noise of the rain outside didn't penetrate through to his study, and for a moment she wished she had his hearing. Surely any noise to cover his contemplative silence would have been welcome.
"It was a good idea, letting them eat with my ward and your pup. It will ease their fears." He ignored the question in her statement.
"Why would they be afraid of coming here?"
"From what I gathered, they've been traveling for several weeks, mostly at night to avoid the normal dangers. Despite that, they have seen and experienced much. For them, there is no such thing as a gift without strings."
Kagome had nothing to say to that, and was trying to find some sort of balance in the sudden upset his actions had caused. She needed stability. Absolutes were good for her, and she had attained them, for awhile at least. Now she felt unsteady in the face of this new side of Sesshoumaru, and felt selfish for being so. She didn't want him to be unkind, but predictable was good. Small kindnesses were fine, she knew he was capable of those. But this?
"Your scent, it's-" He searched for a word.
"It's nothing. I'm just surprised is all."
"It hints at more than surprise."
"Why do you care all of a sudden?" Kagome demanded, angry at his prodding. She had let that anger creep into her voice, and she didn't understand why she was angry. It bothered her even more, and caught up in her own inner turmoil, she didn't notice the sudden anger in the daiyoukai's amber orbs.
"As much as it pains this Sesshoumaru to say it, you are a valuable asset, one that must be sound of mind. You are also pack, and as your alpha, it is my duty to inquire." The words were even, calm, and cool, antithetic to the exasperation he felt.
Several minutes later her aura, if not her scent, calmed and she was leaning on her hands, elbows on the table and breathing deeply.
"Nothing is the same anymore. Sango's gone, Inu Yasha is dead, and you're nice." She knew it wouldn't make any sense to the youkai, and she didn't care anymore. When she had come here and been thrown into a cycle of training and dreamless sleep, she had been fine. There was barely any time to think, and that was okay. But since Sango had departed, she felt like she was walking on eggshells again, and the shadows lurked around every corner, waiting to get her.
"You would have left them?" Sesshoumaru asked. His tone was flat, but there was a warning in his voice that was unmistakable.
"No! No, that's not what I meant at all. Damnit, it's just- Everything is upside down. Give me some breathing room to make it right in my head."
"There is no time for such. It will be less than a month before we travel to the hanyou's stronghold."
"Sango told me you had said it would be longer," Kagome gasped, surprised by the sudden change.
"We don't have the time," He growled.
"But I'm not- we can't," Kagome began.
"Today you were able to purify youkai without hesitation, before this Sesshoumaru could even cut them down. You are able."
"But combining our attacks-" She began again, fear suddenly dancing in her stomach and making it heave.
"There is little else we can do. This Sesshoumaru is no longer in possession of a sword capable of channeling the Soryuha."
"So it's just my bow!" She demanded shrilly. "Have you lost your mind?"
Sesshoumaru had been holding on to his temper quite well, at least he thought so. The woman's emotional upset was understandable. But he was the leader of a war that would not allow for constants, indeed, allowed for little but change. Her incredulity at his actions with the children bothered him, even though he knew it shouldn't. He had cultivated a reputation for being indifferent. Bu they were children orphaned by the war he was letting drag on while the miko gathered her courage and abilities. However indirectly, it was his fault they had no home.
But her frank disbelief did bother him. Greatly. And her doubts in his own abilities bothered him even more.
"You said that you trusted this Sesshoumaru," He finally ground out, clinging to the last, fraying threads of his temper. The last thing he wanted was to have this conversation with anyone, much less a human!
"Well-" Kagome tried to interject, but was cut off by his angry hand in the air, effectively stopping her.
"Then trust this Sesshoumaru's judgment. You asked for protection, in doing so you asked to be pack. Part of that is trusting your alpha."
"But I didn't know-" Kagome tried again.
"You traveled with a hanyou. Despite his questionable breeding, his instincts were similar to my own. You formed a pack. This is different, but the same. Trust your alpha." The command held less ire and more strength this time, and Kagome wondered if she'd ever have a handle on anything again.
"Fine," She muttered, pulling away from the table. Even if he didn't know it, he had made the unsteadiness worse. It felt like the world was wobbling around her, and any second she expected another surprise. Something unpleasant.
"Rin and the kit will be with the orphans. Rin will have a hard time keeping away."
Kagome knew an out when she heard it, and despite the new group being part of her own disquiet, she'd welcome them right now, as well as her own pup and Rin. Fleeing the room, she didn't care if she upset Sesshoumaru any more than she already had by saying nothing.
"She is infuriating," Sesshoumaru admitted hours later. The rain had eased and finally passed over them, leaving the world smelling fresh and new. Unable to sleep, Sesshoumaru had opted to go hunting. Instead, his ventures had taken him to Bokusenou.
"She can't help it if you're acting contradictory to your nature," The spirit supplied. A sudden growl from the daiyoukai made him want to smile, although he kept his expression still.
"It is not a contradiction. This Sesshoumaru is responsible. It was my actions that enabled them to become orphaned. If this war were over already," He intoned, his own self doubt beginning to creep in. Not for the first time did he wonder if he and the miko could destroy the hanyou right now. They certainly had power on their side. But without a weapon to focus his own attacks... He wanted to laugh at himself. After mocking the miko for needing a focal point for her energy, he was proving to have the same handicap.
"You can't make things move any faster. Your plan is a good one. There are always orphans in war, and don't think otherwise. But in taking these children in, and not just youkai children, but humans and hanyou as well, you have contradicted a view you yourself have often validated."
"It is my right to do as I will."
"It is. You are a daiyoukai, and you rule a sizable piece of land and the peoples therein. But right now Kagome's world is in flux. There is nothing solid for her to stand so that she may gain her footing, except you, or so she thought. Cold, distant, and purposeful. Your aloofness was a constant, however much she disliked it. A kind you? You might as well have said the sky was green."
"She does not feel ready to battle Naraku."
"Do you think she is?"
"Yes. If anything her abilities are plateauing. She is ready."
"Are you?"
The question took the daiyoukai off guard. No one had ever questioned his abilities. He was, simply put, the best. And yet his lack of a weapon, or even his need for one, bothered him.
"I am," He answered, although a small niggling of doubt began wrapping itself around his own assurance in his abilities. Had he come to depend on blades so much? In retrospect, he found that he had, and the revelation gnawed at him mockingly.
"I believe you are," The tree told him. He wanted to believe the tree. More than anything he wanted it to be moot and to know he was at his best. It disturbed him that it was an issue at all. Perhaps the woman wasn't the only one knocked off balance by current events.
"Hnn."
After spending time getting to know the children and helping them settle in, Kagome had announced that it was time for bed. Rin and Shippou wanted to sleep with their new friends, and she wasn't able to deny such a request. When all of them had looked at the small futons set up for them, each one separated by a few feet, they had looked so uncomfortable that she hadn't been able to resist asking.
"We're used to sleeping together," Tegatai answered, looking at the floor to hide his blush. "The little one's get scared," He tried to explain, worried at the miko's silence. Kagome smiled and ruffled his hair gently.
"What if we pull the futons together? That way everyone knows where everyone is," She offered.
Within minutes the plush mats had been pulled together to form a giant mattress, and she sat back, watching as the two oldest, Zurui and Tegatai tucked each one in. That they were so responsible pulled at her. They should be playing, calling each other names, all the myriad things children their age did. But instead Kagome was forced to watch them solemnly promise each child they'd be there through the night, and that they weren't going anywhere.
"Goodnight mama," Shippou called. Rin's farewell followed.
"Goodnight Lady Kagome," Zurui and Tegatai said shyly from their spot on the giant pallet. Kagome nodded tightly, trying not to cry.
"Goodnight guys. Sleep well," She whispered, leaving quickly, afraid they'd see her tears. She rushed away from the room, determined to make it to her own quarters before breaking down. Several servants paused to watch her fleeing to her rooms, and for even though she knew it was irrational, she hated them for seeing her in such a state.
Barely making it, she slammed the door closed behind her and threw herself onto the futon and gave into the feelings churning in her. Sobs filled the silence and if she had been aware of it, she would have been horrified that she was wailing into mattress.
Sango was gone, and the only person she really knew in the shiro was Shippou, and she just couldn't talk about Inu Yasha with him. She couldn't talk to anybody, and it wasn't fair! Everything was different now, and it was as if everything had been taken away from her. She couldn't even go back to the well? What if Naraku was watching the village (as he surely was) and tracked her there? What if he tried to use it? Kagome had always wondered why Inu Yasha was able to go through, and figured it was the subjugation beads. Naraku had the jewel. What if it enabled him to get through? He'd massacre her family for fun!
The thought of her family in danger sent her into another set of hysterics. It had been months she had seen her. Did she wonder if she was dead? Had they had a funeral, or were they holding out hope? Would she even make it back? What if Naraku found a way to destroy the portal somehow?
She cried it out, losing all track of time. So wrapped up in her own misery, she missed the servant knocking on her door and asking after her.
When her nose was stuffy and her throat hurt, she began quieting. Sobs became muffled hiccups and she inhaled deeply, dragging in air. Her eyes burned and she just wanted to sleep. Without even changing, she gave into the darkness behind her eye lids.
Tall spires reached for the sky, blackened fingers that twisted sharply. Kagome felt her heart skip a beat when she recognized where she was. Terror suddenly welled up like bile when the whispers started. Her feet tried to carry her forward as she stumbled, forcing herself to move.
"No, no, nononononono!"
She could feel them chasing her down, breaths heavy and malodorous. Her own panic was frantic as she scrambled over rocks and saved herself from tripping. They were silent, as if their feet never touched the ground. Refusing to look back, she kept trying to gain distance. She knew they were there, following patiently, determined to get her.
"Just go away!" She screamed, looking over her shoulder for just a moment. She almost tripped and fell face first when she saw him.
Naraku.
He had a small smile on his face, a smirk really. His eyes were predatory, and she could see the bloodlust in the red orbs. Leading the others, with each step he was gaining on her. She turned, determined more than ever to flee into the maze of black monoliths that seemed to stab the sky. Scenery flashed by, all of it stark black to the grey of the world. Only she and Naraku held any color, standing out vividly in the landscape.
Stumbling, she found herself at a cliff overlooking a large pit. Eyes darting left and right searched for an escape. Walls seemed to appear from nowhere, caging her in. The only paths were forward in the yawning darkness, or back to Naraku.
"Got you," His voice whispered in her ear, his tongue sliding around the curved shell. Strong, clawed hands tightened around her upper arms and drew her forcefully to the body behind her. She could feel him, all of him. It was just like before. She couldn't do it again.
"No! Not again!" She screamed, tears forming.
"But I know you so well, Kagome. You want it, otherwise, why would you agree?" The voice taunted in her ear. Her clothes were ripping even as his hands held her. Her arms and legs ached viciously, the pinpricks of pain stabbing repeatedly until it felt as if fire ringed them. Pain flared on her torso, shocking her heartbeat into stilling before it resumed beating irregularly, stumbling and stuttering then pulsing rapidly.
"No! Never again! I won't!" She shrieked through the tears. Her aura swelled, then seemed to shatter as light bathed the barren landscape.
"Sesshoumaru-sama! Please come quick! The guest wing, the miko-" Tenka said, pale and sweating. Sesshoumaru looked up from the papers he was going over, immediately sensing the panic in the other youkai's scent.
"What is it?" But his question was answered when he felt the sudden snap of the miko's aura. He stood, ignoring the clatter of scrolls hitting the floor as he rushed through the corridors of the shiro. The scream that pierced the air almost made him jump out of his skin as he navigated the halls. When he finally made it to the guest wing, he saw the servants all gathered at the far end of the hall, too frightened to go any nearer to the energy that bathed the corridor in a false sunlight.
"My lord, it sounded like she was having a nightmare, then-" One servant began. When he couldn't finish, just looked back to the light, Sesshoumaru withheld a sigh.
"Have Tenka prepare one of the sleeping potions he gave the slayer and bring it to her rooms."
"Y-yes Sesshoumaru-sama! The servant bowed, then fled. Ignoring the others, Sesshoumaru opened the door to the onna's room, shielding his eyes to try and see where her futon was located. When he saw nothing, he allowed his nose to take over. The scents were soaked with her energy, and he felt like a blind man as he tried to figure out where it was the strongest, following the lead with hesitant steps.
Her energy burned him, and he knew that while she was strong during practice, and focused, it had never compared to this.
He found her, jerking wildly and crying in her sleep. Her back arched and her hands were clenched in fists as she refused something over and over. When he heard her whisper Naraku, he knew that she was back in that world once more. But she was fighting, and it was leaking into the real world. How to stop it?
He did not want to go back to that place, especially not when he just wanted to be as far from the woman as possible. But if her energy spiked anymore than it already was, she was going to harm those within the shiro, and even the lowest servants were under his protection.
"Woman," He called, shaking her violently. When that didn't work, he tried to slap her. Nothing but an arc of her own power meeting his flesh and burning him even more deeply than the wash of her holy energy, shocking him with it's intensity.
Cursing, he summoned his own energy, determined to stop her from doing something he knew would frighten her and give him just cause to rip her apart. It was just too damned tempting to get her out of his life, and he needed her to defeat Naraku.
Their energies swelled and he tried pushing hers back. He failed, the rage being vented preventing him from bullying it into submission. But he found the crack, just as he had before, and dove into it just as Tenka came to the door, sleeping draught in hand.
"Miko!" He roared. The landscape was trembling beneath his feet, and everything was bathed in pink. Here though, unlike in the real world, her power was not a barrage against his senses. It did burn however, like fire licking against his skin. Angry that she had the power to hurt him even in her core, he shielded his eyes and kept moving forward, trying to find her.
Once he finally found her, it felt like hours before he had traversed through the pulsing walls of light. Each one was stronger than the last, buffeting his skin and leaving angry welts in their place. Thankful the wounds healed almost as instantly as they had been inflicted, he almost collapsed when he saw her curled up on the crystal platform, cradled. He couldn't tell if it was moving or if the light she emitted was playing on the surface strangely.
"Miko," He said again, eager to get out of her core. When she didn't move, he tried again, once more to no avail. Finally his hand shot out to shake her and he was shocked to find her under the crystal, as if it had grown around her, a second skin that was barely perceptible in the dancing light.
"Damnit woman," He snarled, bringing his fist down on the crystal. When it didn't even crack under his strength he brought it down again and again, cursing her for putting him in such a position. After several minutes his hand felt as if it had broken in several places and the crystal sheath had remained unfazed.
Another pulse of energy burst out, blinding him and he fell against the dias, wracking his brain for an answer. His hand felt useless, and he wondered if in her core, his healing abilities didn't exist. Did he have the same limits as she? Snarling, he wouldn't wish such a hellish existence on anyone. No power, no strength...
But she was still sending out waves of power. The realization hit him just as another pulse of energy shocked out, rocking the landscape.
What would happen if he tried to summon his own ki and send it out as she was? Would it reflect in the real world like her own? Would it even make a difference here since it was her soul? Would she recognize the feel of his aura? They'd practiced together enough, she'd touched it a thousand times, knew the unique flavor of it. Would that penetrate to her through the crystal?
Before another wave could hit him, he pulled everything in him, draining precious reserves. Determined to stop the next wave and pull her from her core, he focused it all, waiting for the next pulse of reiki to hit him. His blood felt as if it had caught fire, and the wall of light coming at him was moving at a crawl. It almost touched him when he released everything, a defiant bellow stretching his jaws and reverberating through the shadow world of her self.
This would not be his end.
The light dimmed, and somewhere close by he heard the sound of something shattering. It felt as if the world was rushing up to meet him, and everything was strangely monotone as he tried to breathe.
"Sesshoumaru, Sesshoumaru!"
For the first time the miko sounded concerned about him. He wanted to laugh, to tell her he was impervious, that he didn't need a human to worry about him, a daiyoukai. But the world was swimming, and sleep sounded like such a good idea.
A/N: Next week's chapter might come early or late, depending. Alchemy is coming up and I've got a lot to get ready. Whoo!
I am in search of a beta, and will be posting for one once I get back from Alchemy. Hopefully he or she will be amenable to ripping this story apart and handing it back to me covered with red marks. (I'm a masochist at heart). That being said, toodles.